People are like a rainbow (1)

If you are a rainbow, you won't know it until you meet it. This is Han Han, the national father-in-law, an old Weibo. I remember when I was a sophomore. When I accidentally saw this sentence, I immediately thought of you and felt a wonderful feeling in my heart. It turned out that my heart beat like the voice of bloom in spring, so I smiled unconsciously. I think I already like you. Your surname is Fang, pun intended.

Our acquaintance is not remarkable. At that time, the Alumni Association recruited a group of new student assistants, and you were one of them. In fact, apart from receiving two alumni gatherings and a reunion dinner together, we didn't have much contact at work, but our private contact became more and more familiar. I'm a math scum, and linear algebra makes me breathless. The mid-term exam is coming to an end, but it's a piece of cake for you. You hadn't started the course at that time, but you promised to tutor me. We have an appointment to study together, and you will teach me a class by yourself. When I am bored, you play pop music with me. Out of the study room, we have been walking along the school road, from the beginning, side by side, until you turn your back on me. The dim street lamp pulled our shadow for a long time, and we talked about seemingly endless topics all the way, and the ambiguous atmosphere lingered in the cool autumn wind.

I once said that I refused to love my brother and sister. After I returned to my dormitory, I received your short message: If someone is younger and as mature as you, will you refuse? This should be your cue. Later, such hints emerged endlessly. I said that the appearance of the world depends on the way you stare at it, and you will return to the bottom. My world is small, I wish I had you. You like me, and I happen to like you. That's great. 165438+1October 23rd is your birthday. You invited me to your party with your classmates, but I refused. You're a little disappointed. When you and your friends have finished eating, I will give you a cake made by myself, with a freehand rainbow pattern on it and chocolate sauce on the bottom of the cloud-if you are a rainbow, you will know when you meet it.

The next day, you invited me to visit Sichuan University, and it was already evening when I came back. I feel very tired and sleepy in the car, so I naturally lean on your shoulder. Although you didn't say anything, you obviously felt nervous all over. In fact, I can't sleep and feel at ease, and I am uneasy all the way. On the way back from the movie at night, you finally settled things. To tell the truth, your confession is super bad and incoherent, but I can't refuse it. I remember that the film that day was a masterpiece directed by Ang Lee, a fantasy drifting of the youth school. We were together that day.

Together for more than two years, I have had many wonderful memories, which can't be separated from the cruel reality.

2012165438+1October 25th. Keeping an exchange diary is tacky, so you registered an account in my name, and the password is the abbreviation of our name. Because we get a little red flower every time we update it, we call it a little red flower. Recorded a lot of sweetness. You said: I will actively change for you, fight for you, and then give you a strong shoulder to lean on. After a long time, I will give you plain but solid happiness. You said: I will go all the way and wait for you in the season. Whether the future road will be divided into two ends. You are indispensable to me, so I think you are irreplaceable. You said: It turns out that missing really grows like water grass. It turns out that breathing can really be immersed in lingering, revealing a rich and intoxicating fragrance. So I care so much about your smile. Miss you, miss you, love you. You said: I once told you that I want to talk about a love that will never break up. I am serious. This is my belief in love. Similarly, it is now a belief in gogo. I love you for a long time.

2012165438+1October 27th. I am your first girlfriend. When I heard the news of your love, you must be questioned by your friends, not to mention your high-profile announcement of your happiness to the whole world. Your roommate, Wang Chen, is a straightforward Northeastern. He just said he would invite us to dinner, but in fact he just wanted you to take me out to have a look. On the way back, I took care of each other silently, and I almost got off the dormitory. You asked me if I was cold. Without waiting for my answer, I took my hand as naturally as leaning on your shoulder, and I clearly heard my heartbeat.

20121211day. That night, after dinner, we were ready to study together, but we went to the bench outside the teaching building and sat down. Chatting and chatting, it was dark before I knew it. I could feel your burning eyes in the darkness, and my face was like a fire. Then you kissed me and told me you loved me. I clumsily responded to your affection. It was our first kiss. My face turned red and my heart trembled slightly.

2012 65438+February 24th. When we were together for a month, it happened to be Christmas Eve. You gave me a pair of gloves, and then you changed apples and oranges from my schoolbag. We put the lanterns together, the wind deviated, and staggered to hang a string of bamboo by the lake. Seeing that the withered bamboo leaves had sparked, we quickly shook the bamboo pole and successfully released the unlucky Kongming lantern. Let go together, and we will keep our vows for life.

We have left our shadows everywhere on campus.

I like to lean on you and look up at the sky through the cracks in the leaves, making the world seem upside down. One day, under the banyan tree outside the teaching building, I saw a big hornet's nest hanging on the tree, and later that place was called hornet's nest by us. There is also the grass outside the library, because there are many begonia flowers in spring. We call them begonia flowers. There is a neat row of osmanthus trees next to Shiquan Square. We call them osmanthus trees. In fact, these names are for me to have an accurate meeting place when I wait for you or you wait for me.

You are a person who regards learning as his life. In addition to eating in class, I usually study together in part of my spare time. Especially in the winter exam month, we will get up early to take seats in the library and stay there all day. I said, it just feels like one more deskmate. You said, I am your deskmate. Then, deskmate becomes our nickname for each other. Today, long after we broke up, as soon as I close my eyes and think of you, the shouts of my deskmate, deskmate and deskmate linger in my ears. Every day when I wake up and open my eyes, I have to uncover the scars and accept the fact that I left again, and my heart is hollowed out. The last time you called me a deskmate was when I left school after graduation. You didn't answer my phone, but you received your message: deskmate, I'm leaving. You must take good care of yourself. Anyway, thank you for appearing in my life these two years. Those memories will always be there. I cried for a long time outside your study room on the fifth floor of the erudite building with my mobile phone.

Watching movies is the best choice for our date. In the two years together, we have seen many movies together. Bourne ultimatum, Life of Boys and Girls, Embarrassment in Thailand, Demonizing Journey to the West, Beijing Meets Seattle, Youth, Star Trek, Tiny Times, Drug Control, No Man's Land, Ender's Game, Beijing Love Story, White Fireworks, Personal Tailor, National Witness, Escape from Life, I want to be with you. On the way back to school after watching movies, when it's still early, we will walk and talk, sometimes it's too late, and we will run all the way back to the dormitory.

I was particularly sad after reading it. How much Chen is like you, diligent, enterprising and selfish. You can sacrifice love for your dreams. You all love yourselves more than love. Slightly speaking, I have imagined many futures with you, but I am not in your future blueprint. Maybe from that night on, I felt that I would be abandoned in the future and have more emotions outside the plot. On the way back, I sat in the back seat of your bike and cried all the time. My nose and tears wiped your back. Not long after the half anniversary, you gave me a youth novel. The title page says, I am not Chen, because I have you in my future blueprint. At that time, apart from being moved, I thought that with this firm commitment, our feelings would have a fearless amulet.

After seeing no man's land, on the way back, we discussed the plot and finally quarreled because of disagreement.

When I came back, tears caught me off guard. Lu Yanshi and Feng agreed to meet at the railway station. Lu Yanshi's identity was exposed, and they were still far apart. Feng shouted for Yan Zhishi to run. I am always sentimental. In the face of such a tearful scene, I have already cried. You silently handed me the tissue. I looked a little sideways and found that you were crying, too. I was surprised to drive away my sadness. That was the first time I saw you cry.

From where dad goes to broadcast, we will watch variety shows together every Saturday and see where dad goes to run, brother. Every time you buffer in advance, then we watch and laugh together. Sometimes I secretly watch it myself, and I will lie to you that I haven't seen it yet, and then I will watch it with you again. The punch line is still so funny.

I bought a hyacinthus orientalis in my sophomore year. I bought it in June165438+1October 1 1, so I named it Yiyi. But it didn't open until the winter vacation, and my home was too far away to take with me, so I entrusted it to you. Later, the flowers blossomed one by one, just as we missed each other at that time. You took a photo and sent it to me.

Sometimes we go out to play. Every time I go out, I will carefully check the route and make a good strategy. You said you were a risk-averse, and everything was foolproof.

Go to Longquan to see peach blossoms with your class for a spring outing. During lunch break, other students play cards in the farmhouse. We brought a dust-proof mat, so we found a peach tree, laid a mat under it and took a comfortable nap. When I woke up, it was already colorful and bustling around.

We rode to Poly Park to fly kites. We tried for a long time, but we couldn't put the little kite in the sky. People are too tired to lie on the grass and don't want to move. You pretend to control the only spool left and solemnly point to the highest kite in the sky and say, look, how high our kite flies.

When we were in Tomb-Sweeping Day, we went to Qingcheng Mountain. In the rainstorm, I finally found a place to live and settled down, and my pants, shoes and socks were all wet. Knowing that I didn't bring any extra socks, you told me to lie in bed and rest, borrowed a hair dryer from my boss, and dried my socks carefully. The picture of you squatting and blowing my socks seriously has always been my most touching memory.

We went to the Panda Base, and the entrance fee for students was only in 29 yuan. There were not many tourists that day, and we saw many pandas. A very fat man went to the pool to drink water. As a result, he simply rolled into the pool and took a bath. A few smaller ones eat bamboo, climb up the tree and sleep after eating. It's not cute.

We went to the national scenic water park and played all the projects. The most horrible montage vortex was performed twice. You said my screaming was terrible. I drank a lot of water in the wave pool.

You have accompanied me shopping for several times, and I am particularly enthusiastic to help you choose clothes. After being together, I picked out almost all your clothes for you, so it's a great sense of accomplishment to watch you become more and more handsome.

I promised to have a good graduation trip, so I saved all my scholarships. I thought about it for a long time and looked forward to it for a long time. I want to go to the seaside, Yunnan and Jiuzhaigou. Who would have thought that our relationship would end before graduation trip? The later trip to Jiuzhaigou was also a small graduation trip and a breakup trip. Jiuzhaigou, a fairyland in a beautiful fairy tale world, is like traveling in a painting world. You borrowed Minister Gao's camera and took many photos along the way. If we could put a lot of unhappiness behind us at that time, it would be a hasty, helpless and satisfactory end of our relationship for more than two years. I have seen a lot of scenery together, but in the end I have to go our separate ways.

The person who makes you cold must make you warm, the person who makes you hate must make you happy, and the person who makes you cry must make you moved. They say memories beautify people, that's right. I think of you countless times after breaking up, but I think more and more of your kindness to me before, and your bad feelings are blurred by my memory.

I still remember the second day together, we went to study together, and I fell asleep at my desk. You take off your coat and put it on for me. Remember, you once wrote a little red flower on the 24th of every month. Remember, you taught yourself to generalize and make up lessons for me; I still remember that I was upset about writing Cui Song's manuscript. You let me sleep, and I finished it in one night. Remember, you insisted on taking me to eat Haagen-Dazs because of that slogan; I still remember the surprises you prepared for me, Zhang Xiaohe, honey grapefruit tea, Happy Shadow Dance, Lily; I still remember that you accompanied me in Japanese class for a whole semester, and I learned how to repair the railway from my aunt. Oh, my God, and Gambade. Remember, you carefully help me dry my socks; I still remember the lovely peach you made for me during your metalworking internship, which was engraved with gogo, and I always regarded it as a treasure; I still remember the day when you came back from the production practice in advance during the summer vacation. I was too lonely to review for the postgraduate entrance examination at school. I called you and you asked me to look down from the balcony. I saw you below. Remember, we often make an appointment to go to the bathhouse together. Every time you wait for me outside after washing, sometimes your hair is dry when I come out. I still remember that once you bought me a menstrual towel, but I tried my best to get it wrong. Remember, your mobile phone password is 9244, which means I love gogo；; commemorate ...

If life is like the first time.

We have been through so much together that it is not easy to separate, so when did we begin to drift away? Perhaps, from your love for my tears to your hatred for my tears; Perhaps, what's wrong with changing from your concern to your impatience? Perhaps, from your coquetry eyes become more and more indifferent; Maybe, start with what you think of other girls or the next one. Perhaps, from when you like to be alone; Perhaps, since you became more and more silent in front of me; Perhaps, since you no longer update the little red flower; Maybe, since you don't want to take pictures together anymore; Maybe, from the moment you lose your hair @ I …

We spent three New Year's Eve holidays together, from which we can get a glimpse of our emotional changes. From 20 12 to 20 13, we went out to live for the first time that day. I bought a lot of food to watch the New Year's concert and hugged each other. Nothing happened, but I was successfully brainwashed by "you don't know the law of love" 2013-2014, that day was not very harmonious. First, I'm unhappy because you want to skip a rough class, and then I'm unhappy because I didn't buy an earlier school ticket and occupy the restaurant. I can see you weren't very happy that night. Later, we finally had a quarrel on the overpass, but then we took a step back and made up. 2014-2015, this time is even worse. There was an argument on the way out of the library in the afternoon. The resentment you held in my heart broke out during the postgraduate entrance examination. I told you to break up, but you were unmoved. That night, you were cooking instant noodles at Xiangcheng University, and the fat man and I went out to get drunk, called you in a daze and cried. After all, you came to meet me and bring me to you. The first time I got drunk, I vomited until after four o'clock in the morning, and my head felt like it was going to explode. You are very patient. Wipe my face and feed me water. I feel that you are so close and so far away.

You once said that our love exists to make others believe in love. I also thought I was lucky to meet the best you in the best years and satisfy all my fantasies about love. Everything was just right. But how can I believe in love now? Obviously, you approached first, but in the end I couldn't bear to say goodbye.

I have hesitated and worried, but I finally chose despair. About the beginning, I was worried about the age gap between brother and sister, and I was worried that I would find out later that you were not the right person. But I convince myself that young love should of course be fearless, simple and pure. Even if I wasn't the last person with you, at least I didn't miss this person who made me move. Breaking up after graduation is a big event, and Jianghu will never forget it. Then I chose to be with you. To get back together. I broke up in my sophomore summer vacation. I love and hate the whole summer vacation, which is unforgettable. After more than forty days of indifference, he sent me a short message out of thin air, saying that he wanted to see me. I was ecstatic and worried that even if I promised to make up, my feelings could not be reconciled. I'm afraid you will do the same thing in the future, and I will do the same thing. But I convinced myself that what I miss so much is your change of heart. Even if you dislike me again in the future, I am willing to admit my bad luck. Then, I chose to drink poison to quench my thirst. But without reservation. After reconciliation, I kept reminding myself that I must cherish the love that has been saved. I don't know whether it's because my intimate relationship with you has reached this stage, or because I want to have a further relationship with you, or because I think you will at least feel more responsible for me after you get me, or because you have decided to be the person I love most in my life, so naturally I should give you my most precious innocence. Shortly after that reconciliation, I gave you my heart and soul, and gave you the most precious thing in a girl's life.

I seem to have made a bet with myself that you deserve my life. So in order to ensure that I can win, I break through the bottom line little by little and lower my posture little by little. As the saying goes, when I fall in love with you, I become very low, as low as dust, and I try to bloom a flower. You lost your temper at me inexplicably, and I said to myself, it doesn't matter, he is just under too much pressure to take the postgraduate entrance examination, so I should be more tolerant; Don't waste any more time and energy on me, I said to myself, he is too busy, just finish the exam; You've neglected one thing in your life. I said to myself, to love someone is to give nothing in return. Of course, I should be more worried about him in my life. I am particularly distressed to see you sitting in the study room for more than ten hours every day regardless of your dreams. I always want to do something that I can to help you share a little. However, I can only sit quietly with you for a while, I can only help you find some relevant information, I can only help you write a critical letter when you skip class, I can only help you buy a second-hand bicycle flat when your car is lost, I can help you change the flat to save review time, I can only help you copy the experimental report, I can only silently buy you a cushion, a headrest and deliver fruit, and I can only cheer you up when you want to give up. I can only try not to disturb you. I can only tell a lot of jokes I heard at dinner to cover up the silence and embarrassment between us in exchange for your long-lost tenderness and smile. I can only wait for you 24 hours when you are ill in hospital. At that time, I stubbornly believed that the postgraduate entrance examination occupied your time, your energy and your attention. I also stubbornly believe that you can see what you have done, you will be moved and remember. You also told me that everything would be fine as long as you finished the exam. I'm stupid to ask you, but the ratio of male to female in Cai Xi is just the opposite of that in our school. Will you change your mind and forget my wife? You always say, why? I am a naive fool, maybe you have never seriously woven any lies, but I am easily willing to be cheated.

I have imagined our future countless times. I imagine that when you are in graduate school, you will come to me or I will go to your school to find you at the weekend; I imagine learning to cook well, making a big table of your favorite dishes and making soup for you; I imagined that you would take me to meet my parents. I will definitely prepare the gift long in advance and behave well when I get to your house. I imagine that we will have a small house. It doesn't need to be big, but I will decorate it warmly. The wall is covered with our photos, and the balcony is covered with flowers and plants. I imagine that we travel around the world together and take photos in the same posture everywhere; I imagine that you will propose to me, and your confession will be more perfect than last time; I imagine our wedding photos, put on a wedding dress, and you will say that I am the most beautiful bride; I imagined that our wedding would invite Mr. Liu as a witness, but he certainly didn't expect us to succeed. I imagine that we will write a lot of little red flowers. When I am old and retired, I will organize them into a book and print them at my own expense with my pension. This is the only one in the world, and the copyright belongs to you and me. I imagine that many children will call me aunt in the future, and it will make me feel very distressed to send me a red envelope every New Year. I imagine that I will give you a clever and lovely little dawn, and we will guess whether he will call mom or dad before speaking.

It turned out that I thought too much! The day after you came back from the second interview, you said resolutely that we really don't fit together. I staged an old-fashioned scene of crying and hanging myself. I didn't play you to gain your sympathy. When I realized that you really don't love me, I was really desperate and thought of death. In those days, my head was always covered with dark clouds, and the knot that I couldn't solve during the day boiled slowly in the dark, as if only the end of my life could end this endless pain, until the sudden car accident completely scared away the idea. After the car accident, the first person I thought of was you. After my trembling hand unlocked the phone, the first number I dialed was your string of numbers that I knew by heart. Then you hugged me and said, do you know I'm worried about you? I almost thought you would give us a chance to start over, but you just said you would stay with me. Losing love, having a car accident, looking for a job, writing a thesis ... a heavy blow is like a series of disasters. Anyway, thank you for spending the most difficult time with me. Otherwise, it is hard for me to imagine how hard I will work.

June 20 15, 15, is the date when we agreed not to contact each other from now on. I moved out of school, and you came to see me off that day. A quick glance, no time to say goodbye, no time to brew an emotional cry. After going back to school to attend the graduation ceremony, I met you and Minister Gao at the school gate. That was the last time we met, without even saying hello. Even if we meet again in the future, we will be strangers. I really can't smile and forget my grievances and return to my friend's position. Lovers are the most helpless relationship in the world. They are closer than relatives, and strangers are stranger than strangers.

I've asked myself a thousand times why I don't love if I don't love, why I don't love if I'm so hot, so strong and so real, and why the past night was like smoke in blowing in the wind? I regret to think that if I hadn't committed suicide when I came back from the winter vacation, I would have broken up in anger. Maybe you wouldn't be so cruel at all. Or, if I didn't go to Guangzhou with Tao Jie that time, I would accompany you to Cai Xi for a second interview, and then I wouldn't let you go to Chongqing alone, and you wouldn't make trouble with me as soon as you came back. In other words, even if there was a contradiction that time, you wouldn't bother me so much if I hadn't tried to call and send you a text message. In other words, if I hadn't given up the postgraduate entrance examination and tried to be admitted to Caida with you, it would have been the most perfect ending. Or, if I redouble my efforts to become excellent, confident and beautiful, I will always be worthy of you, and you won't get tired of me so soon and veto our relationship with one vote. These days, I have been thinking about the key points that separate us. I really want to go back and stop this from happening. However, it's useless to say anything now. It's all just my wishful thinking.

The fate between us has already come to an end, and I am the only one supporting the long and bumpy road, I know. Many people ask me what I really like about you and why I am infatuated with you. If there is an answer, it is probably your sincerity to me from the beginning, your self-confidence, diligence and progress from beginning to end. Of course, I don't know if it is because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You have your own dreams. When you are dissatisfied with the status quo, you dare to challenge, break through yourself and stick to it. At each stage, you have a clear goal, the original postgraduate entrance examination, and now the central bank work. As for me, the four years of college ended in a daze, except for talking about an endless love affair, reading a few casual books and writing a few press releases that looked worthless when looking for a job. So, I don't have the bright spot in you. They attract me and make me worship you. Actually, I don't want to be like you. Even if I can't walk side by side with you, Qi Fei will be better at least among my peers, so as long as I am like this and don't know what my future career direction is, I won't graduate.

God is unfair. Why do some people have everything and work harder than us? Because it is to stand tall and see far. Family background determines the starting point, thinking angle and attitude towards the future. I came from a small town, and I grew up timid, timid and self-abased. My dream is too far away for me. It was not until I went to college that I began to understand the outside world in a daze. Without the guidance of parents and elders, there is no experienced person to help me plan my life. I was blinded by myself, from liberal arts subjects in high school to my voluntary major choice. For me, the future is to go step by step. It was not until I graduated from college that I found that I had taken a road that was not suitable for me. It was not too late to mend it. It was impossible to continue studying hard at home and prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination from scratch. I can only bite the bullet and let myself go to the society to exercise more and study more. And you have taken a solid step on the road to your dream. So the gap between us is not only the family conditions, but also the growth environment. So, I finally gave up, and I admit that I was defeated. I may never catch up with you. The girl you want to walk side by side with you and have a common topic will meet you in a wider world. Sometimes, I think sadly that when you really fall in love with someone, you should be able to feel the feeling of being eaten-your heart belongs, but there is nowhere to put it. It's a long way to go, Xiu Yuan. In the past two years, we have traveled this journey together. In retrospect, we had a green, sweet and painful experience. Next, we all have our own way to go, and I am willing to quit your world from now on.

If you are a rainbow, you won't know until you meet him. When I first used this sentence to show you my heart, I never thought that the rainbow was unforgettable, it was just a glimpse and fleeting. What I can see clearly in this black and blue love contest is that I have the ability to love myself and spare no effort to love others. I have nothing but a heart that loves you. What should I use to love you? Also, if I meet a man in the future and find that he doesn't care about me so much, I will never deceive myself and tell myself that he really loves me as he says.

If you love others, please don't let me know. I wish you happiness.