IELTS essay, please give it an expert rating. My English is not good. If there are any grammatical errors, please point them out.

Actually, you should insert pictures. This makes it easier for everyone to see.

My modifications are as follows:

This graph shows the distribution of consumer expenditure by categories in five different countries, including Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in the year of 2002. The first period identifies the topic

Three categories of expenditure are addressed in this graph: Food, drinks and tobacco serve as the first category, Clothing and footwear as the second category, and Leisure and education as the last. Three categories.

When discussing below, start with a sentence to express your point of view, and then list the data; for example, in general, the first type of consumption greatly exceeds the other two types of consumption. In general, the expenditure on the first category surpasses the other two. People in... spent...

Then I will mention another point, for example, leisure education is not as large as fashion consumption. Then list the data again.

If you write it like this, the order will be very clear. IELTS scoring depends on structure, sentences, and word usage. If the structure is clear, even if the language is not very precise, the score will be higher.

As it stands now, the structure is unclear, the arguments are unclear, and the wording is not precise enough. However, the sentences are relatively long (that is, not a large number of short sentences) and are understandable. Now I can score 5 to 5.5 points. If the structure is clear, even if the sentences are not very accurate, you can still score 6 points.