Who can help me do something? Thank you. I'm a little unhappy.

An old woman stopped a bus in front of the bus stop sign.

as soon as the car door opened, grandma asked the driver: driver! Excuse me, have you been to Xingtiangong?

the driver replied: yes!

At this moment, Grandma didn't get on the bus, just nodded, answered "Oh" and walked on.

The driver feels strange. I have already answered you. Why don't you get on the bus?

The driver was considerate of Grandma's old age, so he followed Grandma and slowly drove the car forward without closing the door.

driver: I went to the heavenly palace!

grandma: oh!

driver: it really arrived!

grandma: oh!

driver: I really arrived!

at this moment, grandma said impatiently, I know! I'm not going until tomorrow!

"I can't see things too far away", the patient said to the ophthalmologist.

"Please follow me", the doctor took the patient outside, pointed to the sun in the sky and asked, "What do you think that is?"

"the sun", the patient replied.

"Then how far do you want to see!" A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals.

So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!"

Only when a light appeared in the sky, a voice came: "Not necessarily. You picked up a big stone on the ground and smashed the leader to death."

So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and hit the chief hard, just killing him.

All the people were stunned, and then they glared at each other. At this moment, a voice came from the sky:

"Now you are really dead."

Two snakes met.

One of them asked, "Brother, are we poisonous?"

Another snake asked, "Why do you say this?"

The snake said, "I bit my tongue."

The female bird was in tears, and the male bird said angrily, "How many times have I told you that this ring was put on me by the bird research station, not a wedding ring! I'm not married!

Two Scottish immigrants who just arrived in new york spent the night in a hotel. They were very annoyed by mosquitoes all night. The last one said, "Sandy, cover your head with a quilt, and the mosquitoes won't bite us." After a while, Sandy stretched out her head to breathe fresh air. At this moment, she saw a firefly she had never seen before, so she cried, "God, it's no use covering her head. Mosquitoes are looking for us with lanterns."

The little penguin asked his grandmother one day,

"Grandma, am I a penguin?"

"Yes, of course you are a penguin."

The little penguin asks his father again,

"Daddy, daddy, am I a penguin?"

"Yes, you are a penguin. What's the matter?"

"But, but why do I feel so cold?"

Xiao Bai looks like his brother. Do you know why?

because: it's like Dabai

√¤. A polar bear stayed alone in a daze on the ice, and he was really bored and began to pull out his own hair, one ... two ... three ... and finally, there was no one left, and he suddenly shouted .......................................................................... ! .....................

There was a man who looked like an onion and cried when he walked

√¤One hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road.

The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot, and he said, It's so hot, I'm going to take off my clothes.

As a result, he peeled off his skin.

√? extend four fingers, what is it? FOUR,

bend four fingers, what is it?

WONDERFUL~！

√¤Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met the wolf.

the wolf said, "I'm going to eat you! ! ！”

guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb!

√¤When my friend Hao Wuliao and I just moved, we didn't have a TV at home, so we were bored. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then the two pretend that they have a remote control and can change the channel. This son of a bitch kept changing channels. I told him, but he didn't listen. Then we started fighting.

√¤Once upon a time, there was a man named Cai, and everyone called him Xiao Cai.

As a result ...

One day, he was taken away!

√ ? Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiaoming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Crying, crying. . He flew. .

√¤This diver's movements are very difficult. He made a twist for three weeks, followed by a forward somersault for three and a half weeks, followed by a back somersault for one month.

√¤An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, and it turned into a tea egg;

An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it turned into a preserved egg.

One egg ran to Shandong, and turned into a (halogen) egg;

One egg was homeless, and as a result, it became a wild egg;

An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, which turned into a missile.

An egg ran into someone's yard and turned into an atomic bomb.

An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb.

An egg got sick and turned into a bad egg.

An egg got married and turned out to be an asshole.

An egg swam in the river and turned into a nuclear bomb.

An egg ran into the flowers and turned into Hua Dan.

There is an egg riding a horse and holding a knife. It turns out that he is peking opera blues.

One egg is female and looks ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg.

One egg is male, and his wife is adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes a bastard;

There is an egg ...

√ ? A candy, walking in the Arctic, and I think it's so cold ~ ~ So it turned into rock candy.

√ ? A child cried, and his father said, Don't cry for a while. Dad will take you to the vegetable market to watch others eat candy.

√ ? A black cat took a candy.

It says, "Aim ~ ~"

Two tomatoes go shopping.

The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, and the second tomato asked: Where are we going?

The first tomato didn't answer, so the second tomato asked again.

The first tomato didn't answer, so the second tomato asked again.

The first tomato finally turned slowly and said,

Aren't we tomatoes? Can we talk? !

√¤Once upon a time, there was a steamed stuffed bun walking on the road. . Suddenly he felt hungry. Just eat yourself. . .

√¤There was a soft candy walking on the road, and it said, My legs were weak, and then I fell down ...

√¤There was a match, and he felt his head itch. After grabbing it, his head caught fire. Then he went to the hospital, and the nurse bandaged it for him, and he became a cotton swab.

√¤One day, mung bean committed suicide and jumped from the fifth floor. It bled a lot. It turned into red bean. It kept oozing. It turned into soybean. The wound was scarred. Finally, it became black bean.

√¤A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, Say, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I am from RTVU!

√¤Once upon a time, a medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met in the street. Why didn't they say hello?

Because I'm unfamiliar ...

√¤There was a man who had a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital to see a doctor and said to the doctor,

"I pull whatever I eat, eat watermelon and cucumber!"

The doctor thought about it and said to him,

"Then I think you have to eat shit!"

√ ? The last thing you want to happen during barbecue: 1. The meat is cooked with you; 2. Charcoal plays cold; 3. Clams are autistic; 4. The barbecue grill splits; 5. There is no kind of kindling; 6. Meat and shelves engage in small groups; 7. Sausage meat plays gangster with you; 8. Black wheel puncture; 9. Onions pretend to be garlic with you; 1. Corn will play hardball with you!

√¤said that there was a polar bear who had to wear sunglasses to see things because the snow was too dazzling, but he couldn't find sunglasses, so he crawled around the ground with his eyes closed, crawling and crawling until his hands and feet were dirty. I put on my sunglasses and looked in the mirror, only to find out: Oh, I am a panda.

√ ? One day I felt sore when I was walking. I looked down-I had stepped on a lemon.

√ ? A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals.

So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!"

Only when a light appeared in the sky, a voice came: "Not necessarily. You picked up a big stone on the ground and smashed the leader to death."

So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and hit the chief hard, just killing him.

all the people were stunned, and then they glared at each other. At this moment, a voice came from the sky:

"Now you are really dead."

√¤Once upon a time, there was a female teacher who taught a group of primary school students. The teacher drew an apple on the blackboard and asked the students, "What is this?" The student replied, "Ass-!" The female teacher was angry and ran to the headmaster to complain: "Really, the children laughed at me!" " So the headmaster ran to the classroom to train the students: "Why do you bully the teacher!" " I turned around and looked at the blackboard, then said, "Ah, draw an ass-angry teacher on the blackboard."

√¤There was a fat man who jumped from a tall building and turned into a dead fat man ~ ~

√¤A tall and mighty German shepherd said to a little girl,

"I can kill you with one bite, can you believe it?"

The little girl was crying as she ran, muttering:

"555 ... I'll tell Mommy ... "

√¤My girlfriend and I sat sweetly on the playground, and didn't care that I farted, and then I farted another one. My girlfriend turned to me and said, What, are you farting?

√¤I had a nightmare and dreamed that I was taking an exam. When I woke up, I found myself taking an exam.

√¤There was a penguin, who had nothing to do, and pulled out his hair for fun.

After pulling it out, he said: It's really cold.

sequel: There is a polar bear, who has nothing to do, plucks all the feathers by himself. He said: The penguin is right ...

√¤jane doe was caught by a cannibal tribe and prepared to give it to the chief for dinner. The chief sighed: Fresh is fresh, but today is lent day!

jane doe exultation: Then let me go!

Chief: Beautiful you! Give me a vegetable before eating!

√¤Four people were playing mahjong. The police came and took five people. Why?

because mahjong is a person.

√ ? Electrical appliances hold a joke-telling contest,

it is stipulated that every electrical appliance should tell a joke,

and make everyone in the audience laugh,

otherwise they will be arrested in Aruba. The washing machine came first.

As soon as he finished his joke, the audience burst into laughter.

Suddenly he heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~"

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next came the cleverest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the household appliances laughed.

I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~"

So! The computer was also taken to Aruba.

The third place is the most humorous desk lamp.

The desk lamp finished the joke confidently, and everyone laughed until they rolled on the ground.

The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~"

Just as the desk lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and

turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, < It's very cold. "

√¤Xiao Ming was laughed at by his classmates and said that he looks like a plate. Xiao Ming cried and ran home to ask his mother. The mother comforted the child and said, nonsense, I don't like it. Xiao Ming ran to the well and looked down. He heard someone shouting in the well: slap you, don't you dare to pat it ...

√¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ Mom said angrily, "Don't talk about such disgusting things while eating!"

√¤Three policemen were patrolling the street. They saved three bombs, so they carefully held the bombs and prepared to send them back to the police station. One of the policemen asked, "What if one of them exploded while we were walking?" "the two policemen thought about it and said," then let's say we only found two.

√¤ mom: Xiao Ming, don't go to school soon, you'll be late!

Xiao Ming: I don't want to go to school! My classmates don't like me, my teacher doesn't like me, and even the old uncle who keeps the door doesn't like me! 5555 ~ ~

Mom: Dead child, then you have to go to school, too. You are the principal!

√ ? 6 years of hard work, even the nose excrement dug out is not willing to throw wow ~~

It's a bit meaningless, a bit boring, to put it mildly, a bit postmodern. Modern people are tired of telling traditional jokes and listening to them, so they come up with these cold things.

1. Last night's joke was that astronauts used adult diapers, and Qian Feng quickly responded, saying, "Adult diapers are not wet, so give a personal name." Wang Han said coldly that they were not interested in knowing the answer, so they ignored him. However, Ou Di couldn't help it later and said, "Brother, I'm sorry, I want to know Qian Feng's answer."

Qian Feng immediately stood up excitedly and proudly-adult diaper, Bao Qingtian, Bao ~ ~ ~ adult! ! !

2. Wang Han: "Turn 36 degrees."

Qian Feng: "Wow, that's hot!"

3. Qian Feng asked everyone, "Why is the penguin's belly white?" Then everyone couldn't guess, and he told everyone that the answer was:

"Because penguins have short hands, they can only rub the front."

4. One day a man fished and caught a squid. The squid said, "Please leave me alone." The man said, "I'll test you a few questions, and I'll let you go if you answer them." The squid said, "OK, OK, you can take the exam." As a result, the man roasted it.

5. There were five people walking side by side in the street. Suddenly a typhoon blew and smashed a billboard, but only three people were killed. Why? Because it was McDonald's ("M")

6. A match was walking on the road. It felt itchy, so it scratched its hair, and then it caught fire.

7. Customer: "Why doesn't the wine you sell smell of alcohol?"

The waiter took a smell and said, "Ah,