Manage expectations

1. Parents’ expectations for their children

I used to have a lot of expectations for my children, and I was afraid of missing any opportunity to improve my children’s intelligence. Plant books, teach children to recite the Analects of Confucius, read the Tao Te Ching, go to college, etc.

Later, when I read Kahlil Gibran's poem "Children", I understood that children have their own lives, accept everything about them, love them, and feel the happiness and joy of being with them. However, this is difficult to do.

All kinds of anxieties and worries will arise internally. Worry is a questioning of the child's ability and distrust. It was still the strong expectations in my heart that were causing trouble.

I hope that my children will have a balanced diet and be healthy. I hope that my children will fall in love with reading, study hard, and get into a good university. I hope that my children will engage in a job they like and have a successful career in the future. I have a happy little family...

I hope my son will become a dragon and my daughter will become a phoenix. Haidian mothers, Shunyi mothers, and elite overseas returnees quit their jobs to raise "bullfrogs" full-time. They discussed how to attend Ivy League schools. The mothers focused on raising their children.

Raising children seems to have become mothers’ career, and the success of their children is the success of their mothers’ careers.

Education is companionship, right? Do we wait for the flowers to bloom? We work hard to water, and we are more looking forward to the joy of a good harvest. I even hope to omit the hard work of hard work, directly omit the process, go straight to the results, and get the harvest.

The targets that are not achieved in the process, getting up too late, reading too little, not taking homework seriously, not being active in interest classes, and ranking low in grades are all things that mothers worry about and don’t want to see. . When expectations are met, you are excited, happy, and motivated; when expectations are not met, you are disappointed, angry, lose your temper, and unhappy.

Children are mothers’ capital to show off and their hope for the future. Failure is not allowed, only success is allowed. Failure is the last thing you want to face. You are afraid inside, afraid of failure, worried that your child will lack competitiveness in the future and will have an unsatisfactory life. All efforts are for success and for the dream of the child becoming an outstanding elite in the future. Mothers work really hard for their children and are very strong.

American behaviorist psychologist Watson (a representative of environmental determinism) once said: "Give me a dozen healthy babies, regardless of the status of their ancestors, and I can raise them to whatever they want. Leaders to thieves and other types of people. Under Watson's high-pressure and lack of emotion education, his two sons grew up with psychological trauma and suffered from severe depression.

2. Management. Expectations

Excessive expectations are anxious and unhappy. Managing your own expectations is necessary for people at any stage.

Kaifu Lee found that young employees are eager to succeed quickly. , Set some goals for yourself too optimistically, "You should have more courage to tolerate failure, and have enough courage to try new things." Unrealistic expectations will definitely bring disappointment. Reasonable management expectations will be effective. Motivate people.

Expectation management is a management measure based on Expectancy Theory, also known as "Valence-Means-Expectation Theory". It is a management measure developed by a famous North American psychologist. And the motivation theory proposed by behavioral scientist Victor H. Vroom in "Work and Incentives" in 1964. Enterprises need to manage employees' expectations, which is reflected in two aspects: Unreasonable treatment of employees. Expectations should be explained and eliminated, reasonable expectations should be met to the greatest extent, and employees should be guided to establish correct and effective expectations, ultimately achieving the goal of employee satisfaction.

The clearer the communication about expectations, the better the employees of the company. The higher the satisfaction, the lower the turnover rate, and the better the benefits.

Of course, mothers and children also need to communicate well and clarify their reasonable expectations. , What is your mother’s expectation?

3. Reasonable expectations

What is happiness?

Happiness = ability-expectation< /p>

You can have more happiness by lowering your expectations, and hope that your children will become what you want! The daydreams created by expectations are so beautiful, who is willing to give up such a beautiful dream?

Some people say that the ultimate goal of human beings is to pursue happiness. Regardless of whether this statement is correct, the positive emotions that happiness brings to people can wash away negative emotions.

Raising children is not the same as motivating employees. Raising children is not just about the glamorous appearance, grades, work, career, etc., it is also about inner, sound and spiritual enrichment.

Moderately lowering expectations can effectively reduce mothers’ anxiety, worry and fear. Explore the parenting philosophy of learning authority (important!).

Internal factors are the basis for the development of things. It is the first. It determines the basic trend of the development of things. External factors are the external conditions for the development of things. It is the second. It affects the development of things. Play the role of accelerating or delaying.

For children’s expectations, the internal cause is the subject, the child, and the efforts of mothers are the external cause, the environment.

Learn more about scientific farming, fertilize when needed, water when needed, wait for the flowers to bloom, and enjoy the process. There are too many factors including seeds, climate, soil, environment, and farmers. Whatever the harvest is, take it as promised.

Don’t forget, except for the moment of harvest, budding in spring, lush in summer, falling leaves in autumn and withering in winter are all scenery.