Who can send me Wu Xinyi's Wounded Fish?

"Elephants are invisible. From Laozi's Tao Te Ching. " When we first met, he said airily.

Yin Xi was just stunned.

Who would have thought that the allusion to a name would be the beginning of a fairy tale about a gifted scholar and a beautiful woman going to college?

Too many memories, of course, not only that.

I still remember the two of them snuggling in the shade of the campus pond, and his chin gently rubbed the hair on her head, which was the warmest whisper between lovers: "Yin Xi, your name is very nice. It is not unreasonable to say that everything in the world will become unpredictable when it comes to extremes, and intangible is better than tangible. It's like I didn't know until I met you that when the most beautiful person was in my arms, my mind was blank and I couldn't find the right words to express it. "

Yin Xi smiled and closed his eyes slightly drunk.

This is the moment she wants to remember most. However, the memory is too beautiful, but there is an ambiguity similar to illusion. Many details become indisputable in the repeated rewinding of memories. Finally, the most clearly branded in my mind are some irrelevant pictures.

She remembers that there was a breeze blowing through the treetops, and the most touching dance came from this.

She remembers the water rippling in the night and crushing the moonlight. There was a sweet silence around, and there seemed to be no one else, except a stranger who caught fish in the distance at night and got up and shook his arm. As if nothing had happened, the fishing line drew a parabola, and the silver hook with bait disappeared silently in the water, arousing the sound of his tail flick. How sweet the bait is.

Later, Yin Xi hated the name he explained. Because it is also this person who let her know that the original sadness has come to an extreme and has quietly ended. You can't find a word to describe it

When did this start? Yes, it may be an anecdote circulating among departments on the eve of graduation. Of course, the protagonist is still him, but the other half has nothing to do with the heroine in her fairy tale.

When her roommate told Yin Xi what she saw with her own eyes in the canteen, she didn't respond for a long time, just waited for a while, her mouth slightly opened, and her hand hidden under the table silently clenched and loosened. My roommate is still surprised at her silence. After several exclamations, she fell from the chair like an unbalanced puppet ... Between chaos and upside down, she still felt the cold floor, the tears shed by her roommate in a hurry, and the sharp pain somewhere in her chest. She held out her hand and could not catch anything. She opened her mouth and gasped, but the air seemed to be getting away from her body. Even the struggle is futile, everything is fading away. ...

Thanks to her enthusiastic classmates, she woke up in the hospital. The doctor asked her about her history of heart disease, only to know that it was the first time that she had a relapse as an adult.

She is no longer that 1 1 year-old. She received a boy's rose for the first time, blushing and smiling and thanking his Lin.

It's not Lin either. He watched his suitor playing the guitar in the rainy night downstairs and still leaned against the railing to enjoy it, as if nothing had happened.

Not every time after ending a relationship, Lin will systematically sort out old love letters and analyze gains and losses.

She didn't care because she hadn't met him yet. When it fell, I realized that everything has its vanquisher. Even if I gave it all to him, I still don't think it is enough. Even my heart is flooded, and I no longer know how to take it back.

Such a dramatic plot naturally became the talk of classmates and alumni. He learned of this change only in the whispers of others, so he hurried to the bed with flowers, confessions, vows and tears. ...

She turned a deaf ear and just looked at the boy by the bed. Smart and willful people are often like spoiled children, showing their feelings too easily and playing harmful games. However, it is clear that the indignation towards him is still so real, and the liquid medicine mixed with blood by intravenous injection is still so cold, but when he put his cheek on the back of her hand and said with tears that he would treat her for a lifetime, she found that her poor and precarious heart was still moved by him.

He is really an easy target to be tempted. Sadly, not only she can feel this, but also other girls, and he can feel it himself.

Yin Xi knew he would forgive him, but he didn't expect such forgiveness to be repeated.

Those days when she was awake waiting for dawn, she often thought involuntarily. At the moment when she fell to the ground, she was desperate to catch something. In her mind, there was a strange association that flashed like crackle, familiar and appropriate, but she couldn't remember it and didn't know how to describe it. What was she like then? The answer is on the back of the glass, but she can't open the window.

The mystery has been solved for a long time. At that time, she just resigned from an important position in her old employer's American-funded company and became an off-duty supervisor in a friend's company. On Wednesday afternoon, she drove home early, and Sanyuan Bridge was particularly smooth today. Before getting off the bus, she didn't forget to look in the mirror, and her makeup was exquisite. Except for a pair of eyes, her beautiful face should be the same as that of that year. Pushing open the door, the rich fragrance of lilies, accompanied by a little taste of steak, all this, like the person waiting for her, fascinated her so much.

He pulled a chair for her in a gentleman's way. A bottle of Canadian ice wine doesn't seem to suit today's dishes.

Yin Xi looked at him with a smile. In eight years, from a teenager in the past to a mature man in front of him, he is as charming, as cunning and as addictive.

"Yin Xi ... I'm going to have a wedding ..." He poured ice wine into the corner of her eye and looked at her carefully.

"Oh, I said why not drink red wine today." She didn't even calmly dodge, and bowed her head to cut the steak on the plate.

It should be expected that he will get married sooner or later, and this day will come. On a beautiful day, taking advantage of charming flowers and delicious dinner, taking advantage of the happy smile on her face, telling the truth is really a happy event.

It's just that she knows the bride won't be her.

They have known each other for 8 years, been close for 3 years, and have been on and off for another 3 years.

In those years, we quarreled again and again and bridged again and again; Betrayal again and again, forgiveness again and again; Vows again and again, broken again and again

When he looks at her, his eyes are always so sincere, and when he kisses her, his lips are always so hot. But Yin Xi didn't want to imagine whether he was the same in front of other women.

He said, "No, Yin Xi, those are just for fun. You know you are the only person I love most. "

Does he love her? A man will waste eight years on a woman he doesn't love? If this woman is not the only one for him. She was disappointed, she was sad and finally got used to it. Fortunately, other women are like flowers, and in the end he will always come back to her.

The only thing Yin Xi can be sure of is that he loves him. He also naively thought that no matter how naughty the child was, he would know to go home after playing in the dark for a while. One day, when he gets tired of those games, they will grow old together like ordinary couples.

Watching old classmates and friends find their home and tie the knot one by one, he always carefully used hugs to resolve her loss. "I know I owe you a ring, but you know the situation in our family. Old people are stubborn. It takes time to convince them. Just give me a year. I will give you the best wedding next year. "

What can Yin Xi do but keep silent?

When you love someone and can't live without him, you have to convince yourself to believe his lies.

Year after year. What year is next year?

Nothing is more cruel and easier to kill a woman's youth than waiting. Gradually, Yin Xi realized that in her best years, there was not much "next year" to squander. As a result, an unprecedented fierce quarrel broke out between them. She threw everything that belonged to him out of her space and vowed to break up with him from now on.

This is their longest breakup. In order not to make the same mistake again, she even volunteered to go to the company to develop a new market in a remote province that few colleagues were interested in. Busy work takes up most of her energy and time, and the investment in her career is always easier to be rewarded than her feelings. The new market is full of vitality, but she seems to see her fatigue. Miss resolved her determination too easily. She rebuked her disappointment and hated her weakness. However, please tell me, what rules and forces can bind a woman who leaves her heart somewhere?

In the past, every time he quarreled in the cold war, he would finally ask her for forgiveness, and then the two made up.

But this time he didn't show up.

Am I going too far? She began to doubt her original choice and tried to control herself from chasing one? Ghosts who run out of energy usually return to him voluntarily. This is her last dignity. She has exhausted all her strength. No other spark can reach her mind.

She said to herself: As long as he comes back to me this time, I will forgive him no matter what happens.

There must be a god who rules everything and pities her timidity. Finally, one day, travel-stained He appeared. He said that no one could take her place in his heart. He said he still couldn't forget her. He said that she had the same idea. He also said ... There was another woman around him, but it was just a suitable marriage partner, and his heart was always by her side.

Yin Xi waited for the day when his tired birds returned to their nests and willingly joined the marriage, but? Finally, I understand that even if he says he loves her a thousand times and gives a thousand choices, his wife may not be her.

He enjoys her feelings so freely that he is sure that she can't live without her.

I don't blame him for being so mean to her, and Yin Xi also looks down on himself. Love is humble, but she just can't live without it, so she returned to his arms. Some people say that love is to drink arsenic with a smile and exchange nine points of bitterness for one point of sweetness. Why would anyone be stupid enough to do such a bad business? Yin Xi also knows the gains and losses. When she had him, there was despair and pain, but it was not without happiness. Even if that kind of happiness is as illusory as fireworks, she has nothing without him.

He's getting married, for better or worse, and it can't get any worse. People are? Real.

"Let me plan your wedding." Putting down the fork, Yin Xi wiped her mouth gracefully and smiled sweetly.

Zheng, he instantly felt that this was his good news, and the woman who knew him best was also his favorite woman.

The venue of Diaoyutai has been carefully rehearsed, and there is nothing wrong with the complicated relationship between the guests. She was at a loss and couldn't sleep at night. Ethiopia smoked one cigarette after another.

He gave her a deep hug. "No, let's escape."

She knows that this is just an illusory bubble he spread, no matter how beautiful it looks, it is not true.

She put a pillow on his arm with a wry smile. "Even before the first door, there are capable lovers like me. Are you willing to run away like this? " Deceive yourself? When you are weak, the only person who can really be cruel to you for being together is yourself.

Yes, that's when she decided to be his lifelong lover.

His fiancee has a high position in the family, so it is only natural to marry him.

The wedding was grand, and she stood in an obscure corner as his classmate to accept the fruits of her efforts.

Watching them step on the wedding March, through the arches covered with lilies, and stepping on the rose petals of champagne. Yin Xi's nails went into her palm. "You can't cry ... you can't cry here." Besides pain, there is cold. I still overestimated myself. When I help him plan his wedding, I should know what today means.

During these eight years, how many times did Yin Xi look forward to this day? She doesn't remember. Plan such a wedding personally and make their dream wedding come true. Even if the person standing beside him is not himself, at least every rose along the way and every wrinkle on his clothes is what she dreams of.

Finally, Yin Xi's vision began to blur reluctantly, and she fled the scene in a hurry. Suffering from the feeling of suffocation, I drove for a long time before stopping, panting, and hurriedly dug out the quick-acting rescue pills in my bag. Tears mixed with strong medicinal flavor are really not so good. She rolled down the window and the car stopped in the middle of a low bridge in the suburbs. On the other side of the bridge fence, an old man and his grandson are fishing leisurely. Only heard the sound of a water wave turning, the child shouted in surprise: "Grandpa, there is really a fish hooked."

Father and son stood up straight at once, and Yin Xi watched them skillfully close the fishing rod. At the end of the fishing line, there is indeed a small crucian carp biting the hook and struggling desperately. Every time it twists its body, it tries its best to swim back into the water. However, since it has swallowed the bait, there is still one thing left, and all the fighting is futile for others. ? Before the fish was taken off the hook and thrown into the fish basket, Yin Xi clearly saw that the pale fish's mouth was rapidly opening and closing, its body was still dying, and life and air were moving away from it bit by bit. If it has hands, I'm afraid it is also trying to catch the last straw in vain at this moment. At this moment, Lin was suddenly struck by thunder. This familiar and unfamiliar scene tore open the fog that had been smoldering in her heart for a long time, and the mystery surfaced. She finally remembered. What was she like? What could be more like her than a dying fish hanging on a hook? And he is her bait, with her most irresistible fatal temptation, enough to make her crazy and desperate, and even forget the weapon behind sweetness. When she wanted to get rid of it, she was already involuntarily, and any struggle was accompanied by blood stains.

His wedding came to a successful conclusion. Since then, every time I attend a wedding, I can't help crying.

Many friends are puzzled. She just replied, "I'm just envious and moved."

Every Wednesday, he still comes as promised and makes love together.

She is a qualified lover. He is also the perfect other half.

They occasionally go on holiday together and feed stray cats together.

He will always remember her favorite lily and always give her her favorite perfume, high heels and perhaps exquisite jewelry.

She always smiles and accepts, but her eyes always flash with the bloody mouth of the fish that was pierced by an iron hook before she died. One day, the sun shone in the mirror, and those eyes that made him most emotional seemed to dim gradually. Think about the dead fish's eyeballs under chopsticks, and that's what happens to fish. It is said that beauty ages easily. Today, he loves her, and tomorrow he will love her. But on that day, he can still go to Wushan every Wednesday and talk sweetly. Being a scum and a yellow-faced woman is the right to marry a wife. What does she have? A lifelong lover may not overestimate himself.

It's not that I haven't tried to break free. In Hong Kong, the Confucian businessman introduced by her best friend fell in love with her at first sight. It's not that she doesn't know love. In the eyes of the other party, how can that expectation be insincere? One night, the two of them were blowing the river breeze with red wine. The next day, she left Hong Kong in a hurry and told her best friend not to reveal anything about her whereabouts in front of him.

Back in Beijing, she also tried to stay away from him, live a normal life without him, and make some sincere men who would not embellish her name with the most beautiful allusions, but would like to give her the greatest praise for her marriage. However, when she deluded herself that enough likes were about to pile up into love, his pursuit made her fall again.

Many fish chase only one kind of bait all their lives. Even if they get rid of it once, their mouths are full of wounds and blood. Next time, when the temptation is slowly swaying in front of their eyes, they will still close their eyes and swallow it. The hook doesn't know or want to know the fish's struggle or desire. All it wants is the pleasure and gentleness of harvesting its prey.

In front of her, his marriage will always be like eating chicken ribs, and his wife will always be dispensable. As his lover, she is considerate and perfect. Who cares about her future and happiness?

Whenever he is free, Yin Xi will drive to the low bridge to watch people fishing, but he never wants to hold a fishing rod. In the long run, people who often fish nearby have become acquainted with her. Yin Xi once asked the old man who caught the most fish: "Is there any way to make the fish not swallow the bait?"

The old man smiled and said, "It will be difficult. As the saying goes,' one fish knows the bait', and different fish have different baits. Some fish like to eat plant bait, while others like to smell fishy. As long as they are sure, there is no fish they can't catch. I caught a fish with a big gap in my mouth several times. That was the last time my grandson put it back because it was too small, but the fish was greedy and didn't want to die. The second time I took the bait honestly. If you ask me, if the fish don't swallow the bait, hehe, unless they swim to a place where there is no bait! "

When saying goodbye, the old man saw that he had gained a lot, so he generously sent some to Yin Xi. Yin Xi didn't refuse, took it home and steamed it, served it while it was hot, and today he came for an appointment again. When he smelled the fish, his forefinger moved. He tasted some chopsticks and even praised Yin Xi's cooking skills. Yin Xi only picked out the fish's eyes and wanted to send them to his mouth. He likes this. At this time, the mobile phone rang, and he didn't intend to answer it at first, so he couldn't help urging it again. Even Yin Xi couldn't help saying, "Just answer it, maybe something really happened."

He turned his back to answer the phone, said a few words and hung up, turning around with an embarrassed face.

"She is ill and is in the hospital now. I ... I will go back to see her. "

Yin Xi has no opinion. His perfect lover, his favorite Lin, should not have any opinions at this time. So he kissed her goodbye quickly and left.

His wife is "sick", which is good news and can only be envied in the dark. His wife, who is full of amorous feelings, is pregnant with their children. He doesn't have to say it himself. This circle is so small, of course she will know. No matter how hard he tried to hide it, the faint joy and expectation in his eyes when he left could not hide from her. After all, it is his child, and he is related to another woman by blood.

Yin Xi put his forehead on the edge of the table and began to cry quietly.

It took a long time to remember to clean up the leftovers of this table. When she turned the steamed fish, it was hard not to notice the part of the fish's lips. I don't know if this is a coincidence or a mistake. The broken fish lips seem to have old scars that have been torn and healed. She suddenly remembered what the old fisherman had said. Why blame the ferocity of the bait? Any fish that swallowed the bait did not willingly accept the temptation, and all the results were indifference to others, but died of desire and greed.

She looked at the fish that didn't shut up until she died, and her eyes were hollowed out by inexplicable emptiness and terror. Suddenly, a strong sense of nausea welled up in her mind, and Yin Xi threw up with one hand on the table. When she calmed down, she cried bitterly. She hasn't cried so happily for many years, and these cries drowned her.

Right in the middle of her throat, she dialed her best friend's phone number, asked the other party to handle visa and immigration matters on her behalf, and asked the other party to keep a secret as soon as possible. A moment of waking time is so precious that she is afraid of missing this time and has no courage to leave again.

If a fish wants to live in peace, it can only swim as far as possible as long as there is no bait.

By his side, in a country with him, she will never get rid of it.

On Christmas Eve, she finally boarded the plane that left.

Yin Xi thought, she did it after all. Before taking off, she sent a short message to her friend: "I'm finally going to a place without him, and I don't think I can come back."

Maybe in a strange country, she will find another lonely fish to feed. Maybe she is still alone, but she will no longer have to worry about the cold temptation hidden behind the bait and gradually die of old age in the sea.