Who can tell me a joke that makes my intestines cramp with joy? I haven’t been so happy for a long time. Who can tell me a few?

The Smart Chief

A certain chief has a hobby of listening to stories. One day, he held a banquet for guests. After his repeated requests,

A guest from out of town told a very interesting story:

This guest had met a very pretentious person in the city. Said to him: "Please

guess what I put in my pocket. If you guess right, I will give you half of these eggs;

If you can Guess the number of eggs, and I will give you all ten eggs."

The man thought for a long time and said, "Friend, although I am not stupid, I can't know everything. I guess

I can’t guess.”

The guest said: “Guess again, this thing is white on the outside and yellow on the inside.”

“ Guessed it!" The man said loudly, "It must be a pile of white radishes with a potato hidden in the middle."

The guests all laughed when they heard this. The chief laughed even more. Finally he asked:

"That is really a fool. Dear friend, please tell us now, what exactly do you put in your pocket?"

p>

Smart Daughter

Daughter: "Mom, do you like apples?"

Mom: "Yes."

Daughter: " Do you like eating? "

Mom: "I like eating very much."

Daughter: "Then don't buy me apples."

Mom: " Why?"

Daughter: "You will eat it all on the way."

The careless professor

Professor Fielding has always been careless. His wife asked him to throw a bag of garbage into the trash can outside the building, but he confusedly carried it to the subway, then to the laboratory, and finally carried it back home.

The wife was surprised: "What are you carrying?" Fielding said: "Oh, I forgot to throw away the garbage

."

The wife brought it over Look, he was even more surprised: "Where did you get back a pack of ham?"

Careless Professor

A professor always forgets three things, either his glasses case or Lost the cane. Especially

It’s an umbrella. His wife has to buy one for him almost every month. The professor secretly made up his mind to be more careful in the future. One day, the professor went out in the morning and came back in the afternoon. He said proudly to his wife: "Hey, Tao Lesai, I didn't lose anything today. I brought my umbrella back!" As he said, he

Hold out an umbrella. "Oh, look at you, you are such a careless person. You didn't bring an umbrella with you today!"

Different wording

The cardinal was driving at speed, and a policeman on a motorcycle caught up with him. He stopped. The bishop asked: "Is my car driving too fast?" Policeman: "No, Bishop. Your car is not driving too fast, it's flying too fast." "Too slow."

Hitchhiking

A naval officer stood next to the driver on the bus and did not sit down to avoid breaking his iron.

Got to wear a crisp uniform. A drunken man got on the bus, walked up to the officer, pulled his sleeve, and said he wanted to buy a ticket. The officer ignored him. But the drunkard persisted, so the officer turned around and said, "Friend, I am not a conductor, I am a naval officer."

"Then," replied the drunkard, "take the boat Stop, I want to take a bus."

Answer

Customer: "Waiter, can you explain what happened to the flies in my soup?" < /p>

The waiter bent down and looked carefully and replied: "It's swimming, sir, it's swimming."

"

Wrong typing

Just as the lights in the cinema went out, a thief put his hand into Rega's pocket, and was immediately discovered by Rega

. The thief said: "I wanted to take out the handkerchief, but I took it out by mistake. Please forgive me!" "

"It doesn't matter. " Rhaegar replied calmly.

After a while, there was a "pop" sound, and the thief received a hard slap on the face.

"I'm sorry, I made the wrong call. A mosquito landed on my face. "Rega said.

Mosquitoes on lanterns

Two Scottish immigrants who had just arrived in New York spent the night in the hotel. They were disturbed by mosquitoes throughout the night.

Annoyed, the last one said: "Santi, cover your head with a quilt so mosquitoes can't bite us

. "After a while, Sandy stretched out her head to breathe fresh air. At this time, he saw fireflies that he had never seen before, so he shouted: "Oh God, it's no use covering your head. Mosquitoes are looking for us with lanterns

. ”