Only you can save yourself

A lazy person with low self-esteem

I am a lazy person.

So when I made up my mind to sit in front of the computer and write this text, I realized that I hadn’t turned on the computer in almost two months.

There are too many things in life that require us to implement and maintain step by step every day. Urgent, necessary, and unavoidable in favor. I found that I was actually so busy, and not a low-level captive animal.

However, I have very low self-esteem.

Among the public accounts I follow, there is a girl who was also married to Hong Kong. After three years of raising two children, she took care of her children in Hong Kong, went to graduate school, and wrote public accounts. She actually made herself very beautiful. Why I use Quran is because she has never felt inferior because she is an immigrant to Hong Kong.

Immigration means going to an unfamiliar place and starting over. You have the courage to start, but not everyone can integrate well, especially in Hong Kong now. So she doesn't speak Cantonese and has no relatives here. She just relies on writing articles to make people feel full of confidence on the other side of the screen. why is that?

My inferiority complex does not come from a language barrier, nor does it come from being alone. On the contrary, the more I learned, the more I felt I could know more and touch more. Just like when I first joined a new company, I felt that if I had come two years earlier, I might be able to do the same thing as my manager now.

Once in a bar in Sanlitun, Beijing, I accompanied my best friend to fend off a handsome foreigner who was pursuing her intensely. Because my best friend was really not interested, so I, like a shining light bulb, started talking nonsense with the foreigner, just so that my best friend could listen to music and drink quietly. After the foreigner talked to me about his hometown, customs and the Chinese people in his eyes, he said by the way that when we speak English to Chinese people, we slow down our speech. In fact, we speak very fast.

It is true that if a foreigner praises you for speaking English well, it means it is not good enough. Good enough English makes him feel that you are just like him, so much so that he doesn’t need to praise you.

However, my inferiority complex still remains at the most superficial level: "If I am different from others, I will be looked down upon." This is where we can actually seek common ground while reserving differences. Yesterday I read a news story about a wealthy father who was engaged in mining. He sent his daughter, who was a top student in the village, to the United States to attend a boarding school. In the end, the girl was ridiculed and could not contact her family because of the military-style management, which led to her final suicide. The attempt failed. After her father took her back to China, she was completely different from the other person. She was dumbfounded and her whole body was in bad shape.

So I firmly believe that only by integrating can we truly live freely without fear of being misunderstood, discriminated against or compared. The price to pay for this freedom is very high. Because you can't ignore the reactions of everyone around you, your sensitivity can make you strong or you can become cowardly.

Having a bad relationship

Where there are people, there are rivers and lakes. Where there are rivers and lakes, there will be fighting.

A complained to me that her husband would stay up all night on her birthday. She doesn't know what her husband cares about.

However, her husband, before he became her husband, made everyone feel that their love was strong and fragrant. The result of free love should be very happy, right?

B had a blind date and a flash marriage, and married a small business owner who owned a house and a car. She was living a leisurely life every day, which couldn't be more comfortable, but then she said that her husband was nowhere to be seen every day. He was different before and after marriage, and he was a good-looking man, but he was full of lies.

Looking at it this way, marriage is actually scary.

Whether it is free love or a blind date and a flash marriage, what cannot be escaped is a familiar stranger who suddenly changes his face after marriage and exposes his true nature with an unscrupulous look.

Then you have to face your mother-in-law and father-in-law, who are not related by blood. Especially if the mother-in-law makes things difficult for her at every turn, wouldn’t the entire marriage be stuck in a quagmire and unable to extricate itself?

Destiny seems to be joking, setting each level one level at a time to allow you to come here and meet him. But the script suddenly took a turn, and there were conflicts between the characters, either overt or covert, and one party was always deeply hurt. I can't escape, but I can't bear it.

In the American TV series The Walking Dead, my favorite person is Carol. She was originally a cowardly housewife. Her husband had a bad temper and beat her at every turn. She also had a daughter, for whom she swallowed her anger and was inferior to others. Later, a disaster occurred, and her husband and daughter were bitten by zombies. She began to work hard to survive in a difficult environment, and turned into a super boss with a brave heart who saved the entire team three times. It was like cheating. As long as it was detrimental to the team, she would shoot them without hesitation. . The lost man in the team immediately fell into her arms when he saw her again, because she is like everyone's mother in the play, brave and strong, and she has strength, can stand alone, kill zombies, and fight enemies.

Who doesn’t love such a woman?

An elder once gave me advice on marriage. She said, you must have strength.

Powerful people do not show their power all the time. She is reserved and restrained, but has powerful explosive power. She can be diligent and thrifty for the one she loves, and she can also put on makeup and go to work in high spirits. For the sake of her family, she will appear wherever she is needed. This kind of power is powerful, and there is no need to wrong herself, because she has the power to cheer herself up at any time, make decisions at any time, and choose whether to withdraw at any time. She can deal with all the unknowns that happen on her own, and she can calmly face everyone who confronts her. She has the strength to resolve it, and she also has the wisdom to deal with the world. She doesn't follow the trend or compare, she just focuses on being herself and taking care of her family at the same time.

I think so. Marriage is not an eternal refuge, nor can it be taken for granted.

Everything that used to be your own business is still your own business. Body management, appearance management, and even washing and cooking should be done in their own place. Don't blame each other or shirk each other. At the same time, everything you think is easy is because the people you love are trying to shield you from wind and rain, so you must know how to be grateful, considerate, and tolerant.

About salvation

Jews and Christians believe that God is their salvation. All suffering in the world comes from man's original sin, which must be atonement in order to obtain redemption. They seek redemption from God.

Many Chinese people have no faith. People with faith are not necessarily good people. All relief comes from within.

When you look inward and feel that you need to change, it is because you need redemption, and only you can redeem yourself.

Because, what I believe more deeply is, never, for a second, try to rely on others. Not even for a second.