How to get rid of family of origin's harm?

One of the most unfortunate facts in life is that the first major hardship we encounter mostly comes from family, and this kind of hardship can be inherited.

but, if you want to change, you can.

so how do you heal yourself? After all, the past has happened, and we can't go back to the past to fix the problem like the recent Avengers 4. How can we use it to heal ourselves at this time? Today, based on my many years of experience and my own experience, I will help you sort out how to get out of the painful experience brought by family of origin.

family of origin is the cornerstone of life

First of all, let me explain the word family of origin to you. family of origin, as its name implies, is our original family, which includes the most important family relationship we have since we were born (parents are not necessarily here, for example, some people died after birth, and they grew up with their grandparents, and grandparents and himself here can also be a family of origin).

China's old saying goes, "When you are three years old, you are old.".

That is to say, our personality is basically stereotyped when we are young, so how does personality come into being? According to psychoanalysis, a person's personality is often produced in the interaction between his early years and his initial caregivers.

In this case, whether the relationship with family of origin is healthy or not will have a great impact on our life.

how many people have struggled all their lives, but they can't escape, and the influence brought by the original family will linger in their later lives.

I was not encouraged and praised by my parents when I was a child, but I have been seeking affirmation since I grew up;

When I was a child, I was neglected at home, but when I grew up, I became insecure.

When I was a child, I grew up under the verbal violence of my family, and when I grew up, I became sensitive and insecure.

I spent my childhood arguing with my parents, but when I grew up, I became distrustful of my feelings.

...

It takes courage and wisdom to bid farewell to the past

In p>1886, Nietzsche wrote in The Transcendence of Good and Evil: If you struggle with the dragon for too long, you will become a dragon yourself; If you stare at the abyss for too long, the abyss will stare back.

it is not easy or difficult to say goodbye to the gloomy past.

You know, although a large part of our personality may have been decided at an early age, there is really nothing we can do without it.

Brian Lito believes that people are not victims of genes or environment, that is to say, even after the formation of personality, people can still freely choose what kind of person they become.

He pointed out that "each of us has at least three selves, one is determined by genes, the other is influenced by environment and culture, and the other is defined by our own life goals and values, and the last one is the most important self that belongs to us completely".

several steps to get out of family of origin's influence

the first step: awareness of different problems

first, compare ourselves to see if we are a problem. We obviously want to change, but we always feel that there is a force that we can't change. At this time, if you think back carefully, you may find that this has been the case since childhood. This time may be the influence of the past, and it is always the first step to change to know that knowledge is not the problem.

Step 2: Rebuild your own boundaries

As mentioned in the previous article, the influence brought by family of origin is at the personality level, and it must be difficult to change your personality. So don't worry yourself. At this time, you begin to realize that you may encounter fierce opposition and attacks from your family after the problem appears, which will make you more miserable.

At this time, you must trust your feelings, because feelings are often the most real, and your feelings will not deceive you. Often one thing is unhappy, and there is nothing right or wrong.

Step 3: Start believing in yourself

When you want to transcend past problems, you may have some opinions on many issues, and even you may have a strong conflict with family of origin.

at this time, you still need to have a sense and firmly let yourself go. It's best to make it clear to them. If your family feels that you have changed or how to make it clear to them, even if they may not accept you at once, they will reflect.

If you persist in this way for a period of time, I believe that gradually your ego will become stronger and stronger, and you may start to have your own opinions, and you will become different from the past.

Step 4: Return to the family

When you get to this point, you have healed yourself to a certain extent. Although I have grown up at this stage, my parents have not.

At the same time, this stage will last for quite a long time because of the self-growth involving security, self-cognition, values, world outlook, grasping boundaries and many other aspects.