How do people who can continue to live after frequent quarrels do it?

Xiang Juan and her husband have been together for five years. They have been quarrelling for five years, even if they eat potatoes or carrots tonight, they can quarrel. Xiang Juan found these two years a bit boring. She doesn't know when this kind of life will end, and she also has the idea of divorce. She just looked at her two-year-old daughter and couldn't make up her mind to divorce.

There are quite a few such couples in life. Many clients who come into my consulting room are getting divorced because of poor communication and constant quarrels. After careful understanding of their communication process, I find that they simply don't listen, speak, watch or think.

close one's ears

This often happens to customers with poor communication. Before one party finished speaking, the other party interrupted the other party, even denied, accused and blamed the other party, and couldn't wait to express their opinions. In this way, the party who takes the initiative to speak will feel hurt, because what he wants to express is not expressed, and the other party interrupts himself disrespectfully, making himself feel that the other party has no intention of listening to himself at all. It is conceivable that in the long run, people who want to communicate well at first will gradually become less talkative, even unwilling to communicate, or remain silent. But in this way, customers can express and communicate normally in other social occasions. The correct way to communicate is to listen to each other carefully and patiently. Even if you don't quite agree with each other's statement, you should at least find out what the other party wants to express.

unable to tell

Women are often duplicitous, but when communicating with each other, duplicity often runs counter to the purpose. Obviously, I really want my husband to care about himself, love himself and pity himself, but when it comes to some women who can't express themselves, it becomes accusations, complaints and abuse. It is impossible for a man to love you in the face of such accusations and complaints from his wife. The correct way to express it is to tell your husband your own needs directly, and "hugging" and "kissing" means saying it, not turning it into accusation and denial. Another mistake that women are prone to make when expressing is that they express themselves too directly. Men are proud, and when expressing themselves, they need to pay attention to the situation at that time. Some things can't be said in front of his friends, some things can't be said in front of his family and some things can't be said in front of children. But some women always like to point out some problems of men directly, regardless of occasion or occasion. Once a man feels humiliated, he will lose his temper, confront his wife and deny her.

Won't look

In the process of communication, if one party has begun to be emotional, the communication effect will be very bad. But those who quarrel often ignore these emotional signals. When the other person's voice is obviously higher, his speech speed is obviously faster, his eyes are full of anger, his body becomes stiff, and his fist begins to clench, all these indicate that the other person is emotional, but some people will continue to argue with the other person, yell at the other person, or even stimulate the other person with words, as if he can't see, and the result is yelling at the other person or even having a big fight, but nothing has been solved. The correct way to communicate is to stop communication when the other party is in a bad mood and continue communication until the two sides are calm.

Don't you want to?

At the beginning of the relationship, one party was very impulsive. At this time, the other party will think that the other party is targeting at themselves and does not want to communicate well. But rarely calm down and think, why is the other party like this? Is it really personal? Or is it because of the recent work pressure? Economic pressure? Or is there anything bothering you today? If two communicators put each other in a confrontational position, it is difficult to have a good communication effect. With kindness, take some time to understand how the other person spent today, which will make the other person realize your thoughtfulness and kindness.

The purpose of communication is to solve problems, not to vent emotions at will. If we can listen, speak, see and think in communication, we will reduce many quarrels and greatly improve the communication effect. Of course, poor communication is not only caused by the "four noes". Lack of patience, emotional instability, excessive sensitivity, always trying to control each other, always expecting each other to treat themselves in their favorite way, and the communication mode learned from family background will affect the communication mode and communication effect of husband and wife.