After getting married, what is the mentality of a wife who doesn’t want to live with her parents?

There is a saying in China that "distance creates beauty." According to rural people, "if you are far away, you will be in trouble if you are close." The meaning is the same. When getting along at a close distance, there will inevitably be conflicts. Even though we are far apart, we feel intimate when we see each other. There is an ancient Chinese poem that goes like this: "It is a joy to have friends come from far away."

Therefore, I still favor a distance between parents and children. Only in this way can the relationship be harmonious and long-term.

Of course, this distance is appropriate, not that the farther the better, because parents need to be taken care of when they are old, and it is inconvenient to take care of the elderly if they are too far away.

I think the best way is for the elderly to have their own residence, not far away from their children. If the elderly really need close care, they can go to the elderly's home to take care of them.

I don’t know if everyone agrees with my idea. The reasons why I say this are as follows:

1. Different concepts

The elderly may have different views on many issues than we do.

For example, when it comes to dressing and eating, we pay attention to green and healthy meals. The elderly may pay attention to economy, which is the old concept of "it doesn't hurt when you eat, but it hurts when you are blind". What we pursue when dressing is fashion. We buy whatever styles are popular. We don’t want to be out of date. The elderly may not think it is necessary. We should not live too extravagantly.

On other small matters, when you encounter different ideas, there will inevitably be disputes. It's even more annoying when you meet an old man who is nosy. He will tell you that you can't do this and you can't do that.

Of course, this does not mean that all elderly people are like this, and we cannot generalize.

2. Different work and rest times

Generally, the elderly will sleep less and are accustomed to going to bed early and getting up early. And we young people like to stay up late and sleep in on weekends. Even if the elderly do not interfere with us, if they are in the same room and they get up early, they will inevitably make noise and affect our sleep.

I have a relative like this. She suffers from neurasthenia and cannot sleep well. Her mother-in-law is at her house. She gets up at three or four o'clock in the morning and says she can't sleep. Although her mother-in-law pays great attention to it, she does not open or close the door. The sound was still very clear. Relatives are about to collapse.

3. Different hygiene habits

If your conditions are good enough, such as living in a duplex building, you can let the elderly live on the first floor and you live on the second floor, so that you don’t have too much trouble eating, drinking and urinating in your life. The more we intersect, the better to live together.

If you just live in an ordinary three-bedroom apartment, if you live with the elderly, it will be inconvenient everywhere. Take the bathroom as an example. If it were me, I wouldn't like sharing the same bathroom with them.

Anyway, living with my parents has a lot of conflicts and contradictions. People need to be realistic. Although living with an elderly person has good intentions, it is not good if it makes you uncomfortable and the elderly person does not feel at ease.

So it is not necessary to live with the elderly to be filial.

If you have the conditions, it is better not to live together. It is best to buy a house for the elderly near your home, even if it is tens of square meters, give the elderly a space of their own, and you can often take care of them. .

As an article said, "The best way to get along with your parents is to keep a bowl of water at a distance."

People who may not want to live with the older generation are more in line with the world's trends than the rest of the world. China may have the most people in the world who like to live with the older generation. In other words, the Chinese may be the nation with the poorest ability to live independently in the world.

It is completely understandable that the wife does not want to live with her parents.

First of all, the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a common, prominent and complex conflict in Chinese families. Are there more families with conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law or families without conflicts? No one has done any research.

Maybe there are only a few families with conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law! However, although they are in the minority, their impact is huge. Therefore, the contradiction is undoubtedly related to the fact that children are too dependent on their parents. The stronger the dependence, the more contradictions there are. There seems to be no conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law abroad.

The closer the distance between two cars, the greater the likelihood of a collision. The further the distance, the safer it is. On the issue of whether to live with their parents, it is definitely difficult for the son and his daughter-in-law to agree on the same opinion. Therefore, it is difficult to unify because the son has not been displaced or moved. The daughter-in-law is from another family. With a distinct "immigration" smell.

Speaking of immigrants, no matter which country they are in, immigrants will be looked at differently and find it difficult to fully integrate into local life. Immigration is like a scar on the face or body, like a patch on clothes, like the scar left after being burned by fire will never disappear. Follow for life.

The daughter-in-law is a migrant. When outsiders come to the husband's family, they must obey the mother-in-law's orders. The mother-in-law looked like Emperor Cixi, and all the ministers and ministers bowed down when they saw the emperor. Shout long live. Many wives today may not be able to adapt to this kind of life.

Secondly, families may be more stable if they do not live together. At least the daughter-in-law only has to serve her husband. Being with the older generation makes young people feel uncomfortable. When we don't live together, sometimes the wife can be coquettish to her husband, she can command her husband, and she can be a little more arrogant. Do whatever you want. No pressure. Living with my mother-in-law is not so free.

Secondly, if you have several wives, it will be even more troublesome. All we have to do is start from scratch. Otherwise, if one daughter-in-law lives with her mother-in-law and the other daughter-in-law does not live together, isn’t that deliberately creating conflicts?

In short, young people should be independent. You can't always rely on your parents. It turns out that people who lose their mother or father at an early age are stronger and more enterprising.

Is a wife who doesn’t want to live with her parents a good wife?

Secondly,

I tell you from a female perspective, normal psychology, normal psychology, normal psychology. The fact that you are asking this question shows that you have not yet understood the meaning of marriage.

Marriage means that a man and a woman form a small family. In this small family, whether men farm and women weave, men work outside and women work inside, or both husband and wife work, we can discuss anything That's fine, this is a matter between the two of you. The couple can live according to their own preferences or the way they get along. Being with her parents-in-law means that the wife has to integrate into a new family. In this new family, she is the only outsider. As an outsider, it takes too much adjustment to successfully integrate into this family. If the husband can handle the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the wife may have an easier life. flow. Even as she was slowly accepted into this new family, her wife had changed beyond recognition. The white rose of the year turned into a grain of rice dregs on the clothes.

The reason why a man is unwilling to leave his family of origin is because he is the biggest vested interest. For him, he has a new wife and is close to his parents. Someone will take care of you when you are tired, and someone will comfort you when you are tired. When my wife is not at home, my mother is still there; when my mother is not at home, there is still my bride. There has been no change in his life, and of course he cannot understand this feeling of a woman. It's like you're new to a company. The old employees in the company are like a family, but you want to blend in, but there's no one to play with you. From time to time, people find fault with you, or even suppress you. Would you be happy?

When a man gets married, he must learn to grow up. When he is not mentally mature, he really should not choose marriage, because marriage not only involves romance, but also rice dregs.

I am very happy to answer your question

After getting married, what is the mentality of a wife who does not want to live with her parents?

It’s a normal mentality. It’s really rare to live with your parents after getting married. Regardless of what my wife thinks, I find it inconvenient to live with my parents. Within a year, my parents will We only stay at home for less than a week. When the Spring Festival is approaching, I go back to my parents' house for three to five days and then go back to my own home. I can go to my parents' house for dinner if I have nothing to do, but I still don't get used to living there. Especially after you have children, not living with your parents does not mean you are unfilial. You should still be filial when you should be filial, but you should give each other your own space.

In the past, as long as you lived separately from your parents, you would separate your family. Now there is no such thing as separation. Now every family has one or two children, who are their own darlings. Here we have both boys and girls. The division is not so clear anymore. Girls can also provide for their old age and share property. The only thing is that after a girl gets married, she still has to take care of the things that should be taken care of at home. So it is normal for your wife not to want to live with your parents. This is not allowed. Explain that she is not filial to your parents, and generally tell you some of your wife's concerns about not wanting to live with your parents.

This is the first problem to face. Nowadays, most of them live in buildings, and they are all in a big house. Unlike before, there was a yard and one room for each room. It is not so bad in winter. , you wear so little in the summer, your wife may consider the inconvenience of dressing when living together, and the problem of taking a shower and going to the bathroom. It doesn’t matter if you wear less in the summer at your own home, just wear pajamas after taking a shower. That's okay, but it's not okay to live with your parents, because your dad is also at home, which would be more embarrassing for both parties. You have to consider your wife's feelings.

I have a deep understanding of this. When my wife was in confinement, my mother came to live in my house for a month. She had to face the old man’s nagging every day. She started nagging me as soon as I went to bed at night. Why? If you go to bed so late, can you still get up in the morning? Going to bed late is not good for your health. She will wake you up early the next day to eat, but you still can’t get up at such a late hour. You see, going to bed late is like this. She still treats you as a child. Think about it. You live with your parents and face their nagging every day. You may be able to bear it. Can your wife bear it?

If you live with your parents, there will be much fewer gatherings between relatives and friends. It is okay for you to go to other people’s homes, but it will be inconvenient for your friends or relatives to come to your home. Friends can at most just go to a restaurant without coming home, but as for your wife's relatives, if your father-in-law and mother-in-law want to come see your daughter, this will be very inconvenient. Are they coming to see their daughter or are they here to go? relatives by marriage? So don't just think about yourself, think about it from your wife's perspective and see how many problems you need to face.

There are also advantages to living with your parents. For example, you don’t need to cook the usual meals. When you have children in the future, you won’t need to take care of them. You may have more freedom to go out, but these are just small issues. You should consider Maybe you can take care of each other if you live with your parents. As time goes by, you will find that there will be many conflicts when living with your parents. After all, there is a generation gap in your ideological concepts, some trivial matters in life, and differences in how you look at problems. Disagreement, your wife's submissiveness in front of your parents, her anger at you but not her daring to speak out. Once these problems erupt together, it will trigger a big family civil war.

This is a normal psychology!

As long as conditions permit, women hope to live alone after marriage. This does not mean that wives are unfilial. There are mainly the following psychological concerns:

1. Marriage means a woman’s role She needs to adapt to the change.

2. When living with parents-in-law, one is most afraid of conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. After all, this is a topic that has always been discussed.

3. Lack of freedom, such as sleeping in, not knowing how to cook, making love between two people, etc.

4. If you have children, there will be conflicts in educating them.

If the husband can handle the relationship between his parents-in-law and his wife well, he will not be the mother’s boy, he will not be the talker, he will not deliberately favor his parents, he will respect and understand his wife, and resolve her concerns one by one. , everything can still be discussed. After all, the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law mainly depends on the husband's attitude in handling problems.

It’s the same mentality as the husband who doesn’t want to live with his father-in-law and mother-in-law. It doesn’t matter what happens in front of his parents. He can be very casual and don’t have to be so careful about what he says. But in front of his parents-in-law or parents-in-law, he is somewhat embarrassed. Be restrained and need to think twice before speaking.

The reason why many men do not understand their wives is because they feel that this has been the case in China for thousands of years and has long been a tradition, and they only need to please their parents-in-law before marriage. There is no need to think about how to get along with the parents-in-law for a long time. They cannot empathize with them, so they will not think about how difficult it is for the wife to adapt to the entire family after marriage, especially when the parents-in-law are harsh and unreasonable. How helpless and desperate I feel when my husband doesn’t understand. Because there are so many such instances, I am afraid that something like this will happen to me again.

Another point is that the wife and the parents-in-law are two generations after all. They have many different habits and ideas. Conflicts can be avoided by not living together. Therefore, if possible, try not to live together. Live separately.

First of all, the wife’s thoughts must be understood. After all, they are not her biological parents. It will definitely be difficult to get along with them, and unnecessary friction will occur over time. There are various pros and cons of living with the elderly. The good thing is that the elderly have rich life experience and can take care of their children in daily life. Families with babies can better reflect the value of the elderly and can help take care of the children and share the family pressure. Of course, there will also be disagreements about children's education, especially in the role of the wife, who is more likely to have different ways of looking at the problem. In fact, as a wife, you would prefer to run your own small family in a free environment. Without the interference of elders, wives will be more free to do whatever they want. I believe this is what all wives want.

You should be honest before marriage. If your parents can still live independently after marriage, why not live separately? It is also a good thing to live separately as long as your parents are still young.

There is an old saying, "It smells good when you are far away, but it smells bad when you are close." Let alone the parents-in-law and their daughter-in-law getting along, even if the biological mother and her daughter live together all day long, conflicts will gradually arise.

Living separately can avoid conflicts and give each other space.