Who knows what to wear to the wedding? Have you ever been to a wedding in Canada?

Have you ever been to a wedding in Canada? This is the first sentence a friend who lives in a small town near Toronto called to ask. This friend's family immigrated to Canada for a short time, and we met through the introduction of my domestic friends, so I always like to call me in advance to let me know. She told me that the daughter of her parents' friend was going to get married during the New Year. Because the groom-to-be is a devout Christian, the wedding will be held in a cathedral in Toronto, which is a very formal western-style wedding. In the evening, she will go to a luxury hotel for a wedding reception and a dance. So, as soon as she received the invitation, she began to get nervous. She doesn't know how to attend the wedding, especially what clothes to wear and what gifts to give.

Speaking of weddings, I have attended several times in Canada, but none of them are the formal western-style weddings she described. Shortly after I came out in the late 1980s, I attended the wedding of a couple of overseas students in Vancouver, but it was purely Chinese. This so-called "pure China student style" was invented by me, because the wedding was held in an independent house rented by the China Consulate for the Chinese Federation of Students and Scholars, in the same form as a tea party. At that time, the education consul and the executive Committee of the association presided over the wedding. All I can remember is asking the bride and groom to bow three times in the direction of the motherland. Everyone at the wedding paid five yuan in advance and bought a double-card recorder with more than one hundred yuan as a gift. As soon as the tea party was over, we sent the bride and groom to the temporary rented basement and made a few simple jokes, as if we had finished the task.

About ten years ago, I attended the second wedding, which was also the registered wedding of an old couple of overseas students in Toronto city government. As an introducer and a good friend of both sides, I participated in the witness and photographed this simple, solemn and sweet moment. Then the bride and groom invited our family and two or three other friends to have a meal in the Chinese restaurant "West Lake Restaurant" near the city government, which was the whole content of the wedding. At that time, everyone was poor and didn't know much about Canadian wedding customs. They don't even know how to buy wedding cards. We only gave two practical and commemorative gifts, about 50 yuan. The clothes we wear are clothes that have been out of fashion for several years. It is basically the same age as the suit worn by the groom when he goes abroad. Several other friends dress more casually than we do. Only the bride wears the finest. This is a velvet dress bought on sale at Bay Chain Store. It always costs her 1 19 yuan plus tax.

The third wedding I attended was about five years ago, and it was also the wedding of my compatriots in Chinese mainland. It was a very warm and touching wedding reception, but no special wedding ceremony was held. At that time, we also kept pace with the times, knowing how to buy wedding cards, write a few auspicious words on the cards, and then put the gift money into the cards to give away. Most of the guests attending the wedding banquet are ordinary work clothes except a few who wear formal clothes. Personally, I feel a little too casual and not serious enough. But a friend told me at the party that the clothes of female guests should not be too eye-catching, otherwise the bride would be an unwelcome guest. I have always been skeptical about this. I know a few local China compatriots or Vietnamese friends. Before they go to the wedding, they must customize a cheongsam or dress to show their solemnity and respect for the couple. So I especially remind my friends above that it is better to wear formal clothes as far as possible without overwhelming the bride. There is a difference between going to church at noon and going to the hotel for dinner and dancing at night. As for gifts, if you don't know what people like, it is more practical to send money directly.

Due to factors such as inflation and rising consumption level, the cost of wedding has risen sharply, so the wedding gifts of guests have to rise accordingly. I asked a friend, and they said that a few years ago, everyone couldn't get 50 yuan's gift money, except 80 yuan, so they had to go to 60 yuan to see it. In North America, some foreigners send wedding invitations, which list what they need, so that relatives and friends can buy gifts according to the list. This can avoid aimless waste, and both sides are happy. Some people simply tell you not to give gifts, just cash. In fact, this frank way is easier for the giver, and the wedding organizer can add a sum of cash that can be used as a whole, which can be described as the best of both worlds. After all, it costs a lot of money to organize a wedding, especially for the woman.

According to the traditional customs in North America, weddings are usually arranged by the woman's parents (is this similar to the saying that "adopting a daughter means losing money" in China in the past? ), now more and more parents share the cost, or the man gives the woman a sum of money to make up the required amount according to the woman's financial ability. A friend of mine is going to marry a woman next autumn. They got married between China and Hongkong, and the man was a Catholic. The young couple attached great importance to the wedding and made intensive preparations early. The man's parents took out 20 thousand yuan a year ago. Friends estimate that 50 thousand yuan may not be able to fix the wedding.

Speaking of which, I believe that parents with a newly grown daughter are under great pressure. Not to mention many trivial matters and financial burdens of the wedding, just the son-in-law candidate. It doesn't matter if the future son-in-law is the son-in-law in his mind. If it is not, or there is still a certain gap, it is difficult to object, and the parents' wishes cannot be imposed on his daughter. That kind of trouble and regret can't be said by outsiders. My friend Ms. M has been troubled by this problem for a long time. It was not until a year ago that she gradually persuaded herself to accept the reality and hold a wedding for her daughter at the end of the year.

To say that Ms. M's prospective son-in-law is also a good young man in one hundred, except for one thing that makes Ms. M unexpectedly dissatisfied, it can be said that everything else is excellent, but Ms. M takes this very seriously, which is a bit like "attacking one point and ignoring the rest". That is to say, the future son-in-law is blonde and white. Don't think that Ms. M is a feudal old brain or a "yellow race" supremacist. Ms. M graduated from the Chinese Department of a university in Taiwan Province Province. After her family immigrated to Toronto from Taiwan Province Province, she published books and won a literary prize. Her husband invested and set up a factory in the mainland a few years ago. She herself has flown across the Pacific Ocean in both countries all the year round, and has seen a lot of the world, and understands the truth better than anyone else. For example, marrying a China person may not necessarily lead a happy life. But she still hopes that her daughter can find a China native who speaks the same language, no matter where she comes from. She always feels that the gap between Chinese and foreign cultures and values is too big to cross, and her English is not good enough to communicate with her foreign son-in-law. But she can't interfere with her daughter's choice. A girl can't help mom. She knows that she can't interfere, and she can't interfere. She's just sorry, an unspeakable regret.

After a year of psychological adjustment, Ms. M finally gradually accepted the reality. Earlier, she told me that she planned to hold a wedding for her daughter during Christmas this year. The young couple will go to a world-famous scenic spot to get married, then go to the mainland via Taiwan Province Province, and then return to Toronto for a wedding reception. The young couple are responsible for their own travel expenses, but the wedding banquet and other expenses must be borne by their parents. For the scale of the wedding banquet, the list of guests, the grade of the hotel, the number of groomsmen and bridesmaids and their costumes, Ms. M spent a year carefully planning. She said that the sister of the prospective son-in-law got married last year and she could steal a lot from it. The in-laws of the prospective son-in-law and sister gave 40,000, and her parents also gave 40,000 (so that Ms. M's daughter can get at least 40,000 from the prospective in-laws).

80 thousand dollars to build a wedding? I gasped at the phone. Thanks to her repeated exhortations, it is not too much. It is not uncommon for a wedding to cost more than100000 yuan. For example, the cost of a hotel should be at least 10,000 yuan. Rent an extended Lincoln, a banquet that combines Chinese and western styles. If a couple changes clothes three times, the clothes and wedding dress alone will exceed 10 thousand yuan, and the best man and bridesmaid should prepare at least one dress (bridesmaid dresses are free! ), diamond rings, gifts for guests, and so on. It is said that the average budget per guest is at least 200 yuan. Therefore, each guest attending the wedding package a red envelope of tens of dollars, which is really a drop in the bucket compared with the organizer's budget.

Just put the phone down, a friend came to visit. She also has two daughters, and the boss is going to college soon. I told her casually what my friend was worried about attending the wedding, and the story about Ms. M's wedding for her daughter, just to "scare" her. I didn't expect people to wave their hands casually and shout that it would be good enough for them to finish college and successfully complete their tasks. If you want me to give them another big wedding, no way! Make a big plan and earn it yourself after graduating from college! Don't borrow money from the government, I care so much.