It is difficult for an old mother to get pregnant.

In an instant, the baby is four years old. He happily blew out the candles and shared the cake. "Mom, this is for you!" "He smiled and handed me a piece. Looking at this lovely little face, my heart is warm and sweet. I can't help but think of the hardships and happiness I experienced during pregnancy and childbirth.

1

Four years ago, "wow, wow, wow ……", I finally breathed a sigh of relief when I was lying in the maternity bed. As a 4 1 year-old mother, I have been waiting for this moment for 6 years.

When I first got married, my work was stressful and my career was on the rise, so I didn't have children right away. When my career reached a new level, at the age of 35, I suddenly found that all my friends and colleagues around me were already mothers. Every time I see those lovely babies, I can't help but want to hug them. At this time, I have a strong desire to be a mother. However, time and luck will not stay because of your will. When the doctor announced that "premature ovarian failure, pregnancy is not easy, and there is a big hysteromyoma that needs surgery", I was very emotional and regretted it. In those years, the overtime I worked, the nights I spent and the places I went on business trips were all rewarded in this way. I am sad, but I am not desperate. I actively cooperated with the doctor to do myomectomy, see Chinese medicine conditioning and exercise. After a year, it was still fruitless. So under the introduction of friends, we tried to be test-tube babies. Mothers who have done test tubes should know that this is a painful and arduous process. After nearly 100 injections, the buttocks became swollen, and people became bloated. When taking eggs, they were in pain. After transplantation, they lay in bed for two weeks and waited for the results. After the results were announced, they were disappointed and then started again. After five promotions and the second transplant failure, I thought for a long time and finally made the decision to resign. I was a department manager at that time, and I was under great pressure. It is normal to work overtime. When I am on vacation, sometimes I have to work. I went to the hospital and worked at the same time, exhausted physically and mentally. I also want to have my cake and eat it, but my heart can't do it.

My decision was supported by my husband and family. After returning to my family, I feel less anxious. I read books, cook good food, exercise and live a relaxed and leisurely life. The embryo quality was good at the third transplant and a better doctor was changed, so I think there is great hope this time. Sure enough, my husband and I cried when we saw the two bars we dreamed of. In the first two and a half months, I was very happy and satisfied. Thinking of the little life in my stomach makes my heart warm, soft and sweet. I keep a pregnancy diary, talk to the baby in my stomach, and always force myself to eat when I have morning sickness. My husband and I are looking forward to the beautiful life of a family of three in the future, discussing who our baby looks like and even giving him a nickname. I think happiness should come this time.

In fact, I don't want to recall this day at all, but it always comes to my mind. On this day, I went to the maternity hospital for examination as usual. I thought today was my graduation day in the hospital. Even while waiting for the doctor to do B-ultrasound, I asked my husband to bring our graduation materials in advance. On that day, I wore a new black skirt, with a bright smile on my face and a bulging stomach. I am very happy, at least at this moment. Sitting in a chair, watching the mothers who came to check one after another, listening to them discussing where to go, I am glad that I can finally graduate and don't have to suffer any more. At the same time, I feel sorry for them and hope they can cheer. However, the irony of the matter is that when the doctor announced that "the baby has no heartbeat", I was completely deceived. When I drifted across the B-ultrasound platform, all the mothers beside me looked at me, probably sympathetic to me. I don't think it's possible. I've been touching the baby. You don't say! I looked forward to it for four years and finally saw hope, only to find that it was actually a dream of Conan. When the doctor told us to do the Qing palace quickly, I couldn't help it anymore, holding my husband and crying and saying, "It was not successful at first, so it is better to hear such cruel facts now!" During that time, I couldn't sleep at night, and people were very depressed. After my husband's comfort and enlightenment, and time can dilute everything, my heart gradually calmed down. I encourage myself: as long as I have hope, a beautiful day will come.

2

After nine months, I decided to try again.

The lucky draw was also very successful, but we all kept a calm mind at first, until I heard his heartbeat, I really felt "Wow, I am a mother!" " "I finally graduated from the reproductive hospital this time. When I heard his powerful hoof-like heartbeat in the maternal and child files in 12 weeks, I felt extremely happy. Every B-ultrasound shows that the baby looks great, which is consistent with the number of weeks of pregnancy. Three and a half months later, I started walking. Several times, I saw a pregnant woman walking with a big belly. That is a mother who is about to give birth. I think: in less than half a year, my stomach will be so big that I can see my lovely baby then. Every physical examination, the weight is rising, from 1 12 kg to 120 kg. I am very happy when I look at my round body, bulging belly and swollen face in the mirror. I want to be a happy fat mother. When I was four months old, my hands began to swell, and there were two "+"or three "+"during the prenatal examination. The doctor told me to eat more in the evening and early in the morning, otherwise it would affect the baby's intelligence. I feel horrible. I eat strictly according to the doctor's instructions. I can't let the children starve. When I was five months old, because I was an elderly pregnant woman, I had to choose amniocentesis, but I was extremely afraid that it would hurt my baby, so my blood pressure suddenly rose and my temperature exceeded the standard on the day of puncture. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. Finally, my temperature is normal. I was lying on the operating table, and I was nervous again. The baby's heartbeat reaches 160, and the mother and son have a heart-to-heart. So I quickly adjusted my breathing and the baby calmed down. After returning home, the baby is also great. I didn't feel any discomfort, so I spent May Day happily. I always believe that the baby is healthy, and the result of amniocentesis is definitely good.

It was supposed to be a beautiful May. On the day I got the result, I was happy to wait for the nurse to call my name, but I didn't call my name. My heart sank and I quickly stepped forward to ask. The nurse checked it and said, "Your list is still in the laboratory. They should call you. " Didn't you get the call? "My heart is pounding." Why did you call me? What's the problem? "She said," there seems to be a problem. What do you want to call to ask? " My palms were cold, so I quickly dialed the phone. After the phone was connected, when I heard "There is something wrong with your baby 15 chromosome", I only felt that the sky was spinning and my tears could not stop flowing downwards. My husband hugged me quickly, and I hugged him and said, "Impossible, impossible, how is it possible?" "Women and children doctors directly sentenced to death. After returning, we searched the website and asked many people, all of whom said that the baby was unhealthy. Crying silently all day, I don't want to contact my friends, and I dare not tell my parents about it for fear that they will worry. It is sunny outside, but my heart is desperate to the bottom. I felt fetal movement at that time, like a finger scratching in my stomach. I was so excited at once. This is fetal movement. I gently touched my stomach and said to him, "Baby, my dear baby, let's find a way together, shall we?" "We think the test results may be wrong. It is said that the accuracy of umbilical cord puncture is higher. We decided to go to Guangzhou Zhongshan Hospital for umbilical cord puncture. I have been to Guangzhou several times, and my legs are swollen badly every time I go, and I am very tired when I sit. When I faced the doctor's cold face, my heart was even sadder. Now that I think about it, maybe doctors face so many similar cases every day that they have no time and energy to be caring and attentive to everyone. The doctor in Guangzhou sentenced him to death again. She said: "If you want to have a navel puncture, you can do it, but the estimated result is similar." I touched the baby in my belly and wept silently. If I can shorten my life in exchange for my baby's health, I will be 200%. We still insist on doing umbilical puncture to give the baby a chance and give ourselves a chance. Dear baby went through umbilical puncture again. He is very competitive and doesn't make me uncomfortable. Although I was scared by the umbilical puncture needle, I kept kicking and plopping when I got home. I quickly touched him, and my husband came and kissed him before he calmed down. However, this is fate. If it wants you to roll in the abyss at the moment, you can't jump out. Two weeks later, when we received the bad news from Guangzhou by phone, I felt desperate and bored.

At that moment, I learned the news of my dear grandfather's death, and I felt very guilty for not being able to send him the last journey. I recall when I was a child in my hometown, my grandfather taught me to walk. When I was learning to walk, I threw myself into my grandfather's arms and spoiled. Grandpa taught me to read and tell me stories; I've been worrying about having children for years. Grandpa always said, "You've lost weight again. Eat more and take care of yourself! " "I had hoped to take my baby to see him, but now I will never see his old man's house again, and I will send my baby away. How cruel it is for others to go to the hospital to give birth to a child, but I am sending the child away. My heart hurts. I feel a hole in my heart and it's bleeding outside. I keep thinking, "Why me again? The book "Secrets" once said that when you believe and pray for what you want every day, you will eventually get what you have. We sincerely pray and give. Why do you let me lose again and again? I shook my faith for the first time. I didn't eat, drink or sleep, lying in bed, tears flowed, dried up and flowed again. I think I have shed all my tears in my life. However, I really don't know what's the point of living. Teacher Wang is also very sad to see me like this. He said: "Buddhist scriptures will say that the sins of the last life will continue to the next life. You must have committed too many sins in your last life, and the Bodhisattva will test you again and again and give you hardships. Here's the thing this time. It is 81 difficult for Tang Priest to learn from the scriptures. We are less than him, of course, more painful and sad than him. But only by gritting your teeth and enduring hardships again and again can you make a positive result. The baby and grandpa are sad to see you in the sky, and they are also very sad! They want you to be happy, okay? "After listening to it, I suddenly thought of a sentence in the Heart Sutra," Nothing to hinder, nothing to fear; Stay away from dreams, what is nirvana. "Maybe, we shouldn't be too persistent about anything, let it go and forget it as soon as possible. If we don't worry, then we have nothing to lose. I suddenly felt suddenly enlightened.

This year's inner reconstruction is much more difficult than last year, but I still try to stand up. If I don't stand up, no one can help me, others can comfort me, but I can't stand up. I have to rely on myself all my life. Three months later, I took my parents to Suzhou and Hangzhou. This trip is of far-reaching significance, and the beautiful scenery I saw along the way made me rediscover the beauty of life; At the same time, I understand that there are still relatives around me who need my care and care. I must have sunshine in my heart to see sunny days again. But there will always be a place in my heart for the two treasures in the sky, and this miss will always be treasured in my heart.

three

Time keeps moving forward.

After my 40th birthday, I found that people have something to do at every stage of their lives. Sometimes, once you miss it, you may miss it. Sometimes, when you have experienced thousands of difficulties and obstacles, there is a bright future ahead. At this time, I am no longer obsessed with having children, yes, it is the icing on the cake; No, the world between us is also very good.

Time is still moving forward gently. When it was warm in bloom this spring, I found that I hadn't menstruated for almost a month. I've had it before. Just see a doctor and take medicine. I think it must be menstrual disorder this time. Just see a doctor. But I tested it with a test paper before I went, because the doctor must ask if you are pregnant or something. I didn't believe it when the long-lost two bars appeared in front of me. I thought there was something wrong with this test paper. I didn't tell my husband either. I went to the hospital for HCG test. When I got the results, I found that I was really pregnant, so I called my husband. I was not excited when I said it, because deep down I was happy, suspicious and afraid. We kept a calm attitude throughout the trip and didn't tell our family until six months later. We went through it once, 3 months nt, 4 months sheep wear, 5 months three-dimensional color Doppler ultrasound, failed glucose tolerance, and got gestational diabetes. After controlling the diet, the blood sugar is normal, and then monitoring the fetal heart rate. Until the last moment, when the baby was born, my hanging heart was put down.

Watching the child grow up day by day and accompanying him to grow up together, I feel very satisfied, grateful for the past, grateful for life, grateful for you!