Half a year after graduation, I changed two jobs and was ready to find a third one.

In mid-July 2019, I resigned. Although there are many legitimate reasons, such as there is no room for growth at all, and the industry the company is in is declining, etc., in short, they are all the company's reasons, and they are reasons that can make people feel confident.

But among all the legitimate reasons, there is also a very subtle improper reason buried: my favorite colleagues are also leaving.

They are leaving, so I don’t want to stay.

This is hilarious. I am a person who keeps saying "life is a long goodbye" all day long, but I would actually give up an already familiar environment for such people who will eventually say goodbye.

In my worldview dominated by selfishness, such things as "giving up something for someone" should not exist. Jiang Zhishu gave up a key university for Xiangqin and went to where Xiangqin is. I can't understand such a thing in an ordinary university.

So I thought about it very seriously, and finally one day it dawned on me. It was because of these wonderful people that I stayed in the first place, and now I choose to leave because of these people. It is understandable.

I felt at ease, and when I left with the box in my arms, I felt very proud and free.

Facts have proved that I once again suffered the loss of acting rationally.

Looking for a job is painful.

After hitting walls everywhere, being disappointed with the recruiter, and finding that I was still empty-handed and accomplishing nothing, I finally sadly discovered that the company I left was simply heaven.

When I left, my blood had finally cooled down completely.

Every day without work feels like a waste of time. I don’t even dare to turn on the light, feeling that I shouldn’t waste resources. So I didn't dare to have a moment of leisure, and kept spinning like a top. I talked nonsense when I saw people, and talked nonsense. There was another self in my mind who couldn't help but question: Is this person me? , this person is not me. Who is this person?

I don’t know either.

An interviewer suddenly asked me: Are you unhappy?

I suddenly stopped while spitting, and after a while I looked around awkwardly at him.

People often ask me if I'm unhappy, and I assume it's because they're close enough to me to pick up on my every casual frown.

But even strangers can detect that I am in a bad mood. That must be because my expression management system is out of control.

I couldn’t help but want to slap myself. As an adult, you should be like an animal, always young, always full of tears, always full of vigor.

Later, I received the job notice, but I didn’t dare to go.

I felt like they were laughing at me for not being an adult.

Half a month later, I joined a company where I managed my facial expressions well during the interview.

The leader seems affable. I felt a bit lucky at first.

But I must admit that my ability to read people is particularly poor. It can even be said that I have never seen people accurately. When I introduced tutoring to my classmates, I said that the parents were very good. Later, the classmate complained to me about the bad qualities of the parents. I had regarded Park Jin Hye as my idol for many years, but then her image collapsed and I entered.

A friend once told me earnestly: You must learn to look at people. However, after all these years, I still haven’t learned how to look at people.

Maybe it’s because everyone manages their expressions very well.

Then I started to be busy and kept busy.

From working overtime to 6 o'clock, to 8 o'clock, to 10 o'clock, and then to 2 o'clock in the morning.

I don’t know what I’m busy with.

I still feel that these tasks are meaningless.

I asked my friend: Why can’t I love life very much?

She replied to me: Because you neither think there is hope for the future nor do you think today is the last day.

I was silent for a long time, thinking that no matter how many years later, I would accomplish nothing like today.

The new leadership is incredible.

The gap between his positioning of me and my positioning of myself is so big that it can generate electricity.

I always thought that I was just a typist and a photographer. But he seemed determined to tap into my potential in various other areas, such as reconnaissance and search abilities. I have run up and down more than once just to find his car keys that he forgot somewhere.

He said one second that he would not usually send me on field trips, and the next second he informed me that I would go on a business trip with them.

I was stunned for a moment, then nodded and said yes. I deeply understood that the leaders’ speeches were all farts.

This business trip finally transformed me from a key hunter into a personal assistant for leaders.

All the pockets on my body are filled with lighters and cigarettes belonging to the leaders. They often throw them around and blame me if they cannot find them. Their luggage was heavy and bulky, and they often pressed it unceremoniously on my shoulders, and they resented my inflexibility. They had bad tempers and I was used as cannon fodder when business didn't go well.

In a certain hotel elevator, I leaned against the wall feebly, thinking sadly that I had never experienced such suffering.

I often think of my classmate Z in college who was willing to do everything for the professors. At that time, I always looked down upon him and thought he was just a poor little civil servant.

Now I kind of admire him. Not everyone can be as mature as him and position themselves accurately from the beginning.

On the way to another business trip, the leader suddenly wanted to go have a drink with a business partner, so we got off the highway. Along the way, they were discussing the high housing prices and the magnificent sky bridge in front of them, and they were in full swing.

I have no idea about housing prices, and I don’t care much about government work. I just keep staring at the magic of this city: the tall dark green mountains on the left, the neon lights and the sky on the right. In the bustling business district of high-rise buildings, there is no transition in the middle, as abrupt as a broken chopstick. This strong twist shocked me.

As I walked further, I discovered that the chopsticks were actually broken again. An old commercial alley appears in front of you. The alleys are winding and winding, accompanied by vague hawking sounds, smoke from barbecue stalls, flies on red watermelons, dilapidated store decorations, and people who walk in the middle of the road without fear. Navigation does not work at this time. , the car cannot move forward one minute.

The leader started to lose his temper and said like a child that he didn’t want to eat. If he had known better, he wouldn’t have come in and suffered like this. What the hell is this place? I started to get a little excited, because if I didn't go to this dinner, it meant I could find a place to stay and rest.

But this kid was obviously just talking. After two hours of tossing and finally meeting the business partner, he immediately became a temper-free and well-behaved adult.

I really hope he can be an adult in front of me.

I also occasionally think of my last company and my last leader, and then I finally understand that life is like walking from one prison to another.

Many of my friends are very good at teaching me. They said: Don’t focus too much on your inner emotions, you have to look outside. Focus outward and enlarge your mind.

I thought, okay. So I bought a Buddhist scripture.

Every time I tell it as a joke, but I do get some relief from reciting Buddhist scriptures.

The "Heart Sutra" says: Revealing the truth, uncovering the truth, Polo reveals the truth, Polo monk reveals the truth, Bodhisattva reveals the truth.

I must admit that my knowledge of Buddhist scriptures is not high, but the translation of sentences like this is more than enough for me: Go, go, experience it, stupid human beings.

This is how I hold on. ***Mian.