Are there any classic jokes?

1: Zhuge Liang pinched his finger and said to the wind, the wind, you blow to the west, the wind swears, you are like a watermelon!

2. Question: There is an old man named Tie, who is over 60 years old and has no hair on his body. What happened to him?

Answer: there is nothing wrong with the old iron!

3. The whole family ate mushroom poisoning and went to the hospital. A few days later, they left the hospital and went home. They looked at the uncooked mushrooms and wondered if they were poisoned by uncooked mushrooms, and then the family went to the hospital again. It is really the same.

Gong Yu has been moving mountains all his life. Before he died, he called his sons to the bed and said to them with his last breath, "Move the mountain." The sons held Gong Yu's hand tightly and replied kindly, "Shiny." (Twinkling stars).

5. I found a problem after work. Eighty percent of the pain in life comes from going to work, but if I don't go to work, 100% of the pain comes from having no money, so between having no money and going to work, I choose to go to work.

When I go to work every day, my mood is as heavy as going to the grave, because I feel that going to work is like marriage in the old society. I'm obviously unhappy, but I still want to stay together. In my opinion, rainy days are suitable for sleeping at home, sunny days are suitable for going out for a walk, and there is not a day suitable for going to work in the long years.

Sometimes I sigh, I worry about my work every year, I work overtime like a monkey every day, I don't get paid for overtime, and I am scolded inexplicably every day. Hard work and low salary, and I don't approve of taking time off, which makes me begin to suspect that I may be working so hard to make my boss live better.

My happiest thing at work is to get paid, but after I get paid, I will be arrogant for a week, save a week and look forward to a week, and this month will be over. I don't hide it: I work for money. Don't talk to me about ideals. My ideal is not to go to work. I think the leaders who talk to me about money are good people, and those who talk to me about ideals don't want to give money.

What I can't stand most at work is meetings. I found that during the meeting, everyone was moved and excited, and then stopped. I really don't understand why there are meetings every so often. Later, I took my master to comfort me: don't think too much, he also told me a secret. There are hidden rules in workplace meetings.

Meetings with many people are not important, and important meetings are not attended by many people. We should hold meetings to solve small problems, hold small meetings to solve big problems, and not hold meetings to solve big problems. Don't take the opinions expressed at the meeting too seriously, and the opinions exchanged after the meeting must be taken seriously. The people attending the meeting are basically not officers, and those who are officers have no chance to attend the meeting. You taste it, you taste it!

6. My husband's business collapsed and he was scolded by his boss at work. When he came home exhausted, he saw a note written by his wife on the table: "My car is in the repair shop, dinner is on page 17 of the homemade recipe, cooking materials are in the supermarket downstairs, and I am doing my hair in the hair salon."

7. It is a madhouse, and there are not enough doctors and nurses in the hospital. So the dean thought of an idea, using patients to manage patients, and choosing a patient as the person in charge of each floor. He took the apple and asked them, what is this? Suddenly a patient raised his hand and said, "I know! It is an apple! " The dean said, "well, you are the person in charge on the first floor."

The dean came to the third floor again. He took a ... that ... a big horn and a crank. What was that again? The director of the phonograph clapped his hands and said, "You are the director on the third floor".

8: Cousin has lost weight recently! Eat very little! I asked, "Cousin, what made you decide to lose weight?" "After getting drunk last time" and "Just getting drunk can make you decide to lose weight?" "When you carried me to bed, I heard you shout: one, two, three, go!" God's comment: one, two, three, lift!

9: I was in a hurry when I went shopping, so I went to the public toilet, but I forgot to bring paper. I heard someone next door knock on the toilet next to me and said, "Brother next door, can I have some paper?"? I forgot to bring it. " After waiting for more than ten seconds, I heard a sister's embarrassed voice: "Brother, which one of us went to the wrong toilet."

10: Someone went to recruit an English teacher. The person next to him asked him, did he pass Band 6? He said, "I passed the exam." The examiner asked him again. Did you pass CET-6? He said: I didn't pass the exam. The examiner said, did you pass the exam or not? He said he passed the exam, but he didn't.

You don't have to be gregarious. Interesting souls will meet eventually. For example, praise me if you think my answer is good!

1 1: Looking at Grandpa playing chess in the park, I said, Grandpa, your car is gone. Grandpa said you didn't understand, so he called a car. "I said, well, grandpa, the motor next to you is gone."

12: When I was a child, my mother took me shopping by bike, and my foot got stuck in the wheel. I kept it for a few days, but then my memory became longer. My mother took me to go shopping by bike again, so I put my foot in the past and got stuck in someone else's wheel.

13: A classmate went to see a doctor with gingivitis, and the doctor said that he would have an operation. The classmate said, "I'm a little nervous because I haven't had an operation." The doctor said, "Don't be nervous, this is my first operation." . At this time, the nurse came over and asked, "Is the anesthetic in your mouth or outside?" The doctor said, "hit your leg, lest he run away later."

14: Get up every morning to watch the rich list. Without my name, I would go to work. If there is, I will see a doctor.

15: I feel ugly recently. I glanced at my ID card and found myself worrying too much.

16: My wife asked me, "Under what circumstances 1+ 1 equals 3?" I thought for a moment and replied, "In case of calculation error." She slapped him: "Nima! 1+ 1 You can still make mistakes! Are you a pig? " I said indignantly, "If you want to hit me, just say so!"

17: Two pupils found a schoolbag on their way to school. This bag is heavy. After opening it, they have 50 thousand cash, bank card and driver's license ID card. With the help of the police, they quickly found the owner. The shopkeeper bought them exercise books in one breath and praised the two pupils for their spirit of finding money.

18: My nephew is puppy love, and the teacher invites parents. Eldest brother and sister-in-law didn't have time, so they let me go. My little brother came back from school with tears in his eyes. Eldest brother quickly asked, "What's the matter, making the teacher cry?"

The younger brother said indignantly, "That teacher happened to be my first love. I am 29 years old. I haven't dated for years. My nephew, 16 years old, puppy love. Most exasperating of all, I have to criticize my first love to him. Have you considered my feelings? "

19: I saw my colleague was a little lame and asked him what was wrong. He said, "Oh, it's just a relapse. All because of that football match! " Me: "I didn't expect you to play football." He smiled shyly and said, "When I watched the World Cup that year, I almost gambled all my fortune. As a result, the TV was given a good kick after the game. "

20: I go to the drugstore to buy medicine. Seeing an electronic scale at the door, I went up and weighed it to see if I had gained weight recently. But after I stood up, the lights on the display screen didn't light up and the numbers didn't show ... I suddenly became nervous. Can't I be overweight? At this time, a word came from the room: "Girl, what are you doing stepping on our induction cooker?"

2 1: When I was a child, my deskmate got poor grades and had no self-confidence. I thought there was nothing I could do. Always copy the answers at the same table and count down together. That time, I quarreled with him because of a small matter, and I was very angry. I won't copy his answers any more. Look, he chose A, and I chose one of bcd, which is different from him anyway. Then the results were announced, and I entered the top ten of my class for the first time.

22: Science is to have experimental spirit. In order to prove that spiders listen with their legs, I did an experiment. The first spider was put on the table and knocked on the table, and the spider was scared away at once. Second, cut off the spider's leg and put it on the table. A miracle happened. No matter how I knock on the table, the spider won't move. This experiment shows that the spider's auditory system is in the leg.

23: My best friend accidentally dropped the couple cup that her boyfriend gave her, and called her to cry and complain to her boyfriend. I thought her boyfriend would say nothing. Let's buy another pair.

Unexpectedly, I underestimated him. Only her boyfriend said, "Listen, baby." All I heard was a bang on the phone and his cup dropped. My best friend is moving, and I envy him. I heard his boyfriend say, "Break up!" " "

24: In high school, a girl sat behind me and pushed my stool every day. What's more, as long as my feet are on the stool, she starts kicking my feet and calling me if anything is wrong.

On graduation day, she suddenly patted me on the shoulder. As soon as I turned around, she took my arm and left a row of teeth marks on my arm, which made me grin and said she was crazy. She called me an idiot, but I didn't understand at that time. Now I seem to understand a little.

25: When I used to work in an electronics factory, a roommate said that Xiaoqing, a company clerk he secretly loved, had a birthday soon and borrowed 200 yuan from me to buy Xiaoqing a birthday present. Xiaoqing's birthday, the roommate's confession was rejected, and the gift was rejected. My roommate felt humiliated and decided to quit his job and go back to his hometown. He told me that he had no money now and gave me my birthday present, so I could do whatever I wanted.

Cheat, I'm worried about my birthday present. Later, I thought I might as well give it to Qingqing. Unexpectedly, Qingqing accepted it shyly. Now I have been married to Qingqing for three years, and my roommate often calls to say that I owe him a thank-you dinner.

26: Today, I saw a local tyrant licking the lid while drinking yogurt. I said, big brother, you are so rich, why are you licking the lid when you drink yogurt? He answered me calmly, what do you know? I only eat a little, covered. Then I throw away the yogurt.

27: Once the whole class introduced: A boy went to the podium and said, "My name is You Yongzhi, and I love playing chess." Another girl stepped onto the platform and said shyly, "My name is Shakuyaku, and I like swimming." At this time, the whole class applauded.

A little boy insisted on grabbing his grandfather's hat, but his mother wouldn't let him wear it. Then the boy cried, and grandpa couldn't bear to give it. Unexpectedly, the boy suddenly turned to his mother and said, "Do you think I look like your father in a hat?"

29: Cao Cao takes Cao Chong to Huatuo's house. As soon as he entered the door, Cao Cao smiled and said, "I came to visit with my youngest son." Hearing this, Hua Tuo quickly waved his hand and said, "That's very kind. Come and come, bring any fruit. "

30: I said I liked Li Bai's poems, and Lu You was so angry that my family couldn't surf the Internet!