Who can tell me some funny jokes? I am here to thank you! !

1, I went to the kindergarten to pick up the children at night, and the children said to me on the way: Dad, I'm tired. I said to the child, let's count to three, and dad will take you away, okay? The child agreed happily. Then, I said loudly: Prepare-March in haste! 1、2、 1; 1、2、 1; 1、2、 1。 . . . . . . We walked all the way back. . . . .

2. When China is strong, all foreigners will be required to take CET-4 and CET-6! Classical Chinese is so simple that all questions are answered with a brush, which is very cheap for them and annoying for me. Everyone has a knife and a tortoise shell, and Oracle Bone Inscriptions is engraved on it. The topic of the thesis is on Theory of Three Represents. The listening is all Jay Chou's songs, and nunchakus has only been heard once. Reading comprehension is about Zhouyi. The oral test requires singing Peking Opera, and the experiment includes jiaozi!

On the bus, I heard a boy about 8-9 years old say to the little girl next to him, "Who says I can't predict the future? At least I can know my child's surname in the future, but you are different. I don't know what your child's surname is! " Without thinking, the little girl replied loudly, "Hum, that's right! However, my child must be my child, not your child! ~"。 The whole car was killed collectively. ...

4. Friend: Hello, I want a cup of foam tea instead of pearls.

Attendant: Uh-huh. Sorry, we call this milk tea.

5. (The plane takes off with a bang, and stewardess A and stewardess B are chatting in the first class ...)

Stewardess A: "Look, that passenger's nose hair is exposed, hehe ~"

Stewardess B: "I can't hear you. What did you say? "

Stewardess A repeated it loudly again, but stewardess B still shook her head to show that she couldn't hear.

At this time, the passenger came over and leaned in the ear of stewardess B and said, "Miss, she said my nose hair was exposed!" " "

6. The young couple shared a bed with their son. In the middle of the night, the couple secretly made out and suddenly found that their son was gone! After searching for a long time, it turned out that my son was hiding behind the door with his knees. The husband and wife shouted: "Come back quickly, it's windy behind the door!" "The son said angrily," Don't lie, it's windy in bed! " !"

7, a MM chest is particularly flat, afraid that her boyfriend knows that she hates herself, so she hides from her boyfriend. Finally, they went to bed for the first time, turned off the lights and got into bed. . When her boyfriend touched MM's chest, she said, "Honey, don't sleep on your stomach!" " "

8. A woman had an accident, and her boyfriend gave her a lot of blood to save him! But not long after, this ungrateful woman broke up with her boyfriend! Boyfriend shouted angrily: "Want to break up? Then give me my blood first! ! "The woman threw the sanitary towel in the boy's face and scolded," Come on! I will pay you back in installments every month! "

9. A couple in love: The woman asked: Are you willing to' die' for me? The man looked embarrassed and the woman continued to ask, If you don't want to die for me, then you don't love me. Let's break up. The man hesitated for a long time and finally made a difficult decision. He took out his ear and fed her earwax.

10, on the wedding night of hermit crab and spider, hermit crab said shyly, "Tell me, the truth of our marriage is not because we have a crush on my house, is it?" The spider asked again, "Then tell me, is the truth of our marriage because my family can go to the Internet cafe?"

1 1. Today, according to the regulations, the school will go to the Martyrs Cemetery to sweep the graves. But I didn't arrive on time because of the weather. Our class was unhappy, and all the students took white flowers and put them on the platform. Someone wrote a big word "drink" on the blackboard. As soon as the teacher entered the classroom, he was stunned. Then the monitor shouted, "Stand up." Another classmate shouted, "Take a bow." "Second Bow", "Second Bow" and "Minute of Silence for All" …

12, the canteen lined up to make soup. A girl in front is fishing in the bucket with that big spoon. 10 second, 20 seconds, 30 seconds ... Half a day passed and the girl was still fishing. A boy behind her couldn't bear it any longer and muttered, "That's almost enough. Why are you still fishing?" MM suddenly looked back at the boy and turned her head to continue fishing with a big spoon. Then, then, finally, she got a pair of glasses!

13, a girl came to the class. She introduced herself: "I may not be the smartest, I may not be the most beautiful, I may not be the best ..." Just as her classmates praised her modesty ... she suddenly said: "Hello, my name is Wei."

14. Cook crabs at night. After the water boiled, I threw the crabs into the pot one by one. Crabs are fresh and turn around in the pot. My wife has been very kind since she was a child, so she hid behind me and covered her eyes and didn't dare to look. I was relieved: "Wife, are we too cruel?" Wife: "Hmm. ..........................................................................................................................................................................

15, a colleague of mine came to work with swollen nose and eyes. I asked him what happened. He said, "I went to my girlfriend's house to kiss her yesterday, and she said no, her period is coming!" " "I wonder:" What is the relationship between kissing and menstruation? "My colleague said," That's what I thought, so I kissed my girlfriend. As a result, a woman broke in and told me why I bullied her niece ... "

16, 1 Niu said: So many people drink our milk, but no one calls us "mom".

Squid fish said: Damn, Man Mo became a thief!

The mouse said: can you be old if you are afraid of eating and drinking all day?

The fly said: the biggest difference between me and bees is that they have different tastes.

Fish said: I will never go to any internet cafe!

The dinosaur said: I'm sorry, you died too early and made you nervous.

One day, the pig said to the bear, "Guess how many sweets are in my pocket?" The bear said, "That's right. Can you give it to me?" The pig must nod: "well, I guess I'll give it to you two!" " "The bear swallowed and said," I guess there are five pieces. "

18, approaching science, there is an episode about several pieces of ice falling from the sky and hitting a village in Hebei Province, China. Onlookers have come forward to taste it, which is said to be "quite delicious". An old man took two pieces and put them back in the refrigerator for freezing, saying it was called rootless water. If you lick it every day, you can cure all diseases. At last, the program consulted civil aviation experts, only to know that it was "Lan Bing"-that is, chemically treated feces ... which made everyone miserable.

19, at 3: 00 noon, in the hot sun, the supervisor ordered: "chop!"

Suddenly, the man sentenced to death burst out laughing! ! !

The supervisor asked, "What are you laughing at?"

The condemned man hesitated for a moment and said, "The experts are right. A smile can prolong life by 5 seconds! " "

20. The fruit seller downstairs is amazing!

Bananas were called Tianbao bananas when they first came on the shelves.

When it comes to yellow, it is called Dole Banana.

The yellow one is called Hainan banana;

The spotted banana is called Thai spotted banana;

It's called African black banana when it gets dark!