Why on earth did we come to America?

When the professors filed out and held hands, I saw that my husband's face, which was still forced to relax, was finally completely relaxed. I'll hug him and say, congratulations. I know he has been waiting for this day for almost ten years, and every time he approaches his dream, he returns to the starting point for various reasons. For five years, some people give up, others give up halfway, and the pressure of survival always threatens new immigrants: go or stay?

The topic of husband research is very cutting-edge, and it can't be applied to practice at present. When I followed him to visit the professor at my alma mater in China, the professor joked that probably no more than 100 people in China were interested in our conversation. In the United States, except for the National Space Center, they have almost no way out, and as China people, their job opportunities are almost zero. Many people advised him that with such a good computer background, why not learn the most popular CS? He said, I came for this degree, and I don't want to give up easily.

At that time, my husband replied that he just wanted to get a doctorate and see how big the world was.

I have asked everyone here. Unfortunately, there are not many answers. For parents' expectations, for dreams in their hearts, for curiosity and competitiveness, and so on. In short, we are here, in Dali's words, on a road of no return. Is it true that only losers can turn back? What exactly is success? In the secular eyes, the word "success" is the best portrayal. But looking around, how many seemingly successful people have become really loose? The United States has given a relatively fair opportunity. With diligence and intelligence, China people have achieved almost what most Americans have not achieved in a long or short time. But why do they always think that China people are not proud? Old America is driving a broken car to escort, which is even worse than driving a Mercedes; Six stutters in American families are happier than your annual salary of 60 thousand to 70 thousand. You complain that this country does not give you a sense of security. Indeed, it is much harder for new immigrants to get the same living conditions as the aborigines! If nothing else, identity problems will choke people to death. In the first sentence of job hunting, people first ask if you are a citizen, and then ask if you are a permanent resident. When you have the same voting rights as the United States, maybe you will suddenly find that the world is empty.

Because America is not yours.

America is not yours because your skin is not white enough; Your writing is not fluent enough; Your steak is not raw enough; What's even more exasperating is that when you worked hard to become famous and wanted the so-called mainstream society to impress you, the old escort whizzed past your Mercedes and didn't sell your account at all!

The sense of accomplishment supported by money can only be unimpeded in a society that worships money. The United States is a money society, but it is also a society that ignores money in many ways. Hollywood first challenged the upper class. Don't say Tantanik's undisguised satire on the so-called upper class, beautiful women and Scent of a Woman, which is becoming more and more beautiful, is a slander on the rich class.

A huge space built by the United States did not give people money. Strangely, over the years, the impression that the United States gave me turned out to be Chairman Mao's quotations: I am afraid I can't do it, but I am afraid I can't think of it. Compared with the rigid old beauty, China people's imagination and creativity are much richer. The United States finally let China people who have been bound for a long time feel that they can breathe a sigh of relief:

You don't need a hukou book to change jobs, you don't need to go through the back door to go to school, couples travel, and you don't have to worry about not letting you live without a marriage certificate. The United States has a bottom line. As long as you lift your legs a little, you can walk easily and unimpeded.

Don't we want the freedom to travel through the past easily? Unfortunately, our hearts are still unhappy.

I often hear friends around me complain that they can't go back. Don't stay too long. People visiting relatives are just like dragonflies. The most important thing is psychological stress, not to mention three aunts and six wives, because we have to wash ourselves white under the tradition of returning home in China. Those who go back are losers. If you can't afford to buy a good car and a big house, you are really a loser in the eyes of ordinary people. (However, even if you are honored, what will happen if you don't see envious eyes when you come back? ) So? !

Perhaps you will find that many people's initial dream of studying in the United States is completely different from what they get today.

I have a friend who is nearly forty years old. She is a princeling in China and grew up in an art troupe. In the United States, in order to earn tuition for my daughter, I rolled up my sleeves and walked out of the restaurant, and moved to the professor's house to be a nanny. I often laugh at her: walking on the catwalk with a plate. She is always talking and laughing, and regularly reports her daughter's achievements to us. Her 17-year-old daughter didn't even speak English when she came to the United States, and now her composition has won the grand prize in the national composition competition. One day I sat in the sun and chatted with her. Life in America is so tense that everyone is too busy to communicate. However, I remember that day she said that I was a complete failure when I came to America. I didn't go back to school to get my degree (she majored in English in China), and I didn't earn much money to buy a car or a house. I often think, how can I tell others when I get home? Maybe I can only say this, maybe everyone doesn't understand: I feel that I have experienced much more than a degree and some money in the United States. I feel like I'm growing. I am so touched that a woman who is not confused in her later years can admit that she is growing up. That day, she said, I am proud of my daughter and my husband. More importantly, I am proud of myself, that is, I have learned how to behave calmly!

Calm down, what a rare growth this is. It is neither the so-called inaction of Laozi and Zhuangzi, nor the great ambition to turn the United States into a battlefield.

My daughter won a full scholarship overnight, and every knife she has saved for her daughter now proves her maternity. There are gains and losses. Seeing her happiness every day, I understand that she doesn't want to deceive herself and pretend to be chic, but she is really full. She said that people can't lose to themselves.

Live like a person! You don't have to pose as an edge to be an edge person. I like those happy Americans very much. I like to chat with veterans who go back to school. I like to listen to the cleaners in the teaching building talk about their ideals. I like to watch the naughty smile of truck drivers on the highway. No matter what job they are engaged in, they can have full confidence in themselves: I will succeed. Maybe this success is just buying a new used car, or maybe this success is just going to Hawaii for a holiday. Their current credit cards may still be in deficit.

I have always wondered why so many Americans feel good about themselves. Later, I learned that from the beginning of American basic education, people should learn to live like individuals. You can be selfish, but you can't infringe on the interests of others; You can be conceited, but please respect the rights of others; You can be proud, but people around you may be more proud than you. Of course, this kind of self-confidence education also has many negative effects, but there is no doubt about one thing, that is, respect: respect for yourself and respect for others. Even old professors have no right to criticize, and even millionaires have no right to give alms and be grateful. Millionaires and jumpers may appear every day, which makes many ordinary people recognize themselves. They no longer artificially imagine the enemy, but love life to the fullest. You can drive a Mercedes if you have money, but you can drive a used car if you have no money; If you have money, you can go to Hawaii to watch the sunrise, but if you don't have money, you can drive a broken car to chase the sunset.

We will leave our first stop in America in two weeks. It is said that we can see the sea when we go out.

I often wonder whether this kind of temporary parking will really destroy our personality-a friend of mine once said that people's requirements are actually very small, and lying down is just a bed space. This is easy to get in America, and we often don't cherish what is easy to get.

Will it? Husband said that for so many years, you have always stayed alone until midnight, and finally you can go out for a walk after dinner and sit on the sofa and watch TV together. However, I am afraid, as Kundera said, the unbearable lightness of life. People will fall into a kind of aimless frivolous, which may be caused by failure or success. Boring-many people who seem to be very successful say so.

My husband once said half seriously and half jokingly that my biggest dream is to buy an NBA and invest in making a movie for you. I don't know how long this dream will last. I just think that we don't all have to make our beautiful dreams come true, but we must live as individuals. No matter whether it is downwind or adversity, we must persist and never lose to ourselves first.

Good luck to my friend Dali who is going home: If you make a choice without regrets, then going home is not an empty bag-because I read between your lines about your growth in the United States. Remember, people who want to lose always lose to themselves first. Temporary gains and losses are not losses. The real loss is that you have lost all enterprising confidence in yourself. The word enterprising may mean buying a plane ticket to Rome, writing a love song for your lover, or planting a green vegetable garden.

Write this for myself and for friends who feel the same way.