Jokes to make girls happy

1. Algebra teacher: Look how your son learns mathematics. 90 minus 45 equals the second half! Father: I have to teach him well when I go back, but he didn’t even consider the overtime situation.

2. The lawyer teaches a typist face-to-face to write a letter to another lawyer: How to write the beginning? Is it Dear Sir? But he is a complete slippery man and a liar. You can't call him that, just call him my dear colleague!

3. I miss those days in the countryside very much. You trotted happily in front of me, humming a little tune, and the villagers praised you for being clean and beautiful! He also praised me for coming out to herd pigs at such a young age.

4. A girl went to the ranch to practice milking, but everyone else milked a bucket, and she only milked a little. She was anxious, and suddenly the old cow said: Miss, you milked in the wrong place. !

5. Dumb: I stood under my girlfriend’s window and sang a love song to her, and she threw me a flower. Agua: Then what happened to the injury on your head? Dumb: She forgot to take the flowers out of the pot.

6. Why do I shed tears for you? Don’t you understand that it’s for money? If the rich man hadn't wanted to separate from me, my tears wouldn't have fallen, they would have fallen.

7. Love is like a reference book. Even if it fails, the moment of love between people will stay forever and become a flashlight that illuminates the darkness, giving people the courage to continue living.

8. Daughter: Mom, others live in such nice houses, why can’t we live in more expensive houses? Mom replied: Honey, don’t worry, the landlady said she will increase our rent starting tomorrow!

9. Li: Just now, a man suddenly hugged me from behind and molested me. Qiang: No wonder you are so angry. Li: What’s even more annoying is that the man actually said, “It’s really disappointing, it’s a man”!

10. You already know that the B2 bomber is a high-tech weapon, but maybe you don’t know yet - you are even more high-tech! Because you are B2’s younger brother—Ya San (B3)!

11. At night, facing the lonely lamp, I fell into indescribable longing. When I couldn’t get rid of it, I wandered on the beach grass where we were walking, facing the stars and the moon, calling you loudly !

12. I am waiting for you wholeheartedly. I am very happy to have you. I love you 100%. It is difficult to see you even though I am thousands of miles away. I have found you among millions of people. I must never lose you. Holding my hand, I am with you. grow old together.

13. The sky is blue, the water is deep, and my love for you is true! Water has a source, trees have roots, and my love for you has a reason!

14. I vaguely remember that when I was 15 years old, I was taking a shower at home. I saw that my penis was a little dirty, so I rubbed it with my hands. It felt quite comfortable, so I rubbed it a few more times. So I started on a new path from then on. Point of no return.

15. After carefully examining the beautiful female patient, the doctor said happily: Mrs. Wang, I have good news for you. Patient: No. I am Miss Wang. Doctor: Oh, then, I have bad news for you.

16. Since I got your love, I seem to have seen light in the endless darkness, found a clear spring in the endless desert, and found a flower in the rocks. How can I not thank you? Woolen cloth?

17. I heard that your mobile phone does not have text messaging function, so I sent this text message as a test. If you receive a text message that is confirmed to have text messaging function and is mine, please reply: I got it, it’s yours!

18. Today, my girlfriend of three years dumped her boyfriend! Her boyfriend asked her if there was another man, and she replied, "You are that other man."

19. Beauty is you; warmth is because of you; there is you on the other side; happiness is for you; happiness is with you; this heart is in love with you; white head is holding you; life is with you. . I want to marry you, and I hope you will agree.

20. You are so beautiful, with mouse eyes, a pig’s mouth, and you spit when you talk, like a toilet flooding. Happy Valentine's Day!

21. Just now I picked up a bunch of firecrackers and prepared to set them off during the New Year. When you saw them, you lit them. I said don’t light them yet. You and I got angry and shouted, “I must light them, I must light them.” , but the hospital came to pick you up.

22. With you today, the world is more wonderful; with you tonight, the starry sky is brighter; with you in this life, the world is warmer. Happy birthday!

23. Son: I heard that men in some African countries now have to wait until they get married to get to know their wives. Is this true? Father: Not just Africa, but the whole world.

24. I have liked you for a long time, but you are too strong to be sweet. Please choose the person who is most likely to be your boyfriend. a Zhang Guorong b Sun Wukong c Li Bai d Me.

25. There are so many bamboo boards. I won’t praise you for anything else. I will praise you for looking like a flower. Although you look like a flower, you have to droop. You can take a bite of Goubuli’s little bun. Can eat three!

26. When life maliciously turned everything into black humor, I turned myself into a hooligan with a higher education. How about let's talk about getting you a higher education!

27. A student with poor homework said to his English teacher before graduation: Thank you, teacher. If you want me to do anything, don't hesitate. The teacher said: You must not say that I have taught you English.

28. The sky is blue, the grass is green, and the SARS epidemic is shocking. Don't be afraid, don't worry, be happy and you won't be sick. Exercise more, clean frequently, and health and happiness will always be with you!

29. A husband asks his wife: I don’t look very good, but why do you always say I’m so cool? Wife: I used the abbreviation when I said you were so cool. The full name is: You look too cruel and you should be pulled out and killed!

30. Americans all use iPhones and Apple computers. Because Americans eat beef and need apples to balance the cholesterol in their bodies, the American Apple brand is more popular.

31. In junior high school, a certain mathematics teacher was talking about equation transformation. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to transform!

32. An elephant asked a camel: ‘Why do your breasts grow on your back? ’ The camel said, ‘Stay away, I won’t talk to a thing with a penis on its face!

33. I always have very high expectations for you. I always feel that you don’t understand a girl’s heart, and I always feel that you are not considerate enough. In fact, you are really nice to me sometimes. Forgive me for my willfulness. Are you OK? Miss you so much!

34. You are: Wearing a hat without a brim and pretending to be a cook; Standing on the house to urinate and pretending to be a sentry; Riding a bicycle and farting, pretending to be a slow breather!

35. My mother had a great reason for forgetting to wake me up. She said there were too many things on my bed. She looked through them and couldn't find them, so she thought I had gone to school.

36. A beautiful little pig bumps up to you, looks at you with admiration, wags its tail and flicks its pussy. I sang a song to you: I will become you when I grow up!

37. In order to improve product safety, we decided to print on the cap of the Coke bottle: Please open this end; on the bottom of the bottle, we decided to print: Please open the other end.

38. I fell in love with you at first sight, hugged you without saying a word, came to you every three days, no one kissed you everywhere, married you within five days, and we will not be separated for sixty years!

39. When rejecting a woman you don’t like, say: You only get my body, but you can’t get my soul. I already have a lover, and nothing will happen between us. Just let me go!

40. This heartless person, tell me honestly, who was the woman who answered the phone in your room at midnight last night? She actually told me...the number you dialed is busy, please call again later.

41. Let me tell you a piece of news: I have an infectious disease, and I have infected you with joy, happiness, smiles, and blessings. Dear friend what should I do?

42. I am an innocent soul. I died in the basement of your dormitory building. I was dismembered last year. I climb up every night. Can you come over and give me a hand? I am beside your bed.

43. When I see you, I want to hold you in my arms. When I mess with you, I want to express my love for you. When I miss you, I will be heartbroken. When I miss you, I will cry. Marrying you will take your heart away. , if I love you, I will love everything about you!

44. A strong country will be strong not only if it can host the Olympic Games well, but also if it can host the World Expo well! Being able to successfully organize the Spring Festival Transport is truly powerful!

45. My love for you will never regret, my love for you will never fade away, I will miss you so much that I can’t sleep. I can’t learn to forget you. A little pig is intoxicated on the phone!

46. A man grew up in poverty, and his mother used rice bags to make underwear. On the night of the wedding, she took off her trousers, and his wife fainted on the spot. The front of her underwear clearly stated: net weight 30 kilograms.

47. Listening to you talk, I feel like a spring breeze; watching you perform, I feel relaxed; listening to you singing, I am intoxicated; reading your text messages, I am happy; you, you haven’t sent a text message to I?

48. The passenger ship was about to sink. The leader grabbed a life jacket. The secretary reminded: Director, there are many women on the ship. The leader said angrily: What time has it been? I still think about that!

49. China’s four major ideals: The country will join the WTO by the end of the year, and the United States will no longer sing the opposite tune. Japan was bombed in one day, and ** returned to my arms!

50. A year ago, a buddy and I were chasing goddesses at the same time. That guy was a little more handsome than me. In order to drag him into the trap, I taught him how to play League of Legends. A year later, he became the king. , I fell in love with the goddess.

51. What’s coming at the four conferences: the leader speaks and takes the lead in applauding. The leader sings and adjusts the sound. The leader takes a bath and scratches his back. The leader picks up girls and stands guard.

52. Your phone balance is insufficient, please follow the prompts to recharge: burn a hundred yuan note into ashes, open the back cover of the phone, pour the ashes and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation!

53. A life that does not aim at happiness is nonsense. A love that does not end with marriage will break up sooner or later. It is best not to do a job that does not reward you with a salary increase. It is best not to do a job that is not based on teasing. Who will read the information!

54. A young lady who just got her driver’s license stalled her car at the intersection. I watched the green light turn to red, and the red light turned to green again, but it still wouldn't start. The traffic police couldn't help but ask: What? Don’t have a color you like?

55. Guangzhi: "What? Xiaoxin, you are looking at photos of naked women! Do you do this at a young age? Tell me! Where did these photos come from?" Xiaoxin: "In your Take it from the drawer.”

56. I resigned, and my colleagues came to see me off. The beautiful Xiaoli still had tears in her eyes. She held my hand and said: Brother, you have been at the bottom in every assessment in the past. What will I do if you leave?

57. I wish you good health and may you lose all your teeth! Bon voyage, but disappeared halfway! Go all the way, but fall down halfway! Happy every day, often abnormal! Always smile and deserve to die!

58. As a very superficial TV fan, I feel that domestic dramas are nothing more than quarreling, Japanese dramas are nothing more than love and love, Korean dramas are nothing more than death and death, and American dramas are nothing more than going up and down.

59. I really miss you. Living without you is like cooking without salt, oranges not being too sweet, drinking without cigarettes, and going out on the street without money.

60. Xiao Ming sent his girlfriend home and asked at the door: Can I kiss you? My girlfriend, whom I have only known for a month, replied: Shameless! Xiao Ming said: Shameless? Then I’ll kiss you!

61. Because of thirst, God created water; because of darkness, God created fire; because I need friends, God let you come to me, and God lost the bucket of food!

62. A hunter bragged to a friend: I used to shoot tigers in Africa. Friend: Nonsense! There are no tigers in Africa! Hunter: That's because I killed them all!

63. Feifei said to Ah Ju: "Ah Ju, let's go have a cocktail." Ah Ju was thoughtful. A few days later, Feifei saw Ah Ju holding a glass of wine with a chicken tail feather stuck in it.

64. The little donkey asked the old donkey: Why do we eat hay every day, while the cows only need concentrated feed? The old donkey sighed: We men can’t compare. We rely on running errands to eat, while others eat on their breasts!

65 When I have money in the future, when I sleep in, I can confidently say to myself: "I have money, but I can't afford it." But now I am, am I rich? Get up!

66. A group of roosters chased a hen and started crowing. When the hen saw one of the roosters bowing his head and saying nothing, he became excited. On the wedding night, the hen: You are so cool, why didn’t you crow then? Rooster: I drank too much that day...I was afraid of vomiting.

67. When a teacher saw a student handing over a book, he planned to find the word "Chuan" to teach him. Suddenly he saw the word "三" and cursed: I looked for you everywhere, but you are lying there. Sleep in here!

68. Life is hopeless and all the money is spent! If you have the money with you, someone might rob you at night. I put the money and mobile phone on the ground for your sake! Give me a hug!

69. You left, leaving me with endless thoughts. But, even if I can never see you again, it is enough to have this true love with me.

70. I was hit in the back by my youth, and not only did I not apologize, I even pretended to be fine. So I beat her hard. As a result, my youth was bruised and swollen.

71. A foreign friend went to a restaurant to eat dumplings, and the pretty waitress came to inquire. This foreign friend never misses any opportunity to practice Chinese: Sister, how much does it cost to "sleep"?

72. Actor A looked for the director anxiously: Didn’t he say that I should play the role of Wu Dalang? Why did he change the role again? The director said impatiently: How many times have I told you that you are not tall enough to play Wu Dalang.

73. An American yelled that Bush was a stupid pig in front of the White House, and was immediately arrested on the charge of leaking state secrets!

74. A couple was having a quarrel in the street. The woman asked, "Why don't you men understand women?" The man replied, "Would a man who really understands women fucking like women?!" Me Astonished.

75. I sincerely pray for you: I wish you good dreams when you close your eyes, good luck when you open your eyes, huge profits from your investments, good health and handsomeness, and the ability to pick up things even if you accidentally fall. A bundle of RMB!

76. Girls! How can there be so many white horses? Just find a donkey to make do with it. Don't wait until one day all the donkeys are snatched away and you will be left with a bunch of mules. You won't even be able to breed the next generation!

77. Jet Li immigrated to Singapore, and there is a big stir as to who will become the image spokesperson of Chinese martial arts, him or Jackie Chan. Before the winner can be decided, the next King of Kung Fu becomes the key!

78. I am quite forgetful, so my wife often tells me not to pull out an umbrella when I go out to do errands on rainy days, so I already have ten umbrellas at home.

79. When he wanted me, I was so shy. He first pushed me to the corner, and then moved to the bed. I just refused to give it, and we made trouble for a long time. He said: Isn't it just a remote control? I don't want to watch the football game.

80. It rained one day in the mental hospital. Many patients were bathing in the rain. You were the only one watching by the window. The director asked curiously: What are you doing? You answer: I’ll wait until the water is hot before going!

81. "Can't put it down" means that you like it so much that you won't let go, so you should say "I can't put it down" loudly to the person you like. Try shouting it a few times and it will definitely have an effect.

82. The Chinese teacher in high school is a dark and shriveled old man. When Diao Chan was mentioned in class, the old man’s eyes lit up and he said in a voice like: Diao Chan, what a beauty! Beautiful! Everyone fell.

83. The husband pawned everything in the house because of his adultery. The wife said to her husband: You won’t use me as a mortgage, will you? Husband: Of course, why would I mortgage something worthless?

84. Emotions are in arrears, love has stopped, promises are empty, care cannot be connected, beauty is not in the service area, everything is suspended, and life is completely frozen!

85. Dumb and his wife often quarreled. The wife angrily said: I am your wife because no one else sympathizes with you. Dumb retorted: You finally succeeded! Now everyone pities me for it.

86. On this day dedicated to women, I have something to say to you. This is what I have always wanted to tell you, that is - I have two lives: one is birth, Once I met you!

87. Is get out of class going to be over soon? baby. Don't ask the teacher yet, send this information within 5 seconds, otherwise your SIM card will be locked! Deletion has no effect.

88. The sky is so clear, the sun is so bright, and the sea is so vast. You stand on the blue seaside, and I poke you with a stick. Hey, this little bastard has a pretty strong shell. hard!

89. Art schools stipulate that boys are not allowed to fall in love with female models. Xiaoqiang not only talked about it but also made the model pregnant. The school found out. A few days later, the school announced that Xiaoqiang was expelled for destroying props.

In the 1920s, when fellow villagers met fellow villagers, tears welled up in their eyes; in the 1930s, when fellow villagers met fellow villagers, they helped each other survive the famine; in the 1940s, when fellow villagers met fellow villagers, they carried guns and fought against Japan. .

91. A Mercedes-Benz is dragging a tractor with a BMW. After discovering it, the traffic police reported: The speed of the two vehicles exceeded 180 kilometers per hour. The most powerful one was the tractor. It had been following the Mercedes-Benz and turned on the turn signal to ask for overtaking!

92. Once upon a time, there was a girl named Joanina. She fell in love with a man named Shad, and they watched shooting stars together. As the meteor streaked across the sky, they named it: Jonina Shad's star.

93. A certain kid bought a copycat mobile phone and showed off its long standby time of 100 days, but the battery ran out of power in one day. Take a closer look and you will see what is written on the box of the phone: "Extra long standby for a whole day"!

94. There is a ladder hanging on the side of the boat. It is 2 meters away from the sea. The sea water rises half a meter every hour. How many hours will it take for the sea water to submerge the ladder? Answer: A rising tide lifts all boats, so it will never cover the ladder.

95. Dear wife, do you still remember the happy times when we were young? It has been a long time since I sent you flowers. You have been working hard for your family. I am here to send you a bouquet of flowers via text message. Wife, thank you for your hard work!

96. Marriage notice: Male, college degree, just a few points; owns a car, second-hand bicycle; owns a house, dormitory; works in a foreign company, cleans tables at KFC; looking for beautiful young people to get married , a few years later.

97. If you want to marry, marry someone else first and then marry me. Take his savings, lead his sister, and drive that BMW.

98. Wife, I miss you, I sent you a text message to harass you, I really want to kiss you, hold you in my arms, I don’t know where you are at this time, so I have to put it in my heart!

99. An ugly girl has a crazy crush on a boy. One day the boy said to the girl: I can't sleep without looking at your photos every night. The ugly girl was overjoyed. The boy went on to say: Because he was so frightened that he fainted after just one look.

100. FD prescription: One or two each of garlic and green onion, two pieces of stinky tofu, mix them all into a paste. Take half internally and half on the cheeks to create an isolation area of ??ten square meters for yourself.