Teacher Zhou from Orange Philosophy Hall: The key factor that determines a person’s destiny is definitely not genes!

There is a British documentary, Three Identical Strangers, which can be called a real-life version of "The Truman Show" - a life that was interfered with.

The documentary tells about identical triplets from the UK who were sent to three wealthy, middle-class and poor families by an adoption agency for the purpose of conducting a parenting experiment. At the same time, at each stage of growth of the children, the adoption agency will conduct tests on their IQ, personality, etc.

During the entire process, the three families and the three children themselves did not know the existence of the other two. More than ten years later, the different personalities of the three children slowly emerged; The life and destiny of the two children also opened a watershed.

Admittedly, the adoption agency’s practices are very despicable, but the different personalities and fates of the three boys also provide a reference for us to judge whether a child’s fate is born or nurtured. .

In this secret experiment, many data of the three "subject" boys were carefully calculated.

Family structure: The three boys live in a family with both parents, and each has a sister who is 2 years older than them.

In other words, the three boys have the same genes and similar adoptive family members.

The most obvious difference is the difference in parents’ occupation and family conditions.

Among the three boys, Bobby was adopted by a wealthy family. His father was a doctor and his mother was a lawyer. Both parents received a good and orthodox education. They also lived in one of the most prestigious areas in the UK. .

Eddie was adopted by a middle-class family. His father was a teacher and the family lived in a middle-class community.

David was adopted by a blue-collar family. His parents were both immigrants and ran a small store. English was their second language and the family had the lowest level of education.

At the age of 19, Bobby found his twin brother because he was admitted to Eddie's university. Their story was reported, and his other brother David was also found.

It is really exciting and gratifying that the triplets recognized each other by accident 19 years later.

The most surprising thing is that although they do not have any similar life experiences, the three brothers show surprisingly consistent interests and living habits.

For example, they sit in the same posture and look the same, smoke the same brand of cigarettes, have practiced wrestling, and even like the same type of girl.

This seems to confirm that the influence of genes on a child is far greater than the acquired environment.

But as time went by, aside from these superficial appearances, people discovered that the three brothers were actually very different at a deep level:

Bobby had a conservative personality, and the most He was opinionated and lived the best life later; he had a conservative personality.

Eddie was very cute, but he was also very emotional. He later suffered from bipolar disorder and shot himself...

David, who has a middle-of-the-road personality, lives a good life. The most important thing is that he maintains an optimistic temperament at all times.

Looking back at the triplets’ 56-year-old life, people finally discovered:

Congenital genetic factors are only the starting point of a child’s personality and destiny, but what truly determines life , is the family environment and parenting style.

We often say that family determines destiny.

What can have the greatest impact on children is not family conditions, but the way parents raise them.

In the documentary, Bobby, whose family is the richest, has a father who is a doctor and a mother who is a lawyer. Both parents are very busy.

Although they don’t have that much time to spend with their children, they attach great importance to their children’s education and educate and guide their children’s growth in a positive and warm way.

Under the warm care of his parents, coupled with the family’s intangible economic and social resources, Bobby is doing well both in terms of personality development and future life.

David, who has the worst family conditions, has the least educated parents.

But as an adult, he has been living a good life with his good personality and quality.

This is also due to David’s father, who is generous, warm and very charming. Being called "Barbra" means love, hugs and kisses.

"Barbra" loves children very much. No matter what David does, he will feel very proud. He is filled with an invisible warmth, and the children are very willing to get close to him.

David grew up in such a family, although the family conditions were not very good and there were not that many resources.

But he is optimistic and cheerful by nature, exuding the same friendly charm as his father, and nothing in life seems to be difficult for him.

In contrast, the more unfortunate person is Eddie.

Although Eddie was raised by a middle-class family with average family conditions, and his father was also a teacher, the education he received was very traditional.

Eddie's father is very strict. He always sets military-like rules and strictly requires his children to abide by them.

Under a strict and cruel family education, Eddie, who is lively by nature, became particularly emotional.

His father's high-pressure education made Eddie develop a personality of low self-esteem.

When he cannot find the attribution for something, he will blame himself.

Eddie later developed bipolar disorder and finally shot himself. His life ended abruptly in middle age.

The three children have the same genes and the same hobbies, but different upbringing environments have given them completely different personalities and destinies.

This allows us to see clearly: children are the product of the family. Whether a child will excel in the future and whether he or she will live a happy life is not necessarily related to family conditions.

There is one detail in this documentary that particularly impressed me.

After the triplets got together, they once opened a restaurant together.

At that time, the story of the three of them was reported by many media. People were very curious about the triplets and were naturally willing to patronize them. The restaurant was once full.

However, the three brothers, who grew up in different environments, had very different personalities, and lacked the integration during their growth. When they cooperated to open a restaurant, many differences in ideas arose.

After a heated argument, Bobby quit the business and decided to look for a new direction.

David believes that it is normal to separate due to different ideas and continue to live his own life.

But Eddie blamed himself for a long time, thinking that he and David squeezed Bobby away, and his emotions gradually collapsed.

This incident actually reflects the profound impact of family education methods on children.

If a child can get enough warmth and happiness in the family, he will learn to face life optimistically, and he will treat it rationally even if he encounters difficulties.

And if he grew up with too many harsh accusations and lacked the warmth of a family, he would easily push himself into a small corner.

It is not easy to get out of trouble.

Needless to say, children who grow up in such a family environment, no matter how many storms they encounter, will know that home is their harbor and have the confidence to face all difficulties.

We must admit that the differences between children are related to genes, money, and the educational resources and environment they are exposed to.

But looking back at the past, we will also find: What kind of character and personality qualities a child has are all developed in the family, and it is these that determine the child's ability. and fate, good or bad.

Every child’s future has a path to follow.

Wherever the parents’ focus and goals are, there lies the future of their children.

The reason why parents become the best parents is to give their children the best education within their abilities.

And our child will eventually become the child that makes us most proud.

I am Teacher Zhou from Orange Philosophy Hall, a practitioner of international IB/AP/Alevel/IGCSE courses and an observer of international education.