The marriage and love problems of international students are often troubled.

Marriage is the most important part of life, and it has become an indisputable fact that studying abroad in Weibo has become a "risk card" in personal love and marriage. So why is the problem of marriage and love bothering the majority of international students? I will explain it to you.

According to the Report on the Development of Studying Abroad in China (20 13) released on September 30th this year, in 20 12, there were nearly 400,000 students studying abroad in China, and the total number of students studying abroad was1136,900, a record high. But in addition to the most extreme cases, there are more and more high-quality international students who have been "dragged" into older men and women because of studying abroad. If you are the one, in the hot overseas field, high-quality leftover men who frequently go back to China for blind date, and female students who "gamble" for their green cards, while people are crazy about studying abroad, they rarely calmly assess the risks brought by studying abroad.

As an international student said, studying abroad makes marriage and love a gamble, and it is difficult to enter and retreat. ...

The dilemma of love, which started from the lonely "suspension bridge", has no result.

"I have never quite understood why so many high-quality international students can't find objects, especially boys!" Cao, one of the directors of the popular domestic love show "If You Are the One", said that this problem is also puzzling. In the past three years, "If You Are the One" has given overseas special performances in Britain, the United States, Canada, France, Germany and South Korea. Local students are welcome to sign up for activities in all places. How difficult is it to find a suitable marriage partner overseas?

"In the cases of psychological counseling for international students I took over, 1 0,000% all had the experience of overseas love, but they all ended in a difficult ending. This is the essence of the love of many international students. I think it is largely because their love begins with the' suspension bridge' effect. " Zhou Xiaopeng, chief marriage counselor of Lily.com and senior national psychological counselor. ..

The so-called "suspension bridge effect" in psychology means that people will make wrong attribution to their physiological reactions in a dangerous environment, and it is easier to stimulate intimate feelings.

"For everyone studying abroad, adapting to a strange country and culture is undoubtedly putting people in a dangerous environment psychologically. In this environment, many relationships may be mistaken for the psychological need to avoid danger as a result of love. " Zhou Xiaopeng admits that most of these relationships will end in breakup.

Koharu Forum is a popular forum among Japanese students studying abroad. The emotional sections of the forum are almost all posts about recruiting friends, especially for foreign students who have just arrived in Japan and are strangers. Mr. Fang, who has been studying in Japan for 8 years, talked about love three times during his stay in Japan. "Most relationships start with loneliness!" During his study abroad, Mr. Fang not only had to cope with heavy studies, but also worked to make money. "I am very tired every day, but I am very lonely. I feel that I am alone if I don't fall in love, and I am very scared inside. Other students are very busy and have no time to get together. You can't find any psychological comfort if you don't find a fixed object to fall in love with. It is because of loneliness that I fall in love. "

A survey on the status quo of international students and returnees involving 3,000 international students shows that international students are most troubled by "emotional loneliness" during their study abroad, 16% choose to break up or divorce before studying abroad, and 23% have no partner during their study abroad.

After eight years in Canada, Mr. Zhou finally chose to return to Beijing because he couldn't stand the deep loneliness. "Canada itself has few people. Sometimes, if you don't deliberately go to crowded places, you can't see anyone for almost a day. So, I can make fewer friends. I am alone in school and dormitory every day and holidays. At that time, I felt that even if a very annoying girl was around me, I would fall in love with her without hesitation. Because it is really lonely, but most of the time there are no girls who are very annoying. "

Alex, a doctor of mathematics studying in the United States, even calculated by mathematics that the probability of a North American student finding a girlfriend within one year is about 0. 17 1, while the probability of this girlfriend getting married is only 0.056 by Bayesian rule.

"Falling in love is not easy. These relationships that start with loneliness often end when the situation changes." Among the consulting clients in Zhou Xiaopeng, this type of love is unlikely to get married successfully.

"Many female students fall in love because they are not familiar with each other and find someone to rely on. Once they get used to the environment, they will choose to break up. More boys choose love relationships because of loneliness, mostly to solve their physiological needs, and never think about getting married. " Zhou Xiaopeng said frankly that everyone seems to have their own needs, and there is nothing to lose. "But the biggest loss is the time cost. Many older men and women who are dragged to their thirties and forties spend a lot of time at this stage, and they miss their best partner. Age. "

It is even more difficult for female students to return to their green cards.

For female students, the plight of male students does not mean that they have a better situation. According to the latest data this year, there are more than 1 .2000 China students studying in the UK, but the ratio of male to female is close to12.

Miss Cheng studied in France and Holland for three years. Weibo[ Weibo], a business school in northern France, where she studied, is considered to be the school with more international students in China. There are more than 60 students in a class, two thirds of whom are from China, while the ratio of male to female students in China is about 1 4.

"Studying in Europe is all about arts and liberal arts, and there are very few boys. Most China students have spouses or girlfriends. " Miss Cheng admits that she doesn't want to fall in love in Europe for three years, and there is really no way.

Although the ratio is wide, it is difficult to find a partner. Even in Europe, many female students in China still choose to find spouses overseas. "The competition for returning to China is more intense." Four years after returning to China, 27-year-old Miss Cheng is still single.

As a guest, Zhou Xiaopeng saw that among the 250 participants, more than 200 were women and less than 50 were men, while more than 90% of her overseas students were women.

An expert on marriage and love in zhenai said that although more male students returned to China to find spouses than female students, the success rate was much higher than that of female students.

In Zhu Yue, there were more than twice as many girls as boys who participated in the blind date activities for students studying in Washington. However, even if these girls can't find a partner in the local area, they choose to go to places where there are many men, such as California, instead of returning to China. "In fact, it is not difficult for girls to get married in the United States, but there are fewer choices for returning to China, because they have higher requirements for men and have to compete with domestic girls. The chances are too small. It is better to stay in the United States. "

In the study abroad circle, it is a default fact that marriage and love have become a shortcut for female students to obtain identity and green card. There are many such examples in Zhuyue.

Zhu Yue specifically mentioned that with the increasing number of international students in recent years, many young girls in their early twenties solved their identity problems through marriage after graduation. "Their goal is clear, just for the green card. Many people divorce once they have a formal identity, but they divorce in their twenties. Will it have no effect on finding an object in the future? "

Mr CHENG thinks that the situation in France is similar. Most European countries are not countries that immigrated to [Weibo] [Weibo], and the main ways to stay are to work and get married. For many girls, getting married is much easier.

According to the data of the French Immigration Bureau, although there are many marriages between white men and Asian women, the divorce rate is as high as 77%. "Marriage is basically a combination of two families, so it is very difficult to maintain a foreign-related marriage, and the economic concept and family concept are different. After the initial freshness, many problems are highlighted. "

Ms. Zhang, who has been divorced twice, now has a boy. She came to the United States by studying abroad in 2003, and her first two husbands were both Americans.

Gender game male students "flowers outside the wall and incense inside the wall"

20 12 in may, "if you are the one" was held in Canada, recruiting male and female guests from major cities in Canada. Within two months, more than 3,000 people signed up, which is similar to the number of applicants for the previous American special event. Cao, one of the directors of the program, told reporters with emotion: "This is really a bit confusing. Some male students are really good, and they can almost be called straight A men. I don't know why they just can't find a partner. "

According to an official sample survey conducted by Zhenai Research Institute on its 60 million members, among the 37,254 overseas students, 63.5% are men, 36.5% are women, and 49.77% are over 30 years old. Among them, the age group from 30 to 49, the ratio of male to female is about 7:3.

Zhu Yue, MD, went to America for 9 years. He is an active member of the Chinese community in greater Washington, North America. Zhu Yue not only personally participated in Jiangsu Satellite TV's special program "If You Are the One" in the United States, but also led the live version of "If You Are the One" in Washington. "In the United States, the chances of boys marrying foreign girls are very low. On the contrary, many girls are married to Americans. "

According to a survey, in the marriage between white and yellow people, white men and yellow women account for 90%. "Many American girls may be willing to fall in love with male students in China, which is out of the psychology of early adopters, but few people will really choose to marry people from China." Zhu Yue said.

The imbalance between men and women is also a problem. In California and Silicon Valley, where high-tech industries are concentrated, the ratio of men to women studying in China is almost 7:3, and in many places it is even 10: 1. "There are few girls to choose from, and it is difficult to compete with foreigners." Zhu Yue said that in fact, because many schools on the east coast of the United States mainly focus on business, arts and liberal arts, the number of female students will be correspondingly large, so many female students on the east coast of the United States will go to California because there are too many choices there.

"Personality is also the main reason why it is difficult for male students to find an object overseas." Zhu Yue believes that most male students studying for master's and doctoral degrees in the United States are science and engineering students, and they are generally introverted. Zhu Yue held a foreign student version of If You Are the One in the United States. There are more than 80 girls and only 30 boys who signed up, and most of them are very shy. "They would rather watch from the audience, or stay at home and feel uncomfortable than take the initiative. How to find an object? "

"But when male students return to China, the situation will be reversed!" Zhou Xiaopeng said: "Their background of studying abroad will make many domestic women envy them, thinking that their cultural level and personal accomplishment will be better and their economic strength will be guaranteed when they return from studying abroad, so they can be described as' a lot of choices' in China, which is also the main reason why many returnees return to China to find spouses."

Mr. Sun, who has been in Japan for 9 years, is 42 years old this year. Recently, he went back to his hometown in Henan. His family arranged at least five blind dates for him. "I'm in no hurry. Anyway, at my age. If I can't find the right one, I will wait slowly. " Mr. Sun has a house and a job in Japan. He admits that he just wants to find a better one now.

Studying abroad, such as gambling on divorce, divorce or difficult marriage, which one can't you afford to lose?

According to the Blue Book Report on the Development of Studying Abroad in China (20 13), in the year of 1978-20 12, China * * * sent 2,644,700 overseas students, making it the largest overseas student country in the world, and the number of overseas students is still increasing every year.

45.6% of international students studying in the United States are graduate students. When these international students first arrived in the United States, they basically reached marriageable age, so it is easy to have no time to fall in love, or they can't determine their marital status because of the problem of staying or staying, and finally become older and single.

"The most worrying thing is that most international students have never seriously considered the risk of marriage and love before going abroad. They are just eager to go abroad. After the dream of studying abroad came true, they found that what really bothered them was marriage and family. " In the consulting cases in Zhou Xiaopeng, it is very common that studying abroad leads to divorce or divorce during studying abroad. There are also many cases of divorce caused by married people studying abroad. Some even go abroad together, but because the environment changes greatly abroad, it will bring many variables to marriage and family. Most men can't adapt to life abroad, but women insist on staying. Finally, the two sides parted ways. "The story of the hero being abandoned by his wife after going abroad in the movie Beijing meets Seattle is by no means a case in North America." And these single people who have been dragged to the old age will undoubtedly encounter the problem of "difficult marriage" after overseas or returning home.

Zhu Yue was only 23 years old when he went abroad in 2004. "I only thought about studying abroad at that time, and I didn't consider personal issues at all. I didn't think it was a problem to go out, but after staying in the United States for two or three years, I found that the issue of marriage and love was really annoying. " Many international students admit that before studying abroad, they never really considered the possible impact of studying abroad on marriage and family.

The special director of "If You Are the One" in New Zealand told the reporter that the number of international students enrolled in New Zealand accounts for more than half of the total number. The main reasons for single international students are high academic pressure, hard part-time job and small life circle. The reason why foreign students get married is the question of "staying or going back", so it is easy to fall in love in a long distance, and the final outcome is mostly tacit breakup or parting ways tortured by different places.

"Many people say that even if they don't study abroad, they will face the risk of marriage and love, but compared with the hardships of studying abroad, I sometimes ask myself, is this experience worth it?" Miss Yang, who has been studying in Japan 10 years, is 32 years old and single. These days, the most important question she considers is whether to stay or return to China. "Before going abroad, I never felt that studying abroad was risky. Now I feel like a gamble. Whether I should go back or stay, I am not sure about the future. At this age, no matter how I choose, I feel embarrassed. "