Humorous joke stories

Complete works of humorous jokes and stories

A leader goes to school to see if history education is good. Find a student and test him with a brainwave: "Who burned Epang Palace?" The student was scared to death and said, "I didn't burn it." The leader was very angry. He went to the headmaster. The headmaster actually said, "There should be no problem with moral education in this school. He said he didn't burn it, so he shouldn't burn it. " Do you think it's funny, but it's actually funny? Today, let's take a look at the complete works of humorous stories!

There are many interesting stories among celebrities in the Republic of China, especially Fu Sinian. Different from other celebrities, he is called "Fu Cannon" because of his generous nature, hatred of evil and outspoken. Indeed, Fu Sinian gives the impression of being resolute and full of domineering. However, he also has a funny and easy-going side.

Fu Sinian and Luo Lun Jia are both students of Hu Shi and athletes of the May 4th Movement. They are good friends who talk about world affairs and lead academic circles. /kloc-in the winter of 0/923, Luo Jialun was robbed and all his clothes were lost, almost to the tragic situation of "naked death". When Fu Sinian heard the news, he wrote to Luo Lun Jia in the name of "strange things happen outside the mountain" and ironically encouraged him: "I met Qi Huangong yesterday, and heard that the real person (Luo Jialun's nickname) had ulterior motives and returned naked in disguise. God wants to let the real person return to the real yuan! Otherwise, why clean it? " He added: "I am writing this letter to tell you that I have a coat. If you have no solution at this time, please accept it. Although it is big, it may be able to cope for a while. I have a hat too, but I'm afraid it's too small. " After receiving the letter, Luo Jialun laughed and shouted, "Fat Duff knows to gloat!"

Fu Sinian is really a big fat man. The rickshaw pullers in Kunming always run as fast as possible, but when Fu Sinian got on the bus, the rickshaw pullers were struggling. Once, the car overturned. Instead of apologizing, the driver blamed Fu Sinian for being overweight and demanded compensation for the fare. Luo Jialun smiled and asked Fu Sinian, "How did you fight with a big fat man?" Fu Sinian replied without thinking: "I multiplied the speed by the volume, which produced an overwhelming momentum!"

After Liu Bannong's death, the Chinese Department of Peking University was in urgent need of teachers, and Hu Shi, dean of the College of Liberal Arts, borrowed Luo Changpei for emergency. Fu Sinian always respected Hu Shi and agreed without saying anything. In order to cooperate with Luo Changpei's work, Fu Sinian also provided him with an assistant. After three years, there are as many as three assistants. Who knows that Luo Changpei went to Peking University and didn't come back, so Fu Sinian had to ask Hu Shi for an important person: "Brother Xintian (Luo Changpei) borrowed it for three years, which can be described as" borrowing for a long time ".There is no reason why full-time researchers always borrow it. However, Peking University remained silent and said to himself, "Sun and Zhou tried to take advantage, but they lost their wives and generals. I meant well, but I didn't expect to lose my generals and soldiers. "

Fu Sinian suffered from hypertension and went to the United States for treatment. During his stay in the hospital, Fu Sinian lost 30 pounds. Those clothes were too big, and his waistband was four inches bigger. On the day when Fu Sinian came home sick, as soon as he stepped into the house, he tightened his pants with one hand and said to his wife, "I can be called a slim waist now. I am not fat anymore."

When Fu Sinian arrived in Taiwan Province province, a slight earthquake occurred in Taiwan Province province. Fu Sinian couldn't help laughing: "I really deserve to be an important person. As soon as I arrived in Taiwan Province Province, there was an underground salute to pay tribute to me. "

During his tenure as President of Taiwan Province Provincial University, Fu Sinian carried out drastic reforms. He also invited Li Qi, the first China student to study in Britain, to teach at National Taiwan University. In order to keep Li Qi, Fu Sinian made an exception and allocated her a house. On one occasion, Li Qi rushed into Fu Sinian's office in a panic, saying that a red-faced muscovy duck raised by a farmer nearby bit her socks, and her duckbill touched the skin on her leg for fear of catching "mad duck disease". Fu Sinian laughed: "I've only heard of rabies, not mad duck disease." Richie is strange. She insisted that Fu Sinian buy the duck and send it to the hospital for testing. Fu Sinian has to do this. Li Qicai was relieved until he proved that the duck was not sick. Fu Sinian smiled and said to Li Qi, "I promise you everything, but I hope you will wear more pairs of thick socks to protect your legs in the future, because I have no money to buy ducks!" "

He is also known as the three musical geniuses, but Gong has never dared to play the lute to a cow since he was laughed at by them last time.

So he got rid of all Shang Yan, and stayed at home and thought it over. What makes the cow indifferent to his piano sound?

In fact, playing the piano for the cow is a challenge to a new Guinness World Record: let the cow interact with himself with the sound of the piano. Once you succeed, you can get a handsome bonus, so that you can be guaranteed for the rest of your life.

After the guidance of experts, Gong finally understood that the key to the problem lies in the choice of tracks. Last time I failed, I played Yu Boya's "Mountains and Rivers", which was obscure and too abstruse for most people to understand, let alone cattle. The expert then pointed out the maze: "If you change the track to the sound of a calf, it will definitely cause the cow to sing. This is called mother-child affection. "

Just then, the next morning, Gong came to the grassland with a group of media reporters and Guinness notaries. Everything was ready. Facing the cow, Gong performed a song "There is only a mother in the world" in a watertight way. This time, Gong can be said to have brought his potential into full play.

However, the blind man lit the lamp and rejoiced. After the fight, the cow is still chewing the green grass like no one's watching.

Seeing this, Gong broke the guqin that had been with him for many years in public and wanted to leave angrily. Unexpectedly, Niu Erjing spoke. It looked at Gong and said earnestly, "Brother Gong, I have been deaf for almost a year. Didn't anyone tell you? "

After listening to this, Gong sighed: "Alas, I am bent on the bright moon, and the bright moon shines on the ditch."

Funny joke story Three Tang Priests saw Wukong and Bajie make a fortune in business, and they never stopped in their hearts, dreaming of making a fortune in the sea, so they also went through the formalities of leaving their jobs without pay.

Friar Sand worried that there would be too many people in the business world and advised Master not to take risks. The Tang Priest asked, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained?" Friar Sand said, "Master, you have been a monk for many years, and you don't know the lower bound. How can you choose the way to get rich? " The Tang Priest said, "Wukong built a resort on the cultural landscape of Huaguoshan, and Bajie opened a food city on the basis of his good food culture. I have read a lot of classics since I was a child, and it should not be a problem to run a school to teach classics. " Friar Sand said, "Now is the era of knowledge explosion. People envy high technology, which is a hot topic. Who wants to learn something that can neither be an official nor make money? " Tang Priest said: "Popular subjects are tempting, but people are more concerned about whether they can find a job and apply what they have learned. Nowadays, the employment situation of graduates is grim. If I implement the policy of enrollment, graduation and distribution of three guarantees for registered students, I still can't attract parents to enroll students? " Friar Sand saw that the Tang Priest had made up his mind to leave, so he had to remind him to listen to Wukong and Bajie's advice after going down to the next world. The Tang Priest snorted as an answer.

When he came to his hometown of Datang, Tang Priest was busy with examination and approval procedures, preparing school buildings and recruiting employees. He wished that he could not become the richest man in Datang overnight, and he had long forgotten Friar Sand's advice. As a result, as Friar Sand said, today's young people are looking for offices, white-collar workers, high salaries and excitement. Who wants to be an ascetic in a temple? Moreover, most children nowadays are only children, and parents' hopes are pinned on their children. Don't you obviously refuse to let other people's children become monks? Therefore, although the Tang Priest made the school magnificent and the enrollment propaganda was in place, few students signed up. At this point, the Tang Priest didn't understand it until Wukong and Bajie came to the rescue and explained the reason of the Central Plains.

Schools can't be run and houses can't be idle. Wukong said: "Now people pay attention to nutrition and health. Master can turn the school building into a shopping mall, selling medicines and health products. Using your experience and reputation will definitely attract booming business opportunities. " At this time, the Tang Priest never dared to be self-righteous, and quickly said, "Ok, please ask two disciples to help."

After some preparations, the "Tang Sanzang Green Medicine Sales Center" was grandly opened amid the noise of gongs and drums and the sound of firecrackers. In order to improve their popularity, Wukong Bajie also used their respective relationships to invite politicians to cut the ribbon, business tycoons to cheer and movie stars to perform. In addition, promotional activities such as "buy one get ten free", "shopping lottery" and "star signature" were launched at the beginning of the opening, so Tang Yan earned a lot of money on the opening day. If the Tang Priest can operate safely, the future of the shopping mall is optimistic. Unfortunately, although this pedantic man has been immortal for many years, his problem of being partial to right and wrong has not changed at all. No, a few days after the pharmacy opened, he listened to rumors and bought a batch of fake and inferior drugs at a low price, which almost killed him. As a result, he was fined by the drug supervision department, and even lost a set of costumes such as cassock and mord when he learned the scriptures.

Seeing that Tang Priest was not the boss's material, Wukong entrusted him to find a teacher position in the school. However, Tang Priest didn't arrive at his post for three days, because he couldn't use modern educational methods, didn't understand scientific educational concepts, wasn't good at communicating with students and didn't adapt to the rules and regulations of the school, so he was advised to leave the classroom. Bajie's food city is short of a welcoming gentleman. Bajie felt that the image of Tang Priest was too cordial, so he encouraged Tang Priest to take up this post. Who knows that the fine-skinned Tang Priest was so tired that his back ached and he was sweating, but he had to leave his post automatically. Later, Tang Priest became an actor, set up stalls and promoted products, all of which were rabbit tails-they could not grow. Seeing that the two apprentices were successful in their careers but accomplished nothing, Tang Priest couldn't help feeling a little sad. Wukong is also sad to see this. He made up his mind to persuade master to return to the upper world and become immortal, but he didn't know how to speak. At this moment, Bajie rushed in and said that Qilin City was looking for an assistant to the mayor, and asked Master to try his luck. Hearing this, the Tang Priest felt refreshed, and quickly grabbed Pig and asked him to understand. Wukong gave Pig a hard look and thought, "Idiot, you don't know what Master can do. There are many reefs in officialdom. If you enter this muddy water, won't you choke to death? " But seeing that the Tang Priest was eager to try, he swallowed his words.

The competition went smoothly, and Tang Priest tried his best to beat everyone and finally got the position of assistant to the mayor of Qilin City. After Wukong and Bajie settled the Tang Priest, they went their separate ways. A year later, Wukong and Bajie suddenly received a phone call from Master asking them to go to Kirin as soon as possible. Their hearts sank, and they didn't know what happened to Master, so they had to put down their work and go to Kirin City.

As agreed, I came to the Emgrand Hotel in Qilin City. I saw the hotel decorated with lanterns and colorful guests. The facade of the hotel is covered with giant banners "Warmly congratulate Mayor Tang and Miss Yu on their marriage", colorful flags are flying in front of the door, and drums and music are ringing. What a festive and lively scene. When the Tang Priest and his bride greeted him outside the door, Wukong and Bajie were surprised, surrounded by his entourage. At this time, the Tang Priest was dressed in a formal suit with a red flower on his chest, full of energy and radiant. Compared with a year ago, he is completely different. When master and apprentice meet, they have mixed feelings. Tang Priest quickly took the bride to introduce Wukong and Bajie. They were about to say a few words of congratulations when another group of guests came out. Tang priest had to arrange two disciples to sit at the table first, and then he was busy greeting other guests with the bride.

During the dinner, Wukong and Bajie heard people praise Tang Priest from time to time for being young, promising, approachable, hardworking and resourceful. Especially when he heard how the Tang Priest was promoted by virtue of his strength and how he launched an offensive to win the heart of Miss Huakui Jade, Bajie couldn't help being ecstatic and envious. While the bride and groom were toasting, Bajie grabbed the Tang Priest and, regardless of the numerous eyes at the wedding banquet, was busy asking the secret of success. The Tang Priest is very entangled, but he still wants to read "Amitabha, sin" and put the following words in Bajie's ear:

Leaders often do things there, be kind to subordinates, avoid contradictions, make positive statements, do more superficial articles, be modest among colleagues, be flexible in dealing with problems, be cautious about sensitive topics, make false reports on summary results, and make contributions at critical moments.

At noon, a woman walked downstairs. Maybe it's because my shoulders are uncomfortable and I want to look up and stretch. However, she saw a red bill floating in the sky, which was a hundred yuan RMB.

Women think it's strange. In the morning, she was chatting with a net friend at home. A netizen sent her a picture. In the picture, Takeshi Kaneshiro, with long hair and a sword in his hand, dressed as a Jianghu hero, handed a stack of hundred-dollar bills forward with both hands. There is a word next to it: reward! At that time, the woman smiled and replied to the netizen with a drooling picture. Now the woman looks at the floating RMB and thinks: Will there be good luck because of this?

But the RMB did not float to the woman's side, but floated to the crowd in the street. At this time, someone saw it, and the sky immediately raised a palm. Only one hand and five fingers apart, ready to grab at any time.

Women know that they can't beat so many people and stand there dumbfounded. When she looked up again, another RMB floated down. This one didn't float in front of the woman, but people in the street saw it and rushed to the RMB.

Who knows, there are RMB floating down from upstairs, one after another, but none of them float to the woman.

The woman wants to see where the RMB comes from, but she can't see clearly. The building was dazzling under the reflection of sunlight, and her 400-degree myopia glasses didn't help.

Suddenly, the woman saw a mass of red rushing to her chest. The woman immediately reacted, it was a pile of RMB! This woman used to be a member of the school basketball team and played first-class, so she quickly caught the stack of RMB. That action can be described as "lightning speed".

The woman quickly put the money in her bag and started to run away. The woman thought, don't fall down again, people should be satisfied, or the police will come in vain!

The woman ran a few steps and heard the voice behind her getting louder and louder. Looking back, the RMB is still floating down! The woman was really satisfied, stopped and ran home. What did a woman want to do when she went out just now? Now she doesn't want to do anything, just want to go home and put the money away.

When I got home, my husband fell asleep on the sofa in the lobby and my mobile phone fell to the ground. The woman went into the bedroom, opened the drawer and put the money in. Only then did she see a note stuck on the pile of RMB, which read: Dear, this is my Valentine's Day gift for you.

Women feel a little puzzled.

The woman went out to the hall and picked up her husband's mobile phone, only to see a short message parked on it. Open it. "Zhong Ge, it's Valentine's Day in China in a couple of days. What gift will you give me? Give me a surprise! "

The woman was jealous, dropped her mobile phone on the sofa and pulled her husband up again. When the husband opened his eyes and saw the fierce wife, he suddenly looked flustered. The woman pointed to the mobile phone and said, "What's going on!"

The husband picked up the phone and looked at it. He immediately became calm and said simply, "It must be some demon who made a mistake and sent it to my mobile phone!" "

The woman said, "Is it wrong? People will know that your surname is Zhong! "

"There are many people surnamed Zhong in the world." The husband said lazily.

The woman snorted and suddenly found her son missing. Their son is three years old and a naughty boy. The woman asked, "Where's the son?"

The husband said, "Is the son not at home?"

But they found two rooms and there was no sign of their son. Later, the woman found the balcony and saw her son lying on the edge of the balcony, holding a plastic bag of RMB in his arms and throwing it down one by one!

The woman was shocked and quickly hugged her son to grab money. The woman was very angry, patted her son's ass several times and scolded, "Let you be naughty, let you be naughty!" " You threw money, not money! This is the eighth floor. If you fall, you will die! ……"

When a woman scolds, the husband on the side also becomes flustered. He suddenly grabbed the money from the woman and opened the bag to have a look. He immediately sat down on the ground and murmured, "Huh? How can there be a little bit left ... "

Realizing what had happened, the husband rushed out the door and went downstairs. He saw a group of people downstairs hand in hand, making a surrender, chasing the RMB that fell from the sky.

"My money, my Valentine's Day gift is just like this!" The husband is very depressed.

Today, some old classmates I haven't seen for more than 30 years came to the party.

Two homemade steamed buns and a big bowl of hot water "glug" down the stomach, so the owner's breakfast is ready. The cheerful host began to get busy ... prepared fruit snacks, went to pick up his friend's childhood photos, letters after graduation, New Year cards ... read, watch, think and be happy ... and suddenly patted his forehead "Oh!" I was just happy for a while and forgot the big event-the problem of eating at noon. So I quickly ran into the study, picked up a pen and paper and drew up a menu. I read it several times and found it very interesting. I walked in the direction of the vegetable market with my shopping bag and humming the songs of the Young Pioneers. ......

The master returned home with a full load. She made preparations before the guests arrived, choosing vegetables, washing vegetables and cutting vegetables ... The host opened the salt jar and put some salt on the washed fish, reaching out and saying, "Oh, wow!" I remembered that there was no salt. Put down the fish, dry your hands and rush out again. ......

There is a small shop in the street in front of her house. She went in and asked if there was any salt for sale. It was one yuan and eighty cents a pack. An old woman immediately told her, "The street ahead is only one yuan and fifty cents." When the host was happy, he went to the street. Just after a few steps, I felt exhausted, and my classmates were coming soon. I put my hand on it without hesitation, and a taxi "poof" stopped in front of me. Master quickly bought back the salt and continued to prepare. ......

At eleven o'clock at noon, all the classmates I haven't seen for decades came, and now the whole family is going crazy! Laughter and laughter continued ... people in their thirties suddenly became children ... The master's husband came home from work, put on an apron and became his leader without saying anything. ......

Before long, a table was full of delicious food, and the students were eating and chatting ... One student said, "Now the price is chaotic, and the same commodity can be sold at several prices", and the host went on to say, "Right, right! I just bought salt ... "The students all laughed ... Master Zhang Er was puzzled, then thought about what he had just said-suddenly realized, and smiled awkwardly ... The husband was very funny:" She! Do this kind of careful calculation often. "

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