What’s your story with trains?

I am a quiet person by nature. Many people know me, but I don’t think I have many friends. Among the friends I can count on one hand in my life, one of them was someone I met on the train. Arrived.

Ten years ago, after the Chinese New Year, I took the train back to school. In the seat of the sleeper car closest to the hot water, a boy soaked some noodles and sat on the edge of the bed, eating them silently. There is one chicken leg, two braised eggs and three duck necks. I am determined to lose weight and was eating sugar-free bread. The aunt next to me couldn't help but tease me: Girl, you look as big as that guy. Look at what they are eating, and then look at you. I smiled coquettishly and nodded politely at him (ahem, there is no story about Kong Rong letting pear fall, and there is no love story, so if you want more, just face the wall).

The boy rarely spoke. From what he said, I guessed that he and I were schoolmates, and that we were in the same grade and in different colleges. I didn’t tell him. The reason was very simple. I didn’t want to get off the train with so-called fellow students. Alumni, some chats are destined to be boring nonsense on the train.

I don’t know if it’s destiny or my intuition is very accurate, but I actually feel that he is very similar to me a year ago - at that time, my father passed away and I dealt with it alone. After the funeral, we took the train back to school.

Only those who have experienced it will understand the despair in the eyes.

Probably out of sympathy for the same problem, I asked: Is there anything sad about you?

The boy was surprised. He didn’t expect me to be so direct. But what surprised me even more was that he nodded.

The boy's family was originally well-off. His parents were professors and department heads of science and engineering departments in 985 and 211 universities. He came home this time because his mother passed away. He said that he has regarded his mother as his spiritual support since he was a child. Even the major he chose was the department where his mother was good at. Originally, his mother wanted him to stay in his hometown, but he insisted on going out and not wanting to be sheltered by her.

He said that his mother's illness was sudden and she went to the hospital when she felt uncomfortable. A huge shadow had already appeared on her lungs. She was already in the advanced stage when she was discovered. If he hadn't been afraid of leaving behind his father, who was not good at taking care of him, he would have He even thought about committing suicide.

It may sound ridiculous, but I understand, because I know the feeling of a sudden collapse of spiritual support. I didn’t persuade him, I just told him my story.

I said, look, am I still alive now?

I know that he is doubtful.

When he got off the train, he pursed his lips and mustered up the courage to ask me for my contact information.

I not only gave it to him, but also told him that we are actually alumni.

After returning to school, I gradually forgot about it because I was busy with various procedures for postgraduate entrance examination, and he never contacted me again. Until one night more than a month later, I was chatting with my roommate in the dormitory, and he called me, his words vague and crying.

I managed to sneak into their dormitory building and saw him sitting on the edge of the rooftop with several empty wine bottles next to him.

I think, except for the moment when I witnessed my father's death, this is the second time I have been so calm.

Standing in the cold wind, I looked up at him and he said that he couldn't let go or get out. He missed his mother every day for this month and he couldn't hold it anymore.

He said maybe it would be over by jumping?

I looked at him quietly and said word by word: If you feel you can’t let go, just jump.

I could see the shock and hesitation in his eyes, and I shrugged: If you live in such pain, death might not be a relief. Anyway, if you die, your father might follow you. Follow suit.

I have never studied negotiation, and I don’t know how to save people in this situation, but I only know the pain he experienced. I have experienced it exactly the same. If I can’t push myself to a dead end, even this time You can let go, but there will be a day when you collapse.

At least, he walked away alive that day.

Later on, we gradually had more contact. I took him to meet my friends and participate in our activities, and he began to smile on his face. He said that his mother's biggest wish during her lifetime was for him to study abroad for graduate school. I said yes, you are so smart and have won so many awards, it must be fine. I received a message from him before I left school. He said that he had received the notification of a full scholarship from Yale.

We kept in touch by email after he went abroad. When I came home for the holidays after work, he said that he was also at home and hoped to come out and meet. What shocked me was that he returned to China this time to deal with his father's funeral. His father had just passed away three months ago and suffered from the same illness as his mother.

I don’t know what to say other than to comfort me. For a family that was originally harmonious and beautiful, other people would have been unable to bear such a series of drastic changes.

Fortunately, by then he had matured and grown into a responsible man, and was no longer as panicked as he was back then. This time, in addition to taking care of the funeral arrangements, he was also here to go through the formalities. He was about to take his fiancée to the United States and was already officially in the process of immigrating.

Until now, we have occasionally communicated by email, but we have never compared, showed off or complimented each other. However, we both remember each other’s birthdays and will send a simple blessing on time. We both believe that the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water. .

Sometimes when I think back, I am quite grateful for that encounter on the train.