A series of hurtful jokes

1, one person scolds another person: "I really want to spit a bubble in your face!" "

2. I remember a buddy in our dormitory grabbed someone else's buns and said while eating: This stuff is only suitable for stuffing.

3. I remember when I was a child, the primary school teacher scolded a student: "I will kick you out with a slap!" We dare not laugh if we want to.

4. One classmate touched another's head, and the one who was beaten resisted and said, "Nothing is here."?

Several of our middle school classmates once went out by bike. A classmate went to kick another fatter classmate's foot and wanted to scold him, saying, I stretched out a hoof and flew a foot. ...

6. A girl in our dormitory fiddled with another mm's bangs: Look at this mess, as if it had been scratched by a dog's paw.

7. Several of our classmates got together and played a joke on the other one: "Why are you so cheap!" When that guy started saying, "I'm a bitch. What's the matter? ! "

8. Once upon a time, two buddies quarreled in a chat room. One of them scolded, "I'm your father, you bastard."

9. No one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time!

10, the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, so she went over and whispered, "sweetheart!" "The patient smiled and said," baby. "

1 1. A farmer asked a veterinarian to raise pigs. The vet said: it seems that artificial feeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.

12, a sister-in-law saw a person who was about to get off the bus drop a pack of cigarettes on the pedal, so she quickly said to that person, Comrade, you dropped your cigarettes! The man is furious: you just castrated!

13, a person was constipated when he went to the toilet, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy in an instant. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "What do you envy? I haven't taken off my pants yet. "

14, a company recruited, and the English name of the next girl to be interviewed is "spring". The secretary wanted to take the opportunity to show off her English level and shouted: Hi! That one named "Chun", it's your turn!

15. On the bus, the pregnant woman standing said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine!

16, Reverend: Which one of you just had a birthday today? Tom raised his hand happily. Priest: Good. Please blow out these candles after the service!

17, the child is considering the problem of "heredity and environment". Mom interjected: This question is very simple. As we all know, children who look like their fathers are inherited. Like neighbors, that is the environment.

18, Khrushchev visited the farm, and the reporter took photos of him in a pigsty with pigs. The next day, I saw a postscript in the newspaper: the third from the left is Comrade Khrushchev.

19, two middle-aged Americans limped into each other in the street. One of them is very excited: friend, Vietnam, 1969! The other pointed behind him: friend, banana peel, 20 feet!

20. The woman said, Why do you look so old-fashioned? M: If you like RMB, do you still care what year it was issued?

2 1, Xiaoming and Xiaohua go to the zoo to play. When they entered the door, Xiao Ming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the doorman, "Look clearly! Come out later, don't say I stole your monkey! "

22. The first time a man sells popsicles in the market, he is embarrassed to sell them. A man next to him was shouting "selling popsicles", so he had to shout "me too."

23. The father said sternly to his daughter's boyfriend, "You only take my daughter to the movies every day, can't you do something else?" The young man was pleasantly surprised. "You mean you can do other things?"

24. Foreigners who have learned some Mandarin. Say hello to the secretary in the morning. "How are you?" The young lady stared at him. He paused and immediately said to her, "Hello, Mom!" "

25. Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I'll call the police!

26. Two drunks were driving at a gallop. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. " B: "What? Aren't you driving? "

27. A customer angrily ran into the tailor's shop and pointed to the fashion designed by the shopkeeper for him, saying, "I was standing on the street corner yawning, and two people put letters in my mouth!"

28. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to let her be a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.

29. China, Americans and Jews were drinking together, and three flies flew into their drinks. Americans drank an important drink, but China ignored it and drank it. The Jews grabbed the fly and shouted, spit it out! Spit out your drink!

30. There is an extremely ugly gorilla in the zoo. One day I went to see it and I threw up. You went to see it, and the gorilla vomited ... I was bored. Why is there such a big difference between people?

3 1, a farmer went to a car sales center and saw him take out 2000 yuan and pat it on the table: "Give me a Santana." The clerk was shocked: "You don't have enough money!" The farmer is puzzled: "Isn't Santana 2000 written outside?" Shop assistant: "oh ... then go out and turn right." That company's Mercedes is only 600! "

32. The furthest distance in the world is not the ends of the earth, nor where you are going, but I am standing at the door of a bus, but you can't get on it. ...

33. All three brothers in the family have successful careers. The eldest runs a private enterprise, the second is a state-owned enterprise, and the third works in the National Development and Reform Commission. On his deathbed, the old man said he had a last wish. He hoped that everyone would put 10 thousand yuan to accompany him on the road when he was cremated, and all three brothers agreed. When the old man died, the three brothers stepped forward in turn: the boss put in 10 thousand cash, the second put in 10 thousand check, and the third put in 30 thousand check while crying, and changed the cash and the second check.

34, the bridge collapsed, experts say that quality has nothing to do! High housing prices, experts say it has nothing to do with land prices! Debris flow, experts say it has nothing to do with vegetation! Early development, experts say it has nothing to do with milk powder! The expert's wife is pregnant, and everyone says it has nothing to do with the expert …

35. Drinking is the bottom of society, and drinking cards is the top of society;

It is the bottom of society that wants a wife, and it is the top of society that wants a lover;

Farming is the bottom of society, and buying and selling land is the top of society;

Pigs are the bottom of society and dogs are the top.

36. The old man went to buy vegetables and was picking vegetables. Suddenly, the vegetable seller said, "Hurry up, the city management will come soon."

The old man said, "I want to hurry, too." I came late, afraid that the house would be demolished. "

36. One day, a gentleman went to buy underwear for his wife. Because he has never bought underwear for his wife, he doesn't know which size to buy!

After chatting with the clerk for a long time, the clerk had to describe the fruit!

Shop assistant: papaya? ! Sir: No! Don't!

Shop assistant: apples? ! Sir: No, no, no.

Shop assistant: Lotus mist? ! Sir: smaller!

Shop assistant: eggs? ! Mr. Wang said happily: Yes! Yes! Yes!

When the clerk understood and turned to get the underwear, the man suddenly shouted, Miss, wait a minute! It's fried

37. After working in the company, several computers get together to fight the landlord, and the water dispenser can also play. He loses every time, but he still insists on taking part every day. The sofa didn't understand, so she asked the chair, "The water dispenser is lost every day. Why are you still playing so hard? " ? The chairman said, "Are you out of your mind to ask such a question?

38. My husband is particularly fond of getting drunk. Once he drank too much, rubbed his knees in front of the mirror in the house and shouted, "So handsome, I admire you." He kowtowed 10 many times. ...

One day, all kinds of poultry had a meeting, and chickens, ducks, geese, turkeys and crows all came. At this time, the penguin passed by the door and saw that people were so busy, so he said, "I want to join in!" I want to participate! " The chicken at the door doesn't know penguins, so it slams the door. The penguin cried sadly outside, "I am a bird!" " I am a bird! " .

40. One person scolds another person: "I really want to spit a bubble in your face!"

4 1, I remember a buddy in our dormitory grabbed someone else's buns and said while eating: this stuff is only suitable for stuffing.

42. I remember when I was a child, the primary school teacher scolded a student: "I slapped you out." We want to laugh.

43. Some of our middle school classmates used to go out by bike. A classmate went to kick another fatter classmate's foot and wanted to scold him, saying, I put out a pig's trotter and flew. ..

44. A girl in our dormitory fiddled with another mm's bangs: Look at this mess, as if it had been scratched by a dog's paw.

45. Someone in the dormitory jumped up after drinking someone else's boiling water and shouted, Damn, pigs can't stand this heat.

46. In college, there were many people in the men's toilet after class, and everyone lined up. At this time, a classmate said "come here" to the second one behind, and b was grateful. He said quickly, I said go to the back room to see how familiar it is.

47. One of my junior high school classmates likes to touch other people's heads. One day, he touched people's heads and said, "My head is quite round." That classmate got bored and took his hand and said, "Don't pull my eggs here."

48. A classmate in my class often writes wrong words, and once wrote an article, one of which read: I saw a pile of cow dung on the road today, ah, a catty was a fright. Later, the teacher commented: It doesn't matter if no one stops you from eating it all.

49. One of my classmates walked arm in arm with another. The classmate said, "Oh, don't pull me, you always pull me back.

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