Collect 5000 cold jokes

1。 Speak louder. You don't need electricity!

I used to talk, but I thought I was blind.

A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.

No one who doesn't know him has ever eaten pork.

5. Give your uncle a smile, little girl. If you don't, he will give you a smile.

6. Go your own way and say whatever you want!

7. I am a second-hand scientist

8. Don't leave after the party. I'll treat you to dinner, and whoever goes will pay.

9. "Grandpa, how can I go to America?" "Then who knows ... ask the village chief!"

10. How many stops is Tieling from America?

1 1. White House-freshly brushed pulp.

12. This plane is also diesel.

13. When people do good deeds, they always want ghosts and gods to know. They have done bad things and always want ghosts and gods not to know that we are too embarrassed.

Spend 200 yuan to buy a pig, squeak to drink water, eat beans, throw it over the wall, squeak, and guess what-dead!

14. Animals (people) have discerning eyes.

15. Give you pocket money (lucky money)

16. He can break white shorts into chrysanthemums when he farts.

17. I won't leave you here, but I won't leave you anywhere. I'm going to the railway!

18. Behind every successful man, there is a woman, but I failed because there are two women behind me.

19. If you want to be famous, you should publish a book first and have an accident first.

20. The sincere love story between Simon and Jinlian ~

2 1. If I can't serve my country and the world, whose husband am I?

22. The lyrics version is too bad ... Use nunchakus quickly. Hum, hum, ha, ha ~ ~ That's it ~ You both died here ~ ~

23. er ~ ~ this student is too rare. I, I think you are my michel platini. Come, adoptive father, have a seat, adoptive father.

24. American goddess, this hand holds a torch and this hand holds a book, telling us to study even if there is a power failure.

My sister-in-law married me. She was my sister-in-law at first.

26. Isn't it just cutting some meat? More than 1 kg from the thigh. If you eat well, you can come back and get the meat for the old lady and look at it with trembling hands. Too fat.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Xiao Ming. When he was a child, his mother told him to buy steamed bread. His mother said steamed bread was four yuan. Don't make a mistake!

Then his mother gave him a dollar, and the steamed stuffed bun seller looked after the children very cute, so she gave him five dollars.

On the way back, Xiao Ming thought about going home and couldn't explain it clearly. After a fierce ideological struggle, he threw away one. ...

28. Half a bottle of beer. Let's get drunk. ..

29. Never been defeated by scientists, have you?

30. When I get rich, I'll buy the leader's clothes.

3 1. 1. When the pony crossed the river, he had no idea, so he went to consult his friend in the forest.

The old cow said, "The water is very shallow. I just don't have calves, so I can wade across. "

The squirrel said, "It's very deep! I can't pass, one of my partners fell into this river and drowned! "

Later, the pony had to go back and ask his mother, who kindly said to the pony, "Son, you are so stupid. We hippos can swim."

32. The old man had only one tooth left, and his teeth were blocked when he ate! -Eat lotus root in your mouth

33. They will lose things if they don't pick up things when they go out.

34. Your shameless appearance bears the charm of my youth.

The young man looks like an actor. ...

36. Wild animals in the mountains are smoking, cattle and sheep on the land are fresh on the bottom of the sea, monkeys have bird's nest shark wings, and bear's paw has scallops and deer's tail tips! Throw away your cheeks and open your back teeth. Food is like the flowing water of the Yangtze River, like the wind and clouds, like dumping soil in a box. ...

37. Pancakes and steamed buns are eaten with rice.

38. Last time I drank too much, I used chopsticks as chicken feet and ate one and a half.

39. Lobster, sea crab, haha! I like to eat shells! Waiter, bring him a plate of melon seeds.

40. From today on, I will never eat lobster again.

4 1. There are four plates on the table. Open the first one, ha! Very good! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar! The fourth one looks like a plate of vinegar!

You know my appetite, and I don't like roast duck. I can't eat any more after eating four, so I said, I really can't eat any more. I have to eat it when I get home later.

I can't outrun that BMW after all, so I can only watch it go away in the sunset. It's not that my engine is broken, but that my pedal is broken!

Flight 44.90 1, from Xizhimen to Zhongguancun, fare 5 yuan, please board. How interesting you say this is. The flight attendants will shout when they stand there. Let's go, let's go. There are big seats, there are big seats.

45. The relationship between couples is not necessarily good, and it is not necessarily a couple with a good relationship; Crosstalk masters don't necessarily speak crosstalk, and singers don't necessarily know music.

46. If you poke a noodle in that lock, you can open a bag of instant noodles.

47. Tired from walking, he sits here, and the dog sits here, with one side high. Anyone who comes over will think: Whose twins are these?

48. I buy 50 good cars-Alto, Alto, Alto! Get up with a dart and drive like a train!

49. Ten years in primary school and twelve years in middle school were rated as the most familiar faces in the whole school. When the new teacher came, he asked me the inside story of the school. ...

50. After taking part in the work, I can earn 300,000 yuan ... I looked at the drawings and built a 40-meter chimney. After the completion, someone came to see me and beat me up. The drawings are upside down. They asked me to dig a well.

5 1. What did you eat? My mother brought me eggs. Give it to me. No ... guess, guess how many. I think so. You give me one. If you want to guess, I'll give you two. Five?

52. Crosstalk is good! Carry forward the truth, goodness and beauty, and make Huoxiang upright.

53. Listening to cross talk shows that you are patriotic. There is a child near our home who can speak seven or eight foreign languages, such as English, Japanese, Korean, Yugoslav, North Slavic and West Slavic ... Can he sit with Eight-Nation Alliance and scold him anyway? Tell him you listen to cross talk. "Don't go! I don't understand! " Ignoring the law, I would have killed him! I can't understand cross talk in foreign languages!

There was an opportunity to make money before me, but I didn't cherish it. The opportunity passed and I regretted it. If God gives me another chance, I want to say to the village chief: I am willing to go. If I have to put a limit on that salary, I hope it is: 400 yuan.

55. This matter is not far from now. If there is an old man at home, you can go back and ask him-during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period.

56. Help if you have difficulties, and help if you don't create difficulties.

If I hadn't hit you, I would have turned my face ~

57. The house we live in is full of holes. It is fatal when it rains: it rains outside the rain house, and it rains outside the rain house. Sometimes when the rain is too heavy, the whole family takes shelter in the streets.

58.do you care? Did I tell you? I can't do this with you!

59. What's your name again? Don't say that. You said it was a curse.

60. If you want to die, I will bury it.

Thank you for your encouragement!

62. I'm glad that many people came.

63. I am a scientist and an accomplished scientist.

64. Crosstalk pays attention to four lessons: pit, cover, turn and cheat!

65. Would you like to listen? Are you willing to listen or are you willing to listen? Pick it yourself, I will never force it.

66. I am used to getting on the kang at home.

Hello, friends on the third floor! ! ! (hold: there is a third floor here)

68. There are not only charges for colds and coughs these two days ~

69. Many cross talks are made up, but this one is true.

70. Come on, let's go out. Let me show you my tattoo. Have you seen the B club with crayon tattoos?

7 1. Regardless of the law, I will kill him.

72. You don't even like dregs? You forgot your roots! ! !

73. I have been an artist for more than a week ~ ~ ~

74. Six grenades for one dollar. I'll throw you a hundred dollars first!

75. Can you still fire me? This is my business.

Look at your green face. Your father Popeye only eats spinach. ..

77. I want to get married. I don't ask for anything. I just want to be white ~ "I came the next day. That hair is called white.

78. Nezha's original name ... was Li Goudan!

79. Jin Yong called to feed him with PHS? Hey! Shit!

80. Tomb-Sweeping Day, speaking of Qingming, those widows. . . . . .

8 1. Looking at the symphony, I am embarrassed that his father stood up: this grandson hasn't sawed yet. .....

I never do outdoor work. I am synonymous with chastity and virtue. I follow the chastity memorial arch everywhere I go.

83. There is no lobster two feet long in any stupid restaurant. Go and give me a red sesame cake.

Gorky taught us: "Don't do this."

85. He doesn't even know his own community, but he also considers whether there are aliens in the world!

86. Buy a bottle of mineral water and have a drink-fake! ""How fake? It's watered!

87. They all came to see you. Really? You are serious. Listen.

88. It rained twice this week, the first three days and the last four days.

89. As soon as the door opened, two little nurses came down. Ah, the thief is beautiful, seven 1 m, with big eyes, small cherry mouth and a waist one nanometer wide, just like a retired stewardess. Look! ! !

90. How can a woman decide for herself? Just don't send photos online, (referring to Yu Qian) Yu Guanxi!

9 1. Looks like a car accident scene!

92. Modern people call Taiyi real person Taiyi real person vomiting blood!

93. Would you like to be my next ex-girlfriend of 1?

94. I have driven three miles, which is so exciting.

95. The snake spirit fell in love with the gourd doll ... Tragedy.

96. My watch is very expensive. The original price is 350,000 yuan, and the discount is 420%. ....

1, cousin 10 years old, went shopping.

How much is a catty of vegetables? Answer: 2 yuan.

Counteroffer: cheaper, 1.9.

The greengrocer agreed and just weighed a catty.

When paying, the second goods took out 2 yuan money and told the vegetable vendor to keep the change. . .

Kindergartens should measure the height and weight of children. I moved the scale to the classroom.

A little boy quietly removed one foot. When he found a number, he immediately called his partner and said excitedly, "Come on, stand up and know how old you are ..."

3. The teacher gave elementary school students a lesson in national defense education and asked them what weapons they knew.

Many children replied: Pan …

4. While eating, I asked the baby, "Where do you think Dad can rank among your classmates' dads?"

The baby winked and said, "Let's just say, as long as you work hard, you can win the first place."

That's all I know.