A joke about typos.

In primary school Chinese class, the teacher said: Chinese characters are a kind of meaningful words. For example, the word horse is like a horse, and the word wood is like wood. ...

At this moment, Xiao Pang stood up: Teacher, what is that bulge?

At this point, I am evil!

-

A butcher went up to the cow and said, isn't it great? The cow nodded.

The butcher said again, do you know me? The cow shook her head.

The butcher stabbed the cow's ass, and the cow jumped into the river in pain.

The king thought the butcher was rude, so the butcher asked to try again and the king agreed. The cow was pulled to the river again.

The butcher stepped forward and said to the cow; Do you know me? The cow nodded.

The butcher said again, can't you return Niu B? The cow shook her head.

The butcher said with a smile; Do you know what to do? The cow turned and jumped into the river.

-

Eat only one ton

The young man decided to hold a wedding in his hometown. The man's father sent a telegram to his in-laws in the city and asked, "How many people can come? Be prepared. "

My in-laws called back and said, "Not many people can go, just prepare a ton of rice." He wrote "ton" as "ton"

Soon I received a telegram from the countryside: "The wedding was postponed for one month, because it was difficult to get a ton of rice for a while."

03. Dr. Qu Yuan

In history class, the teacher asked the same student, "Who is Qu Yuan?"

"It's a doctor." The students answered.

"Nonsense!"

"What nonsense? The book says he is a doctor! "

-

-

Have a chance.

A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wants to go there by plane. Afraid that the manager wouldn't agree to the reimbursement, he sent a telegram to the manager: "Take it when you have the chance, or don't take it." The manager received the telegram and thought it was an "opportunity" to close the deal. He immediately called back: "Seize the opportunity."

The salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, and the manager refused to reimburse the plane ticket on the grounds that he was not qualified to fly. The salesman took out the manager's call back and the manager was dumbfounded.

-

Geographical name correlation

On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more formal.

During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then raise your glass to toast everyone, raise your head and drink it off, and then say, "I'm from Yangon."

China has 20 jokes about Chinese characters.

1, where where?

Hemingway knew nothing about China people! Where! This is a self-deprecating word. He attended a wedding and politely praised the bride as beautiful. The groom on the side said on behalf of the bride: Where! Where! Unexpectedly, this foreign man was shocked! So he used blunt Chinese: hair, eyebrows, eyes, ears, nose and mouth look good! As a result, the audience burst into laughter

2. The true story of preserved eggs

Director Jia said excitedly: Today, the trade union invoice saw the movie "The True Story of Api Egg".

A young man smiled: Director Jia, you are mistaken. This is the true story of Ah Q. ..

What? I read it wrong? I have been playing cards for decades. I don't know. Preserved eggs? Go away.

The old man lost his teeth.

The two brothers took their grandfather to the hospital. Seeing that the age on the registration form was wrongly printed as a doctor's order, the younger brother said to the doctor: This doctor's order missed a tooth.

This is a mistake, the doctor said, because this is an elderly clinic!

4. Dr. Qu Yuan

In history class, the teacher asked the same student: Who is Qu Yuan?

It's a doctor. The students answered.

That's bullshit！

What nonsense? The book says he is a doctor!

5. Don't use words

A shop assistant wrote four words on the blackboard: It's on sale now.

A customer next to him said, comrade, retail zero, your handwriting is different.

The salesman glared at the customer and said, come on, there's a vertical knife next to it!

6. Huizi's new explanation

Son: Dad, how to write simplified Chinese characters?

Father: There is a cloud under the herringbone.

Son: Why?

Father: At the meeting, just say what others say: This is what others say.

7. Why do you care?

Director Hu always writes wrong words, mispronounces, and is full of jokes, but he never learns with an open mind.

On one occasion, the unit held a commendation meeting, and he pronounced Feng Jianguo as Ma Jianguo, which caused a burst of laughter. He may be wrong again.

The secretary reminded me: there are two more points!

Director Hu wanted to correct it, but he was afraid of losing face, so he said with a straight face, stop laughing, everyone. It doesn't matter if you lose two points! They are all revolutionary comrades, so why care about these two points?

8. each other

Mr. Zhou took the business card handed over by Mr. Chen, looked at it and said, Mr. Dong, I've heard a lot about you. Mr. Chen took Mr. Zhou's business card and said, Are you Mr. Ji? Mr. Zhou is unhappy: my last name is Zhou. Why did you skin me? What have I done to offend you? Mr. Chen said: My family name is Chen. If you cut off my ear, you won't be interested in me skinning you?

9.Mandarin band

Southerners often speak Mandarin reluctantly. As the saying goes, Mandarin in Lan Qing is.

In the Republic of China, a soldier envied being an official very much, so he put on an official airs all day, pretended to be an official, walked in a bureaucratic tone and spoke Mandarin. One day at breakfast, I told my family to go to my porridge box and get my green head. The family didn't understand and stared down. Some armour is furious, drink a way: bastard! What can't be done! Don't you know that porridge is called porridge in Mandarin? Bamboo is homophonic with porridge. Isn't the bamboo box a porridge box? In Mandarin, head is called head, and head is homophonic with beans. There is a bag of mung beans in my box. Isn't it a green head?

10, sir

Do you know whether a man or a woman came first?

B: There were men first.

A: according to what?

I don't even know that. Isn't this strong evidence that our people are called Mr.?

1 1, better late than never.

A teacher's interpretation of books is quite new. It's never too late to mend. In two words: death, sheep, animal name, compensation, confession, prison, prison. Together, even if the sheep die, it is not too late to provide too many prisons. This means that people don't have to kill live sheep for sacrifice.

12 talent recruitment

Manager: Only when the company has selected talents can someone register.

No 1 (I)

Manager: What's your name?

1: My name is snake glasses.

Manager: I think your name is cobra. What did you say?

1; A door, there is a dog in the door, of course it is a door!

Manager: Go, go, go, earth leopard!

No.2 Shang

Manager: What's your name?

My name is Wang. I'll hit whoever I want!

Manager: What is this word?

Number two: a door. There is a dog in the door. Dogs, of course!

Manager: Go, go, go, a bunch of useless things.

No.3 Shang

Manager: What's your name?

Third: who am I?

Manager: Well, what a unique name. What a good word.

Third: this is called illiteracy. As long as I can't read, I am called illiterate.

Manager: Oh, my God, genius. Where is the address?

Third: mental illness 12 bed!

Manager: President, I found a genius. He lives in bed 12 because of mental illness! Oh, my God, psycho.

A man and a woman are sleeping.

One day, I was having a chemistry class. Some students are dozing off in class. Unexpectedly, the chemistry teacher found out. The teacher said at the top of his lungs, our knowledge today is so important that there is still a couple sleeping. The whole class is fidgeting, but it's actually quite far away.

14. Learn English

Xiaoming, who likes learning English, is looking for opportunities to speak English day and night.

On this day, he walked into a foreigner by accident. He said shyly, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too." The foreigner replied.

"I'm sorry for three." Xiao Ming answered at once.

"What are you sorry for? "Asked the foreigner.

"Sorry five" Xiao Ming said.

15. Eat standing up

A foreign girl married in China. At breakfast, she was told not to eat fried dough sticks: dip them in.

She stood up at once and was told you to dip it!

She said doubtfully, let me eat standing up. I stood up. Where should I stand?

16. Do what you see.

Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens. The tenant rented his field, but he had to be given a chicken first.

There was a tenant named Zhang San who went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag, and after paying the rent, he told the landlord about renting the land for the next year. He insisted that he was empty-handed, so he opened his eyes and said, there are no three kinds of land. Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag.

As soon as the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his mind and said, who will I give it to if I don't give it to Zhang San?

Zhang San said: Your words have changed so quickly!

The landlord replied: that sentence was nonsense just now, and now it is accidental.

17. This is the ear.

The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because he wanted to hang up, he said to the master, buy me two bamboo poles.

As soon as the master heard that the bamboo pole with Shandong accent looked like pig liver, he quickly agreed. He hurried to the butcher's shop and said to the shopkeeper, Grandpa Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pork liver. You are a smart man, you should know!

The shopkeeper, a clever man, immediately cut off two pieces of pig liver and presented a pair of pig ears.

Out of the butcher's shop, the master thought, My master told me to buy pig liver. Of course, this pig ear is mine. So I wrapped the hunting ear and stuffed it into my pocket. Back to the county government, I reported to the magistrate that I bought pig liver!

When the magistrate saw that his master had bought pig liver, he said angrily, where are your ears? Hearing this, the master turned pale with fear and quickly replied: My ears are in my pocket! China's homophonic xiehouyu joke

China's homophonic xiehouyu joke

1, Fireworks on New Year's Eve-colorful

2, lifting water and washing vegetables-kill two birds with one stone; It's convenient for both sides.

3. Song Wu looks at ducks-heroes are useless.

4, small bald hat-the first name (picture name)

5. Zhang Fei hit Guan Gong-forget the old love.

6, pig eight quit to jail-not white injustice.

7, Tang Yan's eyes-I don't know good or bad.

8, burning the forehead-imminent

9, the wind blows the lamp grass-the heart is uncertain

10, Cao Cao met Jiang Gan-a disaster.

1 1, it snows in June-hard-won: hard-won.

12, rushing into strings-not worth talking about (playing)

13, Xiong Lian equipment.

14, the wind blows down the handsome flag-a bad start.

15, practicing swimming in the dung jar-I'm really not afraid of death (shit)

16, half-rotten intersection-kicked out.

17, killing monks and chanting-false compassion; Fake charity

18, Li Kui jy decides the case-the strong is right.

19, old and proud as a peacock-romantic.

20. Earthworms in the field-full of doubts (mud)

2 1, Han Xiangzi playing the flute-extraordinary.

22. The short man chooses the general-or he can make do with it.

23. Guan Yu sells meat-no one dares to come.

24, pig eight quit bragging-big mouth bragging

25. Zhuge Liang borrows an arrow-if he borrows it, he will not return it.

26. The sedan chair flower after the play-poor and happy.

27, flies pounce on tigers-can't shoot.

28, five teeth iron rake itching-hard hands

29. Boil the ball in a paste pot-you are still angry when you call yourself an asshole.

30. Hug the bitch and wink-roll your eyes.

3 1, it rains heavily on a hot day-suddenly; Not long

32, goat disease wrapped in sheep died from generation to generation

33. Erhu in Dongyue Temple-Bullshit

34. Throw a bomb in the toilet-you aroused public outrage (shit).

35. A handful of powder hit the back of the neck-the glaze is upside down.

36, keep the nest door to catch chickens-none left.

37. Monkeys climb bamboo poles-jump up and down.

38. Wu Dalang sells hedgehogs-prick the hand.

39, thousands of miles to sit officer-in order to eat and wear

40, saltworks guy-love to manage leisure (salty) things.

4 1, dung beetles prone on the road to load the car.

42. Pig laughed at the monkey-I don't know how ugly I am.

43, the beauty figure in the trash can-nonsense (painting)

44, Guan Yunchang to Maicheng-catastrophe.

45. Spring tea is very fresh and tender

46, the wind blows dandelion-light.

47. The wind blows down the plane tree-others can't say it well.

48. Turtle somersault-one rule after another (Turtle)

49, python wrapped around the plow-cunning (stranded)

50, the monkey on the fruit tree-full belly

5 1, heavy snow falls in the sea-visible, intangible.

52. Zhang Fei sells tofu-people are strong and goods are not hard.

53, the monk picked up the grate-useless.

54. Peony is planted in the chest-be elated.

55, half a day of thunder in the clouds-earth-shattering.

A dog bit the cupboard-it couldn't open it.

57. You have a big brother and a second brother-who are you?

58. Pig Bajie's martial arts-rake.

59. Brick-making mold, insert knife sheath-frame sleeve

60. Short people line up-the last one.

China homophonic joke two-part allegorical sayings

Two-part allegorical saying is a special language form created by working people in China since ancient times. This is a short, interesting and vivid sentence. It consists of two parts: the former part plays the role of "introduction", like a riddle, and the latter part plays the role of "backing", like a riddle, which is very natural and appropriate. In a certain language environment, you can understand and guess the original intention by saying the first half sentence and "resting" the second half sentence, so it is called two-part allegorical saying. Han civilization has a long history. Five thousand years of historical vicissitudes have precipitated, refined and condensed into a wonderful Chinese language art, in which two-part allegorical sayings have their unique expressive force. Give people profound thinking and enlightenment, spread through the ages. It reflects the unique customs, traditions and national culture of the Chinese nation, tastes life, understands philosophy and improves wisdom.

A scholar writes poetry-he has two hands (the first one).

Bald man takes off his hat-the first name (Ming)

For the girl of the Zheng family-just right (Zheng He)

Abdominal rowing-expert (navigation)

Measure rice with a turtle cover-What sound (L)

There's smoke in the rice cooker-the rice is burnt.

Light mosquito-repellent incense under the bed-there are no mosquitoes.

Frozen tofu-difficult to mix (mix)

Stir-fry hot beans in a cold pot-the noisier (stir-fry), the colder.

Have words (pictures) have words.

Sand versus bluestone-solid (stone) versus solid (stone)

Sailing on the beach-it's shallow.

Cows without horns-fake scolding (horses)

I missed the temple fair-don't worry (crowded)

A coffin without a bottom-no one can be filled.

No money to buy conch-save (suck)

A pregnant woman crosses a wooden bridge-desperate and risky.

A blind man enters a cigarette shop-Hyundai (touching the light)

Bags in the air-pretend to be crazy (pretend to be windy)

Song Jiang's strategist-useless (Wu Yong)

The old woman went to the henhouse-idiot (running eggs)

The straw hat seller lost his pole-be careful (leave the rope)

Brother is not at home-come on (sister-in-law)

Nephew plays with lanterns-as usual (according to uncle)

Rain hits Huangmei's head-bad luck (falling plum)

Half cotton-no talking (no bullets)

Bald man with an umbrella-lawlessness (lawlessness)