After reading

This book is the debut novel by Chinese-American writer Wu Qishi. Although it is a debut novel, the writing is skillful, the story is fascinating, and the psychological activities of the characters are vividly displayed. This is a story that makes people extremely depressed after reading it, but it is more worthy of people's deep thought about family, children's education and personal pursuit.

When reviewing this book, let’s first understand the relationship between the characters in the book.

The article adopts a flashback method, from Lydia's death to various details that happened among the entire family members, and slowly reveals the truth. At the beginning, I read it like a suspense novel. I even really suspected that Jack killed Lydia. But as I read it slowly, I realized that her death was caused by family misfortune.

Marilyn was unwilling to obey her mother and be a husband and raise children. She pursued being different and wanted to be a member of the male-dominated medical industry. However, she had to give up because of pregnancy and childbirth. Study and become a housewife. Later, her mother passed away, and her pursuit of ideals was rekindled. When she made up her mind to leave the family and pursue her dreams, she had a third child. This was like a slap in the face from life, and she was about to After climbing to the top of the mountain, she fell to the ground. She recognized the reality but was unwilling to do so, and put all her expectations on Lydia.

James is a Chinese-American who grew up in the United States. His parents are illegal immigrants. He lived in poverty in his childhood and was ostracized because of his different skin color. Although he was admitted to Harvard through his own efforts and became a professor, the shadow of his childhood lingered. He wanted to integrate with everyone, but he was always alone, so he placed his hope in Lydia, I hope she can make different friends and become a social star.

And Lydia, why was she destroyed by this family? I think she is too kind, so kind that she learns to disguise, hide and accept her parents' expectations. When she was very young, her mother ran away from home for a while to pursue her dreams. The breakdown of the family made her learn to do what her parents wanted to maintain family harmony. She answered yes to all the requests from her parents. She was afraid of her mother. I ran away again, so I tried hard to learn physics and biology that I didn't like at all, and looked at those disgusting anatomy diagrams. In order not to disappoint my father, I pretended to chat with my friends on the phone, but there was no one on the other end of the phone. I was always alone in school. How high the expectations are, how high the pressure is. Have these parents ever understood that their dreams are so heavy that it makes Lydia breathless? And the only brother who understands her, Ness, is going to Harvard. Her spiritual support seems to have collapsed overnight. Seeing the closeness between her father and the female assistant, Lydia feels that all her efforts have collapsed. She tries hard to live up to her parents' expectations, isn't it? For the sake of family harmony, his father cheated on him. In the end, Jack's words seemed to stab her in the heart, "At least I don't have to tell others what I want. At least I know who I am. What about you, Miss Li, what do you want?" She understood everything, but My heart is dead too. "

Lydia's death is sad, but as parents James and Marilyn are even more heartbreaking. Isn't this the epitome of some parents in the world? They impose their dreams on their children. , euphemistically called the continuation of dreams, the expectation of love is actually "murder" in the name of "love". Too much expectation and less care is a cold bondage. This reminds me of a friend. When she was a child, she had a dream to be a pianist, and she showed extraordinary talent since she was a child. However, her family was in trouble, and she had no resources or capital. When she had a child, she decided to raise her child. He became a pianist and enrolled in a class for training when his child was just 4 years old. Later, he spent tens of thousands of yuan to buy a piano to practice at home. At first, the child was willing to learn because of his curiosity. When he grew up, he found that what he liked was painting and he did not want to continue learning. Qin, this old mother is not willing. All kinds of coercion and bullying are still ineffective, and the mother and child almost turn against each other. In reality, many children cannot bear the pressure from their parents. Some commit suicide because of their studies, marriage, and work. The children have weak psychological endurance. This is one reason. Isn’t it also the main reason that parents’ expectations are too high?

Secondly, communication between parents and children is also particularly important. If you don’t tell me and I don’t ask, it doesn’t mean that I will understand. . Maybe the child will not take the initiative to express his or her inner thoughts, but as a parent, how can you ignore your child's inner thoughts? Or, you may have a one-sided understanding of your children through simple communication, but in fact you have no idea what they really think.

How to get into the heart of a child without neglecting his or her nature is crucial.

Regarding the family atmosphere, many people said that they were very depressing when reading this book, because everyone in the book seems to be lonely, without friends, and no one understands their inner thoughts, even Marilyn The couple with James never had in-depth communication. When facing the past, they just let it pass, or hid it or turned the page, but did not face it head-on. However, escaping will not solve the problem, it will only make it accumulate bigger and bigger, and it may explode at any time. Only by facing the pain calmly can we fundamentally erase the sadness. There was a moment of relief when James spoke out about a thought that had been lingering in his mind. As the saying goes, there is no feud between husband and wife. Only by knowing how to communicate effectively can the family be more harmonious. Only a warm family can make children feel safe inside. They don’t have to lose themselves like Lydia in order to please her parents and maintain family harmony. .

In addition, regarding Ness and Hannah, these two neglected children, one got into Harvard through his own efforts, and the other was completely ignored and unknown but knew everything. Although they are ignored, they are less pressured by their parents' double expectations and are more sad in their luck. For families with multiple children, few parents are equal. However, parents should think about how to balance the scale of love.

This book talks about many aspects, but the deepest feeling is this. Throughout our lives, we are looking for a moment when we can get rid of the expectations of others and find our true self. ! Self-pursuit, family, and parents’ expectations. . . Just be yourself!