How to get rid of the pain brought by family background?

The most uncomfortable thing about the trauma of being born in a family is not the pain of the wound itself, but that you can't find the wound, and everything is embarrassing.

All misfortunes have one thing in common: I don't know what went wrong, I feel extremely painful, but I don't know why. For example, a couple always quarrels. They know that they are unhappy because they quarrel and have different views on some things, but what is the root cause? They don't know. They are confused. They have no choice but to quarrel, which will only aggravate their misfortune.

So, first of all, you should be aware of the "invisible trauma". When you are always quarreling, you should find the point where you quarrel the most, find the thing that makes you angry the most, and then think about why you are so angry because of this, and what is the point where the other person pokes you.

When you feel unhappy and miserable, don't just indulge in emotions, learn to detect deep-seated reasons.

Second, accept

Acceptance is to dare to face up to and accept the existence of "trauma" and accept that you are an injured person, rather than bleeding to death as a hero.

When you accept your vulnerability, you can become strong. When you become strong, you can have the ability to face suffering and pain. Because only by accepting the fact that you have been injured can you get better treatment.

You should learn to be confident and tell yourself: I am a person who is not confident about my appearance, so what. Compared with the emperor who thinks he is wearing the most beautiful new clothes in the world, but in fact he is naked, I am at least an honest boy.

It is our courage to face up to our imperfections. Most people have the trauma of being born in a family, which is normal. Learn to accept.

It should be noted that what you need to accept is what you care about, what hurts you, and what you are not confident enough, instead of telling yourself that I am a bad person, you are just not confident enough.

Third, face.

When you see the trauma and accept this scarred self, the problem is not so serious, because you have found the specific problem. Then you can dilute the problem step by step and even solve it.

The specific method is as follows:

1. When you realize that your emotions or behaviors are caused by "trauma", stop your emotions or behaviors consciously and shout "stop" in time, telling yourself that if you continue, you will probably hurt yourself or others, which is not the result you want to see. And give yourself a psychological hint: I am good enough to be poked so easily.

2. Stopping emotional outbursts in time doesn't mean keeping your anger inside. You must release your emotions. You can take a few deep breaths in a row to relax your body, and your mood will gradually disappear. Or go back to your room immediately, lock yourself up and hit the pillow hard to vent your emotions.

When you successfully stop your emotions and behaviors from erupting, you should affirm yourself, be firm and confident, and tell yourself that I can do it, I can get better, and I am getting better slowly. And build self-confidence and increase self-worth through other means. The more confident a person is, the less likely he is to be vilified.

Being born in a family cannot be changed, and the trauma has already existed, but as human beings, we always have the opportunity to turn our destiny around. Being from a family is not an excuse that you are not good enough, because you can really become better and create a better family.