When the child grows up, the tiger mother is no longer a tiger mother —— "Achievement Motivation" and Self-esteem Development Plan

For Tiger Mother, taking part in extracurricular recreational activities is a thing apart.

20 1 1 At the beginning of this year, "Tiger Mother" Chua Meier, a Chinese professor at Yale Law School, who has two daughters, published an autobiographical work "Battle Hymn of Tiger Mother", in which 10 her family rules for her two daughters Sophia and Lulu were criticized by Americans as "child abuse" (.

1 Don't spend the night outside. 2. Don't participate in school group entertainment activities. 3. Don't participate in campus performances. 4. Don't complain about not participating in campus performances. 5. Don't watch TV. Don't play video games. 6. Don't choose your favorite extracurricular activities. 7. Don't get the first grade in any subject except sports and drama. 9. Don't practice instruments other than piano and violin. 10 Don't practice piano and violin on a certain day.

Tiger mother: Do you have a better idea? No, please cooperate with me.

This method and psychology of "expecting a girl to become a phoenix" may be understandable in Asia, but it is easy to cause disgust and anger in the United States. Even Rubenfield, the husband of tiger mother Chua Meier, often feels helpless about this kind of education.

Tiger mother's "early" education method belongs to the common and traditional "authoritarian" type in Asia. The relationship between parents and children is cold, and children are always forced to move in the direction set by their parents through high-pressure means such as demands and intimidation, which is completely unimaginable in the United States, which respects the development of children's "personality."

Some netizens boldly predicted that this kind of parenting will make children suffer from mental illness, and the relationship between mother and daughter will drop to freezing point in the future. It is true that children who are disciplined by "autocracy" are prone to anxiety, inferiority, unhappiness, irritability and adaptation problems. But nine years later, I'm afraid everyone will be disappointed. ...

When the child is an adult, the tiger mother is no longer a tiger mother.

The so-called "mental illness" and "broken mother-daughter relationship" never happened. The two daughters are not only top-class rattan school elites, but also have clear plans for the future. They are out-and-out "favored children".

After the child went to college, Tiger Mother completely let go: choosing courses, taking exams, doing homework, falling in love, and how her boyfriend was, she didn't care or ask. This is because she trusts her children's abilities very much and gives them enough autonomy and respect.

The monologues of two daughters:

Sophia: My mother's unique way of education taught me how to live with all my heart. "Even if I face death tomorrow, I still feel 1 10% alive."

Lulu said that a strict attitude may indeed suppress children's self-esteem, and she admitted that she was a person with bursting self-esteem. "Self-esteem is earned by myself, and this The Secret Behind is working hard."

The two daughters fully demonstrated their high self-achievement motivation and self-esteem: I am willing to strive for success even if the environment is challenging, and I have obligations and responsibilities for my life.

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Tiger mother's shame education cultivates children's high achievement motivation and self-esteem.

Judging from the development of achievement motivation, Tiger Mother's education method is terrible, but it has his intention: children after 3 years old will try to find objective standards from the environment, feel proud after success, and feel ashamed after failure, while Tiger Mother emphasizes the latter's self-cognition emotion, that is, the shame education prevailing in Asia, reminding children to feel ashamed when they fail, making them realize their lack of efforts, and then let them actively improve themselves.

A psychological experiment found that when children in grades 4-5 failed to solve puzzles, Asian parents would give more narratives related to homework than western parents (for example, a little more concentrated), and after their mothers left, Asian children would make more progress than western children, indicating that parents' narratives affected their children's self-improvement.

Sophia and Lulu both said that they would be "tiger mothers" like their mothers in the future and would continue to adopt strict education methods.

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Back to the origin of family: unfinished business

Tiger mother's father actually went through a difficult history of Chinese immigration. As an international student, he can only live on a meager scholarship until he finishes his doctoral studies ahead of schedule with excellent results and finds a job at Berkeley University, and his family life gradually improves. He deeply realized the power of knowledge to change fate. Therefore, he can't tolerate an A- on his daughter's report card. If his daughter doesn't get the first place in the exam, he doesn't even want to go to the parent-teacher conference because he feels "shameful".

Tiger mother is worried that her hard-won "American dream" will become mediocre because three generations are not rich. She also admits her anxiety, so she is willing to take all necessary measures: don't be afraid to be strict with her children.