Little humorous jokes in life

Little humorous jokes in life

These little humors all come from real life. I thought about them alone and found them quite interesting, so I remembered them for the enjoyment of my friends. Below are some humorous jokes in life that I have compiled. Welcome to read and collect them.

Small humorous jokes in life 1

(1)

That day, I found a novel - "Red Rock" at an old bookstall. . When I brought it home, my wife read it first. Unexpectedly, my wife read it for a few days and all the pages fell apart.

Yesterday I asked my wife: "My "Red Rock" was thrown away after you saw it a few times." My wife was puzzled: "Your beauty was thrown away after I saw it a few times. Lost it? ... Are you saying that your confidante was separated because of me? ..." I felt dumbfounded: "Oh... no. I mean, the book I bought recently. , after you read it a few times, the pages fell apart.”

My wife suddenly smiled and bent over: “Oh—that’s because the quality of your book is so poor. Just turn it over gently and it will all fall apart."

(2)

One day, I stepped into the house and my wife was mopping the floor. He strode to the living room and sat down on the sofa. At this time, I heard my wife nagging beside me: "Look at you! Walking here step by step..." I looked back at the "masterpiece" I left behind, and replied with a smile: "Haha, this is not a habit. Is that so? I have always been so strict with myself—doing everything in a down-to-earth manner, one step at a time." My wife looked at me, speechless.

(3)

Once, I attended a dinner party with several leaders. It happened that the leaders who came that day were all women, and I was the only man among them. So, one leader said humorously: "In my opinion, today we are all green leaves, and Lao Gao (referring to me) should be Red flowers, haha." I originally wanted to follow her words: "It should be green, fat, red and thin (men are more likely to be girls)." However, when I looked up at the plump figures of the leaders, I was afraid that it would attract their attention. Misunderstanding, I still swallowed the words that came to my lips. I just whispered in my heart: "I don't know what kind of flower this is. It's winter, but there are still so many fat and big green leaves!..." Small humorous jokes in life 2

1. A: "You are a very curious person"

B: "Why do you say that?"

A: "Look, you asked again."

2. There used to be a classmate named Han Xiao. Later, he injured his leg playing football and walked with a limp. Later, he got an absolutely resounding nickname: "Smiling half a step...".

3. Several friends played Landlord together, one brother, four and two kings lost, and he ended up Angry, he said: If a person is unlucky, shit can get stuck between his teeth!

4. A classmate complained to me on QQ that her 5-month-old child was a picky eater. I asked her: Should I choose the one on the left or the one on the left? The one on the right...

5. A: "What is seven divided by two?" B: "It is equal to your personality, neither three nor four!"

6. Which one of the stars, the moon, and the sun is dumb? The stars, because "the stars in the sky don't speak."

7. Question: Why is Chang'e so changeable? Answer: Because her name is change.

8. A certain goddess posted a Weibo post: "The three most important words for a boy are never tall, handsome, rich, but motivated!"

Then she forwarded everything to this post. All male friends on Weibo have been deleted. Little Humorous Jokes in Life Part 3

1. The company is recruiting for a position, and one person came to apply.

Boss: "We need a responsible person for this job."

Applicant: "I am the person you want.

When I used to work, every time something happened, other people would say it was my responsibility!"

2. "Xiao Li, I heard that you used your bonus check as a bookmark. You are indifferent to fame and wealth! It's worth it. Let’s study!”

“Huh? Did I put it in the book? That book, Emma! I’m looking for it like crazy!”

3. I went to work today and came in to read it. Go to the punch card machine and read: Being late will ruin your life, leaving early will make you poor. If you don't do either, you will become rich and handsome. ------The company works hard to make everyone work well.

4. , in the restaurant, two colleagues who worked in auto repair were chatting, and one said: "The car repair business is so damn dirty, there is oil everywhere. "

Another one continued: "Isn't that right? There are oily flowers when you urinate. "

5. I went to work in the morning. Not long after I sat down, a beautiful colleague came over and I said casually: Good morning, have you had breakfast?

She replied: Why? Do you want to treat me to breakfast?

I pretended to be serious and replied: If I asked you if you slept last night, would you think I wanted to invite you to go to bed?

She left with a black look on her face! 4 Little Humorous Jokes in Life

I was so cold

A polar bear pulled out his hair when he was bored. , one, two, three... All were pulled out, and the polar bear suddenly said: "I'm so cold!"

Ticklish

An old man had his first time When he saw the train, he couldn't help but touch the train carriage. Just then the train whistle made a loud noise. The old man exclaimed in surprise: "Oh, it turns out this guy is also ticklish!"

The problem of elephants drinking water

I went to the cinema to watch "Ice Age 4" tonight. A baby bird asked the mammoth: "When you drink water with your trunk, does the water taste like a nose?" "Smells like shit?" This question is so profound. Why haven't I thought about this question...

A family of three

A family of three went to a restaurant for dinner. After eating , Dad paid, and Mom said to the waiter: "Can I take the leftovers home for the dog to eat?" "Of course, please." "The son next to him jumped up with joy, clapped his hands and shouted: "Our family is finally going to buy a dog!"

Sinful June

June is really sinful. The first week of the college entrance examination , the mid-term exam in the second week, the final exam in the third week, and the general exam in the fourth week. Now I finally know that Children’s Day is on June 1st.

Tips

When drinking yogurt, the straw often gets bent and cannot be inserted? Here is a tip: calmly take out the straw, it is best to play with it in your hand for a while, don’t look at the yogurt, pretend as if nothing has happened, and then jerk it when it is not paying attention. Poke!

This is really...

a: Which constellation do you think people are most likely to have the opposite sex with? b: Well... let’s look at their appearance... a:...

Hair with split ends mm

Teacher: "I have a heart disease and I am applying not to participate in military training. Counselor: "Do you have a certificate from the school hospital?" mm: "...Does this still need to be proved?" Counselor: "Of course! In addition to trauma that can be judged by the naked eye, everything else must be certified." "mm: "Okay, I have split ends. "

Turn the person you like into your wife in 3 seconds

Turn the person you like into your wife in 3 seconds: Step 1: Get her mobile phone number. Step 2: Save the number in your phone. Step 3: Change the stored name to wife. When you call, it will show that you are calling your wife. It is very practical to receive messages from your wife. Please try it! 5

1. Two new people have arrived in heaven. One is only wearing underwear, and the other is simply a skeleton.

God was curious and received the two of them personally, and asked the one wearing underwear: Why are you naked?

The man said: I am a gambler, and the only loser is No more underwear!

God asked the skeleton again: How come you are like this, worse than him?

The skeleton replied: Oh my god, I am a stock investor, and my flesh has been cut off. .

2. I have been interning in the company for half a year. There were three of us interns at one time, and the other two left one after another.

I have been doing nothing recently, and I joked with the department manager: "I don't have any tasks here anymore, why don't you fire me?"

The manager replied: "No, there are no temporary workers. What if something happens."

3. Qianlong asked Liu Yong: "Where has the country's money gone?"

Liu Yong replied: "It fell into the river."

Qianlong asked again: "Why not fish it out."

Liu Yong replied: "The river is deep (and Shen) Ah!"

4. The king came to inspect, and the local tribal leaders held a grand banquet to welcome him.

At the banquet, the king asked: "What will you do if the wolf comes?"

The leader said: "We welcome it, Your Majesty! Because only one wolf comes at a time. Lambs, and there is no need for us to receive them; a king needs 30 fat sheep at a time, and it is very troublesome to receive them. "Little Humorous Jokes in Life 6

Where is the scenery good (1)

The father and his little son climbed to the top of the mountain panting.

Dad said: "Look, the plain below us is so beautiful!"

"Since the scenery below is so good, why do we have to spend 3 hours climbing up there? What? Dad. "

Wonderful Answer (2)

Dad asked little Charlie: What has 2 heads, 6 legs, and 1 tail?

A man on horseback.

The little boy sneaked into the orchard (3)

The gardener found a boy sneaking into the orchard and climbed an apple tree, so he quickly walked over. Little guy, what are you doing climbing up my tree? Look, sir, an apple fell from the tree. I want to hang it again. The little boy raised the apple in his hand and said to the gardener.

A boy at my desk (four)

A long time ago, when I was in the third grade of elementary school, a boy at my desk put his head on the desk (maybe he I want to study the size of my head).

The get out of class ended not long after, but the boy’s head was stuck in it and he couldn’t get it out. This time he was so anxious that all that was left was crying. Later, teachers, classmates, and parents worked together to...

My mother has breast milk (5)

One day, my mother took Yuyu to take the bus. The little guy saw someone in the car with some cute kittens and said, "Uncle, can you give me one of your kittens?"

The man said with a smile: "No. , the cat is still too young, and it still needs to drink its mother's milk. "

"Don't be afraid, my mother has milk." Then, the little guy turned to his mother and said, "Really? Mom."

Monthly subscription (six)

A certain kindergarten had excessive and frequent bedwetting. The teacher said: "The penalty for bedwetting is 50 yuan once, 100 yuan twice, 150 yuan three times..."

After thinking for a moment, a student asked: "Teacher, how much is the monthly subscription?"

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Ultraman (7)

One day Ultraman raised his hand to answer a question in class. And then...the teacher died.

Thinking about you (8)

Son: Dad, do you have money?

Father: I still have one dollar in my wallet.

Son: Let me give you the dollar I usually save.

Father: Why?

Son: Because you like to spit everywhere. One dollar is not enough as a fine.

Humorous Jokes in Life Chapter 7

Survival Instructions

A blonde girl entered a barber shop wearing headphones.

She said to the barber, "Cut my hair, but don't touch my earphones."

The barber started to cut my hair, but he had to move the earphones to finish. . He thought the girl wouldn't notice, so he took off the headphones. The blonde then fell to the ground, suffocated, turned purple, and soon died. The barber picked up the headphones to hear what she was hearing: inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale...

What interesting things have you encountered abroad?

When I first went abroad, everything was new and I didn’t understand anything. One morning I went to McDonald’s to buy something. I found a few steel bars and went out to see an old man, a black man, dressed in tatters and squatting. I was in a good mood while holding a cup at the door of McDonald's. I threw the steel ball into the old man's cup and then he made a wrong sound. Then I turned around and saw that the old man was holding a cup of coffee.

Environmental Issues

U.S. President Wilson was giving a speech.

Suddenly, a man shouted: "Shit! Trash!"

At this time, he was smiling: "The environmental issue you just raised,

I will talk about it soon." Small humorous jokes in life 8

Telephone

As soon as the exhausted husband returned home, he said to his wife: No matter who calls me, you always say that I am not at home.

After a while, the phone rang, and my wife picked up the phone: Oh. My husband is at home.

The husband jumped out of bed and said unhappily: Didn’t I ask you to say I wasn’t here?

Don’t be angry, my dear. My wife said, the call is not for you.

　　A scholar, on the occasion of his wedding, was still reading without letting go. The wife complained angrily: I wish I could become a book.

The scholar asked in confusion: Why?

Only in this way will you hold me in your hands all day and night. said the wife.

Seeing the newlywed wife full of anger, the scholar said: That's not okay---you know, every time I finish a book, I have to buy a new one...

Reap what you get

A wife who was born in a palace family often boasted in front of her husband, saying that she brought such things and that things, which annoyed her husband very much.

One night, the wife heard a noise outside, so she shook her husband awake and said: Go and have a look, I am afraid there is a thief!

The husband said: Then let me What does it matter? You brought everything in the hall!

Require perfection

A couple looked at the wallpaper they had just put up. The husband was not very satisfied, but the wife But it doesn't matter. For this reason, the husband was very angry and said to his wife: "The difference between us is that I am a person who demands perfection, but you are not."

"That's absolutely right. That's why you married "

"How forgetful"

Wife: Husband, be careful on the way to work!

Husband: Ah! I forgot. Bring a briefcase...

Wife: I'll get it for you.

Husband: And the coat...

Wife: What other things have you forgotten?

Husband: Yes! I forgot yesterday I was fired!

That man is so strange

At a banquet, two ladies were having a secret conversation.

"He is my husband." The other wife replied.

What a lovely wife

I dreamed that my husband was dead, and I cried so much that I was so sad. When I woke up from crying, I was still very sad. I hugged my husband and continued to cry.

My husband asked me distressedly: What's wrong?

I said: "I dreamed that you died"

"Why did I die?"

"I'm so angry"

Woo, I didn't mean it...

Braised beef

Noon, wife Tell me: "My son is not at home, let's eat braised beef."

I said: "Okay."

After a while, my wife came out of the kitchen with two bowls of noodles. Came out: "The instant noodles are soaked, and they taste like braised beef."

Because there is only you in my world

I asked my husband to dry the clothes, and he asked me angrily why I always have to take care of it. Looking at him,

I replied affectionately: "If I control you, I will control the whole world, because there is only you in my world!!"

He is so happy now, shit. I went to dry my clothes!!

The same thing

When Lao Zhu came back from attending the college reunion, his wife asked him what he thought of the party. Lao Zhu replied: Some people have already submitted " "I look the same" and some people "look old". Wife: So which one do you belong to? Lao Zhu: Me! I’m still the same.

Text messages to wives

Men text "I love you" to their wives!

A 20-year-old woman replied: I love you too!

A 30-year-old woman replied: Did you drink too much?

A 40-year-old woman replied: Are you not sick?

A 50-year-old woman replied: Did you send it to the wrong person? Go home. Deal with you!

Support playing mahjong

Wife, I heard the house next door is playing mahjong again!

They won you so miserably last time, don’t you think about it? Get it back?

I’ll give you some change, fight hard, and wait for your good news!

Uncle, I was instantly attracted by you

There is a guy who is almost six years old in the unit My uncle who is about to retire at ten is a ghost. I often see him hiding in the bathroom and being a heavy smoker.

But when he saw his wife passing by during the party, he immediately took out his cigarette.

Asked if he was afraid of his wife, he replied: "I never smoke in front of the girl I like."

Cruel wife

The young couple had a quarrel.

After my husband came home, he found that his wife had returned to her parents’ home. Her 3-month-old son was smiling innocently and toothlessly at him in the stroller, holding a note in his hand: How to prepare milk powder, please refer to Instructions on the milk powder bucket; how to take a bath, refer to the CD issued by the hospital... ;