Heartbreaking rapids island

Yinger's memory

654381October 7, although the wind in the street blew a chill, the sun was shining in Beijing. In the messy home of the poet Liu Zhanqiu, Li Ying (Ying Er) faced questions from domestic journalists for the first time after the Gu Cheng tragedy. She wants to get rid of the shadow of the past, she wants to live a normal life in the face of the public, and she wants to fulfill her literary dream ... but the problem and narrative have to start with the inevitable tragedy.

Live a "shadow" life on rapids island

From the beginning, I knew Gu Cheng, and I fell into a beautiful fantasy, which was very idealistic. Before Gu Cheng went abroad, I only met him four times, all with friends and never alone. Every time I make a pilgrimage to the palace, my spiritual world is shrouded in his aura.

The reason why I wanted to go abroad later was to fight for a free space. Hutongs in Beijing can bring people a sense of intimacy, but there is no private space, at least no room of their own, and all thoughts and Liu Zhanqiu's love are suppressed. I want to find a place where no one cares about me and live a broad life. Another idea is to create a space abroad and invite Zhan Qiu to go abroad so that we can walk freely on the street.

On July 5th, 1990, I left Beijing for New Zealand. A week after arriving at Riptide Island, I suggested to Gu Cheng to look for a job outside, because money was a specific problem at that time. The atmosphere is stiff, and I have never seen such a bad face from Gu Cheng before. I realized that I had let him down, and he felt the vulgarity he couldn't stand. This has caused my division, and I can't locate my right or wrong. I thought my freedom and independence were not secular. Xie Ye told me not to provoke him. His emotions are extreme. After a few days, his attitude eased and I gasped.

In fact, there are no jobs, businesses or industries on the island, and there are no other China people. This island was discovered when Gu Cheng was traveling with friends. Since the 1960s, some world-weary British immigrants have gathered here. Gu's loneliness is innate and unsociable. On the surface, he is polite to people, but it is not easy to communicate with them. He said it was important to find someone to talk to. I feel very honored to communicate with Gu Cheng. At that time, I felt mature. I can understand everything he said and his dream space. He did the same to me.

After a long time on the island, Gu Cheng and I were able to talk about poetry and spirit, and I began to turn my feelings and longing for the autumn war into a secular reality. Zhan Qiu said at the beginning that even if he divorced, he could not marry me, and he didn't want to wear chains again. At first, it hurt me. On the island, I don't have this kind of pain. I can only talk about the spirit, not the love for the body. I thought Gu Cheng could bring me this. In China, my relationship with Zhan Qiu is secret and depressing, so I can't tell my family and friends. For example, I want to share my first kiss with Zhan Qiu with all my girlfriends, but this is impossible. When you go to a restaurant with him, you must first see if there are any acquaintances in it. This is also one of the reasons that stimulated me to go abroad to go to the island.

On the island, I became another "shadow" My friend in Oakland called me to go. I can't say why not. When the Taiwan Province media comes to interview the draft, I will leave my room early and hide at the seaside. Although he didn't say that I should leave, I realized that I had to give myself a step down.

The sexual description in Ying Er is a distortion of the facts.

The house where Gu Cheng did "that" for me was very shabby. I live in a corner behind the living room. There are no doors, only curtains. This incident has greatly stimulated me, and I have a sense of collapse. I looked at Gu Cheng and Xie Ye as a whole, and then I realized that Xie Ye knew what he was doing. I was thrown into the darkness by the focused light. I don't know what he thinks now. Yinger didn't write the scene at that time. In Yinger, a single sexual description has no spiritual background and is a distortion of the facts. Attend to city want to leave me through this move, where there is the traditional consciousness of China men.

Later, Gu Cheng and I stayed at Elizabeth's home on the island for a month. Gu Cheng refused his son, put him in a Maori home, and refused to let Xie Ye go anywhere, including visiting his son. He thinks that his son's intrusion into his world is an invasion of his life. I thought having a daughter would make a big difference. We are not the love between men and women as people say. He lives in one room and I live in another. We talked a lot and his spirit relaxed a lot. He hasn't been paranoid for over a month. We also talked about sex, and I told him to relax. He was so nervous when he did it that he didn't enjoy sex. If he wants to do it, he feels that he can no longer control it, feels particularly blasphemous and wants to resist himself. Do it quickly every time, and then go back to your room separately.