Want to know more about Jingqiu and Laosan.

Want to know what Jingqiu's mother said about the third child later?

For a long time, I didn't tell my mother the news of my third child's death. On the one hand, I am still worried that my mother will blame me for falling in love at such a young age. On the other hand, I'm afraid my mother feels guilty. I remember thinking angrily. You always say that I think these things too early. Now I don't think about them, and then you have to persuade me to think about them.

Later, I showed her what I wrote 1977, and I also showed her my third son's letter and diary. She was very sad. In fact, as I expected, she blamed herself. But I know she has nothing to blame. She didn't cause the illness of the third child. I was so young, just 18 years old, and she was right to let us not contact for the time being. In that social environment at that time, even though people knew that my third child was dying, society could not accept premature love.

My mother has always understood me. I didn't get married until I was 33. My mother is under a lot of pressure. My friends and neighbors often come to care, persuade and introduce me to boyfriends, but my mother never urges me to get married. When I went to L for my master's degree, I left a lot of things at home because I had to share a room with someone. My mother helped me raise it. I moved several times, but none of those things were lost. Later, my mother and my sister immigrated to Canada, and she took all those things to Canada.

My mother appreciates my third son's writing and talent, saying that he writes better than my father's handwriting and love letters. (Laughter)

My mother knew that my husband was divorced, but she still agreed to this marriage, because she thought my husband looked like the third child in many places. She said, "This person seems to be as good to you as Sun Xiao. I don't mind."

2. How did Jingqiu come from? I would like to ask Jing Qiu to share the secret of being strong.

I survived foolishly rather than strongly.

The social environment at that time was very exclusive to puppy love. Even I don't think I should consider these things so early, so I spent a lot of energy to hide them. I attended the memorial service for the third child, which was held in a funeral home in K city. When bidding farewell to the body, the body of the third child rose slowly from a platform, and undertaker stood around and could see him through the glass.

He lay quietly on the platform with a yellow light overhead. I don't know who gave his face a clumsy makeup. Maybe it's because his skin color is not so pale. They painted rouge on his face. When I saw his body rising, everyone was crying, but I didn't cry, for fear that others would see that my relationship with him was unusual.

Later, when I buried his urn, I also went and watched the people of Xicunping Brigade help dig holes and fill the soil. Duan Fang cried into tears, and I didn't cry. I don't know how I can hold back my tears now. Maybe I'm afraid others will know about us. I've sworn that I won't shed tears when I bleed and sweat.

When Premier Zhou died, I couldn't cry, but I kept my head down for fear that others would call me reactionary. When Chairman Mao died, every time I took my students to a memorial service, I always cried sadly, because I remember two red tears rolling down the corner of my third child's eye. His brother later said that it was caused by retinal hemorrhage. He had been blind for a long time, and finally bleeding under the skin and internal organs must be very painful for him. Thought of here, I can't help crying. It can be said that it is the first time that I shed tears for my third child, because there is a legitimate reason to shed tears.

Maybe I didn't have a real concept of "death" at that time. Maybe I still don't have a real concept of his death until now. People deeply realize that a person's departure is often due to not seeing him at the time and place where he should be. If you get along with a person for a long time, you form a habit, so once he leaves, it's hard for you to live without him, and every little thing will remind you of him. When eating, I will cry at the empty seat; When I sleep, I feel sad because I don't have that person around me.

But the time spent with the third child is too limited to form a habit. It doesn't matter much to me whether he goes or not. Even now, I still think he is working in Xicunping, wearing his famous white shirt and wool vest (as Amy said), or his famous bust blue coat, walking on the field road at dusk. When the smoke filled the village, he had already had dinner in the team canteen and began to play his accordion. The members of the exploration team sang >.

I have never associated his image in a hospital bed or at a memorial service with him, as if he were just a friend. And the third one, always so young, always so cheerful, always lives in Xicunping, waiting for our next date, even though I don't know when the next date is, just as I don't know when the next meeting is.

Another important factor is that I don't know when and when the philosophy of losers began to develop. Maybe it's just a copy of Ah Q's spirit. I always comfort myself that it may be a good thing that my third son and I can't live together for a long time, so that we won't stumble and quarrel over daily necessities. He is always beautiful in my mind, and I am always beautiful in his mind. I never have to worry about his change of heart.

This idea became stronger after I got married. My husband's pursuit before marriage is comparable to his third child in many places. He also sent me across the river and stood on the riverbank for a long time; He once sat alone in the pavilion by the river all night. Because he was married, our relationship could not be made public and the salary was not high, so he was reluctant to spend money to stay in a hotel in summer. He came to see me from the city where he works, and he had to take the train all night. Most of the time, he has no seat and can only sit in the bathroom on the train.

Later, I dared to bring him to our house, but I hid the fact that he got married from my mother. He is very diligent in my home. He always washes our clothes in summer. There was no washing machine at that time, but he washed it by hand. He is obedient to me and can tolerate any small temper.

After I went to L University for postgraduate study, I was closer to his place of work. He can come to see me every two weeks. My sister and I live in the same bedroom. When he came, he helped us wash the sheets and quilts, and sewed quilts for us in our crib, which made the girls on the whole floor envious. Sometimes he buys a chicken, washes it and watches me and my sister eat it, but he doesn't eat a bite.

However, the contradiction gradually emerged after marriage, because he was no longer so careful and considerate, so I had the feeling of "bean sprouts" again: before marriage, he and Dr. Cheng were the same bean sprouts, but after marriage they parted ways and became two bean sprouts, one golden and the other moldy. This bifurcation point is no longer "success", but marriage.

At that time, there was a deep feeling of being cheated, and even thought that if the third child got married, it might become like this. The third child has a good family condition, which may be more difficult than my husband's. Perhaps this idea is a great blasphemy to the third child, but in a sense, it helped me spend those times when I missed him.

Author: hawthorn tree love 2007-8-8 12: 12 reply to this speech.

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2 reply: repost Jingqiu to answer netizens.

My husband got married and I was a virgin until one day I shared a room with him. This is also a big "bag" in my heart. I often feel uncomfortable and feel "lost". If I had known this, it would have been worse for me with my third child. Of course, this is also my wishful thinking, because even if I knew my future husband was a married man, I'm afraid he wouldn't do it. I don't know how he restrained himself with perseverance.

Huang Yan was quoted as saying: "If you stop at the right time, most love can be beautiful and most lovers can be great. Love in stories is often better than love in life, because stories can stop, but life can't. "

Of course, the same Huangyan also said: "A person's life is divided into many stages, and the definition of love in each stage can be different. Haven't you heard of it? If couples can help each other to go to the hospital in their old age, that is the best love at that stage. You can't expect those two old guys to fight vigorously. "

So I often contradict myself, which is opportunism. When I miss my third child too much, I put forward the reasoning that "I will quarrel when I marry him" to make myself glad that they have no chance to get married. When the nerve is strong enough, think about the good of the third child.

Judging from her age, Jingqiu was at least 45 years old when she was teaching in the university. Admire, at least I don't have that much courage.

-1977 participated in the college entrance examination, and entered the l provincial medical college as the first choice. My father was still wearing a landlord's hat, and I was worried that his affairs would affect me, so I also reported to the regional medical college and the regional normal college and filled in "obey the distribution". At that time, the results were not announced, but after the exam, I was informed of the physical examination, which showed that I got the score line. Later, a colleague who took the college entrance examination asked her boyfriend to check the scores. She is twenty points higher than the physical examination line, and I am thirty points higher than her. Everyone says that my ambition is too low, and I should fill in Tsinghua Peking University.

In the end, my colleague was admitted to Shanghai Jiaotong University, but I was 30 minutes taller than her, and I was not admitted to any school. At that time, the official kept saying that I didn't look at the ingredients, and I don't know why I didn't get in.

1978 college entrance examination was held in the second half of 1977 college entrance examination, because the enrollment was changed from spring to autumn. I didn't take the exam that time, because I was waiting for the notice and I was afraid of being beaten again. 1979 wanted to take the college entrance examination, and made full preparations. However, when it came time to register, the cultural and educational unit of K City formulated a local policy to prevent in-service teachers from taking the college entrance examination, because 1977 and 1978 recruited almost all young backbone teachers.

This policy lasted for many years, and since then I have no chance to take the college entrance examination. Later, my sister was admitted to the Russian Department of L University. After a year of undergraduate work, she was admitted to the graduate school of L University. At that time, I was too old to apply for the undergraduate course. My sister always encouraged me to take the postgraduate entrance examination, so I applied for the postgraduate entrance examination. At that time, I was in junior college, and I couldn't pass the exam according to the admissions brochure. I had to open a certificate of unemployed youth in the neighborhood Committee and take the exam.

I wanted to take that as a mock exam, so I might prepare for it. After the exam, I felt very bad and told my sister that I wanted to commit suicide. My sister said that even if I wanted to commit suicide, I would wait until the score came out. After the score came out, I got the total score and the first place in each single subject, which was very confusing.

The graduate school of L University sees me as a social youth and is going to make me a model of self-taught. But when it was time to transfer files, I had to inform the school that the No.8 Middle School and the K Municipal Bureau of Culture and Education refused to transfer files to me on the grounds that the registration did not meet the formalities. Finally, the graduate school of L University not only dared not admit me, but also sent a letter to me and my school, criticizing me for violating the enrollment system and defrauding the registration opportunity by improper means. (Laughter)

In the second year, after graduating from junior college, I was assigned to teach in a key high school in K city. I registered through proper channels and was admitted to the Graduate School of L University with the highest score again. K Municipal Bureau of Culture and Education still wanted to card me, so I had to turn to the news media and finally entered L English Literature Department for a master's degree. I was thirty years old then.

After finishing my master's degree, I stayed in school to teach, got married and had children, became unsuitable, and often had a cold war with my husband. After a few years, I felt that there was basically no future in staying in the university without a doctorate, so I sought to go abroad. I was 39 when I came out. After attending C University, I calculated carefully and found that I had passed the prescribed age for enrolling international students in L University, so I had to change my major and seek to stay in North America. If we drag on like this, we will be forty-seven or eight years old. Fortunately, America is not so particular about age. When I was looking for a job in America, my middle school classmates in China had retired. I heard that I was looking for a job, and they all sympathized with me. I heard that they were all laid off or retired, and I felt sorry for them. (Laughter)

Many people say that I am a persevering person, and I am never too old to learn. In fact, I just want to.

Author: Hawthorn Tree Love 2007-8-8 12: 14 Reply to this statement

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