Complete works of four funny sketches

"Application" (hilarious) 2 examiners, 3 applicants (recruitment and marketing director of a company) Applicant: Long Min: an agricultural farmer, too talented: high flyers with no social background, Zhen Youquan: the son of a government official. Brilliant (hands back, pacing, thinking up): Time flies. In today's market, I am also fighting for the right of loyalty (suit and tie, striding forward): according to my investigation, it is really difficult to ask for a good job in this increasingly competitive market. Comrades, I applied for this job to survive. The first examiner said: You are all here to apply. What our company wants is talents in sales promotion, either with education or experience. You are all educated people. . Suddenly, a tattered man ran so fast recently that he almost fell down. The farmer who broke into the house scratched his head and said simply and sincerely: Elder sister, I'm sorry I'm late (the assistant examiner was furious): Who is your elder sister? This girl is only the age of flower season! Huh? How can such a person suddenly appear! (Long Min looks at the examiner in surprise and says): Elder sister? There are no flowers in my village, only a handful! (Exaggerated, use the posture of holding to describe the flower) (The assistant examiner clenched his fist to suppress his anger): OK. Now let's introduce ourselves, including your name, address, age, nationality, birthday, gender, marital status and education. . . . Submit it (three applicants are surprised) (the examiner says with a smile): Don't bother, just submit your name and academic experience. You have the right: that's more like it, otherwise I thought it was a police station! Thai Youcai: My name is Thai Youcai, and I graduated from Thai with a master's degree. After the edification of school culture, the tempering of society and the test of life, I came to your company to apply. I will sell my knowledge to the company, use my culture to sell it, and bring the world outlook, values and outlook on honor and disgrace to the overall interests of the company. . . . Assistant Examiner: Stop, Vilti, next! (Too talented to hold her glasses and tilt her head back) Zhen Youquan: My name is Zhen Youquan, Zhen Dezhi. I graduated from that university. I came to this company because of social competition. Then, I want to hire this position. That's all. Thank you (the examiner added his own actions). Long Min: My name is Long Min, and I am a dragon with a dragon (audience laughs). I have nothing but rich experience. Please listen to the next chapter for details. Zhen Youquan: Long Min has such a name after all. Farmer examiner: OK, OK, let's start asking questions. Assistant examiner: If a beautiful girl appears in front of you, how can you sell yourself and make her accept you? Long Min: Examiner, can you not? I already have a wife. I'm afraid my wife won't let me sleep in the bed. (Angry) Associate Examiner: Hypothesis, do you understand the hypothesis? ! ! Long Min: Suppose, oh. Too talented: hey, I feel sorry for those who have no knowledge. Brilliant: I will recite a very emotional sentence to make her submit to my literary talent. I will call all the traffic police back and shout at the place where the girl appears: beautiful girl: Zhen Youquan, I really love you. Long Min: Although I am still afraid, I must seize the opportunity. I will say: elder sister, I can cook, I can wash clothes, I can farm, I can take care of children, but I can't have children, you. Assistant examiner: That's brilliant. Do you think a poem can impress that girl? If so, many old ladies will fall in love with you every day, because you talk a lot every day. You can recite a poem now and see if you can make your aunt across the street accept you. Assistant examiner: Zhen Youquan. You said you could ask all the traffic police to help you. Well, you can go out on the street alone and find a girl to say loudly that you love her, and see if she will call you crazy! Deputy examiner: Long Min, hey, do you want other girls to give you a baby just because you look like a bear? Do you think others are your domestic pigs? If you want to have children, you must have an assistant examiner: since you are selling yourself, you must treat each other as a fortress. Long Min: Examiner, it is peacetime, so there is no fortress. If we want to fight the Japanese fortress now, the able-bodied men in our village have already picked up hoes. Is it my turn? Assistant examiner: Hey, you, this is still a hypothesis, a hypothesis! ! Hey, I want to know, Long Min, why did you join our work? Long Min: I have experience (patting my chest, holding my head high and making a proud gesture) Associate Examiner: You have experience? Then why do you say that donkey's lips are not right for horse's mouth? Long Min (indignant): No, I really have experience. You see, I have sold chickens at home, pigs in the village, cows in the village and blood in the city. Isn't this all experience? Oh, by the way, when I was selling cattle, a young man in his early 20 s told me, Uncle, how dare you sell cattle on the road? You are really the one between A Niu and Niu C, that's why I am. I'm still thinking about how to buy a cow and turn it into a cow ABC (the assistant examiner bowed his head and was silent for a while). Then he looked up and said, I think you can go home and sell blood. Come on, Long Min: Examiner, what you said is wrong. I sold blood in the city, not at home. I don't have that kind of equipment at home. Assistant examiner: Hey! Examiner: Now, how do you think you can sell yourself to make girls accept you? Long Min: I think so. . . Assistant examiner: Stop and don't talk. Squat aside with me. (Long Min walks pathetically to the table. ) Zhen Youquan: I think there is something wrong with this question. Assistant examiner: Nonsense, no problem. Can you call me a question? Brilliant: I think this question is worth discussing. If you allow me, I'll call my tutor and ask the examiner: you. . . . Examiner: Why do you think this question is so difficult? Long Min, too talented, Zhen Youquan,: This is a rotten question {Long Min stands up from the table} The assistant examiner said savagely: Long Min, who told you to get up? Go back and squat down and put your hands on your head. Associate examiner: Why is this a bad question? (Long Min stands up to the stage again) Long Min says, are you willing to betray yourself? Assistant examiner: Who told you to sell yourself? Long Min said: Isn't betraying yourself equal to betraying yourself? Examiner: Are you willing to betray yourself? (The examiner is angry, and the other two applicants laugh) Examiner: Do you think you are not like a commodity now? Living in this highly competitive environment, there are too many people with educational background. More experienced, if you can't sell well yourself, do you think any company will accept you? The examiner just made an analogy. Actually, that girl is the job you are looking for. If you can't get that girl to accept you, it means you can't get the company you are looking for to accept you. In the end, you still have nothing. I hope you can understand. In fact, before you came to our company to apply, we had made a detailed investigation on you. We already know about you, and our company just needs talents like you. You are very talented and have a profound academic background, and you can make great contributions to the company in persuading customers. Zhen has the right, is calm when things go wrong, and is good at using personal relationships to achieve sales goals. Long Min, although you have a little knowledge, I believe most bosses still like to do business with honest people, at least they will be honest. So you three are hired temporarily, with a probation period of 2 months. (Long Min, too talented, Zhen has the right to be surprised) Too talented: I'm sorry, examiner, I think it's unfair. I believe in my knowledge, so I hope the four examiners can give us another chance. To convince four examiners to hire our examiner: OK, what about Zhen? Zhen Youquan: I never know how to write "admit defeat". I agree with what I said (the examiner laughed): Well (the four examiners and the first two candidates looked at Long Min with suspicion) (Long Min lowered her hand in fear): My daughter-in-law told me when she went out that I would learn more from the city after I came out. I told you that I listened to my daughter-in-law, so I followed in the footsteps of college students in the first two cities. (Laughter) Examiner: Then we will visit three more people at the same time tomorrow. (Applause)