What's the funniest story or joke you can think of?

1. Three white rabbits picked a mushroom.

The two big ones let the small one get some wild vegetables to eat together.

The younger one said I wouldn't go. If I leave, you will eat my mushrooms.

The two older ones said no and went ~ ~ ~

Half a year has passed, and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The big one can't come back. Let's eat.

The other big one said wait ~ ~ ~

A year has passed and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. Don't wait for us to eat.

Just then, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the nearby jungle and said angrily, Look! I know you want to eat my mushrooms.

2. Many things will have various flavors when cooking ... so cook; Always very particular.

But ... on the contrary ... something; It smells better if it's chilled. What is this?

Electricity.

Because ... refrigerator-> Electricity-ice-(fragrance) .........

3. Cars can fly. Please guess a drink ... coffee. ...

Because ... (car)-(plane)

We say that a bear without tail is called koala, so what is a bear without penis?

The answer is the female bear, because the female bear has no penis.

5. Once upon a time, there was a steamed bread ~ ate a meatball ~ turned into steamed bread ~

6. Once upon a time, a medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met in the street. Why don't they say hello?

Because: they don't know each other. ...

7. Q: One day, it took a bird 1 hour to fly from Kaohsiung to Taipei. But it took 2 hours to get back! Why?

Because it is raining! So cover the rain with one hand and let it fly with the other.

8. Q: What chicken runs fast in the world? What chicken is slow?

A: Chicken nuggets (quick)

Nicole Kidman (slow)

9. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?"

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will flash!" "

10. Excuse me: Who gave you the water?

Answer: Aha ~ ~ ~

Reason: "Aha, give me a cup of forgetful water ~ ~ ~"

1 1. Q: What animal sticks to the wall most easily?

A: Sea (newspaper) leopard

12. Q: Who will help you eat when you are full?

A: Feilong, because Feilong is added in units of (days).

13. Which is dumb, the star, the moon or the sun?

Stars, because there is a saying in Lu's song, "The stars in the sky don't talk."

14. What's the name of this pencil?

Xiao, because: sharpen (Xiao) pencils.

15. Which anime character is always in the dark?

Tinker bell (robot cat) is opaque.

16.4 people are playing mahjong in the house. Why did the police come and take five people?

Four people are playing mahjong in the room. Why did the police come and take five people?

Because the person they play is called "Mahjong"

17. Xiaoming: "Do you know the name of boxing champion Ali's father?" Ruobing: "I don't know." Xiao Ming: "Idiot! Alibaba, of course. "

Ming: "Do you know what mosquitoes don't bite?" Ruobing: "I don't know." Xiaoming: "Jelly, jelly pudding, of course!" " Ha ha! "

19.4. (Health) Mom's name is peanut! What's the name of (Huaer)' s mother? -wonderful pen, because (wonderful pen gives birth to flowers)

Let me tell you a touching story.

Get out of here! (The story of arresting people)

2 1. There is a family ... the whole family is lazy. ...

Dad lets mom do housework, mom lets her sister do it if she doesn't want to, and sister lets her do it if she doesn't want to. ...

But my sister didn't want to do it either, so she let the dog do it. ...

One day, a guest came to the house ... and found the dog doing housework. ...

I asked the dog in surprise, "Puppy, can you do housework?" ? ! 」

The dog said, "I can't help it ... they don't do it, but they all want me to do it ..."

The guests were even more surprised ...: "You can talk! ! ! ! 」

Dog: "Shh! Keep your voice down ... or they'll know I can talk ... let me answer the phone ...! ! 」

22. Why do foxes often wrestle! !

Because foxes are cunning (slippery)

23. A professor of psychology said to the chairman of the meeting, "If you want the women attending the meeting to be quiet at once, ask them a question:' Ladies, who is the oldest?' The meeting soon became silent. "

24. Woman: "It is better for me to marry the devil than to marry you."

Man: "That's impossible, because consanguineous marriage is forbidden."

25. Lele went to the zoo one day to feed the monkeys ... threw peanuts to the monkeys ... but one monkey always put peanuts in his ass first ... and then took them out ... Lele felt sick and ran to ask the director ... why did this monkey behave so strangely? The director explained: because someone threw him a big peach last year ... the seeds of that big peach could not be discharged from his ass smoothly. ...

26. Devil: "Princess, if you scream your throat out, no one will come to save you!" " "

Princess: "broken throat!" " "

No one: "Princess! I'm coming to save you! "

Devil: "Damn it."

Ghost: "Who found me?"

Who: "What's it to me?"

The devil is dead! !

Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat.

`````````````

one day

The white cat fell into the water.

The black cat saved it.

The white cat said a word to the black cat

Q: What is this sentence?

.................... "meow"

It is said that in the dark night, on the longest ... the most terrible road. ...

The taxi driver drove there. ...

There was a woman beckoning to get on the bus ... OK ... It was quiet all the way. ...

Until the woman spoke. ...

She said, "This is an apple for you … It's delicious …" The driver thought it was great … so he took it …

Then I took a bite ... the woman asked, "Is it delicious?"

The driver said, "Delicious!" The woman replied, "I liked apples very much before my death ..."

Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... Hearing this, the driver suddenly braked with fear and turned white. ...

I saw that woman slowly turn her head forward, ....................................................................................................................................................................

Want to know what she said? ……………………………………………………

"But I don't like it after giving birth to a baby.

29. the eleventh book is incredible (book 1 1)

30. A person painted gold is a blockbuster (a golden person).

3 1. Yu told Xiao Ming that her father was impotent and couldn't stop (Yu Dad couldn't).

32. Eat with chopsticks (chopsticks to the population)

33. Which song has the lyrics of "CoCo Lee"? The moon represents my heart (

CoCo Lee, how much I love you ...)

34. What color can best imitate? -Red (Mill) Imitation

35. Jasmine, sunflower and rose, which flower is the weakest? Jasmine, because: how beautiful (powerless)

Jasmine

36. Which is dumb, the star, the moon or the sun? Stars, because there is a saying in Lu's song, "The stars in the sky don't talk."

37. What will happen when Kirin flies to the North Pole? Ice cream (ice unicorn)

38. What kind of flower has no children? Mayflower, because Mayflower toilet paper (unborn)

39. A mother gave birth to conjoined twins, and her sister's name was Mary. What's her sister's name?

A: Monroe's reason: Marilyn Monroe (even number)

40.

Xiaoming: Have you ever seen a tortoise shake its head?

Kangkang shakes his head) No.

Xiaoming: Have you ever heard a fool say?

Idiot said no, retarded said no.

The story of words?

Kangkang: .............

4 1. Pig: "Chicken, why don't you take a bath?" It stinks worse than me. "

Chicken: "Mom won't let me wash it."

Pig: "Why?"

Chicken: "Mom says it's dirty to rub yourself back and forth in the shower."

42. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves.

Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them.

The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you wanted.

At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said:

Tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is.

43.

Q: What do African cannibals eat?

A: people!

Q: Then one day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat?

A: Eat vegetables! ~~

44. Little Black, Little White, Little Yellow and Little Red are flying. Who will get sick?

The answer is: Xiao Bai.

Because: white rabbit (vomiting)

45. What letter is the saddest ~!

Answer; F because FB (sad) I (ai)

46. Wolves, tigers and lions who play games will be eliminated-Wolves and Momotaro (eliminate wolves).

47. Why does the silkworm baby have money? Because ... silkworms can cocoon (frugal)

48.4. (Female guests finish dancing)

Brother Xian: Your dancing is really shirtless and methodical. ...

49. 13. Brother Xian: Don't look at Kang Kangchang like this. Kangkang is actually a hybrid.

He is from another planet. ...

50.2 Which country has the largest army, China, Japan or the United States?

A: Japan ... There is a singer named Ayumi Hamasaki (soldier quick march) ~ ~ ~

5 1. The sheep calls the eagle, and the eagle picks up the phone and says, "Feed the yang and obey the yin" (the sheep calls the eagle to feed.

52. Ten sheep, nine squatting in the sheepfold and one squatting in the pigsty.

53. Celery was walking when he suddenly felt a pain in his stomach. Then he let out a hiss. What do you think he took out? That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung?

Answer: yellow.

Because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang)

54.(2) Which Chinese character is the coolest?

A: thong (cool).

55. Once upon a time there was a eunuch. .........................

.........

..................................................................................................................................................................................

56. Hold out four fingers and say in English: Four ... What are the wonderful four fingers?

57. Draw a V on two fingers. What is this? Yeah ~ ~ Hands shaking down, what is it? It's fallen leaves! Ha ha ha, laughing me to death.

58. The coffee cup and the water cup crossed the road together. At this moment, an old man shouted "Be careful, it's a red light". But after a while, the coffee cup crossed the road smoothly, but the water cup was hit by a truck and flowed into the note. Why?

The key: Because coffee cups have "ears", water cups don't have 5555555555555555.

59. Why do most Buddhists live in the northern hemisphere? Namo amit Ba

60. Why did the frog lose to the dog in the swimming competition? Breaststroke fouls frogs.

6 1. Xiaoming's grandfather sings while brushing his teeth. Why? Brush is false teeth.

62. The mother mouse suspects that her husband is having an affair. She followed her husband to the grass. Then a hedgehog came out. The mother mouse grabbed the hedgehog: you damn fool, you said you didn't have an affair. Who are you trying to seduce by rubbing so much mousse?

63. On MSN, I wanted to ask my junior if she had a CD. As a result, I just typed in "My junior has a C" and accidentally pressed Enter to send it out.

Junior: "You hate it, but I seem to be more than that?"

I was sweating like a pig, so I quickly added the second half sentence: "... D?"

Junior: "Well, almost, hehe!" :p "

I'm dizzy! ! !

64. Young girl prostitution-famous Tongji! !

My brother doesn't like his mother's cooking very much, but he likes instant noodles. His mother scolded him, "You won't go out to buy lunch, will you?" Eating instant noodles is not nutritious! ! "

The younger brother talked back and said, "I just like eating, so what!" " "

"Oh ~ mom told you, instant noodles are really not a good thing. There is a young lady in your father's company. In order to save money and send it home, she eats instant noodles at noon and night in the morning. Eating instant noodles every day, she died three months later! "

-Brother (frightened to disgrace): "Really?"

-How could mom lie to you? "

Really? Then how did she die? "

-Um ... I had an accident while buying instant noodles ... "

66. A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma replied, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .

67. Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."

My 68.7-year-old niece insisted on taking a bath with me and said, "Aunt, why are your breasts so small?" I sweated wildly: "Not small, how small!" My little niece gave me a pitiful look and said, "Nothing, mine is very small, too."

69.I: Excuse me, are you the legendary princess of iron fan?

W: Why do you say that?

Me: because ... because ... because I think only Niu Wangmo can match your looks!

Female:-_-! !

70. blind date, GG: "the last question I want to ask-are you a virgin?"

Mm got angry when she heard it: "Is it critical that I am a virgin? How can men be like this now! ! ! "

After a burst of indiscriminate bombing, GG was very wronged: "In fact, I mean, if you are a virgin and I am a Scorpio, it will be a good match ~"

7 1. A Japanese worked hard for more than half a month and finally rowed from Japan Island to Diaoyu Island. With tears in his eyes, he took out his mobile phone with trembling hands and prepared to declare Guinness World Records. As a result, he opened his mobile phone and read it, which read: China Mobile does not welcome you.

72. I took a taxi with my friends to meet a net friend. After arriving, my friend pointed to an ugly woman not far away and said to the driver, "Did you see that woman?"

"See, stop here?"

"No, kill her! ! ! "

73. Send a text message to a boy: There's something I've always wanted to ask you seriously. Can you promise to tell me the truth?

He (seriously): Go ahead, what is it?

Me: Don't you regret molesting Chang 'e in the sky?

He: #% ...% #% #!

74. Why do modern people break their promises more and more?

The telephone is convenient, so write less.

How many stars are there in the sky?

Eight grams (Starbucks)

76. I asked my troubles. They don't love you at all. They say they will never talk to you. Let me tell you not to flatter yourself! Also, health let me bring you a love letter: I have a crush on you for a long time, and I will never change it! Happy new year!

On the occasion of the new year, I hope you will always be as happy as a kettle on the stove. Even if your ass is burned red, you will still whistle happily and spray bubbles with your nose!

I wish all of you here more popularity than the Virgin Mary, wealth dare to be the mother of Bill Gates, heroic spirit surpass Saddam Hussein, and catch up with Beckham handsomely. Happy new year.

77. Go to a friend's house to play, but because he just moved and there is no TV at home, we are bored, so we pretend that there is a TV on the cabinet and a remote control in our hand, and then use the remote control to change channels constantly.

Later, he kept changing and told him that he still wouldn't listen, so we started fighting.

A girl named Feng Qi, when the teacher asked her why, she said%.

Interviewee: Leng Huayin-new to the Jianghu level 2 1- 1 19:02.

A couple are studying English together in the study room. Suddenly, the girl wanted to fart, but she was embarrassed, so she used her quick wits to ask the boy, "Do you want to listen to the cuckoo?" The boy nodded. The girl imitated: "Goo goo, goo goo." Take the opportunity to fart. The girl asked, "Is it nice?" The boy replied, "I didn't hear fart because it was too loud." Embarrassed, the girl pointed to three words in the book, and the boy read: "Peace War Found".

In the middle of the night, anonymous returned to the dormitory and was surrounded by several thugs at the door. In times of crisis, the janitor stepped forward and made the girl escape successfully, but she was gang-raped by herself. The next day, the principal visited the aunt in the hospital and thanked her for her behavior. Unexpectedly, my aunt said, "Nothing, I didn't think about it at that time, but I just thought that such a good thing could not be cheaper than that little slut!" "

Twenty years ago, my mother held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child. Mom cried. A american born chinese patted her and said, Don't cry, big sister! Give your monkey bananas! Poor thing. I'm starving. . .