How to humorously describe the work of HR

Talent is rare

Boss Jack went to the police station to report the case: "There is a gangster who pretended to be my salesman and made $100,000 in town! This is more than all my employees have in customers. He's got a lot more money. You must find him!"

"We will catch him and put him in jail!"

"Lock him up! What? I want to hire him!"

Recruitment criteria

A hotel is about to open and is recruiting staff.

Examiner: "If you were a doorman, how would you identify people coming in and out?"

Examiner: "Before the hotel opens, I will question well-dressed people; after the hotel opens, I will Questioning the ragged person."

Examiner: "OK! If you are a public relations lady, how will you report to the leader you receive?"

Candidate: "If you are smart and capable? If the leader is a leader, I will reduce the performance by 10% and leave room for improvement; if the leader is a confused leader who does not understand the business, I will increase the performance by 10%.”

She was hired.

Exam-taking answers

A candidate was interviewed by a recruiter. Part of the conversation is excerpted as follows:

Recruiter: "What did you do in sales before?" ,

Applicant: "Selling myself."

Recruiter: "How is the performance?"'

Applicant: "Heaven knows, earth knows, I know, but you don't know."

Recruiter: "Why do you want to change jobs?"

Applicant: "People who don't change jobs have different reasons. Same. "

Recruiter: "Then why did you choose our company?

Applicant: "Then why is your company recruiting?"

Recruiter: "We are destined."

Applicant: "Yeah, it's so late to meet you. Can I go to work tomorrow?"

Fairy Rules

Everyone who has been to the temple knows that as soon as you enter the temple, the first thing you see is Amitabha Buddha, who greets guests with a smile, and to the north of him is Wei Tuo, who has a black mouth and a black face. But according to legend, a long time ago, they were not in the same temple, but were in charge of different temples.

Maile Buddha is enthusiastic and happy, so many people come, but he doesn’t care about anything, he is careless, and does not manage the accounts well, so he still cannot make ends meet. Although Wei Tuo was a good accountant, he had a gloomy face and was too serious all day long, which led to fewer and fewer people, and finally the incense was cut off.

The Buddha discovered this problem when he was checking the incense, so he put them both in the same temple. Maitreya Buddha was responsible for public relations and welcomed guests from all directions with a smile, so the incense flourished. However, Wei Tuo was selfless and meticulous, so he was asked to be responsible for the finances and strictly control them. Through the division of labor and cooperation between the two, the temple was thriving.

In fact, in the eyes of a master employer, there is no useless person. Just like a master of martial arts, he can hurt people by picking flowers and flying leaves without a precious sword. The key is how to use it. '

Supplement

Someone was sawing a pile of wood with great difficulty. Because the old ones had not been finished yet, new ones were brought in, so the pile became more and more piled up.

The last resort is to extend working hours again and again.

Someone kindly reminded him: "Because the saw is dull, it is very inefficient. As long as the saw is sharpened, the deteriorating situation can be improved."

The man did not answer. : "I'm so busy with my work, how can I have time to sharpen the saw?!"

The well-meaning person still didn't give up and asked: "Then when do you have time to sharpen the saw?" !

The man responded weakly: "Wait until I finish sawing this pile of wood."

A certain company strictly prohibits leave notices

Dear colleagues:

After research and decision by the company leaders, the following regulations are made regarding leave matters:

1. Going to the toilet to relieve oneself and wash hands during working hours is absolutely not allowed, because relieving hands and washing hands are purely a matter of personal internal circulation and hygiene. Nothing to do with the company.

2. Bereavement leave is not allowed. It is a pity that a loved one has passed away, but there is no resurrection after death, so it is absolutely unnecessary;

3. Sick leave is not allowed. What the company needs is integrity. Employees, missing and worn body parts should be repaired outside working hours;

4. Family leave is not allowed. If the relationship lasts for a long time, there is no need to do so day and night;

5. It is not allowed to ask for marriage leave. The divorce rate is very high now. It is better not to get married after getting married and then divorce.

6. Personal leave is not allowed. The interests of the company are higher than the interests of employees, and individuals should obey the organization.

7. No rest is allowed on Sunday. Sunday is not a rest day. Labor is glorious and rest is a waste of glory;

8. Pregnancy leave is not allowed, in order to cultivate the habit of loving labor in the next generation;

| 9. It is not allowed to ask for maternity leave. Men and women are equal. Men do not rest, and women should learn from men;

10. It is not allowed to ask for public injury leave. Wherever you fall, you will start. No matter how you get up, you won't get out of the line of fire even if you are slightly injured.