How to attack in interpersonal relationship management?

Focus on the shortcomings of other people's circles

Although the circle is a ticket for individuals to gain wealth and enter the field of success, the focus is on whether to effectively use the original circle and manage the circle with heart. More importantly, we should constantly develop new and applicable interpersonal circles. For example, some people know many political and business celebrities and have good connections, including bosses of listed companies and senior officials of government agencies. However, if it can't be used effectively, no matter how powerful people are, it's useless.

Lu Bu, according to the circle, should be the first coach and "working emperor" of the Three Kingdoms. He used to be below one person and above ten thousand people, and his personal professional ability was far above others. He struggled with Liu with one hand, but he did not fall behind, but was inevitably defeated. Say 1000, say 10000, the main reason why Lu Bu failed was that he didn't have a circle of his own. Although Lu Bu is rich in human resources, he doesn't understand human resources management, nor does he cultivate any human feelings, popularity and connections by virtue of the advantages of his circle. The only person who recognized Dong Zhuo as his father's resource advantage, and turned against him and lost Sim, a beautiful woman, should be the turning point of Lu Bu's overall decline in the next life journey. Although Lu Bu is strong enough and lacks wisdom, we have not seen his regret for the original plot of Romance of the Three Kingdoms, but with his cleverness, I believe that if he has the opportunity to start over, he will definitely choose another road.

Lao Li's younger brother was falsely accused to court, and Lao Li turned to others in a panic. There are people who have never been exposed to this kind of thing and don't know what to do, so they have to persuade him to find a lawyer. Lao Li said that he used to know several lawyers, but he hasn't contacted them for a long time, and the business card that the lawyer once gave him has long been lost. He could do nothing, sighed and said, "Alas, people hate less when they use it!" "

"People don't hate it when they use it." Many people have had this experience. They have friends all over the world and few people use them. If you have experienced this embarrassment, please make up for it quickly; If not, we should plan ahead, make preparations early and form our own circle as soon as possible.

Some people "would rather be the first in the country than the second in Rome", which is also very reasonable. According to Matthew effect, resources and glory will belong to the first person. Life is sometimes like running for public office. The champion has everything, and the runner-up has almost nothing.

Don't try to master everything. He who knows everything knows nothing. Anything, as long as you are number one in the world, your dream will come true. People with art have a place anywhere. Zhang Yimou can only make movies, so he takes money from the wallets of more than one billion people.

Our goal should be to be the best in the circle. As long as you become the first in the circle, you will definitely make a lot of money: as long as you are the first in the circle, you will be famous; As long as you become the first, you will be very successful. As long as you are the best, choose! The best things in the world will come to you like a flood, even the Great Wall can't stop it.

Jordan played basketball and became a superstar. Someone asked him to make a movie, someone asked him to advertise, someone asked him to publish a book ... Do you think he needs to buy his own sports shoes? No need! Nike will provide and pay him advertising fees. Why? Because he is the greatest basketball superstar. When Jackie Chan made a movie, various car manufacturers rushed to provide free cars for Jackie Chan to perform stunts in the movie. Why? Because Jackie Chan is the best! Jackie Chan accidentally smashed the signboard of Marlboro cigarettes while filming in Malaysia. Marlboro not only didn't ask for compensation, but also decided not to repair the signboard, because it was played by Jackie Chan, which had greater publicity value. Will opening a restaurant into McDonald's make money? Can you make money as an actor and Jackie Chan? Will it make money to play basketball and become Jordan? Don't study anything else, just study where your strengths are.

Whether it's a demon or a fairy, everyone cares about their choice. Always a stone! Never make eggs!

80/20 in self-organizing circles

When it comes to managing interpersonal relationships, we have to mention the 80/20 rule again. The 80/20 rule has many classic applications and is equally important in interpersonal circles. Only 20% of the people you associate with are really important, and 80% of your communication time will be devoted to these 20% people. Whether it's Jack Welch, you or me, only six or seven very important people really spend most of their time together. Although Liu Chuanzhi knows a lot of people, the people he contacts the most, besides his relatives, are Yang and Guo Wei, the two most capable men.

Similar to the 80/20 rule, there is a very famous six-dimensional space theory. The so-called six-dimensional theory means that you can meet any stranger through six people at most.

The theoretical basis of six-dimensional space is "six-dimensional division". There is a conjecture in the field of mathematics called six degrees of separation, which is translated into Chinese as: six-degree division theory or six-degree space theory or small world theory.

In 1960s, milgram, a social psychologist at Yale University, designed a chain letter experiment. He randomly sent a series of chain letters to 160 people living in Omaha, Nebraska. The envelope was written with the name of a Boston stockbroker, and each recipient was asked to send the letter to a friend who he thought was closer to the stockbroker. Friends continue to pass it on like this after receiving the letter. Finally, most letters reach the stockbroker after five or six steps. The concept of six-degree division (also called "six-degree space") comes from this.

This chain experiment embodies a seemingly universal objective law: members of socialized modern human society may be connected through "six dimensions", and there is no absolutely irrelevant A and B. This is a more typical, deeper and more common phenomenon. Then, how to reveal the "six-degree division phenomenon" with mathematical theory? This is another important mathematical conjecture in the field of modern mathematics.

There is a story. A few years ago, a German newspaper accepted a challenge to help a Turkish rotisserie owner in Frankfurt find his connection with his favorite movie star Marlon Brando. As a result, after a few months, the newspaper staff found that no more than six people had established personal relationships between them. It turns out that the owner of the barbecue shop is an Iraqi immigrant and a friend lives in California. As it happens, this friend's colleague is the boyfriend of the producer's daughter's sworn sister at the mixer, and Marlon Brando starred in this movie.

A biologist once did such an experiment. When the fry are put into the reservoir, one barrel 10 fish are marked and put into the water together. It is observed that most of these 10 fish will not be easily separated until they are caught in fishing nets several years later.

If the test object is three fish, as long as they don't die halfway, the chances of being caught in the net after a few years are even greater.

Although the world is very big, after we step into the society, we will establish a relatively fixed social circle in a few years. Region, industry, class, relatives and friends form this circle, and the circle is the basic social relationship. Therefore, it is very necessary for us to form our own circle. How to build an excellent network?

1232 1 the rule of establishing excellent network.

"1" is the leader. The circle is the team first. Without a qualified team manager, it is impossible to have a good development prospect. There is a famous management fable in the management field: a flock of sheep led by a lion can defeat a flock of lions led by a sheep. So this is the most basic requirement for 1 to form a circle. If you don't have this ability at present, it's time to refuel. So, what kind of ability does a leader need? Generally speaking, there are the following kinds.

One is insight. Insight refers to the ability of leaders to understand the essence of things, which can be divided into two kinds: insight into people and insight into things.

Insight into people refers to the ability to judge and analyze personal characteristics such as people's thoughts, emotions, goals, wishes, abilities and personalities. The main job of a leader is to influence others through leadership behavior and realize the goals of the organization through this influence. Therefore, one of the keys to effective leadership is rational employment. But people's personality, needs, wishes and abilities are sometimes difficult to judge. Although people's ability can be judged by their experience, educational background and work performance, there are some psychological evaluation techniques at present, but in the environment of asymmetric information, these can not fully reflect all the information of a person, especially his inner personality and psychological characteristics. Therefore, the rational use of talents can not be separated from the leader's ability to recognize people, which is the basic quality that leaders must have.

Insight into things refers to the ability of leaders to understand and grasp the essence of things and their development and changing trends. In the 2 1 century, the internal and external environment of the organization faced by leaders is constantly changing. Whether a leader can make a correct decision to adapt to environmental changes is an important factor that determines the survival of an organization and the success or failure of a leader, and the premise of correct decision-making is to accurately predict and grasp things and their changing trends. Only on this basis can we seize opportunities, avoid risks and successfully achieve organizational goals in environmental changes.

A leader's success is inseparable from his courage, strategic thinking ability and ability to grasp and control the overall situation, which are based on his keen insight. A leader who lacks insight can neither correctly predict the development trend of the organization and environment, and then formulate a correct organizational strategy, nor can he use talents in an unconventional way, so he can't succeed.

The second is tolerance. Tolerance refers to the openness of the leader's mind and the psychological tolerance and tolerance for things. "Tolerance is great". Whether a leader's psychology is healthy and mature depends largely on whether he has enough tolerance to tolerate himself, others and everything in the world. Tolerance can also be divided into tolerance for people and tolerance for things.

Tolerance to others refers to the ability of leaders to be tolerant and employ people. It is important for leaders to use good people, but it is more important to be tolerant of people, especially those who are better than themselves, those "freaks", "wizards" and "partisans" whose shortcomings are as prominent as their advantages, and even those who have contradictions, conflicts or differences with themselves and often embarrass themselves. If leaders lack tolerance for people, or are jealous of talents, or just have a soft spot for talents with certain expertise or personality, it will cause unreasonable or single circle structure and affect the healthy development of the circle. During the Warring States Period, there were 3,000 diners in Meng Changjun, including talkative people and some thieves. It is because of Meng Changjun's broad-mindedness and generosity that he was able to get the help of those thieves in "Do or Die, Run Away".

Endurance for things refers to the psychological endurance of leaders in the face of complex environment and busy affairs. In the rapidly changing environment, leaders are faced with all kinds of people, many things and many new problems that they have never encountered. They are always under extraordinary pressure and often suffer setbacks and failures. If they lack tolerance, they will be trapped in it, unable to extricate themselves, unable to face failure, and ultimately affect their physical and mental health, leading to low work efficiency and even failure.

Tolerance is an important factor that determines the ability and level of leaders. A leader who can calmly face complex work and heavy pressure and be good at using all kinds of talents must have superb leadership skills, be free to arrange his own life and organize his own work; Leaders who can't treat difficulties and pressures correctly and tolerate others generously are either overwhelmed by heavy work, knocked down by setbacks and failures, or fail because of improper employment. This is the case with Zhou Yu in The Romance of the Three Kingdoms. He can't tolerate such talents as Zhuge Liang, and he can't be angry at the failure of "losing his wife and losing his soldiers." This is the tragedy caused by the lack of inclusiveness.

The third is willpower. It is not enough for a leader to be insightful and tolerant, but he must make persistent efforts to succeed. At the same time, in the ever-changing environment, the circle itself must constantly innovate and change in order to survive and develop better, but the innovation and change of the circle is a dynamic process full of contradictions and conflicts, which requires leaders to make persistent efforts. Faced with failures, setbacks and blows, leaders need to have enough psychological endurance and endurance, and whether they can get up after falling, still make unremitting progress towards their goals, and achieve final success depends more on whether the leaders have strong perseverance.

Thus, willpower refers to the leader's determination, perseverance, perseverance and perseverance. Leaders only have strong willpower, they will be brave in competition, dare to compete, have enough courage and courage to promote the change of the circle, advance despite difficulties, work hard, ignite the fighting spirit with enthusiasm when people in their own circles lack confidence, and put organizational strategies into practice with continuous struggle. If the leader is weak-willed, it is impossible to withstand all kinds of setbacks and blows and strive to achieve the goals of his own circle, so it is impossible to succeed.

"2" are two elites, which is an important guarantee of circle energy. The energy distribution of a circle basically follows the 80/20 rule, that is, 20% of the elite produce 80% of the performance. Elites often have a common feature, that is, they are proactive and good at finding ways. This has little to do with experience. For a circle, the leader himself may be an elite. Leaders often hope that everyone in their circle is a master, but it is not necessary. If everyone is an elite, they will compete with each other first, and there will be more demolition. So there can only be one or two elites in a circle.

"3" is three midstream. This middle stream is not a mainstay, but a person with average ability and other aspects. When leaders form a circle, they often ignore these people and think that their existence is not very important. In fact, the strength of these people can never be ignored. Because in a circle, many things need someone to carry out, the elite can only play a role in some important events, and the handling of general problems will inevitably fall on these incompetent but absolutely competent people. Therefore, in a circle, such people are equally essential.

"2", that is, twice training, is to train two people with unsatisfactory level and ability. These people are more self-aware and basically do not have ideological conflicts with leaders' decisions. They may be a little slow, but they have fewer accountants and more individuals. In a circle, there must be some miscellaneous chores that the elite can't do and the middle class doesn't want to do. At this time, the functions of the two kinds of training come out, so their existence can not be ignored.

"1" is the last maneuver. The most common way of expression is the last elimination system, but the last elimination system is the worst. "1" here is not necessarily the person with the worst ability, but often the person who does not carry out the decision of the leader, or the person who has negative emotions because of dissatisfaction with the circle or the leader. This maneuver may be the most mobile in a circle, and sometimes it may be the elite in the circle. Although no leader wants this person to exist, if it is necessary to stimulate the circle energy to a higher level, this person is the key person. Leaders can use this person to manage the circle with an iron fist. When dealing with this person, silence can speak louder than words, stimulating other circle members to resolutely implement the decision.

The rule of 1232 1 is based on a simple rule that 89 people form a circle. The actual circle may be less than nine people or more than nine people, but the law of 1232 1 is also applicable to the formation of these circles. Everyone's elite is the misunderstanding of the founder, and it is impossible and unnecessary to form such a circle. As long as the circle is formed according to the law of 1232 1, the founder will not have a headache because it is difficult to find talents.