A collection of funny jokes

1. A male deer, it walked, faster and faster, and finally it turned into a highway (deer)!!!

2. Two Tomatoes were crossing the road, and a car was passing by. One of them couldn't dodge and was crushed. The other tomato pointed at the squashed tomato and laughed: Dig hahaha, ketchup...

3. The big bad wolf said: "I'm going to eat you!!!" Guess what happened?

In the end, the big bad wolf ate the lamb.

4. The stone and the rice cake fought, and the stone flew up and kicked the rice cake into the sea.........

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who were privately committed to life, but the boy had to perform military service, so he made an oath with the girl, gave the girl a diamond ring, and promised to meet the girl three years later. That ring was used as a wedding ring. After three years, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she has not been able to wait. She was so sad that she threw the diamond ring into the sea in despair and left. However, the boy has also been waiting for her. I was waiting for the girl, but the girl misunderstood the date, and it became a regret forever. The boy was heartbroken... A few years later, the boy went fishing, and guess what he caught?

Rice cake!!!

5. Are the dumplings boys or girls?

The answer is boys because the dumplings have wrappers

6. There was a duck named Xiao Huang. One day he was When the car hit him, he yelled: "Quack!" From then on, he turned into a cucumber!!

7. Matchstick suddenly felt that his head was itchy, so he reached out and scratched it. Burned himself to death...

8. Once upon a time there was a bird

He would pass by a cornfield every day

But unfortunately

One day there was a fire in the corn field

All the corn turned into popcorn

After the bird flew over...

I thought it would be the next Snow, it’s so cold...

9. When will Taiwan want to be reunified?

When buying instant noodles

10. Asong and Abo chatted and told each other that time is not forgiving.

A Song: "Recalling my childhood days, the happiest thing I ever had was Children's Day."

Abo: "Ten years later it's Youth Day."

A Song: "In ten years it will be Father's Day."

Abo: "In a few decades it will be Old Man's Day."

A Song: "Again In a few decades."

Abo: "Qingming Festival."

11. Soldiers: "Thirsty...thirst..."

Cao Cao: "Everyone, hold on for a while! I have been to this place before, and I remember that there is a plum forest nearby. If you walk for a while, you may be there."

All the soldiers: "Oh￣￣￣￣There are plums to eat￣￣ ￣Oh￣￣￣"

Half an hour later - Cao Ren: "Lord! The expedition team found a lot of water sources!"

Cao Cao: "Hahahaha, did you hear that? ? Finally there is water to drink."

All the soldiers: "If you don't go...you must find plums..." 12. A girl was heartbroken, and I advised her: "It's hard to find a toad with two legs. There are many men with three legs!"

13. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" His father said: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?" ”

14. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met on the street. Why didn’t they say hello? (Assuming they can talk)

Because... ………………..

Because……………………

Because they are not familiar with each other~~~~~~~~

15. Question: How to make sparrows quiet?

Answer: Press it.

Reason: silence.

16. A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and then asked him: "Tell me, where are you from? If you don't tell me, I will electrocute you!!!" This A college student replied to his enemy and was electrocuted to death...

He said: "I am from the TV University!"

17. A: "I will take you to a place where all girls There is no place to wear a bra."

B: "Really? Where is it?"

A: "It's in the kindergarten next door!" p>

18. Wang Xiaoya, the host of the Happy Dictionary program, interviewed an audience member live and asked: "Which female host do you admire most in your mind?" The audience said: "It's you." Wang Xiaoya asked: "Why "So?" the audience said: "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan!"

19. Do you know what color Spider-Man is?

Red, wrong!

It’s white

If you don’t believe it, read Spider Man in English: spider man (white person)

20. Why did Xiao Ming fall down? ?

Please think twice…………………………..

Because the floor is slippery

21. After a group of animals finished the party, they rushed I went into a 7-11 convenience store to buy something. Because it was too noisy, the clerk beat me out, but the lamb was left alone in the store. Why?

Convenience stores are open 24 hours a day...

22. Glass and coffee cups were crossing the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: The car is coming!

As a result, the glass was hit by a car, but the coffee cup was fine. May I ask why?

The coffee cup has ears!

23. Yi Ma said, our company grandly launches a new product, Ma Pi No. 3, MP3 for short...

24. There are two kinds of people I hate the most:

The first is racial discrimination;

The second is black;

The third is illiterate!

25. I would like to thank Madoka Ozawa, Ran Asagaga, Ai Nagase, Ryoko Mitake, Maria Takaki, Mai Kawamoto, Hitomi Yuuki, Miyu Natsuki, Naomi Seritsu, Shiraishi, and Kudo Aoi, Koyamauchi Mayu, Kishikawa Miho, Nishida Yuki, Sawai Kiyoshi, Fujisaki Ayaka, Hayama Miyako, Inoue Chihiro, Matsumura, Yuki and Izumi Shizuka, etc., whose names I know and do not know, have appeared in my computer. Friends from foreign countries who have been deleted or are still on the computer: they accompany me through lonely nights one after another in the dead of night; they are the ones who comfort me at the right time when I am at my lowest level; When I was exhausted from playing CS, they were the ones who made me feel the pleasure of smooth flow; when I was in a slump and had no feel, they were the ones who made me mentally HIGH~

26. The accuracy of earthquake prediction is now confirmed It has improved a lot. This time there is only two words missing: it was predicted to be in "Heilongjiang", but it turned out to be in "Jiujiang"!

27. Zhang Liangying said: "The fans who admire me all say - my idol is called Ying."

He Jie said: "The fans who admire me all say - my idol is called Ying." "Jie"

Zhou Bichang said: "The fans who admire me say - my idol is called Chang"

Li Yuchun said: "You guys talk, I'm leaving first"

28.. Five Fuwa dolls gathered together to chat.

Beibei suggested: Let’s give ourselves a nickname, I’ll call it “Beiva”!

Jingjing: Then I’ll call you “Jingwa”!

Huanhuan: My name is "Huanwa"!

Nini: My name is "Niva"!

Yingying stood up and said: You guys chat, I have something to do, so I’m leaving first...

It is said that in 2058, the five Fuwa got together to chat again.

Beibei: Let’s talk about my nickname again. People respect me very much and call me “Master Beibei”!

Huanhuan: People call me "Master Huan"!

Nini: People call me "Niye"!

Yingying: People call me "Yingye"!

Jingjing stood up and said: You guys chat, I have something to do, so I’m leaving first...

29. The harsh winter has arrived, so I decided to keep the habit of taking cold showers, but As I was washing, I found that I had returned to my childhood appearance! ! !

30. Celery was walking and suddenly felt a pain in his stomach. Then he made a "porphyry" sound. What do you think he pulled out~~? It was Celery feces (diligence)!! !What color is celery (vegetable) feces?

Answer: yellow

Because: Qin Shi Huang (celery feces yellow)

31. There was a fat man….

Jumping from the top of the 20th floor...

The result became...

Damn fat man!!

32 .Once upon a time, there was a piece of bread, and it felt hungry, so it ate it.

Once upon a time, there was a glass of beer, and it felt thirsty, so it drank it..

Once upon a time, there was a glass of beer. A virgin, she felt tired, so she fell asleep...

33. Who are human ancestors

It is peanuts because of peanut kernels~~~

34.Which of the ancient figures is considered a white-collar worker?

Meng Mu moved three times (thousands)

35. Zhang Fei: "Don't leave, old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Thief with ring eyes! Dismount and accept Die!"

Police car: "Listen, two thieves~~~You are surrounded~~~Put down your weapons..."

36. Ants from the Himalayas How did you die after falling?

Answer: Starved to death. Because it is too light, it takes a long time to float down...

37. The world's most KB diary

Old Bear was about to write a diary when he found that the diary had been used up and he wanted to go out I bought another book and came back to write it, but it was already twelve o'clock in the evening. But he still rode his bicycle and searched on the dark street. After searching for a long time, he finally found a bookstore and went in before it closed. There was a diary he liked very much, so he asked his boss how much it cost.

The boss said in a very low voice: "This is imported, priced at 70 yuan..."

Old Xiong said: "It's so expensive, but I only brought 50 yuan with me. ."

The boss said: "It doesn't matter, just give me 50 yuan."

Old Xiong said happily: "Thank you, boss."

Boss. Then he said in a very low and sinister voice: "When you buy it back, be sure not to turn to the last page, otherwise something terrible will happen. Don't blame me for not warning you!"

Old Bear said: "Well, I know."

Old Bear bought the diary and took it home. He unpacked it and put it on the table in front of the window in the room.

At this time, he wanted to take a bath first and then come out to write in the diary...

After taking a bath, Lao Xiong found that the window in front of the desk had been opened, and the wind blew open the diary page by page... ...When the wind was about to reach the last page, Old Bear stepped forward to stop it, but it was too late. The last page was still blown away by the wind

What happened to KB...I saw Old Bear screaming. There was a sound, because he saw the last page that said:

(Please pull down)

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………………..pull again...

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Continue to pull…

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. It’s almost there, pull a little more...

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That’s it, I need to pull a little bit at the end...

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The last page says——- Pricing: 3 yuan

39. Once upon a time there was Zhang Simmons was closing her eyes and concentrating, and suddenly felt that something was missing.

While thinking about it, she heard the doorbell ringing. When she opened the door, she saw that it was an electric blanket that had just come back from a date.

Simmons hugged the electric blanket and said:

Brother~~You are back, I am so cold~~~

40. A German, a Frenchman, And a Japanese wants to work in a mine.

The boss is an American. He said to the Germans: "You are in good shape and you are responsible for the coolies."

To the French: "You said you are an engineer and you are responsible for mining." Plan."

To the Japanese, he said: "You are very thin. You are responsible for supplies."

Then the next week, they started to work.

A few days later, the Germans and French discovered that the Japanese were missing. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work.

When the Germans started working, the Japanese suddenly jumped out,

loudly shouted:

"Surprise!"

41. There was a polar bear and a penguin playing together. The penguin pulled out the hairs on his body one by one. After pulling out, he said to the polar bear: "It's so cold!"

The polar bear listened. He plucked out the hair on his body one by one, turned to the penguin and said: "It's really cold!"

42. There is a hide-and-seek club, and their leader is still Not found...

43. Xiaohong asked: When stirring coffee, do you use your right hand or your left hand

Xiaomei said: Right hand

Xiaohong said: Oh, you are so awesome, you are not afraid of burning, just like me, I even use a spoon.

44. Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica?

Because it was cold there...

45. There was no business at a snack bar selling dumplings,

So she went to ask her master what to do. ,

The master said: You have to find a fresh corpse, wrap its meat into dumplings,

and then sell it. Then the business will be very good, but he told them People must not eat this kind of dumplings, otherwise terrible things will happen.

The boss tried it and the effect was really good,

so she went to look for the body again.

The next day her son wanted to bring a lunch box,

but he couldn't find it, so he went to the refrigerator to look for it,

and found a lunch box He thought it was his and took it away.

Unexpectedly, the box contained leftover dumplings sold by his father.

He opened it at noon and took a look.

Why did the number of dumplings in the morning turn out to be 5 when there were 10 dumplings in the morning?

He tried closing the lid again and then opening it again, and there were 2 dumplings again!

Do you know why?

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Because the dumplings are stuck to the lid.

46. A lumberjack applied for a job

Foreman: Go try the forest in front... see how many trees you can saw in one minute...

A minute passed...

Foreman: Wow...20 trees in one minute...That's amazing...Where did you work before?

Worker: Sahara Forest... …

Foreman: Never heard of it...I have only heard of the Sahara Desert...

Worker: Yes...I changed my name later!

47. Wife: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on shit.

Husband: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on shit.

Shit: I’m so unlucky! As I lay there, I was stepped on by both of you...

48. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who made a private vow for life. But the boy needed to serve in the military, so he made a vow with the girl and gave her a life. He gave me a diamond ring and promised to meet the girl three years later. Then, I would use that ring as a wedding ring.

After three years, the boy heard the news of the woman's marriage on the boat returning home. He was so sad that he threw the diamond ring into the sea in despair. Three days later, the boat docked. The boy went to a small restaurant on the street to eat. He was served a fish. He picked up the fish and took a bite. He bit something hard and spit it out. Guess what he saw

Fish bones!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

51. Once upon a time, there was a horse! It fell into the sea while running.

So, it turned into a "seahorse"!

Another horse friend of this horse went to find the horse that fell into the sea, but ended up falling into the river. Later, he became a "hippopotamus".

The third horse is a white horse. In order to find two missing friends, it came to the city with chaotic traffic.

It was run over by several cars in succession, causing several black stripes to appear on its body.

As a result, it turned into a "zebra"!

In order to find the companions of the first three, the fourth horse came to a factory one day and was transformed into an "iron horse".

But later, those horses still couldn't escape the fate of being eaten, and they were all turned into "sand horses". The rampage spread and all the horses were not spared, creating a horseless world...

Then, a group of people couldn't help but say after seeing this joke: "It's so cold."

Finally, in order to commemorate this joke, someone compiled it into a lesson. We called it "Marseille Lesson"!

52. One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend. ．

He kept crying and crying. ． ． ．

I was very sad and kept crying. ． ．

Results. ． ．

He. ． ．

Fa. ． ．

Bud. ． ．

Yes. ． ．

53. One day, a black poop saw a white poop.

The black poop asked: Why are you so white and beautiful?

Bai Shi was very angry after hearing this!

He said: I am not a poop! I am ice cream!!!

54. A cat discovered a mouse...

So a hungry tiger rushed towards the mouse to eat him

But then the cat was eaten by this mouse...

Why

Because

The tiger and the mouse were stupid and couldn't tell the difference

55. A software company was recruiting

On this day, a dog came to apply for a job. The supervisor felt very depressed and wanted to drive the dog out. The dog took out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a few words neatly: Please don't discriminate against animals.

The steward knew that this was no ordinary dog, and out of curiosity, he decided to give it a try.

The general manager came up with the application conditions, which read: 1. Must be able to type. 2. Must be able to program. 3. Proficient in at least one foreign language.

So the dog came to the computer, typed an article very skillfully, and wrote a very complicated program. Then he came to the supervisor and said to the supervisor: Meow! !

56. The toothpaste girl is always in a hurry

All of a sudden she is dating the soft-bristle toothbrush guy

Then she is dating the electric toothbrush guy

A new neighbor came today

Toothpaste girl: "Wow, you are so tall and stylish~ What is your name~ Come on a date with me~"

The new neighbor is cool Cool said: "No! Because I am a comb~"

57. One day the animals smelled a bad smell in front of Guan Gong Temple.

The snake said: "I am too young to fart such a smelly thing. It must be a cow."

The cow said: "I am a grass-eater and I will not fart such a smelly thing." "

The pig said: "Those who fart will definitely blush."

Suddenly Guan Gong rushed out, knocked the pig away and said, "How many times have I told you, I am blushing." "Born."

60. Xiao Ming owed 200,000 to the underground bank.

Xiao Ming begged him to give in for a few more days.

The banker said: " You must return it tomorrow, otherwise..., chop off 2 fingers; the day after tomorrow..., chop 4 fingers; and on the third day..."

Xiao Ming: "Don't you need to return it?"

The banker: "NO, then you will become Tinker Bell."

62. The story happened in China a long time ago,

Okay After playing the guessing game with scissors, rock and paper all afternoon

we went home together and walked...

Stone noticed an oil lamp dropped on the side of the road, which looked like a The Latin magic lamp

He picked it up curiously and brushed off the dust

Suddenly white smoke came out of the bottle of the magic lamp

A... divine dragon slowly emerged from the white smoke...

But the divine dragon was dry and a little malnourished

He spoke: "Who let me out?" Powerless

The stone said: It was me who let you out

Shenlong: "Oh...ahem...Then I can give you a wish..."

Shitou: "Ah...it's only one, isn't there three?"

Shenlong: "I'm sorry...because I'm a half-hearted Shenlong...if you don't want to, just pull me down..."

Shitou: "Okay...then...can you make the three of us adults? We are tired of playing guessing games every day."

"

Shenlong: "Oh...I'll give it a try...but maybe only one can succeed...because I'm a half-hearted Shenlong..."

Shenlong coughed a few times, and then he The three of them spat on their bodies

The three of them were gradually enveloped in white smoke, and the dragon also gradually disappeared in the Three-Character Sutra

When the white smoke dissipated...

Stone is still rock, scissors are still scissors, only cloth is no longer cloth, cloth has successfully transformed into a human being!

When one family is happy and the other is sad,

Someone happened to be passing by and saw this scene, so he recorded it.

This person was Mencius.

He wrote:

………….

The story was passed down to later generations and included in Chinese textbooks.

63. An elderly member of the family passed away.

Because a public memorial was required, the body was frozen in ice.

The body was not invited out until the public memorial was held.

It happened to be very hot at that time,

There were water droplets after thawing on the body.

The little grandson saw it nearby and shouted nervously:

"Grandma, grandma... Grandpa is sweating..."

Grandma replied:

"Shh... Grandpa died for the first time, so he was very nervous!" ”

64. A man met God one day..

God suddenly became kind and planned to give the man a wish…

God asked…

Do you have any wishes...

The man thought about it...

I heard that cats have 9 lives...

Then please Give me 9 lives...

God said...

Your wish comes true...

One day, that person was bored...

I want to just die...

I have 9 lives anyway

Just lie on the railroad tracks...

The result is one A train passed by...

The man was still dead...

Why is this?

Because that train has 10 carriages...

65. Xiaoxue asked her dad: "Dad, are there any books that are better than KB?"

"Yes, of course there is."

Dad said: "There is a book by your father and I still think it is KB after reading it for more than 20 years."

"Huh? No. Right? Which book can you read for more than 20 years and still feel like KB?"

"Marriage Certificate."

66. There was a lady who was driving halfway. Encountered a red light.

The traffic police on the side saw her watching the red light change to green, and the green light to red...

Still parked in the middle of the road, motionless.

So the traffic policeman walked over and asked the lady: "What's wrong? Is there no color you like?"

68. Two foreigners went shopping at Carrefour. When they checked out, The clerk asked: "Can you speak chinese?"

The two foreigners replied in Mandarin: "If you speak slower, we can understand you!"

The clerk said: "Can...you...speak...chinese?"

69. One night...

Xiao Ming couldn't sleep and decided to go for a walk...

He just Walking along the highway near his home...

Unfortunately, he ran into a police inspection...

Xiao Ming was called over for questioning.

The police asked Xiao Ming why he walked on the highway, and after asking, handed him a ticket...

It read

1. Not wearing a seat belt

2. Driving without a license

3. The speed does not exceed 60/h

70. Beautiful girls must see it~~~~

Coffee weight loss method:

Ingredients:

One hundred grams of coffee beans (raw)

500 cc of water...

Method:

1. Drink 500cc of water.

2. Put the coffee beans...

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Throw it on the ground and pick it up one by one.

Three times a day, repeat for a month...

71. Life is like stool, once it is flushed away, it will never come back.

Life is like defecation. It always looks the same no matter how you poop, but it is different every time...

Life is like defecation. Sometimes it feels good to poop, but sometimes it doesn’t. The facial features are tangled!

Life is like poop, you never know what will come out...

Life is like poop, you have to plant it first if you want the result to come out.

Life is like poop, often after working hard for a long time, only a few farts come out...

Life is like poop, no matter how beautifully decorated it is, its essence is still the same...

Life is like shit, you can only face it silently and bravely.

So, as everyone often says -

"You go eat shit!"

In fact, his original meaning is "You have to seriously integrate own life. 』

72. A guy went to the hospital for a checkup and had many tests done.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I discovered that you have potential homosexual tendencies! ! And it’s hard to cure!

This guy said: Oh my God! What about the good news?

The doctor said shyly: I found you quite cute~~~~~~~~

73. One day, the physics teacher of a certain class at a girls’ middle school called in sick.

The 40 female students were all looking forward to who would teach the class.

When it came to the physics class, it turned out to be a handsome male teacher.

A female classmate He said provocatively: Teacher, can we skip class and play some exciting games?

The male teacher was silent for a while and said:

Okay~~

Everyone, put your textbooks away, now is the test!

74. One day, the cockroach sister came back crying...

The cockroach father asked: "What happened to my daughter?"

The cockroach sister said: " Dad! Why do others say I’m a pest! Woohoo...”

At this time, the cockroach brother also came back, and he said happily:

“Dad! This This is the first time in my life that someone greeted me warmly~"

Dad Cockroach asked: "Really? What did they say?"

Brother Cockroach: I just went out and they looked at me When I get there, I say:

"Hi!~~~~~~worm~"

75. Tang Monk: We should find a shortcut to learn scriptures this time!

Wukong: Flying is faster than riding a horse!!

Bajie: Shenliu is faster!!!

Sha Monk took out a gun: I heard This thing will send people to the West immediately...

76. A hunter went hunting with his hunting dogs, and they wandered in the woods for a whole day without finding any prey.

It was getting dark, but he was unwilling to keep riding in the woods.

The horse suddenly said: 'You don't even let me rest, you want to exhaust me to death! ? '

The hunter was startled when he heard it. He immediately rolled off his horse, pulled the hunting dog and ran away.

When he ran to a big tree to catch his breath,

The dog patted his chest and said to him:

'It scares me to death that the horse can actually talk! '

So the hunter was frightened to death on the spot.........

77. A candy, walking in the North Pole, felt that he was so cold——-so he Turned into rock candy!!!

78. A cabbage took off its clothes while walking, and finally it disappeared...

79. A bear came over and was prepared. Come (bear comes)

The eleventh book is incredible (book11)

The sheep stopped breathing and elated (the sheep did not exhale)

80. A black The cat rescued a white cat from the river. Do you know what the white cat said to the black cat later?

It said: Take a look~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

81. Who among the wolf, tiger and lion will definitely be eliminated when playing the game? Wolf

Because: Momotaro (eliminating the wolf)

82. How to make drinks Become a bigger cup?

Recite the Great Compassion Mantra

83. A thief went to someone else's house to steal something. When he entered the house, he saw no one in the house, but he was very poor, so he left 200 yuan and left. ………

84. A condom felt itchy, so I scratched it... Guess what happened?

It caused a death... ….

85. Rogue =?

= Rogue Rabbit (TWO)————–Xiaobai Xiaobai==Little White Rabbit

86 .I bought a TV set produced by China Unicom. I kept trying to select channels, but there was no signal. Then the TV said: The TV you dialed is not in the service area, please wait and dial again...

87. One day I fell down with a match and broke my head, so I went to the hospital to bandage it, but when it came out, it turned into a cotton swab!!!

88. Leaning Tower of Pisa It was about to fall. Someone went to help the tower. Who was he?

John (because of John Travolta)

89. Once upon a time, there was a man who liked to make clay sculptures. One day, on a whim, he grabbed a piece of clay and kneaded it, and as a result, he made a clay figurine. , but the clay figurine was bare and unsightly, he thought and thought. Suddenly he came up with a good idea and made the hair and beard of the clay figurine out of grass. He was very satisfied with his work, so he gave it a name. My name is Uncle Caoni……………….

90. A classmate of mine from Xiamen University went out once and was also caught by the enemy! The enemy also tied him to a telephone pole and said: "Back then, when we asked a man which school he was from, he shouted that he was from TV University, and then we electrocuted him to death - if you didn't say it, you would suffer the same fate. !" My classmate said: I am from Xiamen University...

98. The stewardess walked towards the man who was protesting loudly,

The man shouted: "I want to challenge this airline. The company protested!

I sit in the same seat every time I fly, and there are no movies or curtains!”

The stewardess said: “ Forget it~ Captain, stop making trouble!"

106. On this holy day of Valentine's Day, I would like to spend my own money to sing a song to express my blessings to all lovers, that is - — "Happy Breakup" by Liang Jingru!!!

107. Before the final exam, I advise everyone not to watch unlucky movies, such as "Raise the Red Lantern"…… .

111. A man went to the river to fish...

First he pierced a leaf, but no fish took the bait for a long time. He changed it to a piece of bread, and again no fish took the bait for a long time. ~

He had no choice but to change to earthworms~ Still no fish took the bait for a long time~~

In anger, he took out 100rmb~~ and threw it into the water~~

"tnnd

~~What do you want to eat? Go buy it yourself! ! ! ! ”

112. One day, Mr. Wang was driving home.

Suddenly, a Mercedes Benz passed by him. When it passed him, the driver shouted to him:

“Brother, have you ever driven a Mercedes-Benz? After saying that, he flew away with a whoosh.

Mr. Wang was very angry and increased the accelerator to catch up.

Seeing that he was about to catch up, the driver stretched out his hand again. He raised his head and shouted at him:

"Brother, have you ever driven a Daben? "Then, the "whoosh" thing disappeared again.

"Damn, what the heck! "After Mr. Wang finished scolding, he felt a little better, so he stopped chasing.

After driving for a while, Mr. Wang saw the Mercedes-Benz that had just overturned. On the roadside, he was curious and drove closer.

He saw the driver being pinned under the car and said feebly: "Brother, have you ever driven a Daben?" Do you know where its brake is? ”

113. I once suffered from schizophrenia, but now we have recovered~~~~~~~~

114. An international student is taking the driver’s license test in the United States, the road sign ahead When prompted to turn left, he was not sure and asked the examiner:

"turn left?"

Answer: "right"

So... he failed..

116. Xiao Ming had his hair cut, and when he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite. Xiao Ming felt aggrieved and ran away. Go outside and cry. Cry and cry and he will fly...

117. There is a man who looks like an onion and cries as he walks...

118. The little penguin asked his grandma one day, "Grandma, grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong?" "But, why do I feel so cold?" ”

119. A pair of corns fell in love...

So they decided to get married...

On the wedding day...

Not a single corn could be found Another corn...

This corn asked the popcorn next to him: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: My dear, she is wearing a wedding dress... ….

120. In the music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven

Xiao Ming asked Xiao Hua: “Do you understand music? ”

Xiaohua: “Yes”

Xiaoming: “Then do you know what the teacher is playing?” "

Xiaohua: "Piano. ”

121. Two people fell into a trap. The dead people are called dead people, and what are the living people called?

A: Call for help!

122. Someone looked like a sweet potato and fell down while walking...

123. Question: What are you afraid of cloth and paper?

Answer: Cloth is afraid of ten thousand, paper. Afraid of the unexpected.

Reason: Not afraid of ten thousand (cloth), only afraid of the unexpected (paper).

124. One day there was a mother-in-law who was riding in a car...

Halfway through the ride, the mother-in-law didn’t know the road...

The mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said: This is where?

Driver: This is my butt...

126. The host asked: Can cats climb trees? Eagle's quick answer: Yes! Moderator: Give an example! The eagle was in tears: That year, when I was asleep, the cat climbed up the tree...and then there were owls...

127. Two dung beetles discussed the welfare lottery. A said: I want to win the jackpot. Buy all the toilets within a 50-mile radius and eat enough every day! B said: You are too vulgar! If I win the jackpot, I will take care of a living person and eat fresh food every day!

129. Teacher: "You are finally here! Why didn't you come to class yesterday?"

Student: "Because...because, my mother fell down the stairs..."

Teacher: "Oh! I see, mom was injured, so you didn't come."

Student: "No...it was my dad who was injured..."

Teacher : "Why did your dad get hurt when your mom fell down the stairs?"

Student: "Because...my dad has a woman outside..."

Teacher: "What? ..What does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs?”

Student: “Because they were fighting..My mother fell and my father was injured by my mother.”

Teacher: "Oh... so you didn't come to class because you sent your dad to the hospital?"

Student: "No... it was a woman outside who sent my dad to the hospital."

Teacher: "Then why didn't you come to class?"

Student: "Because I overslept..."

Teacher: "Then you fell down the stairs with your mother What does it matter if you come down?"

Student: "No, I... I just mentioned it by the way."