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A collection of hilarious quotations
1. Plant you in a flowerpot so that you can know what a vegetative state is
2. I took a body test without hesitation, just to save my eyes .
3. If I win five million, I think I should donate it to my own account.
4. People who are too rational will definitely miss the opportunity to go astray and the beautiful scenery brought by their mistakes along the way.
5. When you have insomnia, sit on the computer chair and spin around, and then fall asleep when you feel dizzy.
6. How many children have been harmed by exams, and how many honest children have learned to cheat
8. You are the song of anxiety in my heart, which always makes me thrilling.
9. Money is so cheap now. You can buy a lot of money for just about anything.
10. You will be tired only if you have the intention, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t have the intention.
11. Don’t say sorry to me, because we have nothing to do with each other.
12. In the face of facts, the more developed our imagination is, the more disastrous the consequences will be.
13. I think explaining the punchline of a joke to others is the most difficult thing in the world. One of the lonely things.
14. It’s been so bad these days. Wearing a cotton-padded jacket will heat up your body, and wearing a T-shirt will cool you down, but you won’t be allowed to wear it anymore.
15. I wanted to let the paper plane take me to your heart, but unexpectedly it crashed halfway
16. Women like bad boys, not bad-looking boys
17. The third person is not the one who comes later, but the one who is not deeply loved
18. Looking at your layered crow’s feet reminds me of a song: The most beautiful is not The setting sun outside is red.
19. When I heard the teacher said that he was going to start fining money again, I knew that he had spent all his salary.
20. One person is happy, two people live, and three people live and die.
21. I deceived you, but I used real feelings.
22. There are no free pies in the sky, but there are free bricks.
23. The sexiness of the soul is the real sexiness in the bones.
24. I have never been cheated by anyone, because those who cheated me are not human beings
25. Don’t think that if you are younger than me, you can dance for a few more days. He's a dead man, not an old man!
26、过完了今天,就不要再见面,我害怕每天醒来揍你好几遍
27、热恋时,相许下辈子再结良缘;结婚后,常常 I suspect that I had a bad fate in my previous life. A hilarious and hilarious couple
1. On the roadside, a young couple was quarreling. The woman said: If you haven’t turned in your salary this month, are you raising a mistress?
Man: I gave it to you and I didn’t say you didn’t want it.
Then the wife got angry and shouted loudly: How did you know that I told you not to come before I went to bed? Climbing up...
2. I went home to change my clothes with my husband tonight and took off my pants to change into pajamas. My husband suddenly said: Wife, you are wearing your underwear inside out. I said It doesn’t matter that we are an old married couple and no one is watching
My husband looked at me for a long time and said: I remember you were wearing proper clothes when you went out in the morning
3. When my friend got married, my mother-in-law didn’t like my son. daughter in law. The husband was very embarrassed, so the wife asked him to put on a show in front of her mother-in-law, so the husband ran to his mother and said: before I met her, I only loved men, and it was she who made me change
So from then on, my mother-in-law He loves his wife infinitely.
4. I have a second-rate wife at home. I have recently made up my mind to lose weight and will not eat sweet things.
Yesterday I saw some unfinished chocolate in the refrigerator. I swallowed all kinds of things and struggled with it. In the end, I was forced to eat one.
As soon as I stuffed it into my mouth, I looked at her. Squatting next to him, he said pitifully: Is it delicious? Smell it for me!
5. Today, my wife and I went to the park to relax. We saw some peach blossom trees and jokingly said: I will go around under the peach blossom trees a few times to see if I can have another lucky break this year.
The wife said: Then you should be busy first, I will go over there to find a red apricot tree.
6. Every time I go shopping with my wife, I pretend that I don’t know her.
Otherwise, I am worried that others will think this way: If this guy is not after money, what else can he be after?
7. There is a little bug flying on the screen all the time. After pressing it for a long time, it still didn't work. At this time, my wife said: What are you doing? Give me the next one.
I took her phone and turned off my screen. The little bug was smoothly attracted to her phone screen.
I handed it to her and said: I only have one life, so play it easy.
8. My wife asked me: Why did girls have to bind their feet in the past?
I answered without thinking: I must be afraid of them going shopping.
That night, I was assigned to stay on the sofa.
9. The wife scolded her husband: You are so cowardly! The gangster snatched your wallet, why didn't you call for help?
The husband said angrily: You idiot, have you forgotten that I have a big gold tooth in my mouth?
10. A man saw that his colleague changed his lover’s phone number to 10086 and escaped from danger many times in emergencies, so he followed suit. One night, the man received a call from his lover in front of his wife for the first time, and deliberately let his wife see the caller ID: 10086.
After reading it, the wife immediately grabbed the phone, scolded the woman who was acting coquettishly on the phone, and then yelled at her husband: You think I am stupid! You are using a China Unicom card. Can I call you at 10086 to visit relatives? A very funny and funny personality talk about Singles' Day
1. Recruitment: In order to relieve the pain of being single on Singles' Day, I have specially hired a number of girlfriends. Those who perform well can be hired for a long time!
2. I heard that November 11th is to commemorate those great men who have contributed to family planning.
3. It’s great to be a bachelor, and it adds another holiday that ordinary people can’t have.
4. The trees on the horizon are like shepherd's purses, and the islands on the riverside are like the moon. Why bring wine? It’s a drunken Singles’ Day.
5. 11.11 is my holiday, and Valentine’s Day is just the past in my memory.
6. Wear bachelor’s clothes, drink bachelor’s water, eat bachelor’s meals, watch bachelor’s TV, talk bachelor’s talk, take a bachelor’s bath, and finally fart as a bachelor, sleep in a bachelor’s sleep, and you are no longer a bachelor if you love me. .
7. Singles’ Day is coming, I wish you a happy holiday, you must cherish this holiday, because this is your last Singles’ Day, and Valentine’s Day will replace this holiday!
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8. Who doesn’t want to be a nobleman who shines with the romantic color of medieval Europe? This is an unattainable dream? No! If you are still single today, you can enjoy your noble addiction freely.
9. Being alone has no ties, and it is easy for a single person to come and go. Save money and save space. Married people are extremely envious. How can a family man have free time? Don't complain if you are single, take this opportunity to be happy every day.
10. Flowers are similar year after year, year after year... people are the same - still the same person...
11. Wife, always cheating; airplane, The old tmd has crashed; life is full of tmd; being a dashing bachelor is so tmd beautiful! Happy Singles’ Day!
12. The text message arrived again: Come to me silently and marry me. Then neither of us will be single and we will both be happy.
13. Do you know that you are everything to me? You are my favorite, do you know? You are the pillar of my life, do you know that? You are the reason why I live, do you know? I sent it wrong, do you know?
14. 1 I have been a bachelor for many years. Do you want a sister Lin to fall from the sky? As long as you call "mei, mei, mei" three times tonight, you will find your favorite, it's very effective!
15. Once upon a time, a single stick wanted to become a nunchaku. Try to find another stick and connect them together to form a pair of sticks. If you try harder with both sticks, the nunchucks will become three sticks. Haha, I hope all bachelors will become three-section sticks.
16. On November 11th, there was a bachelor who spent a whole day in front of a computer!
17. How happy are we bachelors, floating among thousands of flowers? The past is silent but leaves some fragrance!
18. A bachelor is a single aristocrat in school, a bachelor in other places, and a law-abiding citizen in political appearance.
19. Being single is a state. How can you live this life if you don’t live alone!
20. November 11, 11:11, I feel so good when I think of this moment. I am depressed. I have not yet been married just because I am not handsome. I really want to have a partner to relieve my worries. I hope that today next year, I will no longer be a bachelor
21. I blame me for being stupid. I blame my lack of fate. After several blind dates, I am still a bachelor. I hope that my relatives and friends will act as matchmakers to get married as soon as possible, end my single life, and welcome the two of them together.
22. It doesn’t matter whether it’s summer or winter, Just care about yourself; be it Singles' Day or Chinese Valentine's Day, just have a happy holiday; I wish you have fun, I wish you peace and health, and I wish you find true love as soon as possible!
23. Send blessings to Singles’ Day, friends, please remember it. You must eat deliciously, sleep sweetly, be happy, and be safe and healthy. I wish you a happy holiday in advance!
24. Hmm, that’s a good idea - then you come to my place and I’ll marry you. Humph, I can’t be deceived, why should I go find you? If you look down on me anymore and throw me in an unfamiliar place, I will have no place to cry! I'm not stupid.
25. Singles are happy, singles are happy, one person is full, and the whole family is not hungry. Singles are bitter, singles are bitter, they are already twenty-five, and no one can mend their torn clothes.
26. Today is Singles’ Day, and everyone is celebrating it. The whole world is celebrating. You have left the organization and are in the midst of tender misery. Do you still remember your friends who are still single?
27, 11 = naked, the first 11 is male naked, the second 11 is female naked, so if you want to get naked as soon as possible, you need 11+11, 2+2 world Only then did I have support
28. I almost forgot what day it is today. If I hadn’t thought of you, I wouldn’t have noticed it. Days pass by day by day, today is your good day, you must not forget that today is your holiday, I wish you a happy Singles' Day!
29. Sample! Drinking wine and walking on the water, singing folk songs and walking on the water; combing your lovelorn hair, walking with passionate steps; having a pair of tattered eyes, and looking for the rain and dew of love everywhere, you are so cool!
30. Singles’ Day is here. Birds are in love, ants are living together, flies are pregnant, mosquitoes have miscarriages, butterflies are divorced, caterpillars have remarried, and frogs have given birth. What are you waiting for?
31. I thought I wouldn’t have to go through this year, but I didn’t know I was still alone.
32. When do bachelors come, I ask the blue sky for wine. I don’t know the gods in the sky. How many of them are bachelors? I want to ride the wind back, but I’m afraid I’m still a bachelor, and I’m lonely in the sky, so what kind of gods can I be?
33. Watch fish play in the water and swim in pairs, watch butterflies flying in love with flowers, do not feel sorry for yourself when you are alone, laugh happily when surrounded by friends, warm your heart with the care of relatives, and you will not be lonely if you have love. Happy Singles' Day!
34. The cold winter is not as scary as the desolation of loneliness; loneliness is not as scary as being single for decades; being single for decades is not as scary as receiving this text message next year. Happy Singles' Day!
35. It’s Singles’ Day again. At this time, we feel more in love with each other. Friends are consoling each other over beer, and parents and relatives are busy talking about matchmaking. Don’t be afraid to keep an empty house this year. You will definitely have a lot of children in the future - I support you!
36. Wear bachelor clothes, drink bachelor water, eat bachelor meals, watch bachelor TV, talk bachelor talk, take a bachelor bath, and finally fart as a bachelor, sleep in a bachelor's sleep, and you are no longer a bachelor if you love me. .
37. We are all bachelors, so no one wants the beauties in the world! Hold on! Victory belongs to us! Posting such a joyful comment_Ouch, so deep
1. Come in a hurry and go in a hurry. It would be better not to rush, but to be relaxed.
2. If I don’t make your face full of peach blossoms, you won’t know why the flowers are so red.
3. It’s like a flash in the pan, what can I do to you?
4. The eyes cannot accommodate a grain of sand, but they can accommodate contact lenses
5. Goods have expiration dates, and people sometimes get tired of them. In my heart, how long can you be awesome?
6. These days, it’s either Sohu or Sogou. The cat doesn’t understand.
7. One night, you said that I am yours The sun, but the sun will not exist when you say this.
8. When I have money, I will take 100 yuan to the bank and exchange it for coins, and I will smash whoever I see.
9. I must appear in your household registration book. Even if I can’t be your wife, I can also be your baby mother.
10. Money is called paper if you don’t spend it. If you spend it, it is called money. If you burn it, it is called paper money.
11. I suffer from two things every day: not wanting to sleep at night and not thinking about it in the morning
12. Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately - in the end He killed all the students
13. It rained twice this week, the first one for three days and the second one for four days
14. Mom will never be here again Don’t worry about my studies, I won’t light anything with a lighter
15. On the road of love, I always stop and go. My mother said that my legs and feet are not good.
16. A woman in three bottles: a vase when she is young, a vinegar bottle when she is middle-aged, and a medicine bottle when she is old.
17. I have been imitating others, but when I look back, I find that I have surpassed everyone.
18. If being rich is a mistake, I hope it will continue to be wrong
19. I stood in your palace and shouted loudly: Ouch, it’s so deep ah!
20. When I die, Tencent can stop the camp for me for a day.
21. When there is always a virus in the brain, and it’s okay to have convulsions, just treat it as an anti-virus
22. The reason why Mona Lisa smiled was because she saw Leonardo da Vinci crying. .
23. Leaving you is not because I don’t love you. It's because I feel like you don't care about me.
24. You said that being together is fate. Walking together is happiness,,,
25. Everything, if you don’t give it up, you won’t get it.
26. If I die, don’t forget to install an air conditioner in my coffin, Gree’s
27. I want to fight all the soy sauce in the world and make others jealous. .
28. Life is like making a phone call. Either you hang up first or I hang up first.
29. If you gain weight, you will not be happy. If you are unhappy, you will eat snacks. If you eat snacks, you will gain weight.
30. Sorry, the user you dialed is married, please try again later.
31. A buddy told me that he distributes drift bottles every day. Everyone was told "One more bottle"!
32. It would be great if iPhones could really grow on apple trees!
33. It is said that women are fickle, but facts prove that men are the chameleons.
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