Psychological problems?

1. Children have "eggshell psychology" that needs to be opened slowly by parents.

Do children also have psychological problems? Children who don't like to eat or study, but who love playing and surfing the Internet, may actually have psychological problems, but many parents and teachers still don't understand these problems correctly. According to Director Shu Mingyue, who has been engaged in psychotherapy and scientific research for a long time, they have conducted two relatively representative surveys, one with the National Committee of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference, and found that 14% of students in Shenzhen have psychological problems, which is higher than the national average. A little higher. Last year, another survey was conducted on the psychological problems of junior high school students, and it was found that about 11% had depressive symptoms. This number is similar to that in the mainland. It can be said that the comparison between Shenzhen and other places is not high, but it should still be taken seriously.

Nowadays, many parents care much more about their children's physical health than their psychological concerns, and there are many misunderstandings and blind spots in their understanding of children's psychological problems. Director Wan Guobin, who has many years of experience in child psychotherapy, believes that children's psychological problems are different from those of adults, but the two are closely related. Adults are more likely to have emotional and thinking problems; children are more likely to have developmental problems, such as the development of intelligence, language, and motor behavior. Children's psychological problems range from mild to severe, ranging from mental illness to psychological disorders, to psychological confusion and emotional problems, and the degree is getting lighter and lighter. Wan Guobin explained that taking the issue of children's eating as an example, eating itself is an instinctive behavior. It is a natural phenomenon to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full. But now, many parents attach great importance to their children's health and put special emphasis on eating. How to eat becomes determined by the parents' attitude. If a child does not eat well, it will turn into mental and behavioral problems to a certain extent. In fact, this also reflects the psychological problems of the parents. Therefore, the parent-child relationship is very important when a child is growing up.

Some children play chess with others and never play chess again after losing... In the eyes of adults, today's children generally have relatively closed and fragile psychological characteristics, which people call "egg". Shell Psychology”. Regarding this issue, Dr. Tan Jialin believes that mental health issues must be distinguished from general issues of growth. Just like it takes a lot of falls to learn to walk, a child needs to overcome many difficulties to grow. The key is for parents to help their children overcome a series of difficulties.

As for the problem of "eggshell psychology", Director Shu Mingyue said that this has both family and social reasons. The development of modernization and urbanization has brought about changes in living space, creating a relatively closed environment for children. In addition, since they are only children, they lack space to interact with peers and are prone to personality defects. Some children do not interact with others and cannot adapt to minor setbacks; some usually do very well in school but will not go to school the next day after being criticized by the teacher. In this regard, parents or schools need to work together and slowly give him opportunities to exercise, and he will slowly open this "shell".

“Fragile” does not mean “cowardly” or “not brave.” There is a difference between mental health problems and ideological and moral problems, and most people tend to confuse the two. Shu Mingyue specifically pointed out that children's psychological fragility cannot be viewed solely from the perspective of character and thought, but must be viewed from the perspective of psychological development. Parents and teachers should consciously cultivate their children's psychological endurance, encourage and guide them more logically, and tell them that failure is essential. In the process of communicating with children, we need to talk about psychological methods and sometimes techniques. Teacher Jiang Ping, who has a lot of practical experience in working in schools, also pointed out that many teachers and parents mistook their children's bad behavior for their bad moral character, unwillingness to learn, and lack of love for learning. In fact, this is psychologically unhealthy. , abnormal. Many teachers and parents do not understand the motivations behind children's problematic behaviors.

2. Separation between parents and children is easy to cause estrangement, and frequent transfer of schools is not advisable

Shenzhen is a busy immigrant city. Many young netizens have reported that after giving birth to a child, the child is sent back to his hometown. Besides, I am usually very busy and leave it to nannies or elderly people to take care of. I have less communication with my children and it is easy for me to become estranged.

The parent-child attachment relationship needs to be firmly established. Wan Guobin said that when a child is growing up, the attachment relationship is very important. The child needs to have a strong emotional connection with the mother. The mother is his safe haven. When he wakes up and feels uncomfortable, he can go to his mother to get comfort. Without this, Relationship will affect his future sense of security. If the caregiver is changed frequently and there is no fixed attachment relationship, the child will develop attachment disorder.

Parents must learn to "settle accounts" and it is best not to separate parents and children. Wan Guobin pointed out that the work pace in Shenzhen is fast and stressful, and it is difficult for children to take care of them. Parents who can afford it financially have to provide care for nannies or bring grandparents over to take care of them. But mentally, children are not given too much care, which is detrimental to their development. Wan Guobin said that within the scope of their ability, parents should try to take care of their children by themselves. Even if they are busy at work during the day, they should communicate with their children after returning home at night. If this foundation is not laid well, it will be difficult to make up for it in the future. Teacher Jiang Ping advocates that primary school students and kindergarten students should not be sent to boarding schools as much as possible. Many parents don't know how to settle accounts, thinking that they can make more money by sending their children out now, but they fail to calculate the negative consequences in the future.

Transfer syndrome is a prominent problem in Shenzhen. Experts recommend not to transfer students easily. Some netizens mentioned that after moving to Shenzhen, they moved about three times a year, and their children had to change schools multiple times.

Teacher Jiang Ping said with deep emotion that many students transfer schools because of poor grades, bad relationships with classmates, or dissatisfied parents. There are also some schools that are irresponsible and encourage students to transfer for fear that poor grades will affect their enrollment rates. Parents think that teachers will care more about their children after moving to a new school. In fact, if they do not receive good psychological counseling after moving to a new place, old problems will continue and new inferiority complex will arise. Moreover, going to a new school will cause new adaptation problems. If the adaptation is not good, the consequences will be more serious. "Normally, I suggest not to change schools as much as possible, but to teach children where to fall and to get up."

Parents should pay special attention to the process of transferring schools and consider whether to transfer to a key middle school or class. Teacher Jiang Ping mentioned that he found that some students had very good grades in ordinary classes. After entering key classes in key middle schools, their grades dropped and they were deeply hit. Then they suffered from neurasthenia and their grades were in a mess. At this time, appropriate counseling is needed to allow him to accept this fact, have psychological preparation and expectations, and find specific ways to adjust himself. Another problem is that parents make the decision, and children follow blindly. Once they fail, they resent and blame the parents.

3. When children grow up, parents must not be self-righteous.

Parents and teachers think they are doing it for the good of their children. As a result, they have brought so much psychological trouble to their children. This is a problem for many people. Unexpected.

"Don't be too self-righteous. In fact, many parents are not as smart as their children." Teacher Jiang Ping particularly solemnly mentioned that parents should not make the decision for their children on all issues. When educating children, they should try to use questions to discuss. A child's growth depends on himself, and no one can take his place. For example, a 3-year-old child is very lively and happy at home. When he sees the stove at home, which is red and green, he is very curious and goes to touch it. However, when the parents see it, they hit it without explaining it clearly to the child.

Shu Mingyue said: "Some parents say they don't know what to do with their children. I have one suggestion: If you don't know how to take care of your children, don't take care of them. If you take care of them, problems will arise. If you take care of them, go to the opposite side. What do you care about? "You can't let him go through what he will go through sooner or later. We can only guide him appropriately.

Don't worry about some things that shouldn't be taken care of, but there are some issues that parents must pay attention to. Shu Mingyue said that the current psychological problem of children's depression in our country is relatively prominent. Parents should first prevent their children from being depressed. Secondly, in the early stages of depression and when they are not in a good mood but have not lost interest in learning, parents should Intervene promptly and give him more care and understanding. For many parents who let their children learn piano, guzheng and other activities, Shu Mingyue said that they should guide the child according to his interests. If he is willing to do it, it is best. Don't use "this will make him famous in the future and it will be easy to find a job". Force him to learn.

4. To get rid of Internet addiction, the focus is on prevention, encouragement and equal communication

Nowadays, the problem of children's Internet addiction is very prominent, and this newspaper has continuously reported on it. Many netizens and parents want to know what good solutions are available. In this regard, Wan Guobin believes that the key to quitting Internet addiction is prevention. It is impossible for children today not to play with computers, but they need to be cautious. Some parents are busy with work and ignore the needs of their children. They allow their children to have this opportunity to play. Once management is neglected, it will be troublesome to take care of problems when they occur. Therefore, parents should set some rules for their children, what should and should not be done, and communicate with their children in advance. It is okay to let children play games, but it must be within the control of parents.

Shu Mingyue proposed that parents should give their children dignity and happiness. Children need recognition and happiness. If they are always scolded and cannot find it in real life, they will go to Internet cafes to find it. Therefore, we must emphasize that children are not only learning machines. We should not be too strict in supervising children and must have guidance, but we should not micromanage everything and be rigid in everything, big or small. One of the ways to prevent it is for parents to take the initiative to arrange spare time for their children. Children are happy to stay with their parents. If you use his spare time, why would he go to an Internet cafe?

“When we want to change our children, the highest state is to change ourselves.” When talking about the responsibilities of parents and teachers, Teacher Jiang Ping said emotionally that treating Internet addiction requires parents and teachers to work together. To complete, the damaged parent-child relationship and teacher-student relationship need to be rebuilt. Children are addicted to the Internet, most likely because they are not taken seriously in real life. For children's psychological problems, parents and teachers must grasp the reasons behind the problems.

When talking to children, parents and teachers should not come up and say that the Internet is not good. They should first ask them what are the benefits of the Internet. For example, they will say that they can vent their emotions and search for information. You accept it. After that, his mind became more stable. Communicate equally. Then you ask him what bad consequences and harms he will have if he continues like this. When he calms down, you can then tell him what good consequences there will be if he changes, and help him solve the problems one by one. In short, we still need to encourage the Lord, accept the right parts of him, and guide him to a brighter path.

5. Accept children with a normal heart

The mental health of children is related to their future growth. If some problems are not solved since childhood, they will affect the development of personal personality and personality and should not be underestimated. Wan Guobin pointed out that many problems are caused by abnormal parent-child relationship.

As a parent, you must have the awareness that the growth of a child is the growth of the parent. As a parent, you must grow up with the growth of the child. As the child grows up, parents can also understand where they are wrong and where they are right. To promote children's mental health, it is very important to learn to accept them.

Accepting children has several meanings. The first one is to accept the child’s feelings. Children have their own emotional experiences, their own joys, sorrows, and joys. Sometimes they cry, make noise, and are unhappy. This is It is natural that after expressing his emotions, parents should accept him and give his children the right and opportunity to express their emotions. Second, we must respect the individual differences of children. Each child is different and has his or her own personality. Never compare yourself to other children, but cultivate them according to their characteristics. Third, we must know that everyone's growth is an independent process. If parents take care of everything, children will lose the opportunity for self-development. We must respect the child's autonomy and let him do it when he can do it. Fourth, give your children selfless love.

In short, there must always be a thread between parents and children, just like flying a kite. It cannot be too tight or too loose, so as to avoid psychological problems in the future.