Looking for two campus humorous jokes?

The first one:

In high school, the whole school must wear uniforms, and some students who are repeating the class never wear them. The teacher in charge of this aspect squats at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw this classmate not wearing a school uniform and asked him why he was not wearing one. This classmate was furious and said: My mother is not dead, why do I have to wear mourning clothes?

Second one:

An art teacher was slightly famous, and a certain newspaper had a large report with photos, so he boasted in class: "There are always classmates recently. Tell me, teacher, you are really good. You even published a photo in the newspaper..." A student asked: "Is this a missing person notice?" From then on, the art teacher refused to allow this student to take art classes.

Third one:

In Chinese class, the teacher asked a sleeping classmate to answer a question, but the classmate was confused and could not say anything. The teacher said helplessly: "Can you do it? If not, just squeak!" The student said: "Squeak." The teacher sweated.

Fourth:

When I was in high school and it was about to take the exam, one day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name on the top and asked us to answer the minerals produced there below. After talking about a lot of places, the teacher suddenly asked: "What is produced in Jiangnan?" All the boys in the class answered in unison: "Beauties are produced in Jiangnan!"

Fifth:

Junior high school When the biology teacher was talking about the ecological environment on the African grasslands, no one in the class listened, so he got angry and said, "You all look at me! If you don't look at me, how do you know what an African wild cat looks like!"

Sixth:

In a high-level mathematics class, the teacher asked one of my brothers: "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is our goal in learning calculus?" That brother was on a desertion at the time. , and without thinking loudly said: "There are no cavities!" The whole class burst into laughter.

Seventh:

In the biology class, the teacher said: "Actually, weasels do not eat chickens. Scientists have done an experiment and once locked up a chicken and a weasel. Together, guess what happened the next day?" The classmate interrupted: "The chicken is pregnant?"

Eighth:

In the third year of high school, the geometry teacher is an old lady. Bragging is very annoying. One day I said in class: "I am very valued in the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study problems together, and every time I am picked up and dropped off by car." I accidentally asked: "Three-wheelers?" "As a result, he was banned from geometry class for a week.

Ninth:

When I was in high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) thought that some of us boys were not listening, so she yelled: "What are you thinking? ?" I was confused at the time, and somehow I said, "I miss you!" There was silence in the classroom for a while, but a pair of frightened eyes were looking at me. The teacher stayed for a while, then pointed at me and yelled: "You are just a stinky hooligan!" What an injustice!

Tenth:

When I was in high school, I took a labor class for the first time. The teacher was an old man. He introduced himself: "My name is Wu Shushan." I suddenly had an inspiration and immediately Then he said: "Looking northwest to Chang'an, there are countless pitiful mountains." The whole class burst into laughter, and the teacher looked livid, and then I was punished to do heavy work.

1 I used a sack of money to go to college and exchanged it for a sack of books; after graduation, I used these books to exchange for money, but I couldn’t afford a sack.

1. The kid next door finally vowed to lose weight - at the graduation job fair, someone said to him: "Brother, let me go, you are blocking my mobile phone signal."

2. Lei Feng did not leave a name for his good deeds, but recorded everything in his diary.

3. Do you want to get rich? Do you want to be lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to stay young forever? ——Stop thinking blindly and study hard!

4. After living for more than 20 years, I have not been able to do anything for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about this, I feel heartbroken

One day, the English teacher made a mistake. The scores of the second group were added to the third group. A student from the third group said: "Teacher, the wrong points were added!"

Teacher: What?

Classmate: It’s not the third group, it’s the second group! !

Teacher (silly): Yes, it’s the third group!

Student (very speechless): You added the points from the second group to the third group! ! !

Teacher: Oh (hurriedly added one point to the second group)

Classmate (super speechless): Teacher, the points for the third group are so good! ! ! !

Teacher: What

Classmate (helpless and speechless): Your family is in the third group with one more point! ! ! !

The teacher finally understood, (﹏)~Crazy

A student climbed the wall to leave the school and was caught by the principal. The principal asked him: "Why don't you leave through the school gate?" He said, "Metersbonwe, don't take the ordinary path." The principal asked him again, "How do you get over such a high wall?" He pointed to his pants and said, "Li Ning, everything is possible!" He asked him again, "What does it feel like to climb over the wall?" He pointed to his shoes and said, "Xtep, it feels like flying!" The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked him, "Why don't you climb over the wall?" Said: "Anta, I choose, I like it!" On the third day he wore a gangster costume, and the principal said to him: "You can't wear gangster costumes!" He said, "Wear whatever you want, Semir clothes!" On the fourth day he wore a gangster costume! Wearing a vest to school, the principal said: "You can't wear a vest to school!" He said, "Men, keep it simple, I love wearing fort clothes!" The principal said, "I'm going to give you a big demerit!!" He said, "Why?" The principal said Said: "M-Zone, I have the final say on my territory!!"

In my freshman year, I took a high-level mathematics class. It was a public class, so we had a big classroom. One time, we ran out of chalk in the classroom, so we called A classmate went to the next door to get some for use, so the boy in the back row went out. A few seconds later he appeared at the front door of our classroom, "Teacher, give me some chalk..." Teacher Shihua: Oh, there is no chalk in other classrooms, right? Bar. Then you go back, and then he goes out from the front and comes in through the back door: Teacher, there are no other classrooms. . .

Exercise questions

Student: "I have done this question 6 times."

Teacher: "Great."

Student: "Here are 6 answers."

Official host: Tell me something funny about your college days.

1 I bought a prop for inflicting pain on people before. It was a "zombie hand" with a remote control that could crawl. Then I placed it next to the garbage pile at the door of the toilet on our floor at midnight. When my friend came out of the toilet, we let the "hand" climb out. He was so frightened that he jumped up. Haha, we were so happy. But what we didn't expect was that this guy was probably crazy with fear and rushed towards the "hand". Stomping like crazy...

Now that I think about it, I feel pity for my more than 200 yuan~~~~~~~·

2 I went to the school next door to play ball and saw a dog on the grass. Rabbit, rabbit meat hot pot was held in the dormitory at night, and a lot of people were invited... N years later, a friend of mine married a wife who happened to be in the school next door to mine. When talking about rabbit meat hot pot, she suddenly shouted, "It's you." Ate my rabbit!

3 students went to the toilet between classes. After pooping, they found that they had no paper, no one was waiting for them, and their mobile phones were in arrears. In desperation, he called 10086 and asked for help. . . It is said that there was silence for a long time, and then... his classmate received this text message during class: Hello, respected China Mobile users, your classmate so and so is in the toilet and asks you to give him toilet paper. For details, please contact 10086

4 When I woke up this morning, I saw a NetEase comment. The original text was a screenshot.

First floor: Everyone, calm down. Come over and listen to what the fifth floor has to say? ! ~

Second Floor: I think what Floor 5 said makes sense.

.

Third Floor: The 5th Floor speaks the voice of the people

The 4th Floor: The 5th Floor really speaks very well!

Fifth floor: Everyone upstairs is NB

A buddy from 5 mustered up the courage to confess his love to MM on QQ. After a while, MM replied: I am her mother, I am here. The food-stealer

I checked the company's homepage in the morning when I had nothing to do. I saw the new recruitment content on it, so I clicked on it out of boredom. I was shocked to find that my position was listed...

7 Once after class, the bell rang and everyone had to go home. When I was going down the stairs, my left foot stepped on my right foot, and I fell in the middle of the road with a big "pop"... I thought at that time: No, embarrassing. Too big, I pretended to be dizzy. As a result, the classmate next to me saw that I was motionless, so he quickly helped me up, and then slapped me wildly from left to right...

8 A classmate, his computer automatically turns on every morning (probably because of the dormitory room) I rushed away instantly when the call came in the morning).

As a result, the old man took a charm and stuck it on the computer. . .

9. My father dislikes foreign singers the most. But one day, when I was watching Michael Jackson's MTV, I suddenly found my father standing behind and watching with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Dad, do you like watching this too?"

Dad shook his head: "Mao Amin is getting more and more ugly."

10 Once, I called my classmate , the other party picked up the phone and said hello. I suddenly forgot who I was calling, and after talking for a long time, I suddenly said: Who are you?

11 When I was in high school, I wanted to take a vacation. One day, a classmate came to me very excitedly and told me: I have some good news for you. You don’t have to study in the morning tonight! !

In junior high school in 12, a certain mathematics teacher was talking about equation transformation. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted loudly: Students, pay attention, I am going to transform!

13. Once I asked a short-sighted person what the degree of his eyes was. He wanted to say 400 degrees, but as soon as he said it, it was 400 watts, which made his stomach hurt!

14. The greatest commentary since China broadcast the NBA - "Jordan habitually licks his tongue." (Jordan can even do this! Why can't I lick it?)

p>

The college history test is an oral test. The professor asked three questions, and even this college student studying history couldn't answer them. In order to give him a chance to pass, the professor finally asked him: "Who discovered the American continent?" "..." The professor shouted angrily: "Christopher Columbus!" The student walked out and the professor was surprised. He suddenly stopped him: "Hey, why are you leaving?" "I'm sorry, didn't you call the next candidate?"

Children's Joke The little mouse was about to faint from hunger in the hole. The mother said: "Mom, hurry up and get rid of the dog at the entrance of the cave."

The mother mouse smiled and shouted out of the cave: "Woof!" When the dog heard this, he ran away.

The mother mouse proudly said to the mouse: "Look, how important it is to learn a foreign language!"

Drinking and reading

"Look at your sad face "What happened?" "Write an article titled "What did I do yesterday?" "Well, what did you do yesterday?" "Drink." How stupid, let me tell you, as you write down, whenever the word 'drinking' appears, wouldn't it be enough to just change it to 'reading'?" Zhang Wen was inspired. , the pen

was calm: "I got up early in the morning and read for a long time. I thought about it and read the second half of the book in one go, but

I felt It was not enough, so I went to the store to buy another book. When I came back, I met Li Da and looked at his eyes. I knew that he was almost done with it. ”

Future tense grammar

In the future tense grammar class of "love", the teacher is teaching the tenses of verbs.

He asked Eileen: "Tell me, what is the future of 'love'

?" Eileen answered without hesitation: "Marriage!"

500 Ducks

A male teacher was teaching in the classroom, and he said angrily to the noisy classroom: "The noise made by two women is equivalent to the noise made by 10,000 ducks." One day , the male teacher’s wife came to school to look for him, and the female student reported

“Teacher, there are 5,000 ducks looking for you outside!”

Eliminate discord

A school held a discussion class on family issues. In a classroom, the teacher asked the students: "What do you think is the best way to eliminate the discord between parents and students?" A classmate stood up boldly and said to the teacher:

p>

"The best way is: you fill in all 5 points on my academic report card."

"I am the only one who is not smiling"

The teacher is always there We were taught in class that when you see other people’s flaws and misfortunes, never laugh at them. One day, Xiaobu Lang said to the teacher: "Today a child fell into a puddle on campus. Everyone laughed, but I didn't laugh." "You do That's right." The teacher praised, "Who fell into the puddle?" "It was me."

Criteria for Selection

Cohen was a medical student. He wanted to study cardiac surgery but was undecided, so he went to ask Professor Auburn for advice. Professor Auburn asked him: "Young man, do you want to live a wealthy life?" "Of course. Then you should study dentistry." Why?

Why? "Think about it, there is only one human heart, but there are 32 teeth."

The function of cowhide

The general knowledge teacher asked Tom: "Do you know the function of cowhide?" ?" Tom scratched the back of his head and said, "I don't know." I know," his tablemate said, raising his hands, "it's used to wrap beef together. "

Borrow the report card

The teacher asked Jimmy: "Why did you lend the report card to John? "No, I didn't do it on purpose." Jimmy replied nonchalantly, "He said he wanted to scare his parents." What was the result? "The teacher asked again. The result -"

Jimmy replied, "John's butt is swollen."

I have taught geography that the place with the largest coal production in China is Fushun, Liaoning Province. , Anshan, Liaoning Province produces the most iron, so Fushun is called China's "Coal City" and Anshan is called the "Iron City". In a certain exam, the test paper said: All coal in China is (black), and all iron in China is (hard). After the exam, he said: Why did the teacher give such a simple question?

2. A political and current affairs topic: my country’s research ship _____ went to the Arctic for inspection. My answer: Titanic.

3. In elementary school, a classmate was reciting a poem, and it was so difficult to memorize the first three sentences. The last sentence: "A line of egrets ascending to the west." The whole class was stunned!

4. In the Chinese language proficiency test for the first year of high school, fill in the following sentence: "Why should *** cut off the candle from the west window?" I answered: "The couple sit together until dawn." The correct answer: "But it's raining at night in Bashan."

5. The previous sentence was: "Egrets fly in front of Xisai Mountain." The classmate couldn't hold it in for a long time, so he wrote blindly: "Black turtle crawls by the river in East Village"!

6. In a Chinese language test in high school, I also filled in the following sentence: "A fly can shake a big tree, _____". One of my classmates filled in: Not moving at all. Very factual.

7. For the high school Chinese language test, write the next sentence of an ancient poem. The previous sentence is: "When the mountain flowers are in full bloom," one person in our class actually filled in: I then worked hard to pick the flowers.

8. English test: HOW ARE YOU? Translated like this? Answer - How is it you? HOW OLD ARE YOU? How to translate? Answer - Why is it always you?

9. Question: If a Chinese student witnesses a traffic accident in California, and the police comes and asks you if you know what happened, what should you say to him? One person answered: one car come one car go, two car peng peng, one car die.

10. Mr. B wanted to describe a person’s appearance in his composition. When he couldn’t understand a word, he quietly asked his deskmate: “How do you write the word ‘vice’ for a pair of glasses?”

The deskmate told him: "It's just the 'vice' of a pair of checkers."

After the teacher reviewed Mr. B's composition, he saw that it read: "He has a pair of checkers on his tall nose. Checkers.”

11. Me: That’s our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

12. A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much, and then he made a cold remark: If you drink too much pee, you will have too much wine.

13. Junior high school art evening, Q&A session.

Female host: "Everyone, be careful, don't rush too fast. Wait until I finish speaking and start raising your hands."

Then she started to read the question and said, "Open now... ”

At this time, a contestant jumped in to answer.

The host said, "This classmate is a little too anxious. My 'shi' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you snatch it away?"

14. One time in the dormitory The mother of my classmate called me

I am used to saying "He is not here", but this time what I wanted to say was "He has gone out"

The result was: " He is no longer..."

15. In high school, everyone is given a name badge. . Before a check-up, the head teacher ran to the classroom and shouted loudly, everyone, please put on your bras quickly and come for a check-up. . The whole place was silent. . .

In class.

Xiao Ming was sleeping soundly. Suddenly, the teacher called his name and asked: "Are tomatoes a vegetable or a fruit?" Xiao Ming quickly replied: "It is a vegetable!" "Yeah" the teacher frowned. Xiao Ming quickly corrected it: "It's fruit!" The teacher frowned again. Xiao Ming didn't know how to answer for a moment: "Yes, yes, yes, what is it?" The teacher said loudly: "I want you to translate this sentence into English!!!"

1. Topic: Original

The child wrote: It turns out he is my father.

Teacher’s comment: Mom, please be concerned

2. Make a sentence as usual

Title: (tree, tree, tree) I will (plant) you

The child wrote: (Tangyuan Tangyuan) I will (eat) you

Teacher’s comment: So cute~~

3. Topic: Genius

A child writes: I only take a shower every three days.

Teacher’s comment: You have to wash it every day to be clean~~

4. Topic: Textbook

Children wrote: Class is inherently boring.

Teacher’s comment: You must concentrate in class

5. Topic: Popular

Children write: I like eating bananas very much.

Teacher’s comment: Be careful of choking

6. Topic: Once upon a time

Children write: Xiao Ming came in from the front door.

7. Topic: Innocence

Children write: It’s really hot today.

Teacher’s comment: You are so naive~~

8. Topic: Ten points

Children write: I took the ten points test today.

Teacher’s comment: I will tell your parents~~

9. Topic: Among them

The child wrote: One of my left feet is injured .

Teacher’s comment: Are you a centipede? ~~

10. Topic: Just...

Children write: A doll costs one hundred yuan.

Teacher’s comment: The teacher laughed so hard...

11. Topic: Look

The children wrote: What are you looking at! I haven’t seen it! /p>

12. Make sentences as usual

Example: You (sing) I (dance)

Children write: You (ok) I (very good)

Teacher’s comment: Are you writing an English translation?

13. Make sentences as usual

Example question: Others praise me ( ), but in fact I ( )

Children wrote: Others praise me (that I am handsome), but in fact I am (wearing a mask).

Teacher’s comment: What makes the mask so useful

14. Topic: Good... and good...

Children wrote: Mom’s legs are so thin So thick...

Teacher’s comment: Is it thin or thick?

15. Topic: Continuously

The children wrote: After get off work, my father came back one after another.

Teacher’s comment: How many fathers do you have?

16. Question: First. ． ． Again. ． ．

Example: Eat first, then take a shower.

Children write: Sir, goodbye!

17. Topic: Ends of the World

Children write: My sister ran around to the end of the world.

Teacher’s comment: Your sister is really good at running~~

18. Topic: All the time

The children wrote: I drew a straight line.

Teacher’s comment: ...........

19. Topic: Thriving - a metaphor for beautiful growth.

The child wrote: My brother is growing up and thriving.

Teacher's comment: My child, is your brother a vegetative person...

There is another one that is even more powerful...

The child wrote: Xinxinxiang Rongrong confesses.

Teacher’s comment: Which class is involved in the scandal?

20. Topic: Sad

The child writes: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is very sad.

Teacher’s comment: The teacher is even more sad...

Canteen Chapter:

1. Student: Wow! It turns out that the sand in the cafeteria comes with rice!

2. Canteen notice: This window mainly sells teachers, and also sells students. Once sold out, teachers and students will be sold until sold out!

3. There is a kind of fried rice in the cafeteria. One day, a student was sweating profusely in the cafeteria and shouted: Boss, please have some fried rice! Everyone is sweating!

4. Give me a canteen steamed bun as a fulcrum, and I can tilt the earth!

Team coach

This is what my professor told us. He used to teach in the United States. Some of the team’s students had never gone to school, but they had never gone to university.

After graduation, you can enter the professional basketball team and play in the NBA. After retirement, you often return to your alma mater to coach the team.

There is a student (let’s call him Jordan) who is about to graduate, but he can’t pass calculus, so he can’t graduate and play NB

A! So he asked his coach, who was also the coach of the school team, to help intercede.

Coach: "Professor, please let Jordan pass. The NBA has been waiting for him for a long time!"

Professor: "Okay! Since the coaches have come to help and beg for mercy, let's Give you one last chance"

"What is one plus one?"

Jordan immediately answered without thinking: "Two"

Coach: "Professor, Please give him another chance!"

Remember to brush your teeth! !

In a biological experiment one day, I observed my own saliva cells, looked at them with a microscope and recorded them... Just as everyone was observing and studying happily, there was a scream...

Ah~ It turned out to be the message from the beautiful teaching assistant... The professor thought something happened

so he ran over to take a look at her microscope. He told her: next time you finish your work, remember to brush your teeth

and rinse your mouth! !

Sex Education

One day. Xiao Ming returned home after class very sadly.

My mother asked Xiao Ming: What happened?

Xiao Ming replied: Everyone in Xiaohua in the class knows where he comes from. But I don’t even know

My mother thought that it would be a good time to tell Xiao Ming about things between men and women, and to provide correct sex education

My mother began to tell Xiao Ming: Boys fall in love with each other. girl. Then get married... also mentioned how the sperm meets the egg

My mother told Xiao Ming everything she knew.

When the mother completes the teaching to her satisfaction.

Xiao Ming is still confused. Look at mom. With a few tears dripping from the corners of his eyes, he said:

Xiaohua said he was from Yilan. But my mother gave me a lot of advice and I still don’t know where I came from.

In class, a teacher was introducing Japanese surname habits to students.

She said: "If there is a Japanese name with the word 'Taro' in it, then he He must be the eldest son. If there is the word 'Jiro' in his name, then he must be the second son... Now, who can name a Japanese with such a name?"

A student stood up and answered loudly: Yamamoto Isoroku

The teacher was giving a lecture above, when a little boy raised his hand and said: "Teacher, I want shit."

The teacher listened to the instruction and said to the student: "You can use another more civilized way to say it."

The student thought for a while and said: "Teacher, I want to vomit in my butt."

A student asked the teacher how to write the word "dung". The teacher forgot for a while and had to say:

"It's right next to your mouth, why can't it come out?"

p>

My younger brother, who is in the fourth grade of elementary school, is really fat and everyone often makes fun of him.

One day, the teacher asked a class of their classmates to start writing down "things they do to help the family every day" in the contact book.

The younger brother couldn't think of anything, so in the end he had to let his mother do it for him. fill in. She wrote in the contact book: "I help the family with meals every day."

The teacher's comment was: "I can see that you work hard!"

The 20 most classic campus humor jokes

Firefly was detained for being a hooligan. Firefly refused to accept it: Who discharged the electricity? Who ran naked? Who has exhibitionism? The bathroom is dark and you are not allowed to light a lamp?

A robber in New York, USA said a wise saying when robbing a bank: "Don't touch anything. The money belongs to the country, but your life is your own!"

An electrician walked into the operating room. , said to a dying patient wearing an oxygen mask: Hello! Listen, take a deep breath, I need to black out for five minutes!

One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a fucking naked man! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from!

A patient was lying on the bed singing. He started singing with his face up, and after a while he sang with his back. The dean was puzzled and asked the reason. He replied: Silly, it was side A just now, and now it is side B!

One day, the lion and the bear were in the orchard. . After a few days, the trees near the lion db grew more lush than those near the bear db. So the bear said something philosophical: Lion poop is better than bear poop~! ~!

I told you more than once not to do such a life-threatening job and to take care of your health, but you always said meaningfully: If I don’t roll a few more dung balls while the weather is warm, what will I eat in the winter? !

A group of thieves were caught on video robbing a bank. The little thief said: Brother, our movie dream has finally come true! The boss said angrily: Idiot! Can you please use your brain? Wearing a mask, who knows who we are.

Display of "trophies" in the cafeteria of the four-year university: (C_chairman)

(1) An earthworm, lying at the bottom of the spinach soup, turned white and swollen like a little finger;

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(2) One ladybug, a seven-star one, I counted it carefully;

(3) One strawberry (a good thing), but I don’t know why it appears in the bean bag;

(4) When ordering a meat dish, I saw a huge piece of meat in the dish (the size of a mouse, people around me were so envious). I turned it over and saw that it was half a pig’s breast, with about an inch of meat growing on it. The black hair! ! !

(5) Steamed buns, you haven’t eaten them in the first bite, but you have already bitten them in the second bite;

(6) Tofu, after eating them for the first time, you will eat them every time Before a fight, he always goes to the cafeteria to steal a few pieces and use them as bricks;

(7) Others: porridge can take a bath, rice can kill birds, and steamed buns can fly to the island of Taiwan...

Summary: The cafeteria is a place that can always bring us surprises: today, you think you have eaten the most unpalatable food in the world, but tomorrow, you will always find that you are wrong.

My ideal is a stunning beauty, and one day she will come to marry me riding a fire-breathing dinosaur, but I saw her mount, but not its owner...

One buddy said depressedly: "***, I was rejected by MM!"

The other said: "You can just settle it like this. When I get rejected, It was MM's sisters who told me. "The buddy next to me said: "You are so lucky. The news of my rejection was sent to the boys' dormitory through the girls' dormitory, and then my buddy told me."

The last one said: "Ah, bah, I saw the news about my rejection in our school's BBS's 'Today's Top Ten'!!"

During class, two boys in the back row:

A: "I curse your future girlfriend to be from our class!"

B: "I curse your future girlfriend to be from our class!!!"

Freshman year: I found a worm and the whole bowl of rice was poured over;

Sophomore year: I found a worm and picked it out and continued eating;

Third year When I was a senior: I found a worm, so I ate it as if there were no worms;

When I was a senior: I found there were no worms, so I protested, how could I eat without worms!

When I was studying for graduate school: I found a kind of worm, and I sighed, this style is too simple;

When I was studying for a doctoral degree: I found only worms, and I sighed, the school food has improved...

Oh my God, there are actually 6 "Xiaoqiang" in 4 taels of rice! ! !

I could no longer hold back the long-pressed anger in my heart, so I angrily came to the lunch window and slammed the one-pound iron lunch box onto the window sill. , in an instant, the noisy cafeteria fell silent. More than a thousand pairs of eyes stared at Master Liu, who was preparing the meal. His face did not change, his heart did not beat, and he calmly pushed my lunch box out: "How many times have I told you, gather 7 Only a cockroach can be exchanged for a bean bag! "Everyone turned their heads...

The last question of the professional course exam: Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote "Newton". As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. It turned out that everyone wrote the name of the instructor... x, what a world!

Yesterday morning, I was watching the scenery on the balcony and found a beautiful girl in the girls' dormitory opposite holding a handkerchief and waving to me. I waved to her too; then she ran to another window and followed her. I waved, and I waved back to her; then she left again, and when I waved to me again at the third window, I realized that she was cleaning the window...

MM is looking for Tsinghua University, Unexpectedly, I got lost. Fortunately, I met a gentle professor who held several thick books. "Excuse me, how can I go to Tsinghua University?" The professor thought for a while and said seriously: "Study, only if you continue to study hard can you go to Tsinghua University."

A student at Tsinghua University does this every day He was squatting in a corner of the zoo watching bears with a broken bottle. His mother went to the hospital to ask the child if he had any neurological problems. The doctor said that to determine whether he was sick, he must start by understanding him. So the doctor brought a bottle with him to watch the bears every day, and the two of them squatted in silence for a month.

Finally one day, he spoke: "Excuse me...are you...are you also planning to throw sulfuric acid at the bear?"

The only girl in the department came to watch the basketball game. Suddenly, MM's skirt was blown up by the strong wind, and the boys from outside the department shouted: "Oh my God, the love is leaked!" The boys from the department said in unison with a sullen face: "Please, it's just a family scandal!