"Go through a narrow door and walk a long way, and you will see the twilight"-about 20 18

"We are all lonely hedgehogs. Only people with the same frequency can see the unknown elegance in each other's hearts. There must be someone in this world who can feel himself. That person may not be a lover, but anyone. In the world of Nuoda, we will no longer be lonely because of this precious understanding. "

When I wrote the following sentence, it was the day after the company held the 20 18 annual meeting. Sitting alone in the bookstore coffee shop in the afternoon, although I brought a book, I was dizzy and completely distracted because I drank a lot of red wine the night before. At this time, my eyes are sour, my back can't stand up, and my mood is depressed because of alcohol and the approaching of the year. I have been in Beijing for about half a year, and my work has occupied most of the time. On the contrary, other happy hours are used as a foil. In retrospect, although I was single, I was not speechless.

I am a responsible person, but an important reason why I have not been discovered by outsiders for so many years is my introversion and self-distrust. In retrospect, my timidity masked many advantages. However, being a responsible person costs a lot. You should make every detail and make proper arrangements. If something goes wrong, you have to go crazy to fix it. Every day is like a war. It's strange not to bother. So, between coming and going, there are endless sighs-so tired, so tired ... I sometimes open the recruitment software to browse and plan the next step, but I know this is the nth time I open it and plan it, and then I never take a step.

? Anyway, 20 18 is almost over. At the end of the month, we must be busy with the monthly statement and the annual statement, so we want to write this annual summary in advance. Two thirds of the summary of 20 17 is still there. After a painful day, I decided to take it seriously. After all, 19 is the year of birth!

? 20 18 started when I set foot on the train to find Jia Xiaoyang after the postgraduate entrance examination, and ended the first half of 20 18 with events such as postgraduate entrance examination failure, lovelorn, family hospitalization, internship and graduation. Life is really terrible. For the first time, I began to seriously doubt life, and I didn't even know what the meaning of living was.

? In the second half of the year, I came to Beijing in a completely different mood from the last time I came. I started my career, thanks to the "trust" of the leaders, leaving me alone at the customer site and starting a difficult and painful transformation for four months. While doing payment accounting in the financial department, it is generally necessary to solve the system problems encountered by customers. Xiao Bai, who knew nothing, forced the bank to settle with the accounting supervisor and issue financial statements. When the changes in net assets are inconsistent, he goes to find the reasons, explains the reasons for each inconsistency, and then reconciles himself. I really don't understand why I am so "trusted": from the beginning, I made direct bank-enterprise payment and consolidated vouchers, to the operation of foreign currency payment, bank reconciliation and helping to produce statements; From the beginning, it only solved the operation problem of the travel system, then compiled the salary report of the workers and worked with the programmers to get through the front and back office; From helping people guide the operation of purchasing assets to launching the asset module now, from new receipt documents to asset reimbursement, issue, transfer and return. Although there are still many bugs in the travel system, it is really like your own child, watching it grow step by step. Although I am often accused, I know the difficulty behind every change, and I also know the hardships of stumbling from crawling to getting up.

? I was praised many times by my boss and colleagues at the annual meeting yesterday. I stood up to speak and summed up my experience in the past six months. It is true that growing up is painful, but the affirmation of people around me more or less offsets the grievances and sorrows suffered in the past six months.

? Leave after work for an hour or two every day, and commute for three hours every day. I can't count how many times I didn't rest there at noon, smoothed my voucher and stuffed it into my receipt ... I remember the first time I took the subway from Xi' erqi, and the response was a little slow, and there were many people, so I didn't get off. It was 40 degrees in summer, and I rode a yellow car to the Northwest King. When I arrived at the headquarters, my clothes were all wet. It suddenly rained heavily in Beijing, and I just walked to the company in sandals. Are you asking me if I'm sad? At that time, I was thinking about being in a hurry, and I had to walk all the way without waiting for the bus. Looking back now, I feel that I was out of my mind and didn't know how to feel sorry for myself. Every morning, when the sun hits my face, I keep cheering myself up. Standing on the escalator after work at night, "shouting" into the crowd. Although I often want to drag my tired body to sit on the ground, I have a little bit of strength when I see the dim but warm street lights on both sides of the road leading to the community ... I don't have the habit of sleeping late, but I have slept until eleven o'clock on weekends in the past six months; There is no concept of time, but I have done something every morning with my watch in my hand for the past six months. I admit that I was a little lazy at school and never wanted to take part in any extracurricular activities. I don't want to do it when I have difficulties, but I have learned not to delay in the past six months, at least at work. Whenever there is a problem, try to solve it. If you can't solve it, you will be particularly anxious and even afraid. It's fun to think about it now.

I have nothing to say about life. The first half of the year is a bad memory. I don't want to mention it, think about it or even bury it. In life, I really have illusions, so in the days when I was facing a breakup after graduation, I struggled and lived up to my personality. I read a lot of chicken soup and persuaded myself to meet others as a straw to save myself. This is not only extreme and irrational, but also unfair to others and yourself. I feel guilty, too ... only to find out later that pain is the other person's part of your life. In fact, what you miss may be the confident self at that time. Maybe he has precious qualities that you don't have. More likely, he will always be him, and you like the imaginary one. The other part of the key lies in oneself, kkk who lacks faith and is too idle. ...

? I have to thank my work, family and friends for giving me valuable qualities (although I find that there are fewer and fewer friends who can say two or three sentences, and many people are obsessed with it), and I am also very grateful to the newcomers in my life for taking care of me. This year, I have a deeper understanding of life:

Focus more energy and attention on yourself and your loved ones, understand the irreversibility of time, cherish the present, and there will be no regrets.

Admit that you are ordinary or even mediocre. I am a person who wants to sleep when I am hungry. As the saying goes, "enter the narrow door, take a long way and see the light." In Long Live, the blind couple stayed together for 22 years without knowing each other's appearance. The glasses that clink at the dinner table are often perfectly staggered, but this does not affect them to actively celebrate every festival in the past 22 years, nor does it affect the husband holding his wife's hand in the streets and singing.

Don't use some innate advantages of others to make things difficult for yourself. People will always struggle with themselves all their lives.

Finally, give it to yourself at work. Don't procrastinate. Don't let others get hold of you. Do things so that the other party has nothing to say.

We plan our lives to make ourselves believe in things that don't exist, because we are creatures who don't want to suffer. We try to convince ourselves that some things are worth pursuing, and only in this way can life be meaningful. 20 19, continue to face life and let it hammer!