You got married, do you regret it?

If people regret after getting married, there are generally two types of regrets.

One is the choice of life, because choosing a marriage is also equivalent to choosing a different life. After experiencing it, you will begin to regret that this kind of life is not what you want.

Perhaps I regret because this kind of life is not as beautiful as I originally imagined, fantasized and longed for.

If you regret the latter, then what I want to tell you is that in this world, no life is absolutely beautiful. Don’t believe in fairy tales so much, and don’t bring your ideals into reality. In this life, the experience may be different, but the meaning is the same.

If you regret the former, Milan Kundera said:

"People can never know what they want, because people can only live once, and they can neither take it from them" There is no way to test which choice is better than in this life, because everything is experienced immediately and cannot be prepared."

Of course.

There are hundreds, thousands, or ten thousand kinds of life. You cannot experience them all and then make a comparative judgment to know which one is the best. You can only follow the path you have chosen.

As for another type of regret, it is regret for the choice of partner, either because the wrong partner was chosen, or because the partner was not so ideal.

So I thought maybe it would be better to change to another person.

Unless there is something wrong with your partner’s character, or he or she harms you in principle, you must not think so. In this world, there is no absolutely happy marriage, nor is there any absolutely ideal marriage. partner.

The main thing is whether the couple can support and influence each other, become more and more suitable after running in, and then become better and better because of each other.

The process of getting along is certainly painful, but in fact, every couple is unavoidable and will have the most difficult years.

You must correct your attitude, discover more of your partner's strengths, and live with the other person's strengths.

02

To be honest, do you regret it after getting married?

In fact, the answer to this question is almost one-sided. That is why I want to give a different answer here, hoping to help you correct your attitude towards marriage, life and choice.

A friend who has been married for seven years happened to be talking about this issue when we were chatting. What I didn’t expect at first was that he replied so firmly with three words: no regrets.

I heard a different answer this time!

A very eye-catching sentence, the essence of many things in life cannot escape the law of "exchange and giving up". If there is gain, there will be loss, and if there is loss, there will be gain. For what you want, you will always get it. Exchange what you have.

In other words, there are no gains and losses in life. Everything lost will eventually return in another form and continue to be possessed in disguise.

Just like a friend said:

“Sometimes I think about what kind of free and happy life I would live if I were not married, but when I turn around and think about it, what if I didn’t get married? Even if you get married, you won't be able to live the happy life now where your wife and children are on the bed, someone will take care of you when you're sick, someone to talk to when you're sad, and you'll have children around you for fun every day, and you won't be able to live the same kind of happy life that you get when you watch your children grow up day by day. A sense of joy and accomplishment."

Take raising children as an example. The process is very hard and stressful, but it also brings me a lot of laughter and happiness, and enriches my life. From then on, I felt more concerned, and that was a sense of happiness that could not be replaced by anything.

What is truly worth enjoying is the process of selfless giving, dedication and sacrifice for love, rather than the process of blindly asking for others and satisfying desires.

The same goes for getting married. Although you lose a lot, you also gain a lot.

So you can’t always look at what you have lost. Living alone is free and unrestrained, but there are no sad parts for you to bear? There certainly is.

No life is perfect. Maybe your partner's shortcomings make you very distressed, but don't forget that you are always enjoying his or her advantages.

Since you enjoy his/her advantages, you have to tolerate the shortcomings corresponding to his/her advantages. Don’t always try to transform your partner. When you can continue to discover and appreciate his/her advantages, then you will see the shortcomings. Just less.

Finally, no matter who you marry, the essence of marriage will not change. Marriage is the most realistic life in the world. Whoever you marry will have daily necessities such as daily necessities, providing for the elderly, raising children, and housework. In other words, there are always parts that make you sad, and there are always parts that you enjoy.

As the saying goes, every family has its own hard-to-recite scriptures. Don’t compare or give up. As time goes on, everyone has their own difficulties, and every life has its own challenges. Difficulties.

03

The reason I say this is that I hope you can correct your attitude towards marriage and stop having unrealistic and idealistic requirements for marriage and your partner.

Nine times out of ten things in life will be unsatisfactory. Unsatisfactory is the normal state of life. Ordinariness and suffering are the normal state of life, so noisy and noisy are normal.

We don’t get married to answer the question of whether we will regret it in the future. Maybe there is no marriage in this world that does not regret, only people who are worthy of you saying "I do" again and again.

If you are a married couple without any complaints, you will have thoughts of regret and the urge to divorce. But what scares you most is that you don’t have a correct understanding and attitude towards marriage, which leads to regrets and premeditations every moment. With divorce.

In this way, you will instinctively pave the way for yourself, gradually presuppose the possibility of real divorce, and thus make plans for real divorce.

In order to have security after divorce, I gradually began to put my own personal interests first, and could no longer focus on family interests. As a result, I might not have divorced, but I actually divorced because of this.

There is also a terrible consequence.

That is, when your heart is not stable and grounded, and you regret and question your original decision every day, you will be surrounded by all kinds of negative emotions and become an unreasonable person, thus treating your partner. There is no tolerance for the shortcomings of the partner, and it will even magnify the shortcomings of the partner infinitely.

This will definitely bring a huge burden to the lives of the two people, causing them to live a good life, but now they cannot live well.

So, I hope you can correct your attitude, face all the ups and downs and difficulties in your married life, and take the path you have chosen, instead of always thinking about choosing an easier path again. In fact, there is no such thing. Of course, when encountering problems of principle, you must also know how to stop losses in time.