Classic humorous jokes

In daily life or work and study, everyone must have heard jokes more or less. The following are humorous jokes I collected for you, for reference only, and I hope they will help you.

Classic humor joke 1 1 When the bell rang, a boy panted and ran into the classroom, explaining to the teacher: I came back with the school bus to save money. The teacher replied: next time you should run with a taxi, so you can save more money and not be late.

2. One day at school, the teacher said, "The topic of today's composition is for the teacher." As soon as the voice fell, a student stood up and said, "Teacher, please go to the hospital. We can't cure you. "

3. Even if 99% people in the world think you are ugly, there are still 75 million people on the earth who think you are ugly. Do you feel suddenly swollen!

4, girls are, small and fresh in front of relatives, quiet in front of outsiders, neurotic in front of acquaintances, and female hooligans in front of girlfriends.

Monkey, did you propose to Xia Zi with this ring? You are so funny! You don't have a half carat diamond, so no one cares about you! When Chang 'e was so ashamed of me, she said, Don't tell me if you love me or not. Look at the size of the diamond ring first! Alas, how realistic the little fairy is now. Alas, I tell you, with this ticket fairy, you will shoot her to death with a diamond brick, and she didn't even call for help!

6. There is really no coat like a school uniform: the mobile phone is hidden in the sleeve, the book can be put in the pocket, the pillow is rolled up and spread out as a blanket, and you dare to rub it anywhere. The key is that after wearing it, everyone can be evenly ugly. Sixteen, life is like some people singing, the first sentence is out of tune, and then everything goes wrong.

7. My wife baked cookies for the first time and they were burnt. I encouraged her to say, "My wife is great. She made Oreos." She was a little embarrassed: "No …" I said: "My wife must make the best!" When she was happy, she became excited: "Then you can eat them all."

8. The snail flew into a rage when checking out after dinner: "You are a little too dark. I just ate a small bowl of noodles here and charged my room rate. Please make it clear that the private room is my own, not yours. "

9. The teacher asked: Why didn't dragonfly come to school today? The fly stood up and answered: yesterday, the street was being swept away and taken away. The teacher asked again, why didn't you get caught? The fly replied with a bitter face: the city manager said I was ugly and noisy, which seriously affected the city appearance. Get off the road.

10, the woman is ugly and can't get married, hoping to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

1 1, a, I saw someone as soon as I closed my eyes. This is C, my mother, so it's you, stretching your neck, looking at hand G with EF smug expression, grinning, HH smiling.

12. Before I got married, I thought boys were the most handsome when playing basketball. After marriage, I suddenly found that it is the most exciting thing for men to cook, wash dishes and clean up the house!

13. After spending more than a year with my girlfriend, I finally understood two sentences. I can calm my girlfriend down by picking a word at random. The first sentence: You are right. The second sentence: buy.

14, never quarrel with your parents, because you will only be scolded if you win, and you will only be beaten if you win.

15, I went to work today and want to go tomorrow. This is a career; I went to work today, and I have to work tomorrow. This is a profession! I drank together today, and I want to drink again tomorrow. This is a friend. We drank together today, and we will drink tomorrow. This is the customer! I ate today, and I want to eat tomorrow. This is delicious food. I ate it today, and I will eat it tomorrow. This is a meal!

16, I went to my best friend's house, and she was actually reading a book. I asked her why she was so diligent. She said: color matters to people, and color declines gracefully. I asked what it meant, and she explained: I send selfies every day, and my friends are tired of watching them. So I'm going to make jokes and be an educated slut.

17, a dog grinned and the lion dodged. The little lion asked, "How shameful it is that you dare to fight with a tiger but avoid a dog." The lion said, "Fight with the dog and let the tiger know. Why don't you laugh at me? "

18. Being alive is a serious problem. How to live is a matter of entertainment.

19, asking people to pay back money is like a secret love. I always feel embarrassed to say it! When you get up the courage to say it, you may not even have friends!

20. Xiaoming came to the forest and saw a bird playing mahjong. He asked, What kind of bird are you? The bird playing mahjong answers: I am a sparrow. Xiao Ming walked on and saw a bird taking a bath. He asked, What kind of bird are you? The bird in the shower replied, I am a magpie. Xiaoming walked on and saw a bird making a hole in the tree. He stepped forward and said, you must be a peacock! The bird gave him a white look: roll, I'm a woodpecker!

2 1, the female manager took a nap and stole her WeChat group: "I am pregnant." Who expected the boss to reply: "Are you sure? This is not a joke. " When we saw the news, we were all shocked. As a result, the boss replied: "The project will be established next, and you are not responsible." I think there's a problem.

22. Woman: Brother, I have a tight part on my body. Do you know where it is? M: (secretly pleased) I don't know. Where is it? Woman: It's at hand. Man: Sister, I have a hard part on my body. Do you know where it is? Where is the girl (shy)? M: Yes.

23, a sister. One day after dinner, my father looked at me for a long time. Suddenly I sighed and said, hey, I wanted to solve one bachelor for my country twenty years ago, but I didn't expect to be able to do two. My own dad, stop it. I want to be quiet. ...

24. What is a famous brand? If you add a zero to the cost price, it's called a famous brand. Cost plus two zeros is called luxury. How many zeros can be added after the cost price? This is called a cultural relic!

25. Frog, dog and goldfish participated in the swimming competition. The dog won the first place and the frog won the second place. Why did the champion go to the frog? There is no dog paddle in the international swimming competition, but there is breaststroke.

26. You are very handsome. You have a nest of cabbage on your head and a sack of kelp in your waist. You think you are Dong Fangbubai, but in fact you are the second generation of a failed God!

27. The world is so strange. Poverty limits my imagination, but not my weight.

28. Look at someone in Weibo who said that when he was in a bad mood, he went to chat with his aunt in the community, and in ten minutes, he would know who was worse off than you. I tried to find my aunt in the community and told her about my miserable life. My kind aunt patted me on the shoulder and said, what is this? Xiao Wang in Building 7 is much worse than you. I cried after listening to it, because I am Xiao Wang in Building 7.

29. When someone wants something from others in business, they will pester them and promise anything, but they always try their best to avoid it afterwards. On one occasion, he failed to fulfill his previous promise. He said to his friend, "believe me, I am by no means the kind of person who turns his back on others." The friend looked at him and said coldly, "Slip?"

Classic humorous joke 2 1. When my friend got married, the host invited me to the stage and said, "Today is your good brother wedding date. Why not come up and say something? " I am a little excited: "Then order sweet and sour carp and braised pork ribs."

2. Once I booked a hotel for my boss, I wanted to ask people if they had free Internet access. I couldn't figure out how to say it, so I asked them, "Do you have any special services here?" The other party: "What? Special service We are a regular hotel! "

3. Old four in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, I asked everyone: Where are my slippers?

4. When shopping, my friend suddenly exclaimed, "Wow! Virgin bookstore! "I was shocked. I looked up and saw a plaque with four big characters-foreign language bookstore!

5. I once went to buy mutton kebabs and held out four fingers to say "three mutton kebabs" to my boss. How much did the boss take? I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

6. Our general manager's surname is Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

7. My name is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of the unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

8. Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" "(Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed and sprayed soup.

9. The teacher's four classic quotations: A: This is another subtitle. The PE teacher has something to do. I will come to this class. C: Are you talking or am I talking? Say it and you can come up and say it! D: You're the worst class I've ever had!

10. My parents quarreled, and my father said angrily, "I'll go out!"

1 1. When playing basketball in high school, after A got the ball, he selflessly passed it to B and B and scored easily. After a while, B got the ball and A shouted to pass it to him. B throw the ball yourself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I really blinded my dog just now ... the whole audience laughed.

12. In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ..... class be quiet.

13. When we were in college, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was. He said excitedly, "Manchester United lost and Beckham took two yellow plates!" "

Classic humor joke 3 1, Chunyu sings on the river: "Ding-dong, Ding-dong ……" The ice on the river melts, and the fish happily performs a forward roll for Xiaoyu when he hears Xiaoyu's sweet song.

2. Send you a beautiful mood tree, give her sincere nourishment, caring temperature, free air, planted in your heart, and give you happiness, joy and joy every year!

3. In life, there is one person worth remembering, and that is fate; There is a person who misses himself very much and is very happy. The missed years bloom colorful flowers in loneliness, but they are barren in the spring and summer of reincarnation. I like to hold you tight at that moment, just like I got the whole world, you know? Inadvertently, your smile became the whole world.

4. Spend every day in happiness and move forward in happiness. Love others and cherish your family. Treat your friends and be honest with her. Face the society sincerely. Face life with tolerance. Treat people with humility. Keep a low profile. Don't look at people with lofty eyes, and don't despise others. Be a man. We must be confident, self-respecting, self-loving and self-reliant. It is better to rely on yourself than others. Cherish friendship, love and affection. Cherish the good times of life. Every day passes, we lose one day in this world. Love your neighbor as yourself, and remember never to hurt others. Don't leave regrets in the world, don't keep them in your heart. To be a person with conscience, there is no regret when you are alive. Be a kind person and be calm when you are alive. Cherish life and cherish time. Cherish every moment of life.

As long as I'm with you, I don't care what the cost is.

6. That night, I dreamed of the moment of parting. I stare at you and tell you gently that I hope I don't cry when I turn around. But my eyes are blurred. I choked back my heartache and suddenly turned around. A tear fell on my hand. We broke up and agreed not to cry.

7. Let me accompany you to drift in the sea, just to be an oar in your hand. No matter how thick the storm is, you will have me by your side.

8. I wish you happiness every day-happy birthday!

9. The distance is neither too long nor too short. What you need is to devote yourself to the whole process. From beginning to end, you are trying your best. At this moment, you are at the most beautiful moment. No matter how many times you win, as long as you run down, you are a hero.

10, are you lonely? If so, go downstairs and buy a rope and stick, tie the rope to the stick, and wave the stick on the roof when it is windy. What do people want to ask you? Just say: I have a seizure.

Classic humor joke 4 1, others are successful people in a few years, and I estimate that they will be suburban people in a few years.

2. My friend said that if I were described as "generous and steady", I would have to be dismantled, wide, thick, stable and heavy.

The furthest distance in the world is your home in Australia, and I cook porridge at home.

The weather is very good today. I stayed in my room for a long time. I'm going to play in the living room.

Being alive is a serious problem, but how to live is an entertainment problem.

6. Don't make V-shaped gestures when taking pictures. This is obviously what you are saying: I am 2. ......

7. In the past, people's desires were: money and power, while modern people's desires were: money, power, house and immigration.

8, Weibo is a cup of poison, the murder is time. Time is a dagger, it will hurt women. Women are prisons, men are imprisoned. A man is just a bowl of noodles, eating alone. Loneliness is a screen showing Weibo.

9. In this vast sea of people, I am not the drifting bottle you expected, so you read my secret and threw me back into the sea.

10, bury a lot of gentlemen when nothing happens, and see through a bunch of villains when something happens.

1 1, customers who order shark fin basically need an invoice.

12, talkative will make trouble, oversensitive will make trouble.

13, goblins, will also encounter difficult cucurbits.

Classic humor joke 5 1, one monk has to carry water to drink, and two monks have to carry water to drink. The classic story is unforgettable and deeply imprinted in my heart. Now, there is also a temple in the mountain, and there is also an old man in the temple, but the old man is smirking with his mobile phone.

2. Bajie asked Wukong to introduce his girlfriend. Wukong said: If God can give you a second chance, you can say three words to that girl. Bajie: I like it!

3. Spend some advertisements: Send some flowers to the people you love most, but don't forget your wife.

It is forbidden to urinate here, and tools will be confiscated.

5. The university came down from me and said, while tying my pants, youth stays and you go. At that moment, I realized: I didn't go to college, but the university fucked me.

6, as long as it is not dirty, we are the mainstream!

Starting tomorrow, the city has decided to drive away all the mentally retarded young people who are ugly and detrimental to the city! Hurry up and pack your things, go out for shelter from the rain, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember! You are welcome!

8. Love is like a photo, which needs a lot of darkroom time to cultivate.

9. What is happiness? Happiness is that cats eat fish and dogs eat meat, and Altman hits small monsters!

10, the explanation is shielding, shielding is equal to not being excellent, not being excellent is better than going home and having a rest!

1 1. If there is a problem, find the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

12, it is not easy to be with you. We have not traveled a long way together and experienced many ups and downs ~ I once thought about giving up, but we firmly believe that there will be a rainbow after the storm.

13, the milk factory advertised in the newspaper: "Eat a bottle of fresh milk produced by our factory every day for 52 14 weeks, and you will live to 100 years old!"

14, pessimists are defeated by themselves first, and then by life; An optimist conquers himself first, then life.

15, when is the time to hug each other, Yang is watching.

16. Money is not everything. Sometimes you need a credit card.

I think I will accompany you to the market every day in the future.

18, how to lose weight without eating?

19. Discipline yourself and leave others alone.

20. Don't tell my sister. Many people tell my sister.

2 1, I need this clove of garlic for such a big plate of jiaozi, so you can stay!

22, baby, don't cry, your tears are my pearls, and it will hurt me to lose one. Don't lose my pearls, let them shine in your heart.

23. The melon basket is above the wide ditch, and the basket leaks. The melon basket is buckled by the wide ditch, and the melon falls into the basket and leaks.

24. The direction against the wind is more suitable for flying. I'm not afraid of 10 thousand people blocking me, but I'm afraid of surrendering myself.

25. It's not things that can be taken away.

26. Don't wait until tomorrow to make excuses, but find them today.

27, unreasonable, there must be a picture!

28. Young people can first turn China into a vocal China: speak boldly, act bravely, forget all interests, push away the ancients and express their true feelings.

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