How did the history of Japan come about? You can know it all in ten minutes.

It is very interesting to find a joking version of Japanese history.

A long, long time ago, the Japanese archipelago was still connected to the mainland. Immigrants from Africa went all the way east to the Japanese archipelago. After staying for a while, they found that they could not stay at all, so they continued along the way. The road returned to the mainland. That is, the Central Plains of China. Therefore, in terms of primitive people, those on the Japanese island may have been around longer.

Next, the ice and snow melted, and the Japanese archipelago really became islands.

The original inhabitants of the island were called Ainu, and they later moved to Hokkaido. Hokkaido was called Ezo in ancient times, so they were also called Ezo people. They were once all over the Japanese archipelago.

Probably during the Eastern Zhou Dynasty in China, their pottery had a series of Jomon patterns, so the Japanese civilization in this period is called the Jomon period.

The average height of the Japanese in the Jomon period was 1.5 meters. By the end of the Warring States Period in China, Japan entered the Yayoi culture, and the pottery of this period no longer had such childish Jomon patterns.

They were first discovered in Yayoi Town, Tokyo, so they are called Yayoi culture.

The most significant change is not only the pottery but also the height. The average height of Japanese people suddenly reached 1.6 meters.

What is the reason for this?

Immigrants from the East Asian continent arrived, especially immigrants from China. At the end of the Warring States period, there was great chaos in the Central Plains. Many people from the vassal states ran away because they could not defeat Ying Zheng. Later, Qin Shihuang also sent a team to search for elixirs, the Xu Fu Brigade. It is said that Xu Fu ran to Japan.

Outsiders occupied Japan and drove the original Ainu people to Hokkaido, where it snowed whenever they disagreed. The Japanese collective has changed its owner, and the altitude of the human body has naturally increased.

Because they came from the Central Plains, when the world stabilized, they thought of running back to the Central Plains to see the situation. The Han Dynasty sealed them as a Japanese country without anyone noticing. Wa is a matter of obedience.

Japan has adapted well and has been Japanese for many years. At this time, a country called Yamatai appeared in Japan. I don’t dare to pronounce this country’s name out loud. The king is a magical goddess.

The Yamatai period was the time when the old Cao family of the Three Kingdoms was in charge. Lao Cao's family also unceremoniously made them relatives of the Japanese king of Wei.

I don’t know what the Japanese learned from the old Cao family at this time. They probably heard some stories about Cao Cao’s involvement in Jin Xiaowei’s tomb robbery.

Japanese people immediately entered the tumulus period from the Yayoi period, and the great nobles across the country began to build tumuli. Whether the family has enough money and whether it is decent depends on whether the family has the qualifications to build a big tomb. According to statistics, Japan built 100,000 ancient tombs during this period.

During this period, the Yamato nation emerged in the Yamato region of Japan. The eldest son was called the King, which was obviously learned from China. Because Cao Cao and Liu Bei are called kings. If you go to the Central Plains more, you may find that the king is at a lower level, and there is an emperor above him, so they immediately developed a copycat product called the Emperor.

It is said that the emperor possesses three artifacts: Amancongyun sword (Kusanagi sword), eight-foot magatama, and eight-tata mirror.

The equipment was equipped and the courage became bolder. During the Sui Dynasty, Japan sent a girl named Ono (to avoid unnecessary consumption of tissues, it is specially noted that Ono is a male). The certificate of credentials stated that Ono was a male. "The emperor wrote a letter to the emperor where the sun rises and the emperor is fine."

In other words, Japan has become uncomfortable with the name of Japan and asked China to call them Japan.

Yang Guang’s reply was: Okay, Japan.

In the Tang Dynasty, the three regimes on the Korean Peninsula, Goguryeo and Baekje, teamed up to bully Silla, the most beloved younger brother of the Tang Dynasty. The eldest brother of the Tang Dynasty took action and held Baekje and Goguryeo together. Then he cleaned up at the mouth of the Baijiang River and made soy sauce while passing by Japan, which felt cute.

Japan opened its eyes to the world for the first time. Immediately sent Tang envoys to China to build a stronghold.

Buddhism is good. Just go!

Go is good. Just go!

The tea ceremony is good. Just go!

The writing is good. Just go!

The food is good. Just go!

Chang'an and Luoyang are good. Pack up and go!

Japan copied the entire city of Luoyang in Kyoto. If you want to see Tang Dynasty architecture, the best place is no longer China, but Japan.

Now, we go to Japan.

Well, the toilet seat is good. Just go!

After studying, Japan also learned the advanced burial technique of using mountains as tombs, thus bidding farewell to the tumulus era and entering the Asuka era. This is because the center of rule is in the Asuka region of Japan. The most important political figure during this period was Prince Shotoku.

His face was once printed on the 10,000-yen Japanese currency.

After that, Japan fortified the entire Chang'an in Pingchengkyo, and then moved the capital here. Because Pingchengkyo belongs to the Nara region of Japan, this later period is called the Nara period.

During the Nara period, Japan completed its great expansion and conquered the Ezo people it had previously driven away. However, too much land led to a New Deal. Nobles were free to cultivate a certain amount of land, and even commoners also had a share. Everyone was happy, but the end result was that the emperor was unhappy.

After the nobles owned a large amount of land, they began to pursue not losing power, that is, not paying taxes, and then not gaining power, that is, this land is mine, and the emperor should stay away if he has nothing to do. If farmers want to obtain this kind of privilege, one way is to think nice, and the other way is to affiliate with big landowners.

The big landowner is called the leader. If the leader feels that his arms are not thick enough, he will find a bigger backer, and the bigger backer is called the head family.

In order not to pay taxes and prevent the emperor from spying, the family began to organize private armed forces. These people were Japanese samurai.

Gradually, big tycoons emerged in Japan, and even some temples became super landlords. The monks in the temples were all the same as those in Shaolin Temple. They would challenge the emperor when they were unhappy, especially the Buddhist temple in Nara. .

Can’t afford to offend but can’t afford to hide? The emperor decided to move again, from Nara to Heian-kyo, another city that replicated Chang'an. Japan enters the Heian Era. Some people say that Japan stole two famous cities from China, Chang'an and Luoyang. It’s not my fault that people stole it.

However, moving will not solve the problem, because the land relationship is not straightened out. No matter how much the Emperor of Japan tries, power still falls into the hands of the ministers. They were in the hands of the Genji family and the Taira family. Each of the two families had a group of melon-cutting warriors. If nothing happened, they would arrange a fight at Goumino Lake.

The fight between the two sides ended with Genji's victory.

In order to consolidate his victory, Genji established a "royal family system", which distributed the land captured in the war to retainers. The retainers had to be loyal to the lord, and they had to spend their own money to buy equipment and protect the lord. It is roughly equivalent to the Western chivalry system.

In the end, Minamoto Yoritomo of the Genji family was awarded the title of the first generation general to conquer barbarians, and this position became the standard for the shogunate. Minamoto Yoritomo ran to Kamakura and built an office building by himself, starting the first shogunate era in Japanese history: the Kamakura period.

The most important thing in the Kamakura period was the Yuan Dynasty's attack on Japan. As a result, there was a strong wind in the middle of the night and most of the Invincible Fleet fell into the sea. Japan called this wind Kamikaze, and Japan avoided the tragedy of the fall of its homeland. This shows that it is necessary to put the weather forecast after the news broadcast.

The Kamakura period lasted for more than a hundred years. Emperor Daigo launched a counterattack, annihilated the Kamakura shogunate, and briefly seized power. However, due to internal fighting among his own people, , led to the division of North and South Japan, and during the Northern and Southern Dynasties, some unattended Japanese samurai began to run to China to rob. This is the notorious Japanese pirate.

Half a century after the end of the Kamakura period, the Ashikaga family, which had helped the emperor seize the throne, went berserk again and announced that the emperor could go down to receive box lunches.

Shogun Ashikaga Yoshimitsu built a mansion named "Flower Palace" in Muromachi, Kyoto. The Japanese shogunate entered 2.0: Muromachi shogunate.

The famous monk Ikkyu lived under the leadership of Ashikaga Yoshimitsu.

Ashikaga Yoshimitsu once sent people to China to accept Zhu Yuanzhang's canonization as the king of Japan. Perhaps he saw that the Ming Dynasty and the Tang Dynasty were not the same thing, so he refused to admit it when he returned, and was unwilling to be a vassal state of China. .

The first generation of the Muromachi shogunate produced 15 generals. The samurai relationship in the Kamakura period was a strong imperial family relationship, while in the Muromachi period it became a lighter guardianship, equivalent to the military governor in China. These guardians had greater rights, and later developed into daimyo guardians, which eventually led to the outbreak of the Warring States Period in Japan.

The Muromachi shogunate had the weakest control over samurai, so the number of Japanese samurai who went to China to rob was also the largest.

In the middle and late Ming Dynasty, the increasingly powerful daimyo finally went to war. But the main force is no longer the guards, but the generals who actually control the troops below.

During the Warring States Period, three great gods (Three Heroes of the Warring States Period in Japan) appeared in one country.

One was Oda Nobunaga, who was invincible, but was forced to die in Honnoji Temple by his subordinates.

The other one is Toyotomi Hideyoshi, whose appearance lowers Japan's average appearance by ten points. He has been a professional shoemaker for more than ten years and is known as the monkey.

The other one is Tokugawa Ieyasu, the Japanese Sima Yi.

Their order is as follows. First, Oda Nobunaga rushed out, killing whoever he saw, and finally destroyed the Ashikaga Shogunate. When he was preparing to dominate the world, his subordinates turned against him and burned himself to death.

Toyotomi Hideyoshi, who was born as a farmer, first carried shoes for samurai, and later joined Oda Nobunaga, and eventually became Oda Nobunaga's successor and unified Japan. However, because he was born as a peasant, he was never able to obtain the standard professional title of the shogun: General of the Conquest of Barbarians. So he had a whim and went to North Korea to fight. North Korea almost collapsed. In the end, Emperor Wanli used his personal money to send tens of thousands of elite cavalry into the court and drove Japan out. Toyotomi Hideyoshi died without even catching a breath.

When Toyotomi Hideyoshi took the Japanese to Korea to fight, Tokugawa Ieyasu, who had been in a state of eating melon, preserved his strength. Taiwan was finally cleared, ending the Warring States Period. And formed the last generation of shogunate in Japan: the Edo shogunate.

When talking about the Warring States Period, people are always frightened to death. Hundreds of thousands of people died during the Warring States Period in China. However, Japan's Warring States Period was more like village-level fighting, with a small number of participants and a tacit understanding, and they never fought during busy farming times. After finishing the work in the fields, everyone came out to practice. Moreover, in order to recruit some troops, they even reclaimed land. Once the Warring States Period was over, Japan not only did not regress, but actually made progress. Japan has since become a prosperous country.

When a person is rich, he doesn’t want to care about others. China began to close the country when it entered the Ming and Qing Dynasties. Japan became rich later. By the time of the Edo shogunate, Japan finally became rich and imitated China. It started not to play with outsiders. Also issued an "Order to Fight the Ships of the Yi State". As soon as a foreign ship appears, let's shoot!

Japan has had a good time.

Until 1853, American Commander Perry led four black-painted warships into Tokyo Bay, scaring the shogunate to open the gate of Tokyo.

Because he was too anxious, the shogun ran to the emperor for help. The emperor seized the opportunity and conducted an offline event to bring down the curtain, shutting down the shogunate in one fell swoop.

Eight hundred years later, the emperor was resurrected with full health. But not long after, the emperor took the initiative to retire and played early.

Why?

After the fall of the curtain, the emperor sent people to various European countries to discuss the situation and demanded changes in the unequal peace treaties signed by the shogunate with them. Of course, no one criticized them. However, the Japanese once again opened their eyes. The world is actually like this.

After I come back, I will immediately start a full-fledged copycat.

They have experience in this matter, having done it 1,400 years ago, so it didn’t take long for them to learn almost everything about the West, including constitutional monarchy.

The emperor has become a symbol. Of course, this emperor is Emperor Meiji.

Japan, which copied the West, began to challenge Asia. First, it defeated Asia's No. 1 brother in the Sino-Japanese War of 1898-1894, and then fought a Russo-Japanese War with Russia to compete for territory. Finally, he launched a war of aggression against China and the Pacific War, until the United States threw two balls at him.

Everyone knows what happened next, so I won’t repeat it again.