Waiting for answers online! Sketch China is good at recruiting lines.

Time: Some day.

Location: A company’s talent selection site. Character: The person in charge of selection is XXX, characteristics, some harem qualifications, preferably a general manager or something.

“A”: Graduated from a university in Zhengzhou, specializing in ENGLISH SONGS.

“B”: Specialized in singing, Henan opera.

"C": A student from a certain university, Allegro.

"General Manager": The person in charge of this selection!

A background coordinator, responsible for background music, etc.

Set: one desk, 5 chairs (1 high backrest, 1 leather chair, 3 ordinary office chairs). On the table are placed a water cup, recruitment forms, several mock resumes, a pen, and a phone;

A pair of bamboo boards are placed in the table compartment.

Opening:

X on

I ordered the general manager XXX, on behalf of the company, to select several outstanding performing talents from all outstanding employees of the company and organize rehearsals to prepare for the Spring Festival Gala performance to enhance the reputation of our company. Thank you for this!

I am that “Mr.

(Looking around) Who is laughing, who is laughing? The president of the company has entrusted me with such an arduous task, so of course I have to take it seriously. No matter what, I have to go through fire and water, no matter what; I will do my best until I die, (laughing sinisterly) I’ll just take it in by the way~ Hehe (roll back my sleeves and act arrogantly) Take a seat)

(Background confession: LADIES AND GENTLMEN, WELCOME TO HERE! NOW, ARE YOU READY? LET'S GO GO

GO!!!)

With the background music "Going Back to My Mother's Home", three applicants enter ("B" is in the middle, "A" is on the left, and "C" is on the right)

"B": (Singing) The wind is blowing the willows

Sand, la, la, la, the flowing water in the river

Whose pretty girl (everyone said "Cheer~") is walking so fast

It turns out that she is going to-(all sing in unison) to find her "law-in-law"

"B" continued singing: wearing a dress, small leather boots, and a fashionable bag on her shoulder The shoulder is slanted

Everyone said: Smelly!

"B" continued: (exaggerated) with a machine in his left hand

"A": What are you talking about? !

"B" showed off a fashionable mobile phone, and "C" made a sign of enlightenment: "Mobile phone!"

"B" continued singing: one on the right hand~

" "C" glared angrily, "A" smiled evilly——

"B"'s phone rang (pay attention to the ring tone)

"B": (extremely disgusting) HEY, MAMI~~~ Dad: OH, MY GOD, I am dad, not mom.

“B”: Oh, Daddy, you are at the recruitment site now.

Mom: I’m so nervous.

“B”: I’m not nervous at all. Why are you nervous?

Mom: There are so many people participating in the competition, can I not be nervous for you?

"B": Oh, it's not like you don't know your daughter's abilities. She destroys people when she meets them, and she destroys ghosts when she meets them

Dad: Then I and I **Mom is here to cheer you up!

"B": Okay, okay, it's the Year of the Dog, what do you want to say--

Dad: (whispering) Wong ~ Wong!

“B”: Well~ you are not prosperous, you are not prosperous! ,

Dad: (Loudly) Wangwang!

“B”: Mom? ! ~

Mom: (very embarrassed) Wang~oh—wang~oh~!

"A": Whose dog has escaped~

"C": It's dog meat~it's soju~

X sits down and drinks tea , then cleared his throat and shouted in a drake tune——

! (While hanging up, make a disdainful "hum" to "A" and "C") (Enter the room).

"A", "C": Cut~

"B" enters first, and the others follow. "B" rushes to the seat opposite X, and the others go to the seats next to them and sit down.

In the venue:

X: (seeing everyone entering, acting surprised) Wow, what a beauty!

"B": (makes a tripping gesture)

X: What an unlucky woman!

“B” tidied his clothes and the two sat down opposite each other.

“B”: Brother looks like a real person!

X: WHO looks like WHO

"B": Of course, brother, you look like a "handsome guy"! (Quietly) Little Cricket’s brother.

X: Huh? !

, NO.ONE document stipulates (cough cough)

1. The company has the freedom to select you;

2. The company has the freedom not to select you;< /p>

3. Our company has the freedom to select but not hire you;

4. Our company——

“B”: Brother, what do I have? free?

X: You only have the right to remain silent, but what you say will become evidence in court. In short, you are here——

"B": How about it?

X: Your freedom will be restricted. However, for the benefit of you and your family, our company specially provides you with the following two options:

1. Close the door from the inside. Start selection

2. Close the door from the outside and GET OUT!

Due to speaking forcefully, I started coughing violently.

"B": (Take out Keke cough syrup) Brother?

X: (saying while coughing) WHAT?

"B": If you have a cold or a cough, drink Keke brand children's cough syrup, (shy but tender) It's good for you and me!

X: STOP STOP, what a mess, okay, okay, I accepted U, now I announce: the selection officially begins again!

X: I heard that you are from the south. Can you sing Cantonese songs?

"B": NO!

X: Can you dance hip-hop?

"B": OH, NO!

X: You dare to come here even though you don’t know anything, you are so brave. Then, tell me what you know.

“B”: I can sing!

X: I think you are good at acting, right?

“B”: Ah la, ah la, you really know how to sing:

Backstage music started, “B” stood up, started singing, and slowly turned to the audience from the side Audience:

*Brother Liu’s words are too unreasonable. Who said that women enjoy leisure, men fight at the border, and women spin at home?

They go to farm during the day and spin cotton at night. By working hard day and night, the soldiers can have such food and clothing.

If you don’t believe it, please look over there, our shoes, socks, and clothes.

p>

Thousands of needles and thousands of threads are all theirs~~~~~

There are many heroines who have made great contributions and killed enemies for the country. They have produced heroes from generation to generation. This woman In what way are we inferior to our sons~~

During this period, "A" and "C" made finger-painting comments and whispered to each other to accompany the scenes.

"A" and "C" came forward

Using Henan dialect: Why, why are we here? It's okay not to select, we are here today I won’t leave anymore

(acting like a cheater)

X lights up a cigarette and starts smoking, thinking about how to make a choice

“A” rushes forward and grabs the cigarette case Stop Z from smoking

"A": (Pointing to the cigarette pack, smoking is harmful to health, speaking strictly) Smoking is harmful to health, and an excellent employee should not smoke in public places. Depending on the seriousness of the circumstances and the sincerity of the confession, those who smoke in public places should be fined or even personally and even imprisoned——

You, you thought you were banned from smoking?

"A": OF CAURSE, the little girl is from the anti-smoking office of the company!

For the health of you and your family, our office has carried out practical anti-smoking activities, and in response to the frequent smoking during the Spring Festival and the vital interests of consumers, we have also launched many new promotions: < /p>

You can participate in the "Smoking Package A" activity that we tailor-made for you: for those who give up cigarettes and those who are given up cigarettes, billing will only start when the cigarette is officially lit, with an average charge of only 2 per person per cigarette. 00 yuan, and the discount is only 1 during leisure time.

00 yuan. Of course, you can participate in the monthly and annual subscription activities, which only charge

100 yuan per month. Those who participate in the annual subscription activities only charge 1,000 yuan per year. In addition to being exempted from the two-month fee, you will also receive a free hardcover "Emgrand" "A pack of cigarettes,

By the way, the minimum consumption of this package A launched by my office is 20 yuan per month, which will be deducted from the salary accounts of the majority of smokers in our company every month. If you really want to smoke something that is not expensive and economical, what are you waiting for? Come and customize now.

Of course, you can learn more through the free consultation hotline 0393-74110112119 we have opened for you. For foreign users, please dial 1781* before the number. If no one answers, please wait until you hear " After a beep sound, leave a message with “deep”——

X: What if someone answers the call?

"A": Please consult directly, stupid!

X: Stop, stop, stop! People can sing Chinese dramas, but what can you do?

"A": What's so rare about this, I can sing foreign songs - ENGLISH SONGS! ——MUSIC!

Backstage music starts, "A" begins to perform affectionately (foreign song of your choice, preferably the lyrical "I'M BIG BIG GIRL" for reference)

After singing, bow affectionately , bow again, bow again——

"C" stepped forward: It's time, it's time!

X: (feminine tone) You? Oh man!

"C": Father X, I'd better call you sister! Get the bamboo board!

Take over the bamboo board and start practicing:

The bamboo board clatters as soon as it rings

Let me praise the ** company

**’s boss’s last name is*

In the 1990s, he started a business and built a factory

Recruiting troops to move forward

Look at this:

The sky is full of red flags

Listen to that:

The war drums of forge ahead ring in winter

Look at that:

The chimneys of the factory Qi Congcong

Listen to that:

The humming sound of the working machines

Look to that:

The valiant and heroic appearance.

Listen to that:

The loud singing voice is shaking

Hey~

The leader’s vision is really forward

Skilled hands and quick eyes

While not forgetting to focus on production

At the same time, never forget to make dollars

The top and bottom are of the same mind

Performance every day There is good news

Work together to move forward

The company's development is getting better and better every year

Now the Spring Festival is here again

Let’s gather together and be happy

It’s so generous to raise a toast and say joyful words

Are we going to achieve good results in the coming year?

We will also achieve good results in the coming year!

X: Oh, brother, I admire you so much, please sign your name!

Everyone pointed out: Who to choose, who to choose, who to choose

X: Who do I love?

Everyone said: Who do you love?

2--Job Fair

Scene:

A table and two chairs, and a sign on the table with the word "Recruitment" written on it.

Casting design:

A male human resources manager

One male and one female applicant

Script:

Wang Dabao: Hello everyone, I am Wang Dabao, the crown star. Science and technology are the most important thing in building a factory, and talents are definitely indispensable. I have written a letter of commitment to ensure that there is no negligence or carelessness in the recruitment process. My name will be Wei Xiaobao tomorrow.

Oops, I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night after receiving this order! Ten years ago, who would have dared to think that college students could come to our factory. Now, the college students in our factory say, I love Guanxing this factory, stand up for my job sincerely, and willingly sweat for the Guanxing factory! (After speaking, sit down)

Li Gang: After ten years of hardship, plum blossoms are fragrant today. The proud son of heaven descended to earth and covered half of the sky with one hand. Now I'm looking for a job, not as a leader, I won't do it, the salary is not high, so there's no need to talk about it. Let’s go in and take a look first. (Knock on the door)

Wang Dabao: Please come in.

Li Gang made a push-the-door gesture.

Wang Dabao: Hello, welcome to Guanxing.

Li Gang: Oh, this office is nice! It seems that this unit is unmistakable.

Wang Dabao: Of course you can’t be wrong. This is the result of the hard work of all employees in the factory! Do you know what our factory looked like ten years ago?

Li Gang: I don’t know! Where did I know this ten years ago? Ten years ago, I had not graduated from elementary school. At that time, I would wet the bed while sleeping!

Wang Dabao: Oops! You call this a long stream of water! Let me introduce our factory to you! Our factory was established on October 26, 1999. We are taking the road of independent innovation and carrying the banner of reform and opening up. No matter which aspect, our factory has undergone earth-shaking changes, just take work as an example! In the past, all the employees in the factory had only a few broken-down cars, and they were so crowded every day when they went to work. I remember one time, when I was at work, I chased the car as soon as it drove away, and while chasing me, I shouted "Master, Master, wait a minute." "I" someone stuck his head out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing me, wait until the next trip."

Li Gang: It's all in the past, so don't mention it. What position can I be qualified for when I come to your company now? , section chief, or manager?

Wang Dabao: Section chief and manager. Oh, they do have vacancies. Why don't you go to their house and see if there is anything you can do?

Li Gang: Cadre? Why do you ask me if I can do it if I am a cadre? If you are a cadre, do it; if you are not a cadre, don’t!

Wang Dabao: You are optimistic about this classmate. Run forward along the road, go through three bends, and pass the four corners. You are here, opposite door 301!

Li Gang: This person is really good. He knows how to respect future leaders. (Patting Wang Dabao on the shoulder) You have a bright future. Don’t worry. You can’t go wrong with me. goodbye.

Exit Li Gang

Wang Dabao: This student is too proud. Guanxing Enterprise does not need it. The leaders of Guanxing are all the best, doing practical things and seeking welfare for employees.