With idols, can you really live sweeter than honey every day?

I recently watched the popular variety "Happy Trio 2" and wanted to talk about my feelings about love.

I remember Lee Hyo Ri, a Korean actress, was interviewed by the media after she got married and lived in seclusion. "Why are you with an ugly artist who has no money?" She said, "My brother (Li Shangshun) is very talented, but I only have money. He can give me a sense of stability. What's wrong with being ugly? I just feel handsome. 」

Looking up and admiring in feelings is not necessarily the admiration of the mainstream public in front of others, but what two people see face to face when they get along.

Gina's feelings for Lang Lang in "Happy Trio 2" are exactly the feelings of "ordinary people can't get it" and "you know me".

The feeling of "everything is pleasing to the eye" comes not only from the long-term coexistence and running-in between the two sides, but also from their sexual attraction.

It's hard for my wife to say that my husband earns much money. Although it is not good for me, I think his eyes are particularly beautiful and his legs are particularly long.

Husband is hard to say, wife is good-looking. Although our relationship is not good, the more I look at her, the more beautiful she is.

I once saw a TED talk about marriage called "The Mystery of Maintaining Long-term Partnership". The speaker is Esther Perel, a Belgian gender expert. She said that her parents were survivors of the World War II massacre, and they were the only survivors in two families.

Pairel grew up in a community of Holocaust survivors. Obviously, there are two kinds of lovers around him, one is "Holocaust survivor" and the other is "Holocaust survivor".

There is a great difference between "immortality" and "survival": "immortality" is a negative state. Although the man survived by luck, his heart died. "Being alive" is a positive state. In the concentration camp, these people's hearts are still alive. After liberation, they just need to open their hearts again.

She mentioned that these two relationships are just like marriage. The biggest difference between the two lies in the "sexual imagination" of the other party in the relationship.

"After experiencing great changes in life, how can I reconstruct myself and bring back that kind of energy, vitality and liveliness? Liveliness has its profound meaning. It is purposeful, creative, fun and has its own meaning in life. 」

This "sexual imagination" is an emotion independent of our "needs" for each other. Not from taking, not even from what others have done.

Sexual fantasy is a healthy one-man show.

I once heard a female friend tell me that when she was 30, she fell in love with idolization and an actor who was 10 years younger than her. She always goes to the airport for concerts. Her boyfriend is also very supportive, because she always feels good when she sees pictures related to idols or Weibo.

Interestingly, her imaginary relationship with her idol actually makes her relationship with her boyfriend better and better in real life.

I have experienced this feeling. Once, I happened to see ChristianRandPhillips' performance in 1987 Spring Festival Evening. I think he is very handsome and watch his videos every day. As long as I watch his video and call my boyfriend, I will feel the dopamine in my brain in the last video, which makes me feel the same excitement and enthusiasm for my boyfriend.

Therefore, perhaps it is not "being with idols can really be sweeter than honey every day", but "keeping the imagination of love can really be sweeter than honey every day".

Proust, the author of the French writer Remembering the Past, said that it is our imagination that makes us love, not love that makes us love.

Looking at the relationship between Gina and Lang Lang, I can't help but think of the great influence of this "imagination" on intimate relationship. When Gina holds Lang Lang, you can see that no matter how Lang Lang reacts, she is immersed in her own imagination of each other.

After eating the edamame, Lang also leaned in and sniffed: "Why is it so fragrant? 」

Looking at Lang Lang's legs, she will admire: "Long legs"!

Looking into Lang Lang's eyes, she would say, "Why are your eyes so beautiful?"

In fact, no matter what her taste is, she is the biggest beneficiary of this imagination.

And these compliments that only people who are in love will say may be rarely heard by Lang Lang at home.

You know, Lang Lang was strictly educated by his parents since he was a child, and the love his parents gave him was not "unconditional".

Lang Lang's mother once said in her self-report that because Lang Lang was going to Beijing to practice the piano when she was a child, she needed to stay in Shenyang alone to earn money.

Lang Guoren (Lang Dad) demands more from his son every day, and he can't wait for his son to practice piano in his sleep. Once, I want to go to Beijing. Before leaving, Lang Guoren called and said, "Don't come. 」

I said in surprise, "I'm ready. Besides, Lang Lang misses me and I miss him. 」

Lang Guoren said coldly, "That's why you didn't come. When you come, Lang Lang will fall in love with you and won't concentrate on practicing the piano. 」

Put down the luggage, I can't cry.

Gina gave him love different from her parents. She makes herself happy. She doesn't need Lang Lang to be anyone. She just needs this object to be full of sweetness.

So is Xu and Fuxiang. When they made rubber dolls for each other, they made Fuxiang according to their own ideas. At the same time, the two also made a family in their eyes.

Behind this man's back, there is an imagination of the other side.

This sexual imagination of lovers reminds me of the romantic imagination of distant humans:

Like a child who always watched American movies when he was a child, he went to the United States one day, and the small details of each city made ta feel like he was in a movie. For the locals, the ordinary life of this foreigner has become "romantic" and "beautiful" because of the stimulation of words and images, and even street theft will be veiled with novels.

However, these immigrants who go to the United States because of American movies will also encounter practical problems: when their novelty for a place gradually fades and their imagination gradually decreases, when they find that they may not be the protagonist of romantic movies, their imagination for this place will be replaced by the search for familiarity.

Finally, this sexual imagination will be gradually smoothed out and become a feeling that is no longer unassuming and warmer. Just like Zhang Guoli's painting for his wife Deng Jie, although the painting was called "ferocious" by Deng Jie, the two still have a laugh:

This kind of imagination, if a little bigger, can also be a vision for both sides to jointly create the future.

With imagination, the life of single two people will increase the level and be endowed with vitality, vitality and liveliness.

In the interview of Lang Lang's career, he talked about his frustration for the future many times. Every time he wants to give up, when he plays another familiar song, he thinks to himself, "This song is so beautiful, why should I give up?" 」。

For couples who want to stay romantic, sexual imagination is like a familiar tune. As long as you are stimulated, you will return to the time when you first fell in love and see that you are "pleasing to the eye everywhere."

Look at the three couples in Happy Trio 2, and you will remember what Esther Perel said: "In modern times, we often have two or three marriages, and some of us will choose to have these two or three marriages with the same person. 」

Many times, it's not that the other side has changed, but that we have lost the ability to see the other side join our plot.