A few years ago, there was a composition for the college entrance examination, which was about "It is said that my daughter is my father's lover". The name may be incorrect, but the content described

A few years ago, there was a composition for the college entrance examination, which was about "It is said that my daughter is my father's lover". The name may be incorrect, but the content described in it is roughly the same. Daughter, you were my father's "lover" in his last life.

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This is the inner monologue of a man who goes to the world, and it is also a warm message from a prospective father to his unborn daughter. These words from the bottom of my heart still feel that they are on paper. Perhaps this is the power of letters from home.

1June, 1994, bid farewell to my hometown Zigong City, Sichuan Province, and came to Chengdu, the provincial capital, to seek development. I worked in Zigong People's Broadcasting Station as a reporter, editor and program host for 10 years. It should be said that the development is not bad, but I am not satisfied with the status quo and hope to achieve greater development in a broader field.

So, I quit my job envied by many people and came to Chengdu with an art friend. When I left my hometown, my wife was pregnant for three months. I was in my thirties at that time. We decided to have this baby, and we didn't give up the opportunity to go to Chengdu for development. Although my wife didn't want me to go, she wanted my career to develop and believed that I had the ability to stand in Chengdu, so she acquiesced in my risky move.

Soon after I arrived in Chengdu, I took part in the recruitment examination for the program host of Sichuan Cable TV Station, and was quickly hired, and took on the editing and broadcasting work of a column, and began a busy life. After two months, I got used to my new job. I don't want to go home when I am busy. I especially miss my hometown, my wife and my unborn child. In particular, I am full of love and expectation for my children. I was very excited and complicated. I was afraid that these thoughts would be forgotten by time, so I recorded them. I hope that one day when my daughter sees it, she can understand how much I love her and how much her mother has sacrificed for her, even though I am far away from her. This is a letter for my daughter.

My dear daughter:

Now my father is far away in Chengdu, writing to you in the office of the TV station where I work. I just got off the phone with your mother. She said that you have been in her belly for five and a half months today, and you can obviously feel your movements. She said that the excitement and happiness when she first felt fetal movement could not be expressed in words, and she only felt tears in her eyes. When I first heard the news about you from my mother, my eyes were moist. In the mother's womb, it was called "germ" three months ago and "embryo" three months later, and it became a person! It's really hard for me to restrain the impulse to talk to you at this moment.

My daughter, at this moment, it is already night. Looking out of the window, there are lights everywhere, and the night in Chengdu is beautiful. At this time, I wish you and mom could see this beautiful night, but I want to come back to you! But Dad can't ... Uncle Qing Yu is burying his head in painting in the art room opposite at the moment, while I spread out the manuscript paper and write down many words that gush out of my heart at this moment for you to read when you grow up. Two months ago, my uncle Qing Yu and I left our hometown and went to Chengdu to explore the world. Now we have finally settled down. Just like the arrival of early autumn, we can slowly calm down and sort out our confused thoughts, think about our own worries, think about you and mom.

Daughter, I really feel guilty. Dad left you for the provincial capital nearly three months after his mother gave birth to you. It is such a coincidence that my mother and I have been married for five years and have no plans to have children yet. Recently, we are really looking forward to having children, and the opportunity for my father's career development has also come. My father has been waiting for this opportunity for many years and has been seeking it for many years. Dad is 30 years old, and I don't want to give them up, so making such a choice will wronged you and mom.

But I firmly believe that the difficulties are temporary, the separation will not last long, and I will make a world for you. My daughter, I will work hard for your happiness. I think you can be happy when you were born in our family, at least your childhood is happy. My mother and I decided to have you when our hearts were full of fatherly love and maternal love, and we had to, not because we were "careless"! We welcome your arrival! Strangely, just last year, we had a headache when it came to giving birth, but one day this year, we happened to see our neighbor's baby. The meat is really cute. He giggled with his mouth open, and we couldn't help reaching for it. This hug, the deep-rooted father's love and mother's love are instantly activated, pouring down like a waterfall. We looked at each other, and our minds spoke for themselves. People are really strange, and the change of mood is so sudden and natural.

In this way, we easily realized the transformation of roles. We are willing to be parents and suffer for you. Your mother used to be very picky about food. She doesn't eat this or that. She hates beans. But I heard that beans contain a lot of protein, which is beneficial to the growth and development of the fetus, so she tried her best to eat it in a big bowl. Usually she doesn't eat animal meat (inside) and it's dirty. She was afraid it was fishy and dirty, but now she stuffed it in her mouth and forced herself to swallow it no matter how bad it was. She used to sleep late enough until the next afternoon and slept for two meals. Now at dawn, she will jump up to eat eggs and drink milk without hesitation, for fear of starving you to death. Usually my mother likes spicy food, but now she doesn't touch it at all. In fact, it is unfounded to say that spicy food will have a bad effect on the fetus. In addition, it is said that pregnant women will give birth to a good doll when they look at photos of good dolls every day. She used to scoff at it, but this time she was persuaded. The room is covered with big photos of cute dolls, and I stare at them affectionately every day. I laughed at her and she said it wouldn't hurt anyway. Daughter, since I had you, she has been crazy. She will try her best to imagine what is good for you and vice versa. She is ill and doesn't take any medicine. She has been living well, fearing that there will be side effects that will affect your health. She also read books on eugenics one after another, and went to the market to buy a lot of educational foods every week, such as walnuts, black fungus, day lily, peanuts, black rice and glutinous rice, no matter how expensive. She used to dress well, and most of her income was spent on fashion. Now she really saves clothes and food. Some things made her roll her eyes and hurt her stomach, but she was not afraid of anything and just wanted to have a smart and healthy child. I remember my mother told me a long time ago that if she had a baby in the future, her figure would be ruined. She will never walk around the street like a penguin. But now, walking down the street with a big belly, she said that she had never been calm before, and she was proud of it. She is afraid that others will not know that she is pregnant with a lovely daughter.

Yes, we have always wanted a daughter. Although no one knows whether you are a man or a woman now, we firmly believe that you must be a daughter. At first, we just said we wanted a daughter, and then we repeatedly said that you were already a daughter. A few years ago, although my mother and I were not going to have children, we were already naming them. Suddenly I found that many names were girls' names, and I couldn't help laughing. Mom said, call her "catkin", what a poetic name! One night, we were walking in the Woods behind the house and heard someone playing a flute in the distance. At the right time, the moonlight is just right, and the flute is low. This artistic conception reminds me of the word "flute under the moon" and says, "Call her Moonlight Flute or Yu Di!" In short, there are too many poetic names like this, and it is impossible to reach an agreement at the moment. Suddenly one day, I dreamed that you were born, a daughter. On the roof and wall of the building of maternity hospital, all the characters "blossoming" are cast in gold. This may be the arrangement of heaven. I am determined to obey God's will and give you these two words, although I don't know what they mean. Later, I told my friend my dream, and my friend told it to others. Later, I heard that many girls are called "blossoming". These people are really hateful. There are so many Chinese characters, but they want to compare with you! Although they registered this name, I believe this name only belongs to you, which means from heaven. It will bless you and blossom.

There is a saying: "Children should be like Sun Zhongmou." But where did you get so many Sun Zhongmou? In the past, having a son was called "amusing" and having a daughter was called "wazi". That was the past. Men were superior to women. There is no distinction between high and low now. I really like my daughter. I thought having a son was a name and having a daughter was a blessing. Girls are poems, boys are martial arts novels. I am partial to poetry. I'm really afraid of boys. I can't stop all day, like a monkey. You have to keep an eye on him all the time, or it will turn upside down. Boys are war maniacs, fighting and killing, a room full of knives, guns and clubs, as well as cannons, tanks, planes and transformers. From small to large, calculate what kind of "arms" expenditure this is! Boys stop shopping with adults when they are twelve or thirteen. When they get older, they can't even see the figure. I can't stand the inexplicable hostility between my son and Lao Tzu. A father couldn't help telling his son about his life, and wanted to give all his life experiences to that silly boy, for fear that he would suffer his own sufferings. But that boy just didn't appreciate it and threw back a harsh sentence: "Be careful with your little attention, and talk about farmland!" I stopped talking to Lao Tzu and decided that the generation gap could not be bridged. I always vaguely deal with the old man, going in and out at home, no longer accepting the care of my parents, and he even wants to move out and live alone! God, it's unbearable, but who is to blame?

Having a daughter is different. Daughters are always quiet, elegant and elegant. They are parents' hearts and intimate little cotton-padded jackets. In the street, I often see a graceful girl holding her father's arm and leaning her head on his shoulder, talking and laughing all the way. Daughter, I always wanted this to happen to you and me. A father will be proud to have a beautiful and clever daughter pestering him to go shopping. The daughter was her father's lover in a previous life.

My daughter, when you are seventeen or eighteen, graceful and charming, there will be many ignorant boys pestering you, and there will often be sharp (folded) intermittent whistles and restless motorcycle roar downstairs. I will wear pajamas, with a pipe or cigar in my mouth, go to the balcony and whisper "She's not here" to the downstairs. As soon as I turned around, I heard the motorcycle slowly leaving, and there was a kind of unwillingness and hesitation in the roar. Old man, I will feel very comfortable in my heart Of course, in the end, you have to bear the pain of being taken away by a man. I won't let go of this bold guy who fought for my daughter easily. I'll give him a good life. I finally understand your grandfather now. When he summoned me, he had a serious face and a blunt tone, asking questions from living habits to hobbies. I put on a hypocritical face and hid a knife in my smile. The candidate in the interview answered all his questions quickly and skillfully. I think, bear with it, and I'll settle the general ledger (account) for your old man when I get your daughter! I am still like this, and so is that boy? Is that why the poet Yu Guangzhong regards the boyfriends of his four daughters as four imaginary enemies? He said, "I am like a fruit tree. I have been here for many years, and I have everything, wind, frost, rain and snow, and I am overwhelmed with fruits. " And you, the boy who passes by occasionally, should reach out and pick the fruit. You deserve to trip over the roots of the flat ground! "I also want to trip that boy with my old roots! Mr. Yu Guangzhong also said that the same person hates cars when crossing the road and pedestrians when driving. Your grandfather provoked me before, and now I'm going to provoke a "kid" like me. Ha ha! I was such a bad old man when my daughter-in-law became a woman! I will lean back on the sofa with my eyes closed slightly, and my face will be sullen. Boys will only say "Yes, yes, yes!" "That. But I still decided to entrust you to this respectful young man, because this young man sitting on his back with a helpless face is trying to put up with my difficulties for you. His eyes are full of injustice, anxiety and expectation, which reminds me of myself in those days. Only when you really love can you endure such difficulties and not get angry. I will say to that boy, "If you treat her badly, I will kill you!" " Congratulations, young man, she is yours! "You will loosen your sweaty fist, jump into my arms and say repeatedly," Dad, that's very kind of you. "I have mixed feelings and tears in my eyes ... look at me, you haven't been born yet, so I'm just thinking. It's funny to think that you're in it and feel heartfelt.

Daughter, I think you must be very beautiful, because mom and dad are not ugly. Beauty is a kind of wealth for women, but you have to understand that it is not created by yourself, let alone a skill. There is no reason to be proud of it. Beauty is sometimes a trap for women. Beauty always grows in praise. Praise can make people feel satisfied and full. They don't know why they are on cloud nine. They always think they are the center of the world, arrogant and shallow. What I hate most is beautiful, shallow and mean women, and dazzling women are even more disgusting. In this sense, I don't want you to be too beautiful. Facts tell us that most beautiful women are vases, and ordinary or even ugly or disabled women often write a poem and sharpen their swords for ten years to pursue something. After all, there are very few women with both talents and looks, so God is fair. He makes you lose something while you get something. I admire those beautiful women who can control themselves most, but I don't take my beauty seriously, I just want to create a charm. Daughter, remember, the most valuable thing for a woman is to have excellent qualities: gentleness, self-esteem, understanding, openness, honesty, kindness, tenacity and self-determination. You don't have to make great achievements, but you must live a full, clean and innocent life.

Although it is not easy, I still have confidence that under the influence of our family, you will become a woman with both talents and looks. That day, my mother told me on the phone that you can recite a poem for the child and me by doing some prenatal education for the child, so I recited the poem of my mother by Chilean poetess Jia Mistra, which is the greatest poem in the world. A pregnant poetess wants her child to have a "small face as delicate as a petal". She said, "I play among the intertwined blackberries because I want her hair to grow black and curly like that." However, I don't care if his skin is as black and red as the clay that potters like, and if his hair is as straight as my life. "

Mother was moved to tears. The mother sobbed and said, I don't care if our child is disabled, I still love her. My mother also said that I have never felt the greatness of a poet so strongly. I really hope that our children can also become a talented poet. How nice it would be! She will be sensitive and considerate, and can express her feelings and thoughts. She can walk into many people's hearts, and she will never be lonely. I said, of course, if God gives her this talent, if she has such an interest, I will definitely guide her to this path. However, the daughter must remember that it is great to do any job well. To be a poet and writer, you need to be able to endure poverty and loneliness, and even enjoy loneliness. To get rid of material desires and remain uncorrupted, all you need is a brain and a pen.

Just now, my mother said on the phone that she was really curious. She wanted to know whether you were a man or a woman and wanted to be a "B-ultrasound". I said don't go. I have a hunch it's a daughter. It is said that pregnant women are ugly, mostly boys and ugly mothers, but your mother still looks so beautiful. I was secretly pleased.

However, as long as you land, whether male or female, our family will love you sincerely and spare no effort!

If you were a boy, I would take you hunting with a spear!

wish you

Grow up healthily, baby!

dad

1994.9. 14 am

I am not a person who is good at taking hasty notes, but when I wrote this letter, my mind was full of ideas and I finished it in about two hours. It is precisely because of one go that it looks rough now, some places are not concise enough, some sentences lack strict logic, and the choice of words and sentences is not very elegant. I wrote a letter that day, saying that there was no ink, and I found a ballpoint pen in my colleague's drawer to continue writing. It was written that there was no paper. I rummaged around in the office and found another kind of manuscript paper, so the letter was written in two kinds of manuscript paper. After writing this letter, I wanted to take time to revise it and find a decent manuscript paper to copy, but later everything was complicated and the letter was pressed at the bottom of the box. In this way, 10 years passed.

I was surprised to see the notice of soliciting folk letters two days ago, so I rummaged through everything and found this letter. Looking back on the feelings recorded on paper that night 10 years ago, I can't help but sigh that the power of words is really powerful. If I hadn't recorded them, my thoughts and thoughts in that special period would have been in blowing in the wind long ago, and even I couldn't remember them myself. Although these words have not been polished, they truly record the deep affection of a prospective father who is far away from his relatives in his hometown for his children, and stubbornly believe that his mother must have his daughter's thoughts and irrelevant thoughts in her belly. It is still quite lovely to read now.

I showed this letter to my wife yesterday and she cried her eyes out. Maybe she remembered the bitter days of separation between the two places! Fortunately, those days passed quickly. Soon, after the exam, I was officially transferred to Chengdu TV Station and worked as a program host for 8 years. Now I have retired behind the scenes as an editor, quiet, obscure, complacent, and gradually unknown, only like to play with my daughter (really my daughter). Daughter 10 years old, more beautiful than I expected.

Xie Wei, born in 1964, is now an editor of Chengdu TV Station.