Analysis of remarriage choice

As the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some middle-aged divorced women in China look down on their eyes, but in the eyes of many western middle-aged men, they are treasures that are hard to find with lanterns. They came to China not far from Wan Li just to marry a mature woman from China with a child. They believe that divorced women who raise children are strong and caring.

In Wuhan, some divorced middle-aged women do not hesitate to choose foreign-related marriages. They didn't start learning ABC until middle age. In order to pay for expensive matchmaking, some people even sell their houses and borrow money to "gamble".

Some people say: the outstanding men of our time all have wives; Divorced men with better conditions are more willing to find younger ones; Finally, I have a similar situation. I don't think I am taking care of my children. Choosing a foreign-related marriage is not that I prefer western men, but that I have no choice.

Lawyers and women research experts point out that foreign-related marriages are risky and must be cautious.

Ms. Xie's Romantic Remarriage Road

In the eyes of 43-year-old Ms. Xie, August 28 is a very sweet day, and she hopes that this day will come soon.

On this day, she and Edgeworth Beresford David, a 48-year-old British man, will go through the marriage registration formalities in the civil affairs department. At that time, Edgeworth Beresford David's parents will also come from England.

Ms Xie is a director of Yichang TV Station. Divorced for nearly 10 years, living alone with her daughter and never finding a suitable partner. In June, 5438+10, she transferred the choice of remarried object to the west. Unexpectedly, her life changed.

Her first communication with Edgeworth Beresford David took place on the Internet on April 8th. "The first time I saw his information, I didn't care. In the occupation column of his data sheet, it says "retired". Compared with decent jobs such as lawyers, engineers and businessmen, it is not eye-catching. " Ms Xie said with a smile, if it weren't for Edgeworth Beresford David's sincere and touching email, they might have missed this marriage.

Edgeworth Beresford David's ex-wife is a gentle and virtuous Shanghai wife. At that time, he lived in Shanghai for many years and was the executive director of a British bank in Southeast Asia. Unfortunately, shortly after marriage, my wife developed cancer and died less than three months after diagnosis. Edgeworth Beresford David wrote their love story into a book and sent all the money to his wife and family.

Edgeworth Beresford David has always wanted to find a beautiful and gentle Mrs. China as his ex-wife. Seeing Ms. Xie's photo, he also called. After more than half a month, their feelings also crossed the ocean with the mail, getting deeper and deeper. Before going to China, Edgeworth Beresford David said to Ms. Xie in an email: "In our future life, I will make breakfast for you every morning and send it to your bedroom. Even if I am too old to walk and can only sit in a wheelchair, I will, as always, make breakfast for you ... "

On April 27th, Ms. Xie met in Wuhan. "In the lounge, I am very nervous. On the one hand, I was moved and deeply moved by Edgeworth Beresford David's passionate pursuit. On the other hand, I am worried about the unknown factors behind' retirement'. " To Ms. Xie's surprise, she not only has a doctorate, but also has a good family background in Britain.

After their engagement in Yichang, Edgeworth Beresford David bought a 300-square-meter riverside villa for Ms. Xie, and arranged for Ms. Xie's daughter to study at Birmingham University in the UK. Afraid of her daughter's loneliness abroad, Edgeworth Beresford David even sent her two middle school friends to Birmingham University.

"Everything is like a dream. He surprises me every day. " Ms. Xie said happily that she knew that she liked rose red, and even changed the bedroom walls, curtains and even bedside lamps of British people into rose red. "In order to communicate with me, he studies Chinese for three hours every day, whether in Britain or China, without interruption. Sometimes, just across the wall, he will send me a short message with a rose pattern to make me happy. In short, he gave me unprecedented happiness. "

"It's not that I prefer western men, but that I have no choice."

Most people of Ms. Xie's age have limited English. How do they communicate with foreigners? There is a special intermediary to do it for you.

In the contact with, Ms. Xie chose an information consulting company in Wuhan to provide her with the whole mail translation service. In addition, the company also provides Ms. Xie with assistance in engagement, wedding, visa and immigration. After all the formalities are completed, Ms. Xie pays 50,000 yuan for this. On August 7, the person in charge of this company revealed to reporters that the company currently has more than 100 customers in Wuhan. They are a group of women who are unpopular with middle-aged men in China, but most popular with middle-aged men in Europe and America.

Ms. Tao, 34, divorced for 4 years, now works in Hanzheng Street with a 9-year-old girl. She only has a high school education, can't speak English at all, and has no savings. She had to borrow money from her mother for such an expensive "blind date fee".

Ms. Tao is keeping in touch with five European and American men, hoping to get to know each other gradually and choose the right candidate. After work, she memorizes words at home. Last week, a French businessman called her and she was able to have a simple conversation with her. The French man plans to visit her in Wuhan next January. "He speaks very softly, afraid of scaring me, and respects me." Ms. Tao said.

Ms. Tao said frankly that she chose foreign-related marriage not because she preferred western men, but because she had no choice. "The outstanding men of our time have wives; Divorced men with good environment are more willing to find younger ones; Finally, there is a similar condition. The other party brings a son and I bring a daughter. How do you live this life? " Ms. Tao told reporters without hesitation: "Choosing this road is to change the fate of my daughter and me."

Ms Tao is full of confidence because she has seen several women with similar conditions realize their dreams. With the support of relatives, Ms. Li, a 39-year-old laid-off female worker, also found her husband, an unmarried civil servant in California. Now that the two are engaged, Ms. Li and her daughter's visa work is being processed. They are expected to go to America next spring.

With Ms. Li's encouragement, another lady even sold a house, rented a house to live in, and signed up for a professional English learning institution, which made her lose all her money and made a fortune.

In the eyes of foreigners, divorced women with children are strong and caring.

There is a question that I believe puzzles many people in China: Why do European and American men prefer divorced women with children in China?

The person in charge of this company in Wuhan told reporters that this attraction comes from cultural differences. The European and American men she came into contact with at work, as soon as they heard that the other party had pulled her 10 children for many years, immediately stood in awe of this woman, feeling that they were very strong and caring, and devoted their youth to their children. A divorced woman with children, in her relationship with an American unmarried man, hinted that she didn't want any more children. The other party agreed without hesitation and said, "From now on, your child is our child."

This company used a video camera to completely record the marriage and love process of each foreign-related marriage party. In these videos, most foreigners looking for Chinese wives said that divorced women between the ages of 35 and 50 in China brought more stable marriages. They have been hurt by marriage and cherish their families more. They are kind to old people and children. They are not as independent as white women and are easy to ask for divorce. The cost of divorce is too high for men in developed countries. As for the younger unmarried women in China, they feel that this kind of marriage is not very strong.

In sharp contrast, it is a difficult problem for middle-aged divorced women in matchmaking agencies to remarry. A survey by the civil affairs department of Guiyang shows that the success rate of middle-aged divorced women with children is far lower than that of men, only 5%. Cai Gang, general manager of Wuhan Xinyuan Marriage Agency, told reporters that the most difficult problem for marriage agencies is middle-aged divorced women with children, especially those with boys. Many men in China have always believed that accepting a divorced woman with a boy is to raise a son for others. It is a big expense and a very heavy burden for my son to get married and buy a house in the future.

But for European and American men, once the woman's children have acquired the nationality of developed countries, a good welfare system will not make the man feel that this is a burden. When the child reaches the age of 18, it will be completely independent from the family, not to mention the problem of buying a house and getting married.

Cultural differences bring beauty, but they can also become reefs in marriage.

In a seemingly beautiful foreign-related marriage, China and the West came together because of cultural differences. However, the most likely reason for parting ways in the future is precisely cultural differences.

Lawyer CANDY of Hubei Jinwei Law Firm has handled many foreign-related marriage and divorce cases. He told reporters that most of the reasons for divorce in these cases are: language barriers and communication barriers between the two sides; The woman doesn't understand the cultural customs of the new environment and can't adapt to life. If the divorce procedure is handled in developed countries, the rights and interests of the woman can be easily guaranteed. If divorce is handled in China, it is difficult to divide the man's property.

For women who intend to marry foreigners, Lawyer CANDY suggested that they must have a certain understanding of the relevant laws and humanistic knowledge of the country where the man is located and treat it with caution.

Professor Liu Xiaohong, an expert on women's issues, said that in the face of this new social phenomenon, men in China have a lot to reflect on. When some men in China remarry, they think more about vanity than emotional needs. They would rather find a girl who is much younger than themselves and has a generation gap than a woman of the same age who has no communication barriers, resulting in a very low remarriage rate of divorced women in China. Foreign-related marriage brings a life choice to divorced women, but we must be careful to avoid being cheated by marriage and being hurt more.

According to the Southern Metropolis Daily, on June 5438+ 10, 2005, 25 women in Guangzhou mistakenly entered a foreign-related black matchmaking agency and were defrauded of 400,000 yuan.

Lawyer Candy and Professor Liu Xiaohong are particularly worried about women who have the psychology of "gambling". Because their starting point is not love, but with a strong utilitarian color. In fact, not every woman can successfully marry a foreigner. Once they give everything, but they can't get what they expect in return, they can't afford to lose and their lives will get worse.