So-called postpartum depression

? The word depression is no stranger to everyone. It is a disease that is easy to commit suicide. Cui Yongyuan and Yang Kun both openly admitted how they struggled to get out of depression.

For women, there is a high incidence of depression, that is, postpartum lactation. Generally, pregnant women and parturients will be more or less worried about their children's situation, with unstable mood, anxiety and depression. Most mothers are temporary, and after this period, the depression will gradually disappear. Only a few people will run away from home, commit suicide or even kill their children. In the past, I encountered the huge problem that my relatives and friends' relatives had to face postpartum depression.

? Recently, online news spread that a young mother with postpartum depression committed suicide by jumping off a building with a pair of children in a high-end residential area in Xiangtan, Hunan Province. For a time, a large number of psychoanalytic articles and online comments flooded the network, and there were different opinions. Some people said that women are really fragile now. In the past, there were so many women who had never heard of depression and jumped off a building. Some people say that people have passed away, so we should not comment on a poor person in cold blood, let her rest in peace; Some people say that this pair of children is innocent, and the mother has no right to deprive them of their lives; ………….。

There are too many misunderstandings about depression.

? First, depression has nothing to do with vulnerability, not being brave. Depression cannot be overcome by tempering the will. Once sick, patients show a deep sense of helplessness, are not interested in things, and feel that life is meaningless. At first, they are particularly emotional, but later they are world-weary and want to get rid of their pain by committing suicide. This is the true feeling of the patient's heart. It's not that objectively no one really wants to help him. It's not that there is no way out for life. But even the relatives around you may not understand. The hostess husband said, "Why do you always cry? You can adjust your own problems." In fact, it is very difficult to adjust by yourself, and it is necessary to take medicine combined with psychotherapy. In fact, depression is a physical lesion in a certain part of the brain, not just the mental level.

second, depression has existed since ancient times. It is not what some people think, but what modern people are dissatisfied with is much ado about nothing and moaning without illness. In ancient times, we called depression "stagnation of qi and depression". Call schizophrenia "crazy". In the past, because of poverty, people paid more attention to material food and clothing, did not pay attention to mental health, and ignored or ignored it, but turning a blind eye does not mean that it does not exist. I used to hear a saying, "What's the use of learning this? You shouldn't eat or drink it properly.". Now there is no big problem in material life, and people begin to pay attention to spiritual needs, emotional changes and psychological health. Then these events are exposed.

? Third, you can't talk about people who have passed away. Chinese culture is secretive about this. But it is undeniable that this is a tragedy, and no one wants such a thing to happen to him. But if we can't reflect on it and grow ourselves, who can guarantee that this kind of thing won't happen again?

Let's take a look at how the heroine's sense of helplessness and her belief in self-identity lead her to depression and take away the children's lives. Depression begins with a sense of helplessness.

1. For children.

? The hostess said, "I brought the child to him, so I have to take everything I brought with me." For a long time, parents in culture have taken it for granted that children are their own property, which can be used to beat and scold, determine their life path and even decide their life and death. This is a very terrible part of our Chinese culture, and we don't respect children as a separate life.

? Second, the concept of consumption and role identification.

? The husband gives the heroine more than 2, pocket money every year, thinking that there must be a nanny at home, which is really the need of a large family, four adults and two children. The hostess thinks that asking a nanny is a waste of money. "Others can live without asking a nanny, so why can't he?" And called my mother home to help.

The hostess who earned 1, yuan a year before marriage thinks that "as long as I have a nanny, I am meaningless". This is the role of the hostess of a family. Is "wife" equal to "nanny"? Do you find it hard to understand the idea of the hostess in a family with such abundant economic conditions? What prevented her from forming enough sense of belonging during her growth? It's probably related to her parents. She agreed with her in-laws that "a daughter-in-law should be able to do housework, have children and please", which is very painful. It is understandable that the old people have such an idea. They grew up in a poor environment where men are superior to women.

Although she thinks that "a good wife and a good mother is not a good word, it is sad for a woman to give up herself and revolve around her husband and children", she still quit her job and took care of her children at home. From this point of view, she gave up being herself. She compromised and suppressed her true feelings. This is also her mother's idea, asking her to be "tolerant and atmospheric". The woman was married for three years, so she said that she had "endured for three years".

3. For the husband.

? In the article, the husbands she describes are often at two extremes. From "stable, mature and pragmatic" to "forced, complicated and pessimistic", from "my husband will ask me how I am" and "my husband offered to ask for a new moon when I was pregnant", "I have to admit that he is a good man. When you take medicine when you have a cold, you will cover your hands with heat when your hands and feet are cold. When you "disregard your 22-hour labor and face the accusation that GBS is positive and suspicious of sexually transmitted diseases" and "your wife can't take care of children", you only ask for a new moon. The husband "despises, complains, despises and dislikes" himself and thinks he is "stupid, stubborn". Once, his husband abused her and called her a "mad dog".

Usually, we can't be objective when we know a person, and they are often influenced by the relationship between the two sides and the mood. So what does this reflect? One thing can explain that the mood of the hostess is very ups and downs. Of course, this can't be blamed on her, which is one of the manifestations of depression, but her husband can't always remind himself to tolerate this. It can be seen that some words were said during a quarrel, which was irrational and could not withstand further study. However, the hostess was deeply involved and could not extricate herself, which was a great blow to her self-identity.

IV. For their respective family of origin.

? The husband thinks that his family is separated and can't be separated from his family. "My father-in-law told her mother-in-law that the nanny would waste a lot of money every year, and my daughter-in-law would be lazy." "My sister said that she was with him for money." The hostess thinks that her husband's family is "not what we need, not positive energy". Under such circumstances, the hostess did not get spiritual understanding and support.

Let's take a look at the hostess's house. "Dad only wants himself, help me take care of my mother, talk more and care more". An alienated father, a mother who is too close and dependent on her daughter. "Mom wants to be tolerant and generous", but she has not been tolerant and considerate at home.

5. Some inherent self-beliefs of husband and wife.

In fact, husband and wife come from different families and are two completely different independent individuals. Once you get married, you need to be considerate and tolerant, and make changes for each other to adapt to the new family environment and make the relationship stable and harmonious. If you stick to the original concept, then family conflicts will gradually escalate.

wife: "A good wife and a good mother ... is to give up on yourself, and ... is sad", and her husband's family wants her to be a good wife and a good mother, except her husband.

"I don't trust this person after being cheated once. I don't want to divorce my children until they are older", "If I don't divorce, my husband will rob my children". I have considered divorce, and I am afraid of losing my children after divorce, so I choose to endure it.

? "Let every day be happy, even suffering has a reason to be happy". No one can do this absolute belief, not to mention that it is normal for her to be sad every day after suffering from depression.

Husband: "Everything in the house must be clean and spotless, …", while the wife is careless, slovenly, short-tempered and impatient. Became a pair of conflicts.

? "It's not easy to make money, it's not easy to be a man, and I don't like being a businessman, asking for help, and longing for power and money", but my husband is a businessman. Then his own heart also needs his wife's care and support. In fact, a depressed wife is already taking care of herself.

when a 39-year-old husband marries a 28-year-old wife, there is an obvious brand of the times and a difference in concept, that is, the generation gap. The husband "has rules in everything", so he hates his wife's "respect for everyone's lifestyle".

6. Dislocation of the language of love

The wife is sad that her husband "doesn't talk to her about his troubles at work", and she hopes that the other person can confide in herself. The husband is upset at work, but he can be happy to coax the boy.

The wife hoped that the family would go to Changsha for a buffet meal, but failed, and she got 4, diamond earrings bought by her husband. A wife who doesn't care much about money is not happy about it. Her favorite romance is watching the sunrise with her husband.

The husband leaves the family affairs to his wife to arrange. A year's household pocket money is 2 thousand, which shows his trust in his wife. The wife is weak because of postpartum depression and three or four bleeding, but she can't bear it.

it is obvious that two people who love each other don't know how to give in the way the other needs, and they love but don't feel love. It's really a pity.

the dead rest in peace, and the living learn from them.

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