What if you don't get into a good university?

What if you don't get into a good university? I recently chatted with a child who just went to college. She was very sad that she was not admitted to the ideal university. I naturally began to comfort her, saying that college is not completely decisive for life. There are many excellent people with low academic qualifications who do well, and some who do badly after 985. She is still very sad: "The previous volunteer was filled in carefully after investigation, and the last volunteer was filled in randomly. As a result, I arrived here without being admitted to the last one, and I feel that my life is over. " I continued to advise, "It's okay, you can learn slowly."

She said, "Learning, what can you learn in such a school?" What can I do after learning? There are better schools. Good companies don't want graduates from our school. "

Does this sound familiar? Isn't that what we said when we were freshmen ... In order to make everyone study hard, parents and teachers jointly taught that if you don't get into a good university, there will be no good job, and if you don't have a good job, life will be over. In this logic, living for more than ten years is the truth, and there are only two endings: joy and sadness.

Although it was discovered many years later, even if it fell into the water, there were always people struggling to swim ashore, starting from the place where they slipped. Two students were not admitted to the Ivy League Graduate School, and two students were admitted to the Xianggang Master of Chinese, or finally entered the top 50 companies in the world. Moreover, the older you get, the smaller the role of academic qualifications. On the contrary, diligence and interpersonal relationships are more important. So my experience tells me that personal efforts, optimism, life skills and a little luck are sometimes more important than school, so thinking becomes. If there is no way to change the environment, you can only change yourself.

Two. emotion

But it is no exaggeration to say that the gap between schools is bigger than that between XP and Win 10 operating systems. In 985, the educational funds of colleges and universities are calculated in billions, and the funds of non-colleges and universities are calculated in tens of thousands, not to mention laboratories, various projects and alumni associations; Top20 schools generally communicate with foreign Top20 schools, and some general schools do not communicate; So you can see that the area, quality, teaching level and vision of teaching facilities are different, even greater than the difference between ordinary express and high-speed rail.

At this stage, is it useful to tell her that school is not important? Claiming that it is not important is just a kind of comfort that can't be faced directly.

What really touches the soul is emotion. I turned to her and asked, "Do you feel pain?" Or "even abandoned by the world?" . Her eyes were startled and she agreed, as if she had entered a dark tunnel where she couldn't get out.

"It takes some time to digest these, some people need months, and some people need a year." "It may take me four years to digest." "... it's okay, don't worry, take your time. "

It is better to experience deep anger and sadness than to persuade others to work hard, or to scratch their boots.

Only if you can face the emotions behind you, you will not be so blind to deal with them, and you will gradually think of what to do spontaneously. You know, no matter how much you say, others will advise you too much. If you don't really feel safe/comfortable, there is no way to change it.

Three. fail

Not being admitted to an ideal university may be similar to being lost. What you lose is the desire to enter a good school and live a better life, and even lose confidence in yourself.

Chen said in "Happy Classroom" that people always want to escape or stay in various ways, whether they lose a relationship or expect a perfect life. For example, after breaking up for three years, I'm still paying attention to my predecessor's developments in Weibo, and I feel depressed. Many years after graduation, I still want to get rid of my confusion by studying abroad, or work overtime desperately after falling in love and never fall in love again. Everyone doesn't want to face loss. Escaping or imagining is really useless in reality, but losing means losing some sense of control and facing the helplessness of life. This seems to be a heavier pain. Who wants to face it?

In the face of loss, there are three stages: "end-loss-rebirth". Most people will gradually face the loss, reduce their confusion, and then find their own direction. However, it takes time and experience and cannot be solved in a few words.

Teacher Hai Xian said, "So, how should it end? To admit the loss, to mourn, to be confused, to cry, and then stubbornly believe that there will be a new future and grow up from life, even if we still can't see this future. "

Four. tail

It is worth mentioning that our education has a fixed answer, but life has no fixed answer. It is wrong to do with a fixed way of thinking, and it is right to choose with a growing way of thinking. If you lose, you can change and strive for opportunities for growth. It is an objective fact that college entrance examination is not ideal, and the gap between schools is also an objective fact that cannot be changed. However, from a longer-term perspective, the opportunities and opportunities in life for decades are not necessarily. The terrible thing is to give up yourself and give up fighting spirit.

First, use sports, chat, travel and other ways to get a wisp of emotion. I'm sober enough to cheer up, and then I'll talk about growing up through textual research, learning skills and getting along better with people, and it will come naturally.