Immigrant shopkeeper

China has a saying that "distance produces beauty". According to rural people, it is "far away from disaster", which means the same thing. It is inevitable that there will be contradictions when you get along closely, but you will feel intimate when you meet at a distance. China also has an ancient poem that says, "It's a pleasure to have friends coming from afar." .

Therefore, I still agree that parents and children should keep a distance, so that the relationship will be harmonious and long-lasting.

Of course, this distance is appropriate, not to say that the farther away the better, because parents need to take care of them when they are old, and it is inconvenient to take care of them too far away.

I think the best way is for the elderly to have their own residence, not far from their children. If the elderly really need personal care, they can go to their home to take care of them.

I don't know if you agree with me. I say this for the following reasons:

1, different ideas

Old people may have different views on many issues from ours.

For example, in dressing and eating, we pay attention to green health, while the elderly may pay attention to economy. This is the old concept of "it doesn't hurt to eat, but it doesn't hurt to be blind". We pursue the fashion trend in dress and don't want to fall behind. Old people may find it unnecessary to live too luxuriously.

There are other small things, when there are different ideas, there will be disputes. It's even more annoying to meet nosy old people. He'll say you can't do this or that.

Of course, not all old people are like this, and we can't generalize.

2. Different timetables

Generally, the elderly will sleep less and get used to going to bed early and getting up early. And we young people like to stay up late and get up late on weekends. Even if the old people don't disturb us, they will inevitably make noise in the same room, which will affect our sleep.

I have a relative who is like this. She had a nervous breakdown and could not sleep well. Her mother-in-law got up at three or four in the morning and said she couldn't sleep. Although my mother-in-law is very attentive, she can still clearly hear the sound of opening and closing the door. Relatives are falling apart.

3. Different hygiene habits

If your conditions are good enough, such as living in a duplex building, you can let the elderly live on the first floor and you live on the second floor, so that there is not much intersection between food and drink in life, and living together is relatively ok.

If you just live in an ordinary three-bedroom apartment, if you live with the elderly, it is not convenient anywhere. Take the bathroom as an example. If it were me, I wouldn't share a bathroom with them.

Anyway, there are many conflicts and contradictions in living with parents. Everyone should be realistic. Although living with the elderly is good at first, it is not good to make yourself uncomfortable and the elderly are not at ease.

Therefore, it is not necessary to live with the elderly to be filial.

If conditions permit, it is best not to live together. It is better to buy an apartment for the elderly near your home, even tens of square meters, and give them a space of their own, so that you can take care of them often.

As an article said, "The best way to get along with parents is to have a bowl of water level".

Compared with the world, people who may not want to live with the older generation are more in line with the world trend. China is probably the person who likes living with the older generation best in the world. In other words, China people may be a nation with poor independent living ability.

It is completely understandable that a wife doesn't want to live with her parents.

First of all, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a common, prominent and complicated contradiction in China's family. Are there more families with contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law or families without contradictions? No one has done any research. Maybe there are not a few families with contradictory mother-in-law and daughter-in-law! However, although it is a minority, it has a great impact. Therefore, there are contradictions, which is undoubtedly related to the strong dependence of children on their parents. The stronger the dependence, the more contradictions. There seems to be no contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law abroad.

The closer the distance between two cars, the greater the possibility of collision. The farther the distance, the safer it is. It must be difficult for my son and daughter-in-law to agree on whether to live with their parents. So it is difficult to unify, because the son did not move, nor did he move his position. The daughter-in-law belongs to another family. With an obvious "immigrant" atmosphere.

Speaking of immigration, no matter which country you are in, immigrants will be treated differently and it is difficult to fully integrate into local life. Immigrants are like a scar on their face or body, like a patch on their clothes, as if the scar left by fire will never disappear. Accompany for life.

Daughter-in-law is a foreign population. When migrants arrive at the man's house, they must do as their mother-in-law says. Mother-in-law is like Empress Dowager Cixi, and all courtiers and ministers bow down when they see the emperor. Shout long live. Now many daughter-in-law may not be able to adapt to such a life.

Secondly, in fact, families who do not live together may be more stable. At least, the daughter-in-law only needs to serve her husband. Being with the older generation will make young people uncomfortable. Sometimes, when we are not living together, the wife can coquetry, command her husband and be presumptuous. Do whatever you want. No pressure. Living with my mother-in-law is not so free.

Moreover, if there are several daughters-in-law, it will be even more troublesome. Then we have to start a new stove. Otherwise, a daughter-in-law lives with her mother-in-law, and a daughter-in-law does not live together. Isn't this a deliberate contradiction?

In short, young people should be independent. You can't depend on your parents forever. Facts have proved that people who have lost their mother or father since childhood are stronger and more enterprising.

A wife who doesn't want to live with her parents is a good wife.

Secondly,

I tell you from a female perspective, normal psychology, normal psychology, normal psychology. You ask this question, which shows that you haven't understood the meaning of marriage.

Marriage means that a man and a woman form a small family. In this small family, whether men plow and women weave, whether men are outside and women are at home, or whether both husband and wife work, it is up to you two to discuss something. Husband and wife can live according to their own preferences or ways of getting along. With in-laws, the wife is integrated into a new family, in which only she is an outsider. As an outsider, it takes too much running-in to successfully integrate into this family. If the husband can handle the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, maybe his wife's life will be better. If she meets the shopkeeper, she will be hit hard. Even if she is slowly accepted by this new family, her wife has changed beyond recognition. The white rose of that year turned into rice residue on clothes.

A man doesn't want to leave his family, because he is the biggest vested interest. For him, he has a new wife, snuggling up to his parents. Someone takes care of you when you are tired, and someone comforts you when you are tired. My wife is not at home, and my mother, my mother is not at home, and the bride. His life has not changed, and he certainly can't understand this kind of mood of women. It's like you jump ship to a new company, where the old employees are all family members, but you want to get involved, but no one takes you to play. From time to time, people find fault with you and even suppress you. Will you be happy?

When a man gets married, he must learn to grow up. When his psychology is still immature, he really shouldn't choose marriage, because marriage not only has an affair, but also rice dregs.

I'm happy to answer your question.

After marriage, what kind of psychology is a wife unwilling to live with her parents?

Very normal psychology. It's really rare to live with your parents after marriage now. No matter what my wife thinks, I find it inconvenient to live with my parents. I live in my parents' house for no more than one week a year, so I will go back to my parents' house for three to five days near the Spring Festival. Nothing can go to my parents' house for dinner, but I'm still not used to it. Especially after having children, not living with your parents does not mean that you are unfilial. Be filial at ordinary times, but have your own space.

In the past, as long as I lived apart from my parents, I was separated. Now, there is no such thing as separation. Now every family has one or two children, which is their pride. Here, the division between boys and girls is not so clear, and girls also have property sharing when they retire. The only thing is that the girl is married, but the things that should be managed at home are still managed. So it's normal for your wife not to live with your parents. This does not mean that she is not filial to your parents. Let me tell you something about your wife in general.

This is the first problem we have to face. Most of the buildings we live in now are separated by a big house, unlike the one-bedroom apartment in the past. In winter, it is better to say that we wear so little in summer. Your wife may consider it inconvenient to get dressed, take a shower and go to the bathroom together. It doesn't matter if you wear less at home in summer, just wear pajamas after taking a shower, but not if you live with your parents.

I have a deep understanding of this. My mother came to my house for a month when my wife was confined. She faces the old man's nagging every day and starts nagging me as soon as she sleeps at night. Why did she go to bed so late and get up in the morning? Going to bed late is not good for your health. I'll call you early the next morning. Get up and eat quickly. You don't get up so late. Look at this. She still treats you like a child. Do you think if you live with your parents and face their nagging every day, you may be able to stand it, and so can your wife?

If you live with your parents, there will be fewer gatherings between relatives and friends. It's okay for you to go to other people's homes, but it's inconvenient for your friends or relatives to come to your home. Friends just go to a restaurant and don't go home at most. But what about your wife's relatives? It will be very inconvenient if your parents-in-law want to see their daughter. Are they coming to see their daughter or their in-laws? So don't just think about yourself. Put yourself in your wife's shoes and see how many problems you have to face.

Living with parents has advantages, for example, you don't have to cook at ordinary times, and you may be free to go out when you have children, but these are just minor problems. You can consider living with your parents and taking care of each other. After a long time, you will find that living with your parents will have many contradictions. After all, there is a generation gap between you, some trivial matters in your life, differences in how to look at problems, and your wife's only concern in front of your parents.

This is a normal psychology!

When conditions permit, women want to live alone after marriage, which is not to say that their wives are unfilial, mainly because of the following psychological concerns:

1, getting married means a woman's role changes and she needs to adapt.

2, living with parents-in-law, most afraid of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, this is a topic that has been discussed.

3, not free, such as sleeping late, not cooking, two people making out, and so on.

4. If there are children, there will be conflicts in educating them.

If the husband can handle the relationship between his in-laws and his wife, not be a mother-in-law, not a mouthpiece, not deliberately favoring his parents, respecting and understanding his wife, and solving his wife's worries one by one, everything can still be discussed. After all, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law mainly depends on her husband's attitude in dealing with problems.

Just as her husband doesn't want to live with his parents-in-law, it doesn't matter what you do in front of your parents. You can speak casually and don't have to be so careful, but you are a little stiff in front of your in-laws or parents-in-law. You need to think twice before you speak.

Many men don't understand their wives, because they think that China has been like this for thousands of years, and it has long been a tradition. Before marriage, they just need to please their parents-in-law. After marriage, they don't need to worry about how to get along with their in-laws for a long time. They can't empathize, so they don't think about how difficult it is for their wives to adapt to the whole family after marriage, especially when their in-laws are harsh and unreasonable and their husbands don't understand, how helpless and desperate they are. Because there are too many such cases, I am afraid that such things will happen to me again.

One more thing, wives and in-laws are two generations after all, and many habits and concepts are different. If you don't live together, you can avoid conflict. So, if you can't live together, try to live separately.

First of all, we must understand the wife's thoughts. After all, if she is not her own parents, it will be difficult to get along with her. Over time, unnecessary friction will occur. Living with the elderly has various advantages and disadvantages. On the positive side, the elderly have rich life experience and can take care of children in their daily lives. Families with babies can better reflect the value of the elderly, and also help to take care of children and share family pressure. Of course, there will be differences in the education of children, especially the role of the wife is more likely to have different ways of looking at problems. Actually, as a wife, I prefer to run my own small family in a free environment. Wives will be freer without the interference of their elders. I believe this is what all wives want.

Before marriage, we should be honest with each other. After marriage, if parents can still live independently, why not live separately? As long as parents are young, it is also a good thing to live separately.

As the old saying goes, "the fragrance is far away and the smell is near". Don't say that your in-laws get along with your daughter-in-law, even if your mother lives with her daughter all day, conflicts will gradually arise.

Living separately can avoid contradictions and give each other space.