Collect jokes

1. Are you working again? I have told you more than once not to work so hard and to take care of your health. But you always say meaningfully: "If I don't roll a few more dung balls while the weather is warm, what will I eat in the winter!"

2.

There are some things that I should let you know. ! The sky is used to blow wind and rain; the earth is used to grow flowers and grass; I am used to prove the greatness of mankind; and you: "It is used to stew vermicelli!"

3.

Don’t get drunk again. Yesterday, someone saw you chasing a pig with a wine glass and shouting: "Is it a brother? It was a brother who did it!"

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4.

I am a lonely tree, standing by the roadside for thousands of years, waiting lonely, just so that one day when you walk by me, I will fall for you. If I can’t smash you, it will be in vain. alive.

5.

If autumn goes away, I will wait for you in the snow; if the world goes away, I will love you in heaven; if I go away, I will let her take care of you. Really, her pig-raising skills are pretty good!

6.

I know you care about hygiene. You wash your hands every time you go to the toilet, and wash them very carefully. Suddenly you didn't wash your hands. I was surprised: Why didn't you wash your hands? You replied: "I brought paper this time!"

7.

It is a very happy thing to miss you; it is a very happy thing to see you; loving you is what I will always do; keeping you in my heart is what I have always done ; However, lying to you happened just now.

8.

I will pray to the Buddha every day for a long-lasting blooming rose. When there are nine hundred and ninety-nine roses, I will give them to you and say emotionally: "Young man, I don’t believe that the bees you attract will not be able to bloom." Sting you! ”

9.

According to reports: A few days ago, Iraqi militants hung your photo on the wall of Baghdad, causing a large number of US soldiers to vomit and die. After investigating and collecting evidence, the United Nations confirmed that this is a weapon of mass destruction. You should run away.

10.

Couples in Western countries always get divorced because their god of love is a baby. Look at China's Yuexia Laoren. They are full of experience, so the marriages of Chinese couples are more permanent.

11. When you wake up today, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and a suicide note next to you: I struggled all night, and your shame makes me shameless in this world! Lord forgive him! I committed suicide.

12.

Someone saw you today. You are still so charming. You are wearing a plaid vest and walking slowly with a detached and comfortable look. You are so cute. I don’t know how you could beat the rabbit back then. ?

13.

In one year, a man wrote more than 800 love letters to his girlfriend. As a result, his girlfriend finally announced that she was getting married, and the groom was the postman who delivered these letters to her.

14.

The barber was shaving the customer's face while chatting. He was so busy chatting that he accidentally shaved off one side of the customer's eyebrows. The barber asked: Do you want to grow your eyebrows? Guest: I want to stay! Barber: Ouch! Why didn't you tell me earlier? One side has already been shaved off!

15.

Husband: Honey, I’m fired. Just because of a trivial matter, so unfair! Wife: Why? Husband: I forgot to close the tiger cage after get off work last night. But they didn’t even think about who would dare to steal the tiger!

16.

"Do you know why men like to have long hair like ladies these days?" "Because, if your lover or wife finds long hair on their clothes, he will smile and say 'This It's my hair!'"

17.

You are an intern in a mental hospital. Suddenly a mentally ill patient is chasing you with a kitchen knife. You turn around and run until you reach a dead end. Thinking that this is the end, the patient says: "Here." You knife, it’s your turn to chase me!”

18.

A certain player can't even catch the ball.

When practicing passing and receiving, another player passed a good ball to him. He was afraid that he would not catch the ball firmly, so he shouted "Catch it firmly". As a result, the ball hit his head, and he only heard him say "With whom?"

19.

When you are alone and empty, a pencil may be your best plaything. You can use a knife to cut it, peel it, chop it, and at the same time you can vent yourself and shout loudly: "I kill the pen, I kill the pen, I kill the pen!"

20.

The sky is so clear, the sun is so bright, and the sea is so vast. You are standing on the blue seaside, and I poke you with a stick: "Hey, this little bastard has a pretty hard shell." ! ”

21.

On the first day the obstetrician-gynecologist opened his business, his wife asked him: "How was your day?" The doctor said: "It's not too bad. Although the mother and the baby were not saved, the baby's father was finally saved. ”

22.

In the military training under the tree that year, the instructor said to the students: The first row to report. You looked at the instructor in surprise, and the instructor said loudly again: "Count! So, you turned around reluctantly and hugged the tree!"

23.

Your voice came from the valley. I looked down and found you at the corner of the mountain. It was you! It's really you! You were with an old man. I ran over excitedly and said, "Master, borrow the donkey!"

24.

The seedless watermelon was successfully developed and he frequently participated in various celebration parties and report meetings, enjoying great success. The other watermelons were very envious, but one watermelon was angry: What is so beautiful about? There is no next generation left.

25.

The camera and mobile phone were in contact, and a camera came running excitedly: Report to the leader, grab a mobile phone! The head of the camera looked at it and said angrily: Why did you catch our undercover agent? This is a phone that can take pictures!

26.

Do you know? I really want to take you out to experience the charm of KTV! Do you know what ktv is? Just give you a slap, kick you, and finally I will make a V sign!

27.

The moment I made up my mind to leave, your helpless crying and heart-rending pain behind me made me instantly understand how much I love you. I turned around and cried. You hug tightly: "I won't sell this pig!"

28.

It is said that arrows have golden arrows. Iron arrow. Bronze arrows, you have to learn silver arrows! It is said that there are eighteen kinds of martial arts and 360 moves, but you decided to learn Drunken Arrow, so soon you appeared in the world: "Drunken Silver Arrow!"

29.

The first time I saw you, I felt like I had known you for a long time. I have never said such a sure thing. You may not believe it, but it is true. You really look like me. ...the lost pig!

30.

God asked me to grant one of my wishes. I said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to become more beautiful. He thought for a moment and said: "Let me take a look at the globe!"

31.

I saw you that day. You were sitting under the bright sun, feeling so uncomfortable. I asked you what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: Keep your voice down. No one will call me an idiot when I get tanned. !

32.

The tortoise and the hare are racing, and the pig is the judge. Do you think the tortoise runs faster or the hare runs faster? One day when I came home, four children were making a noise. My wife was very happy to see me back: "You are finally back." I was also happy because the children were afraid of me. Unexpectedly, the wife then said: "You are the only obedient person in the family, be good! Go and buy a bag of salt for me."

33.

You are about to travel to another place, and your sincere friends will see you off. The biting cold wind cannot stop our friendship. I hold your hand and say: "Reform well and strive for a commutation of your sentence!"

34.

Listen! I want to chase you! I will recognize you! You are the one I have been looking for all this time! I will definitely seize this opportunity! I must chase you till the end! Dead fly!

35.

My dear, I start to miss you again, and my love for you is growing tremendously every day, because someone told me: The price of pork has increased, and you can sell it at a good price!

36.

The defendant promised his defense lawyer: "If you have the ability to make me stay in jail for only half a year, then you will get an additional $1,000 in remuneration." As a result, he finally got his wish, and the lawyer collected the money. While saying: "This is really a tricky job. Originally, the judges wanted to acquit."

37.

In those days, we walked quietly on the path in our hometown, and you lowered your head shyly. When the villagers saw us, they all praised you: Hey, you are beautiful and clean! He also praised me: What a good boy, he came out to herd pigs at such a young age! ”

38.

Oh! It’s snowing! I really want to turn into a snowflake and fly into your arms. I fly into your neck. Fly into your arms. Cuffs. Fly into your... Why didn't you zip up?

A group of male hippos crossed the river to woo the female hippopotamus at the risk of being eaten by crocodiles. Later, I found that they had all been castrated by crocodiles, and the only one who survived said: You are stupid, you all can swim in the breaststroke, but I can swim in the backstroke.

40. "You know what? My husband was injured in the table tennis finals. "But no one has ever seen him play ball?" ""Yes. He broke his vocal cords while watching the game. ”

41.

A lady went to take a snapshot. After taking the photo, she went to get the automatically developed photos. After reading them, she exclaimed: Why do I look like a monkey in the photo! The woman in the back. The man said coldly: That's mine, yours will have to wait.

Dear you, you have lost a lot of weight recently. It hurts in my heart. The New Year is about to come, but your body is worrying... Who doesn’t want to kill a few more pounds of pigs?

Some people say. You are a pig! How can you say this? Monitor: What is the purpose of practicing martial arts? Brother Meng: To strengthen your body! Serve the country! Soldier: In order to crack the self-defense skills of women...

The roosters chased the hens and crowed. One rooster's eyes were red and silent, and the hen's heart was beating. Chicken: You're so cool. Why didn't you scream? Rooster: I drank too much that day...

45. A girl walked into a bar and said: “You give me two hundred dollars and I’ll do anything for you. The shopkeeper said, "Okay, you can paint the walls here." ”

46.

Please stop reading and turn off the phone. There is really nothing interesting to see. Please, do you really want to see it? Don’t regret it? Okay, this But you asked for it yourself?

47.

Jade Emperor: The case of Erlang Shen’s Roaring Heavenly Dog raping Chang’e’s Jade Rabbit is now being heard. Hey! Roaring Dog! I'm still reading the text message!

There will be a meteor shower tonight, and I heard that there will be a big pig flying over the sky. , It's a pity that I have to sleep, you would be fine, there are so many people watching you fly! You use the white clouds to make clothes, borrow a pair of wings from the bird, fly in front of me like an arrow, tell me - bird This is what people look like!

John saw the advertisement for lifeguards in the swimming pool and went to sign up. The owner of the swimming pool asked John what he was good at, and John replied: " The swimming pool is 2.1 meters deep and I am 2.17 meters tall. "

50.

A drop of water is small in the ocean, but great in the desert; a red-crowned crane is small among the cranes, but great among the chickens; you are small among the crowd, but among the pigs Great!

51.

You know, I met a mentally retarded person yesterday. I have never seen such a stupid person. How stupid can I tell you? Well, he may have a lower IQ than you!

52.

I don’t care for my long hair, don’t wash my dirty clothes, and have a few strands of messy beard. I look neither male nor female, and I don’t get up until noon. I never want to win the lottery. who? That’s you!

53.

Please touch your red and tender face first, and then your belly! good! This concludes this pig raising knowledge lecture, see you tomorrow!

54.

I vomit when I drink too much, cry when I am sad, climb into trees when driving, and can’t move even when I see a beautiful girl. I always feel that I have little income, and my relationship never progresses!

55.

Today is your birthday, all women’s toilets and bathrooms are open to you free of charge, welcome! You use white clouds to make clothes, borrow a pair of wings from a bird, fly in front of me like an arrow, tell me - this is what a birdman looks like!

56.

Yesterday I made a bet with my friend. I said: There is no one stupider than a pig in the world. In the end, I lost, and it turns out it’s all your fault!

57.

Ah! Your skin is so shiny and your fragrance is so irresistible, let me bite you hard, my dear... braised pork.

58.

There is a kind of tacit understanding called tacit understanding, a kind of feeling called wonderful, there is a kind of happiness called having you by your side, there is a kind of longing called looking forward to seeing you, and there is a fool who will read the text message to the end.

59.

Wish you good health and all your teeth! Bon voyage, but disappeared halfway! Go all the way, but fall down halfway! Happy every day, often abnormal! Always smile and deserve to die!

60.

An electrician walked into the operating room and said to a dying patient wearing an oxygen mask: Hello! Listen, take a deep breath, I need to black out for five minutes!

61.

It’s strange, strange, really strange. Seven turtles are dancing on the disco, six lions are playing chess, five monkeys are eating pears, four donkeys are chasing Shu Qi, three mice are doing level 3, and two crabs are doing Tai Chi. , a little pig reads information!

62.

A pig and a penguin were kept in a cold storage at -20°C. The penguin died the next day, but the pig was fine. Why? You don’t know? By the way, pigs don’t know either!

63.

Are you Alian? ! Let me do the math: three inches of golden lotus, four inches of anemone, five inches of copper lotus, six inches of iron lotus... Wow, one foot and two inches is Alian! ”

64.

Did you know? I dreamed of you last night. We were walking by the river, clinging to each other, and you looked down into my eyes, lovingly. Three words were said: woof woof woof.

A group of swallows pecked at the mud and built a nest under the eaves. After the nest was built, the swallows screamed on the roof. I was curious, so I asked my father. My father replied: Alas, the contractor is hiding and has not paid me.

The cricket beeped, and the spider asked you why your voice had changed. ? Cricket: I have a cold, and the dialing tone is wrong, so I can’t get on. At this time, the spider suddenly fell down. Cricket: Huh?

67.

In my opinion, my child is really a child prodigy. He has many unique ideas, isn't it? "Yes, ma'am, especially when dictating new words." "

68.

Please go to the nearest telephone pole and shout loudly to the wild advertisement above: "My disease is cured!" "

69.

I had a dream last night. I dreamed that you fell into a smelly cesspit. After you climbed up, you said: "After all, I was born in a good era. Even the cesspit smells delicious! "

70.

A jet fighter flew roaring in the sky. The little bird was surprised when he saw it. The little bird said: "Mom, why does that bird fly like that? quick? "Mother Bird:" Try putting a fire on your butt.

”

The most powerful primary school student composition in history

Today is Sunday. Although we went to Ocean Park to play until about 11:00 pm yesterday, we got up early today and arrived there. We went to pick fruits at Victoria Peak next to Ocean Park, because grandma and grandpa live in Victoria Peak. When we got to the bottom of Victoria Peak, we took off our shoes and started climbing. It took about 1 minute to reach the top of the mountain. The air was very good, and Grandpa took us there. Let's go to his orchard.

Wow... Grandpa's orchard is so big. There are many fruit trees, including watermelon trees, strawberry trees, and pineapple trees... Because I was too young and couldn't climb the trees, Grandpa just planted them. I climbed up the watermelon tree and picked the biggest watermelon and threw it to my dad. Dad picked it up with one hand! There are many fruits growing on the ground in the orchard, such as apples, pears, coconuts, etc... Grandpa picked some. Peel off the coconut skin with your hands, remove the seeds, and give it to everyone. The coconuts are so delicious! My cousin even used them to shame me. It was so painful after eating! After dinner, we went to the Himalayas next to Taiping Mountain. We heard from the teacher that the Himalayas are the highest mountains in the world. Sure enough, the teacher did not lie to us. My cousin and I climbed and climbed for about 2 minutes. I was so hot when we reached the top of the mountain. Later, we still felt very hot, so we went to the hot springs at the top of the mountain. It was so cold. Later, my cousin asked me if I had any money. There is a McDonald's near the top of the mountain. My cousin borrowed money from me every time! When we were still buying, we heard our mother calling us to go home from Taipingshan, so we reluctantly left Taipingshan and Himala. Yashan is such a fun place. I will ask my dad and mom to take us to play in the future. Dad said that if I come first in this exam, he will take me to Tokyo, Beijing, and Nanjing this Sunday. I want to go to Xijing most because my cousin lives in Xijing. She said that the textbook is actually a lie. There is a mountain higher than the Himalayas in Xijing. It takes about 3 minutes to climb and there is a big night market on it. Children's playground, and clear creek.

I must study hard and ask my dad to take me to these places.

Instructor's comment:

Content. It is full of contradictions, extremely exaggerated, and unclear. This is something I have never seen in my more than 20 years of teaching. Please pay attention next time.

This time the teacher asked for a 600-word travel note. Based on the experience last time, Xiaoying didn't dare to write any more, and wrote down exactly what happened when his father took him to the Zoological and Botanical Park on Sunday.

On Sunday, this morning my father took our family to the Zoological and Botanical Park. The sound of cicadas kept chirping along the road. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. Squeaks squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, and squeak, and it feels very comfortable.

Instructor's comment:

The content is true and can be changed from before. Not only does the whole article use more than 500 "squeaks", which I have never seen in my more than 20 years of teaching, please pay attention next time.

The teacher also learned the lesson this time. He was afraid that the students would write randomly, so he asked to submit another 600-word travel diary but also put forward the learning experience of the day. Xiaoying came back from hiking with her mother and carefully checked the textbook. , finally found one thing that verified the knowledge in the textbook, so I happily wrote it down and handed it to the teacher.

On Sunday, I went hiking with my mother today. When we reached the top of the mountain, my mother said that there would be echoes in the quiet mountains.

My brother and I tried to shout together - "How are you?"

Sure enough, about three seconds later we heard:

How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay Okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay Okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay. How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay you are Okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay are you okay you are How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? , I finally realized it. What a meaningful day.

Instructor's comments:

I am very happy to learn from it as a teacher. However, there are about 200 "How are you" sentences in the whole article, which I have never seen in more than 20 years of teaching. Please be sure to pay attention this time

The teacher disagrees with Xiaoying's lazy composition, and will no longer write a travelogue composition. Thinking about how to stimulate Xiaoying's composition potential, I will write another one:

"The Most Unforgettable Thing"

Xiaoying bit her pencil and tried to think hard, and finally wrote quickly. After handing it over, she thought to herself: The teacher will probably not punish me anymore, and she couldn't help but smile. When I came home from school last Friday, I saw a pile of poop in front of my house. I ate a pound at that time: "Who is so wicked to poop in front of my house?" I quickly called my sister out, and she also ate a poop after seeing it. He shouted, "It's so unethical! It's so low-level!" My sister asked me to get a broom and sweep it away together. When my mother found out, she came out to see what was going on. She also ate a pound and shouted, "What a sin!" Dad heard the cry and came out to see what was going on. He also ate a pound. "Who did this?" My neighbor, Mrs. Wang, just came back from shopping for groceries and ate a pound after looking at it. Uncle Wang and Wang Xiaoming came out to see that they both had eaten a pound. After a while, more than ten people gathered. Everyone had eaten a pound. Finally, they called 119. After eating a pound, the firefighters finally cleared away the stool. It's really the most unforgettable thing.

Instructor’s comment:

If you want to make progress, please pay attention to the typo: “I was shocked”, not “I ate a pound”. This pile of stool weighs about twenty pounds in total. Do you have this ability?